Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Utah Gay Rodeo was a bunch of fun (even if attendance wasn't amazing, but we've got ideas for next year) and it's officially summer with 95+ degree weather... so we stay inside & watch movies when we can... June 21 – Return to Lonesome Dove (1993) This sequel to the Lonesome Dove mini-series picks up with some of the same cast (Rick Schroeder, Chris Cooper, etc) but then replaces Tommy Lee Jones as Cpt. Call with Jon Voight… and Anjelica Huston with Barbara Hershey… and throws in a young Reese Witherspoon, Dennis Haysbert , CCH Pounder, Lou Gossett, Nia Peeples and… Oliver Reed as a Scottish cattle baron in Montana! Okay yes, it’s not quite as good as the original… I mean… Jon Voight isn’t horrible… but it’s almost a different character from TLJ’s Cpt. Call too… the story is about Newt getting into some circumstances where he ends up almost inheriting Oliver Reed’s empire (and hooking up with his 14 year old wife Reese Witherspoon) but then… you know… you were my family first even though I was an a-hole… it’s a western… and we’ve been watching a lot of them recently. Rating – 8/10 – Still worth a watch… there’s definitely some fun & intrigue… but be warned it’s six hours June 23 – Twisted Metal (2024) This ten-episode season on Peacock based on the video game franchise (loosely?) centers around John Doe (Anthony Mackie) who’s a delivery driver between… basically Mega Cities from Judge Dredd through the barren wasteland of criminals between (at least in the US, never really elaborates if the rest of the world is just fine) and he gets “the final job” from the mayor of New San Francisco (Neve Campbell) where if he picks up a package in New Chicago & comes back… then he gets to live in the city. Along the way, he hooks up with a girl on a vengeance spree against the personification of ACAB (Thomas Haden Church) & finds out more about his mysterious past… and this show was a LOT of fun. Everybody was great! Especially the body of Samoa Joe & voice of Will Arnett combining as the psycho clown Sweet Tooth! Season two should be coming… who knows? 2027 probably? Writers strike… Peacock… mergers… whatever… Rating – 10/10 – Some of the drama is just to drag it out to 4-5 hours but… a LOT of fun June 25 – The Muppet Movie (1979) It’s the first Muppets movie… and they’re on a road trip to Hollywood… and hijinx & cameos ensue! Rating – 9/10 – Not my favorite Muppets movie… but it’s a Muppets movie… so it’s great! June 27 – Streets of Laredo (1995) Yes, a THIRD Lonesome Dove series… and this one has the legend himself James Garner an ever-further aged Captain Call… and he’s been hired by the railroads to take out a… (deep sigh) 14-year blonde Mexican boy sniper who’s robbing trains & just killing a bunch of people and livestock while doing it. But wait… he can’t be doing it alone (though it’s inferred he basically is) but also involved is a Native American guy named Mox Mox who BURNS PEOPLE ALIVE!!! Okay… and you’re only sending a 70-something retired Texas ranger after these guys? Oh don’t worry, he’s taking his other retired corporal… and some random deputy he picked up along the way… and the accountant who’s handling his bills… and Randy Quaid pops up as a pointless gunslinger. Look… luckily this one was only 4 hours or so… and it’s not that it’s a bad series or anything… it was just so much darker than the first two. Yes, the first two dealt with death & being in the West was tough… but on top of all the stuff I already said… the accountant’s wife died suddenly off screen… the deputy’s wife killed herself after being raped by the local sheriff… who then also killed himself… Call loses his leg in a long, drawn-out way… the teenage killer’s entire family is a sad tale of a whore who has a simple boy, a blind girl & the oldest is THE F**KING DEVIL killing half of Texas… and the best thing in her life is drunken George Carlin wanting to be near her but he’s in the Friend Zone… and I’m sure there was more that I’m just forgetting already… but yeah, just crazy… and the whole time I’m like “What’s Newt/Rick Schroeder up to while this is going on?” Rating – 8/10 – I love me some James Garner… but the last third he’s just there being mopey and/or moaning in pain Is there more Lonesome Dove things to see out there?!? Wait and find out... Steve
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... but great Farmers Market & we have family flying in for next weekend so... yeah!!! Here are some movies... June 13 – Simon Sez (1999) Okay… I have a soft spot for the utter stupidity that is the JCVD-Dennis Rodman classic “Double Team” and this… is the other Dennis Rodman movie made shortly after. He plays an Interpol agent who gets sucked into a silly plot involving arms dealers, a girl who doesn’t know that she’s kidnapped, cybermonks, plenty of mumbling, unintellible accents, horribly shot action scenes & the comedic stylings of Dane Cook. Does this movie work out? Rating – 3/10 – This movie was genuinely rough to watch… and somehow even worse than I remember… coming soon to the podcast June 15 – Eraser (1996) The last time we watched this movie was about 8 years ago for Episode #24 of our podcast (Everything I Learned From Movies… obviously), but yes it’s about a man (if you can call Arnold Schwarzenegger merely a man) who specializes in witness protection (at a superhero level) but then he’s assigned to a woman (Miss America & Playboy playmate Vanessa Williams) who’s blowing the whistle on a weapons company that she works for… and hijinx ensue when three Jameses show up that they may not be able to trust (Caan, Coburn & Cromwell in a cameo). This movie is… popcorn action flick. The plot doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The CGI for the alligators is laughable (though the practical stuff isn’t horrible) but yeah… it’s Arnold shooting dudes & being unstoppable. Rating – 8/10 – Dumb fun action… and that’s what I like sometimes… June 17 – Monkey Man (2024) Yes, I finally watched the directorial debut of Dev Patel where he’s basically a man on a vengeance spree through India! That’s… basically the plot of the movie. An evil man working for an evil religious figure… killed this Monkey Man’s mother when he was a child… so now 20 years later during an election where evil may prevail, he’s ready to exact his revenge. The movie is gritty, bloody, violent… and yet somehow very interesting, even when the character’s choices seem a little different from the viewer’s own… and it’s pretty intense for most of the movie… though probably not quite enough for a full two hour movie. Rating – 9/10 – I really enjoyed it… but it’s definitely not for everybody June 19 – Day of the Panther (1988) Friend of the podcast Brian Trenchard-Smith has directed over 60 projects during his illustrious career (along with countless other TV shows, trailers, commercials, etc.) and about a year ago, Vinegar Syndrome had a special going on this dual pack of this movie… and its simultaneously shot sequel “Strike of the Panther” about a secret agent martial arts master (or something like that) who goes from Hong Kong to Perth to find the man who killed his partner (blond chick). However, oddly enough, the movie doesn’t really go the vengeance route… and it becomes more about getting drugs off the streets of Perth… and then… well, spoilers… they let the bad guys go at the end of the movie so that there’s a sequel? Ballsy! Silly, but ballsy! Rating – ???/10 – Find out what we rated it on Everything I Learned from Movies on ALL the major podcatchers… Happy Juneteenth!!! Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Summer is in full swing & things are getting busy busy... and yet here are a few movies that we saw recently... June 6 – Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024) OF COURSE we were there opening day for the prequel to Mad Max: Fury Road where we see the Kill Bill story of the rise of Furiosa!!! True… Anya Taylor-Joy is no Charlize Theron (and Hollywood needs to stop trying to convince us otherwise). She’s the Taylor Swift of acting. She’s okay… but not really my bag. Also true that George Miller can’t use all practical effects because this story is more than just driving down a road & then turning around and driving back… so you get a lot of mildly wonky CGI but still blended well. Chris Hemsworth lives it up as the villain… and it acts as the backstory for Fury Road… but doesn’t quite eclipse it. That being said… you should definitely see this movie in theatres! It’s a great vengeance tale without going completely over the top with bloody gory violence… and frankly I want to see more tales from the Wasteland… Rating – 10/10 – Not quite a 10+ but absolutely a great film that everyone should see… even the kids June 7 – The Fall Guy (2024) TWO WEEKS! From premiere to streaming in TWO WEEKS?!? Cool… so obviously I bought this movie sight-unseen simply because it would’ve cost that much to see it in theaters & now I own it forever… and it’s basically STUNTS (1977) or THE STUNT MAN (1980) meets DEATHCHEATERS based loosely on “The Fall Guy” TV series… but starring Ryan Gosling & Emily Blunt and directed by stuntman-turned-director David Leitsch… so yeah, I’m getting my STUNTS!!! Basically Ryan Gosling is a stuntman who has a bad accident… and then 18 months later is called back into the game & reunited with his former-girlfriend who’s now the director… and hijinx ensue when the movie’s star (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) goes missing. Now… it’s an action movie… that’s also a romantic-comedy… but yeah, I absolutely loved it! Why didn’t anyone see this in theatres? Well… I can’t say much because I didn’t for a multitude of reasons… and this movie was made for me… Rating – 10/10 – I hate the premise of “JUST F**KING TELL THEM” in romance movies but… aside from that, great! June 8 – The Protector (2006) Tony Jaa is part of a line of elephant farmers/protectors who must find two elephants that have been stolen from Thailand & taken to downtown Sydney by… I don’t know, some criminal organization that also has a restaurant where they serve exotic animals? I mean… the plot is pointless… but it loosely holds the action scenes together including one of the greatest in movie history at the stairwell involving a 4+ minute continuous shot. This is one of those movie that you don’t watch for the story… it’s for the action shots… and it’s a lot of fun in that respect. Rating – 9/10 – I really can’t rate it higher because of the horribly dumb plot… but watch this movie! June 9 – How the West Was Won (1976-79) This is the story of the Macahan family in the old west… and man… this cast is stacked, it’s beautifully shot, each episode is one of the many western storylines, there’s always a lesson from good ol’ Uncle Zeb(ulon) and… it’s really just a lot of fun. True, the pacing is a little slower being a 70’s TV series… but we spent a few weeks watching this & were not disappointed. Hell, people like Craig T Nelson showed up for a scene as a jewelry salesman or something! Rating – 10/10 – It’s not perfection but… like I said… a bunch of fun… June 10 – Godzilla Minus One (2023) When this movie was in theaters, apparently that wasn’t really in Utah, and I was also going through the fiasco of the American Healthcare system with Izzy’s pneumonia… but many respected podcaster friends was saying how this movie had moved them to tears on multiple occasions… and that it was easily the greatest kaiju movie ever made… and I was intrigued as to how that could possibly be! We’re not 14-15 years old & that’s typically when all the greatest movies we’ve ever seen came out (see “Congo”). This movie is set in post-WWII Japan as they’re recovering from the absolute destruction of the war… and it follows a kamikaze pilot who… well, got cold feet… but then saw the precursor of Godzilla. Now a few years later, he’s moved back home to find it completely ravaged… and meets a woman with a baby… and they start a relationship… but not that kind… and hijinx ensue when a giant nuclear fire blasting lizard starts attacking Japan. Now… I don’t want to say too much about this movie… and because I wasn’t watching it in a theatre surrounded by the sound & deprived of oxygen, I didn’t cry… but this may be one of the greatest kaiju movies ever made! The kaiju stuff is great… the character development & drama is great... yeah, I plan on watching it again soon. Rating – 10+/10 – It’s on Netflix (surprise drop on June 1st) so check it out now!!! June 11 – In the Name of the Rose (1986) In the 14th century, a friar & his ward (Sean Connery & Christian Slater) go to a monastery to investigate a series of mysterious deaths… and hijinx ensue… as the Devil may be involved. This movie was… a truly unique movie. Sure, it’s a logical thinking man like Sherlock Holmes coming in & using his learned ways to debunk mysticism & fear-induced hyperbole… but logic doesn’t matter in the 14th century… especially when F Murray Abraham shows up as the Inquisitor!!! Yeah, it’s a surprisingly good movie that I highly recommend… but be prepared for trigger warnings like nobody gives a f**k about you if you’re a poor or a woman or a thinking man because God is all & those who serve God are all and we’ll just burn you if you disagree. Rating – 10/10 – Definitely check it out! I believe we watched it on Amazon Prime. June 12 – Birth (2004) A director who had just made an incredible movie called “Sexy Beast”… and an Academy Award nominated actress… are handed a $20 million check to make a movie… about a woman’s dead husband being reincarnated… as a ten-year old boy! How could this movie go wrong? Well… a few scenes in a bathtub turned this otherwise beautifully shot look at grief and loss… into something that put the director into a hiatus for over a decade (until 2017’s Under the Skin & last year’s Zone of Interest) & even star Nicole Kidman went from top of the world into pretty standard fare for about a decade. Was this exile from Hollywood warranted?!? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on our 4th of July episode of Everything I Learned from Movies where we discuss it with Mike from the Grindbin & Tim Yobo from Bloody Bits Horror Show… where they break their own record for longest episode in our podcast’s history… and it’s worth it Now if you'll excuse me... I'm off to adults-only Zoo Brew at Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City! Find out if your local zoo has adults-only nights... it's the only way to really enjoy a zoo... sans strollers & sh*t kids... Have a great day everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
It's officially getting to be summer with the temperatures in the 80s & 90s... can't wait until July/August with the triple digits... so I'm staying indoors when I can to watch movies... May 30 – Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) I remember watching a free premiere screening of this movie a few days before it came out… and having ZERO expectations based on where Thunderdome (3rd installment) left off… but guys, this movie is f**king great!!! Pulse-pounding action, great atmosphere of a post-apocalyptic world, great performances by great actors, not knowing what to expect at every turn… just watch it, you know the story… they run away on the greatest vehicle in cinema (The War Rig), make a U-turn & head back… Charlize Theron, Tom Hardy, Nathan Jones, Nicholas Hoult, etc. Rating – 10+/10 – One of the greatest movies ever made… Furiosa hopes to be HALF as good… and was better than half May 31 – The Bear (2022-2023) 1st 2 Seasons Yup, we finally watched the series billed as a comedy about the food industry… and it’s really about 10% comedy 90% family drama… but it’s about a top chef de cuisine in the world inheriting his brother’s dive restaurant in Chicago (due to his brother’s suicide) & the complete mental breakdown involved with turning from a hole-in-the-wall dive to a fine dining experience in the heart of the ghetto when your surrounded by friend-employees who have no idea what you’re talking about & a family straight out of your nightmares… oh and you’re neurotic as f**k too because of your genetics AND training to be the top chef de cuisine in the world… but holy crap, this show was great. Season 1 – 8/10 – Not gonna lie, season one was a little rough at spots because they were REALLY slow in explaining why everybody’s an idiot/a-hole Season 2 – 10+/10 – Season two though they seem to get their stuff together… and there are two of the greatest TV episodes ever produced back-to-back (“Fishes” & “Forks”) and they’re great for completely different reasons… trigger warning for suicide & neuroses being agitated but… would recommend if you’re strong enough June 1 – Lonesome Dove (1989) This six-hour mini-series about two retired Texas Rangers (Robert Duvall & Tommy Lee Jones) follows them on a cattle drive from Texas to Montana… and hijinx ensue on the high plains with shady characters in their party (Robert Urich), a teenage whore (Diane Lane!), the son who doesn’t know he’s the son (Ricky Schroder) and others (Danny Glover). I had heard that this was one of the great westerns… and it’s pretty good… but basically because it ends up being kind of all the westerns in one. Each episode is almost its own separate situation where a western movie unfolds… and then after 90 minutes they go on to the next one. Rating – 8/10 – Quite enjoyable for the genre & the acting was pretty good June 2 – Never Back Down (2008) A douchy teen moves to a new town & gets caught up in an underground teenage fight club… and meets a wise mentor (Djimon Hounsou) who helps him to get the best of a rival who inexplicably is infatuated with him. Have you seen Karate Kid? This is the dumbed down version of that dumbed down story… but hey, occasionally the music hits… and it’s 2000’s as hell… so yeah, enjoyable moments. Rating - ???/10 – Listen to us talk with Chris from Home Video Hustle about it on the EILFM Podcast June 3 – Runaway (1982) In the future (according to 1982), robots are taking over the basic jobs… but they break down… and when those breakdowns turn deadly… you call the cops to handle them? Tom Selleck is the lead detective in this robotics division of the police… and he’s teamed up with a sexy new recruit who was a meter maid before this job… and hijinx ensue when the designer (Gene Simmons) of a lot of these robots decides that he wants to get paid & kill a bunch of people. Written & directed by Michael Crichton (“Jurassic Park”, “Congo”, “Timeline”, etc) but it’s… not a great movie… but that being said, it’s a lot of fun for me to see how Hollywood saw the future during different times throughout history & what has panned out… and what seems ridiculous by today’s standards (42 years of hindsight later). Rating – 8/10 – Lots of fun… but don’t take a shot every time somebody saws “Ramsay”, the lead character’s last name… you’ll go blind June 4 – Three Amigos! (1986) I had never actually seen this movie all the way through… only a few scenes flipping through channels… but it’s a John Landis directed movie about three Hollywood stars on the way out of the Golden Era (Steve Martin, Martin Short & Chevy Chase) who are famous as three western heroes… but through bad telegraph communication they go to Mexico to do a show… but find themselves in a real life western situation where the evil El Guapo is harassing a village… and hijinx ensue… so yeah, it probably helped that I had seen a LOT of these kinds of westerns recently but… I liked it! No, it’s not the greatest comedy every made but not a bad little time… Rating – 8/10 – Be careful or you might be singing “My Little Buttercup” for a few days after… June 5 – Karate Kid Part III (1990) For June we’re talking about martial arts movies on the podcast… and it was high time we revisited this one where Daniel-son & Mr. Miyagi return home from Part 2 to find out that Daniel’s mom is away, so I guess they’re living together… and then Daniel uses his college money to get Mr. Miyagi a location for a bonsai store that he never wanted… meanwhile Kreese & his best former student billionaire are conspiring on how they’re going to destroy this (27 year old) teenager while he’s also NOT having a relationship with a 16-year old teen witch… and yeah, hijinx ensue. This movie is a f**king mess… but I still enjoy Terry Silver (Thomas Ian Griffiths in his debut) as the villain… and Pat Morita is always great as Mr. Miyagi. Rating - ???/10 – Listen to us chat about it on Everything I Learned From Movies!!! Sweep the leg next week! Steve |
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
December 2024
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