April Movies - Week 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry I'm a few days late... website issues... but here we go...

April 1 – Buddy (1997)
 
Allegedly based on the true story of a 1920’s socialite who… let’s face it, was absolutely insane & had unlimited means… decides that on top of her chimp children that she’s been raising wants to raise a gorilla at her palatial estate as well… and her doctor husband (remember when being a doctor meant you were exceedingly wealthy?) does nothing but support her craziness because… I assume she’s dynamite in the sack. The real story is much more… of the time… but this is the first Jim Henson Picture & the animatronics aren’t bad at all… but it’s just hard to get into the story of crazy hoarding of animals… so we talked about it on the podcast for Ape-ril!!!
 
Rating – 6/10 – The story is stupid but… the movie is at least impressive to watch & nobody mails it in
 
April 2 – Demon Seed (1977)
 
A scientist (Fritz Weaver) creates an AI supercomputer (voiced by Robert Vaughn so you know it’s gonna be evil) that then becomes obsessed with human beings… specifically the scientist’s estranged WIFE (JULIE CHRISTIE!!!). What ensues was… honestly a VERY creepy adaptation of a Dean Koontz novel because… well… the AI decides that he wants to have a CHILD with the wife… and this was a major MGM movie!!! Sounds really dumb, right? Well… I actually really enjoyed it… especially the special effects that come up towards the end with the computer’s apparatuses but… yeah, check it out on Tubi!!!
 
Rating – 9/10 -  Very intriguing film that… is up my alley but I can see how it might not be up somebody’s
 
April 3 – The Mutations / The Freakmaker (1974)
 
Speaking of scientists, here’s the story of another (Donald Pleasance) who decides that he wants to cross humans… with PLANTS!!! Throw in an entire REAL circus troupe as costars & Dr. Who (Tom Baker) as the deformed lead henchman and… yeah, this one gets a little weird too as you might imagine.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Again, I really enjoyed the creepiness & silliness in this film but… it’s not for everybody
 
April 4 – Screamers (1995)
 
In 2078, there’s an interplanetary war between factions on Earth… and at one outpost on a far off moon, there’s a commander (Peter Weller) whose basically asked to meet with the other side for a peace treaty… but along the way finds out that there are a bunch of robots trying to kill him… and things are not what they seem! Look, Peter Weller looks like he could not give less of a f**k in this movie most of the time, but the rest try as they might… and the story is pretty intriguing with potential twists & turns and trying to understand what they can really believe they’re being told… so yeah, if you want to get into the story, you really can.

Rating – 8/10 – That being said, I enjoyed it… but again… not everybody’s bag of tea, I’m sure.
 
April 5 – The Zero Boys (1986)
 
There’s a trio of glorified paintballers who go camping with three hot young girls (one is Kelli Maroney as a girlfriend prize that the lead won from his opponent?) but then hijinx ensue… and they end up at somebody else’s cabin (WHERE THEY OBVIOUSLY WERE LIVING & EXPECTING TO BE THERE THAT NIGHT) and then they have to fight to survive! Look, I’m all for the standard “cabin in the woods” horror movie which this movie absolutely is… just the setup is a little… farfetched & unnecessary for the end means to start happening. There’s some interestingly shot scenes, especially when weapons are involved… but yeah, it’s your basic trope story.
 
Rating – 8/10 – If this is your bag, then you’ll probably enjoy it.
 
April 6 – Nukie (1987)
 
Okay… so I enjoy Mac & Me, the knock-off of E.T. that came out in the mid 80’s… so when I heard there was a South African dollar store knock-off version of MAC & ME (not even E.T.) & it starred Steve Railsbeck (“Turkey Shoot” & “Lifeforce”), then you KNOW I had to find a way to watch it. Shout out to the Bloody Bits Horror Show Podcast & their Blood Bank for hooking me up!!! Okay, a pair of alien brothers (Nukie & Miko) crash on Earth… but somehow, Miko’s in America & Nukie is in Africa… and they try to find one another… but there’s also some government doctors involved… and a pair of brothers in Africa (Tiko & Toki) who help Nukie… and Glynis Johns pops up as a nun for some reason… hijinx ensue.
 
Rating – 5/10 – This movie is ROUGH… but I’m glad that I got to at least experience it for myself…
 
April 7 – In Our Garden (2002)
 
Okay, so for the next few, The Satanic Temple hosts movie nights on Wednesdays… and they’re weird movies that friend of the podcast Lucien Greaves selects for viewing pleasure (or outright confusion). The first one up this evening was this story about a 60 year old widow who lives in a trailer park & hooks up with a crack addicted ex-cop… and hijinx ensue. This one was written & directed by Guiseppe Andrews (young actor who played Lex in Detroit Rock City & Troy from Independence Day) when he was 23 years old… and basically seems like he got his aunt & random cousin to just read his ridiculous script with no second takes… and honestly EVERY SINGLE SCENE is out of focus & with horrible settings on the camcorder… except for maybe the one where you see the cop’s cock while he’s taking a shower. The show is… a ROUGH watch visually (because of the horrible settings, not actors in their 50s) but it can be mildly entertaining to hear bad actors read stupid dialogue for 90 minutes straight.
 
Rating – 4/10 – I saw it once… it was mildly arthouse… but yeah, seems to be purposely bad in composition

Probably gonna drop the next batch in a day or two... enjoy!!!

​Steve