Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... but next week I'm going to the office for the first time in 18 months!!! I got a haircut to celebrate... oh & watched a few movies... January 12 – Fire in the Sky (1993) Based on the true story of an Arizona lumberjack (DB Sweeney) who was abducted by aliens for five days, and the whole town turns on the other five guys who were out there with him (for mildly realistic reasons) but then when he comes back… what now? I’ll say this about the movie… it was pretty well done in showing how the “facts” of the story have been told over the 20+ years prior… and how the interrogations just aren’t answering any questions & there’s no evidence of… anything really. We even started watching a documentary that it recommended on Tubi but… it was exactly the same BS but cut like a TV show so… no thank you. So how does the movie end? Does it? Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it but it also made me want to watch the craziness of “Communion” instead too… January 13 – Monkey Shines (1988) An athlete gets struck by a truck and become paraplegic. His lady runs off with his doctor (Stanley Tucci). His mom is overbearing. His caregiver is horrible. However, his best friend is a bit of a mad scientist… and is testing some intelligence formula on monkeys… and so when he needs a monkey assistant (and best friend needs to hide his experiments) then it works out… until the monkey starts getting feelings towards the paraplegic… and hijinx ensue. This is a George Romero horror flick… and honestly one of my favorites. It has that 80’s horror appeal of honestly not going what’s going to happen next (mental links?) or any real explanation for a lot of stuff… but yeah, if you’re into horror, it’s a good flick that’ll probably make you chuckle a few times. Rating – 10/10 – Always a fun watch… especially towards the end January 14 – Death Machines (1976) This was a recommendation from the Grindbin Podcast (check out their episode), about an evil Oriental Dragon Lady who injects three martial arts masters with some serum that turns them into zombie assassins… and hijinx ensue when she sends them out against her enemies. This movie was a bit of a treat because… it’s just so weird. Yeah, there’s martial arts fighting but nothing special… and the acting is the typical kind of stilted that you would expect from a movie like this… but you really don’t know what’s going to happen from scene to scene because… honestly I’m pretty sure the people making the movie improvised half of it. Rating – 8/10 – Would watch again… but would have to have first time watchers with me January 15 – Bedazzled (2000) We did this movie on the podcast a few years back from Djinn June (face it, the Devil is basically a genie in this movie) but it’s about a nerdy people pleaser (Brendan Fraser) who at his lowest point gets an offer of seven wishes from The Devil (Liz Hurley) and hilarious hijinx ensue. I’ve seen this movie a few dozen times in my life (one of my dad’s favorites) but I love how the moral of the story is he has to go through these ordeals & hijinx to basically realize… he’s f**king Brendan Fraser & with the slightest bit of confidence he can make his dreams come true. Rating – 10+/10 – Yup, this movie may have somehow made me the way I am because of the moral at the end… January 16 – Island of Dr. Moreau (1977) Saw this one suggested on Tubi… and realized that I wasn’t sure if I had seen it. Based on the HG Wells classic, Michael York is shipwrecked on an island where Dr. Moreau (Burt Lancaster) is experimenting and making humanimals and hijinx ensue… and in this version, it’s a commentary on have & have-nots and double standards… and that of course leads to rebellion by the oppressed… and Michael York tries to leave with the daughter (Barbara Carrera) who allegedly is part-cat but… Rating – 7/10 – This wasn’t a bad version just… the ending just kind happens really quick & I was like… is she a cat or is her makeup just smudged? The End January 17 – Island of Dr. Moreau (1997) This legendary flop version was also on Tubi… so rewatched it… and based on the HG Wells classic, David Thewlis is shipwrecked on an island where Dr. Moreau (Marlon Brando) is experimenting and making humanimals and hijinx ensue… and in this version, it’s a commentary more on trying to oppress these humanimals with pain-causing chips in their spines (brute force & threat of violence) and FULL-ON into the ideologies of Gods & religion… and self-identifying with “What am I? Father?” and all that mess… and Val Kilmer is absolutely insane in this movie… and David Thewlis would probably throat chop you if you asked him about the movie… Rating – 7/10 – This is a bad version… but goddamn it, the movie is an absolutely sh*t show and I can’t look away. Would you like to know more? January 18 – Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau (2014) This is the mystifying tale of eccentric filmmaker Richard Stanley and what he set out to do with the 1997 version of Island of Dr. Moreau… but hijinx ensue & he ended up getting canned for John Frankenheimer… but oh boy, that is NOT all that happens during this film with the craziness of Brando, Kilmer, Aussie extras, and… let’s face it… if Fairuza Balk is the voice of reason in your production… it’s gonna be epic! Rating – 9/10 – Yes, the documentary is from the point of view of the sane… but what about the insane? I wonder if Kilmer talks about this in his documentary… Have a great day everybody!!! Also... what the f**k happened to the Eagles?!? Steve
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
The year 2024 continues... and new exciting things are popping up everyday... and here are some movies that we watched... January 5 – Highlander 3: The Final Dimension (1994) A few entries ago, I talked about how the original Highlander is a classic 80’s flick… and then the sequel happened and… kinda screwed over the franchise… so a few years later, they basically decided to do the first movie again, but with Mario Van Peebles as the bad guy instead of Clancy Brown. Don’t believe me? There are DOZENS of times you can line up the scenes exactly the same… and guess where you can hear all about it?!? Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcatchers!!! Home Video Hustle joins us for this one!!! January 6 – Muscles & Mayhem: An Unauthorized Story of American Gladiators (2023) When Izzy was recovering from pneumonia (whole story about that with the healthcare industry), she was watching a BUNCH of documentaries… and the only one she suggested to me was this! It was the story of the American Gladiators TV show (HUGE fan when I was a kid & saw the live show) primarily from the point of view of a few directors, producers, and the main stars like Gemini, Ice, Nitro, Laser, etc. Basically they were exploited bodybuilders who were rode hard & put away basically penniless but… yeah, that’s a tale as old as time in Hollywood, right? So then I started wondering… why was this the unauthorized story besides being from the view of the exploited? Rating – 10/10 – If you’re a fan of American Gladiators, check it out! Ice has a podcast too so I’m probably going to start listening to that… January 7 – 30 for 30: The American Gladiators Documentary (2023) This is why! ESPN did a 30 for 30 primarily from the point of the view the exploitive Elvis impersonator creator of American Gladiators… with a few of the gladiators included (Gemini & Malibu I think were the only crossover for both though). In the second half of the documentary, they start looking for the mysterious OTHER creator Dann Carr… and that’s probably the most intriguing part of the documentary. Although it seems like it was edited a very particular way that had me unsettled… Rating – 9/10 – Aside from that though, I’d recommend checking it out too January 8 – Holly Star (2017) Izzy had this movie recommended to her during the Hallmark movie season… and it’s about a broke puppeteer who goes back to her hometown… sassy friend who likes paintball & they couldn’t afford Melissa McCarthy… and she ends up selling Christmas trees with her old “boyfriend” (guy she kissed when she was 7?) and his dad… and hijinx ensue? Look, it was pretty rough… but there were moments… and you know what you’re getting into when you sign up for it. The puppetry pieces were kinda fun too… at least different. Rating – 8/10 – It was kooky enough for a Christmas watch… completely inoffensive January 9 – A Christmas Karen (2022) This one I was worried about… but it’s basically a modern day “A Christmas Carol” but instead of Ebenezer Scrooge, you get a Karen… and I’ll be damned… I actually really enjoyed this movie. There’s definitely the parts where you absolutely wish horrible things to Karen… and yeah, a bunch of things that she does are absolutely unforgiveable (even when we get the white savior moments at the end where money solves everything) but some of the jokes were pretty funny… and yeah, it was a LOT better than I expected going in. Rating – 9/10 – I’d say give it a watch January 10 – The Knight Before Christmas (2019) We had seen this one a few years before… but my wife wanted to watch it again because she recommended it to somebody else and wanted to yell “Old Crone!” at the top of her lungs for the next few weeks. Basically a 15th century knight is sent to modern day Ohio by a witch to find his true purpose or quest or whatever… and he runs into Vanessa Hudgens… and hijinx ensue as he’s a decent human being in a world full of dipshits… and they hook up in ridiculous ways. Rating – 9/10 – Not bad for a Hallmark Christmas movie… and apparently Ms. Hudgens is in DOZENS of them, like a whole cinematic universe January 11 – The Creator (2023) In the not-too-distant future, AI has become self-aware Skynet style and the robots designed to help mankind & build their society have risen up and bombed Los Angeles… so they were banned from America… yet live peacefully in New Asia (Eurasian continent). Hmm… gee, I wonder if they’re really bad guys. However, America is trying to find Nimrata, the AI God who the AI worships… but hijinx ensue when an undercover agent (Denzel’s kid) gets caught up & falls in love with a woman in New Asia… but then the seal team 6 comes in & BOOM! Now it’s a few years later & they bring him back in because… his wife isn’t dead! Yeah, you obviously know how the movie goes from here… and it’s basically what Avatar should be… but apparently on a budget of $25 million (ridiculously good for that amount). It has a very… Fallout meets Chappie kind of feel to it… but yeah, check it out. Rating – 9/10 – Could have been tightened up a bit but… definitely worth a watch on Hulu Depending on the weather, I may actually get to see a movie in theatres since "Barbenheimer" months ago... but come Hell or high water... allegedly Dune: Part 2 comes out on March 1st so... got that to look forward to as well. Have a great day everybody!!! Stay warm out there!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Starting off 2024 with a healthier wife & a few movies off the queue... January 1 – Violent Night (2022) Ever wanted to see Die Hard… but with Santa? Well, now’s your chance. Santa (David Harbour) is out doing his Santa thing… when he gets caught in an isolated mansion while a terrorist group led by John Leguizamo has taken a bunch of rich a-holes hostage & only Santa can save them… well… actually just one good girl… and hijinx ensue. It’s cute, fun, violent obviously… and I had a lot of fun watching it. The kills are pretty funny & over-the-top. The Christmas clichés are prevalent. Give it a watch if you’re a teenager or older. Rating – 10/10 – May be a new holiday classic… you know, like Die Hard January 2 – K-9 (1989) An a-hole police officer (Jim Belushi) may have a criminal kingpin trying to take him out (after a chopper shoots up his car at makeout point in the opening scene) so he calls upon the help of a canine officer that may/may not have PTSD to help him bring him down. Hijinx ensue as I’m not entirely sure how this office gets to have a K-9 except that movie has to movie… and we get to talk about it on the podcast. Rating - ???/10 – That’s Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL the major podcatchers!!! January 3 – Turner & Hooch (1989) Think K-9 sounded interesting… what if a few months later we released the same movie but with Tom Hanks instead of Jim Belushi as the cop? And the dog is more John Belushi in nature? Sounds like a winner, huh? Rating - ???/10 - That’s Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL the major podcatchers to find out if it’s as good as you remember!!! January 4 – The Retirement Plan (2023) A woman & her daughter are being hunted by criminals… so the only thing they can do is go to Grand Cayman to find her estranged father (Nic Cage) who’s a retired beach bum to save them… but oh yeah, he’s a former operative so he’s about to kill some fools! Ron Perlamn, Jackie Earle Haley, Ernie Hudson & others show up… and hijinx ensue. It’s an action comedy and anything with Nic Cage is great to me… but yeah, it’s not the greatest of the genre. I had a lot of fun with it though… and Nic Cage is always great. Did I mention Nic Cage AND Ernie Hudson are in it?!? Rating – 9/10 – I support more Cage in action comedies!!! What? An entry that's half a shameless plug for the podcast?!? Look, if you're checking out this site, then you're going to love the podcast... so give it a listen. Why not?!? Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Izzy is getting healthier by the day... and in doing so, we've been watching movies again... so here's what we did when we weren't working... December 26 – Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny (2023) We finally watched the 5th installment of the Indiana Jones series now that it’s on Disney+ and this one catches up with everyone’s favorite archeologist now in list mid-70’s during the 1960’s… and he has to retrieve this artifact that the Nazis were looking for a generation earlier… only there’s now still a Nazi scientist working with the American government to get it too. Oh, did I mention this artifact is a Time Machine you can fit into your pocket? Hijinx ensue. Look… I kind of enjoyed the movie. Was it perfect? Of course not. Harrison Ford is 80+ years old & they’re trying to convince you that he’s an action hero still. The action scenes look like cut scenes from a video game. There are SO many “member” moments that you might dare say it’s fan service… and yeah, that’s what it was… and I enjoyed it. Mads Mikellsen is a good villain of course. Check it out. Why not? Rating – 8/10 – Could have been better, could have been worse. Better than Crystal Skulls AND Temple of Doom December 27 – Highlander II: The Quickening (1991) I remember my dad & I renting this movie on VHS back when it came out… and about 15 minutes into it, we double checked that we had rented the right movie & got the correct cassette. This is legendarily one of the most confusing & confounding sequels ever made… to a movie that probably shouldn’t have had a sequel to begin with… yet there’s still a sick, sinister joy to watching it. Now, good luck trying to find the original version of the movie that I watched as a kid where all the swashbuckling immortals are from the Planet Zeist & exiled on Earth as punishment for whatever. In the Directors or Renegade cuts on DVDs now, they attempt to make it they’re from the Past instead but… that somehow makes even less sense really. Wait, did you not see the original Highlander so you don’t know about the lore? Rating - ???/10 – Then you’d better tune into Everything I Learned from Movies Podcast this January when we dive into Highlander Month!!! December 28 – Batman Forever (1995) So what if I can probably recite this movie line for line? That could easily be said of each of the first three Batman movies (1989-95) and then Batman & Robin came around and reminded me that movies could be god-awful again. Yes, this is the Val Kilmer as Batman/Bruce Wayne (spoilers?) and the bad guys are Jim Carrey as the Riddler & Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face with a side of Nicole Kidman as Dr. Tits McGee and Chris O’Donnell as Unwanted Drama. Jim & Tommy are hamming it up so much you’d think they owned stock in a cured meats company… I noticed cameos this watch that I’d never noticed before in the dozens of previous watches (Rene Auberjonois as Dr. Burton for example) but yeah… I enjoy this one. Rating – 9/10 – It’s super cartoony, of course… but it’s not quite the full blown clusterf**k of B&R yet… plus I was 14 when it came out! Congo’s still better though! December 29 – Mad Max (1979) In the not-too-distant future of Australia, there’s basically an isolated area where people live… but there’s also a biker gang led by a man known as Toecutter. The police, who are basically a biker gang of their own, are powerless to stop them, bound by the law… but then Toecutter does something that sends policeman Max Rockatowsky on a vengeance spree. Yes, the original (and surprisingly tame) story of the Mad Max universe but with plenty of incredible stunts & world building… that gets cranked up to 11 in the sequels… and director George Miller is great… and can’t wait for Furiousa later this year. What do I think of the original though? Rating – 10/10 – An incredible movie made on a shoestring budget back in the late 70’s, check it out December 30 – Thunderbolt & Lightfoot (1974) Did you know that Clint Eastwood & Jeff Bridges did a movie together nearly 50 years ago? Eastwood is Thunderbolt… a former bank robber whose past has caught up with him. Bridges is Lightfoot… apparently some rando who picks Thunderbolt up hitchhiking while a man is trying to kill him… but has a leadfoot as a reckless driver. Together, they’re going to get the old gang back together for one last score… and hijinx ensues. I’m not going to lie… I thought Jeff Bridges was going to end up being some sort of narc because of just how convenient everything was going together for this to happen… but about the time that he dresses up as a woman in a 1974 movie I thought… maybe not? Rating – 8/10 – Definitely worth a watch in my opinion… the pace is slower at times but not bad for a 70’s flick December 31 – Strange Days (1995) This was a first time watch from director Kathryn Bigelow (former Mrs. James Cameron, Hurt Locker, Point Break, etc.) where a former cop / now “virtual experience peddler” (Ralph Fiennes) is harping over his ex-girlfriend (Juliette Lewis) who’s now with a big time music producer (Michael Wincott) when he stumbles upon a recorded experience that uncovers a huge conspiracy… and this is all in the not-too-distant future of LA on the eve of the millennium in 1999/2000. The cast is loaded… the camera work for the time (pre-GoPro and all) is REALLY impressive… sure, if you’ve seen a movie like this you know what the “twist” is going to be from jump street… but even then, it’s an entertaining twisted little tale. Rating – 10/10 – Angela Bassett is a goddamn goddess & you need to give her that Academy Award before it’s too late, you cowards!!! See you in 2024!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Happy Holidays everyone!!! Izzy is doing much better now that she's been properly diagnosed & I've been to various hospitals 7 times in the last 10 days... but everybody's doing okay now. During that time, here are a few movies that I gleamed between visits... December 16 – The Devil’s Advocate (1998) A hotshot Florida lawyer (Keanu Reeves) and his stunning wife (Charlize Theron) hit the big time as they join a NYC law firm… but hijinx ensue when the partner that recruited him (Al Pacino) may not be what he appears… come on guys, he’s the f**king Devil. It’s in the title! Keanu is literally the advocate of the Devil! This movie is… absolutely fantastic!!! Now, there’s only slight tongue in cheek when I say that… because it’s well shot, you have NO idea how crazy it’s going to get… and the first time that I watched this movie, because I was recovering from a disfiguring injury, I turned it off at a certain point… only to find out later that I had missed possibly the greatest 15 minutes in cinema history at the end!!! Rating – 10/10 – Some unnecessarily stupid decisions made keep this from being a 10+ but I love this crazy movie December 18 – An American Werewolf in London (1981) Two Americans go backpacking across the English countryside… and then are attacked by a creature, killing one and leaving the other… changed? Guys, it’s called an American Werewolf in London so… you know it was a werewolf. Classic horror comedy with the transformation scene that changed cinema & the awards system forever… if you haven’t seen this movie, check it out! There are crazy things that I forget every time that I see it & never disappoints. Rating – 10+/10 – See You Next Wednesday! December 20 – Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (2002) Famously this is the movie with the most reviews on Rotten Tomatoes to have a 0% rating with the critics. It’s an action movie directed by Kaos (full name is Wych Kaosayananda) and starring Antonio Banderas & Lucy Liu as dueling assassins (technically FBI & DIA agents but… really?), who then have to work together when they find out there’s a bad guy… it’s trying to be the Matrix set in Vancouver with over the top techno music & explosions… and Ray Park shows up too. Rating – 7/10 – I’ve definitely seen MUCH worse movies, so for this to be 0% on RT is pretty ridiculous… but I can also understand December 22 – Disney’s Pinocchio (2022) In order to keep up the copyrights on all their animated classics from (sigh) 80+ years ago, Disney is doing all the live-action remakes of their movies… and this one came out last year. Yes, it’s the tale of Pinocchio… from the director of Back to the Future & Forrest Gump, starring Tom Hanks, and the rest is mostly CGI so… yeah. Now, I had mentioned this a while back with “The Little Mermaid” earlier this year, there’s no reason for these to be a full two hours. The original was 80 minutes with credits and more than enough… but yeah, it’s nearly beat for beat with a few modern additions to… I don’t know… it doesn’t really build character as much as add color. It was… meh… Rating – 6/10 – Just watch the original… December 24 – Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022) So director GDT has been working on doing this for decades… and he was about ready to release this stop-motion movie upon the world about the time Disney was ready to do theirs. I’m pretty sure a conversation was had… and this movie was released (on Netflix) three months after Disney’s release (which flopped). Basically… this is a darker telling of the story, with creepier stop-motion animation, and being a del Toro movie… it begins & ends with death and talks about it constantly throughout. That being said… it’s pretty goddamn incredible & you should all check it out! Rating – 10/10 – If you’re going to watch a Pinocchio movie, check this one out! More to come, hopefully before 2024 catches up with us! Have a great weekend everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Izzy has been under the weather for over a week now & the American Healthcare system is basically the worst... but hey, here are some movies I watched while wishing my wife could breathe & sleep at the same time... December 4 – Teenagers from Outer Space (1959) This was another MST3K movie… about an alien civilization plotting to turn Earth into a feeding ground for their giant lobsters (yup!) and the only person who can save us… is a teenager from their planet who falls in love with a girl on our planet… and hijinx ensue. I’m not going to lie… I kind of enjoyed this one. Sure, the acting sucked… but what brought me back… was the alien death ray that the Terminator style “bad alien” was using that instantly turned people into classroom skeletons that they would jiggle on a string or something when they fell. I was cracking up & yeah… it worked for me. Rating – 6/10 – Check it out if you want… you know based on the description whether you’d like it or not December 6 – Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) This was the first movie in the latest Planet of the Apes reboot where a young scientist (James Franco) is trying to find the cure of Alzheimer’s for his aging father (John Lithgow) and hijinx ensue when he finds out that his miracle cure virus may make apes super smart… and also kill humans within a few hours. The movie is set in San Francisco & I remember watching it when I first moved there back in late 2011… and I really enjoyed it. This time around though… I absolutely loved it! Sure, Franco makes ALL the wrong decisions & for pretty meh reasons… but Caesar’s mo-cap performance is a goddamn treasure (as it is in the sequels too) and the movie knows what it’s doing at all times. Rating – 10/10 – SO psyched for the 4th installment of the series coming later this year apparently… December 8 – The Stranger / Stranded in Space (1973) So… this was an MST3K watch… and apparently it was the pilot for a TV series… but the story is that an astronaut goes into space… and lands on a planet that is almost EXACTLY like Earth. What’s the difference? How can the humans on this planet tell that he’s an alien humanoid from another planet? Well… if he just doesn’t go around screaming it at people, I guess they wouldn’t know but… you know, now they have to study & probe him… and hijinx ensue. It’s the weirdest. It’s like Planet of the Apes… except it’s Planet of the Humans. Thank goodness there was MST3K to make it a little hilarious though because… yeah, it was like an episode of The Fugitive or something otherwise. Rating – 5/10 – Interesting concept but… yeah, kind of have to escalate it December 10 – Mission to Mars (2000) The year is 2020 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew mysteriously disappears except for one location signal. Now the second crew has to get there (a year later) to save them… and wouldn’t you know it? More hijinx ensue… because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. This was a first time watch for Doppelganger December (with the next one) and I had no idea what to expect going into either of them… and this one… look, it’s been 20+ years, you’d seen it if you planned on it… it ends like The Abyss & Contact. Oh you haven’t seen those movies either? Well then I guess it’s not a spoiler… still enjoyed talking about it on the podcast though… Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcasters December 12 – Red Planet (2000) The year is 2056 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew goes to check on why their terraforming equipment doesn’t appear to be working… and even more hijinx ensue when they get there because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. Where Mission to Mars had astronauts though… apparently this crew is a lady pilot, a few aging astronauts & a gaggle of civilians including a rich dude, a janitor & a mentalist (Simon Baker). However, when all seems lost for the crew, they luckily brought along their multitasking robot AMEE to do difficult tasks and help them through… except then it switches into Military Mode and starts attacking the crew too. How can they possible leave… the Red Planet? Rating - ???/10 – You KNOW that I’m going to make a lot of Congo references when the malfunctioning killer robot is named AMEE!!! December 14 – Against All Odds (1984) Yet another first time watch… and I didn’t even know this movie existed honestly… but it’s prime Jeff Bridges as an aging football player (37 years old) who’s hired by a bookie (James Woods) to find his ex-girlfriend… who’s also the daughter of the owner of the football team (Rachel Ward) and as you might expect… hijinx ensues! This movie was brought to our attention by the Gran Touring Break/Fix Podcast for a collaboration episode… so you can get all the details you want about this nutso movie from there… but it’s more than just the Phil Collins song! Rating – 8/10 – The part I’ll probably never forget? Raw dogging on ancient ruins… yikes… Please send your prayers to @UntidyVenus to let her know that you're wishing her a speedy recovery... much love from our end! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Things continue to be busy... but hey, here's a few movies that we've seen... November 24 – Dixie Ray, Hollywood Star or It’s Called Murder, Baby! (1982) Okay, so this one was for the Grindbin Podcast for Camvember (celebrating Cameron Mitchell who, as is tradition, is in this movie for about four minutes of screen time) but this one had a twist… because it was a hardcore porno. That’s right! Remember last February when we did a month of pornographic films on the podcast? Well, Mike & Bobby with the Grindbin did… but they must have forgotten the whole “Porn banning Utah” thing because apparently to see these kinds of movies in Utah, you have to do a government background check to prove that you’re old enough to have your own VPN… er, I mean watch porn. Anyway, it’s a porn noir about a detective who… apparently just f**ks a lot and isn’t a great detective until about five minutes are left in the movie. Want to know more? Check out the episode on the Grindbin! Rating – 6/10 – Lots of flaccid penis and a few boobs… oh, but the cinematography is actually pretty damn impressive! No joke! November 27 – Highlander (1992-1998) That’s right! We watched all six season of the TV series for The Highlander… and man, did it have some peaks and a lot of valleys. We’ll probably talk about it a lot more in January since we’re making that Highlander month on the podcast but… until then… yeah, it’s about a 400-year old immortal Duncan McLeod (Adrian Paul) who is a good guy… but not the smartest… or really the best in a bunch of episodes… and he has a boy ward named Richie for a while… and a few immortal friends… and a LOT of immortal enemies who he has to behead once a week… and hijinx ensue. Rating – 8/10 – The highs are high & the lows are low… but yeah, it was fun to see just how crazy it would get at times… but also get pretty stupid at times too November 30 – Track of the Moon Beast (1976) This was an MST3K watch about a man who was struck in the head with a meteor shard… and hijinx ensue as he slowly turns into a Werelizard or something. The movie was kind of a rough watch… but not entirely unenjoyable, especially with the jokes from the MST3K crew. Makeup effects were actually even better than I figured with the 2.3/10 rating on IMDb but… yeah, probably not good to watch in its original form. Rating – 5/10 – A few days later, I’ve forgotten almost everything as well December 3 – Red Heat (1988) Arnold is a Russian cop with an Austrian accent trying to avenge his fallen partner. Jim Belushi is an A-hole cop from Chicago. Together they watch Arnold do everything to solve the case while Jim Belushi makes horrible jokes… in a Walter Hill movie! This movie starts with 5 minutes of nudity at a spa featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger & friend of the podcast Sven Ole Thorsen… and then the movie kind of coasts after that until a bus chase towards the end. It’s not great but… not bad either. Just kind of one of those forgotten Schwarzenegger movies from the late 80’s between Predator & T2. Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it but… I can see where it wears Have a great December everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yes, it's Thanksgiving Eve and I haven't updated in a few weeks... Man, I'm busy... I don't know what else to say. Sure, it'd be great if somebody would help me & Izzy out... including the person we're helping out... but yeah, that's not the case unfortunately. HOWEVER, there are a few movies that we've seen... November 3 – Five Night at Freddy’s (2023) A security guard has to save his sister from sadistic murdering animatronics… you all know the story (or the basic premise at least) because you’ve been in the social zeitgeist for the last decade… and you probably watched “Willy’s Wonderland” (2021) which is the R-rated (dare I say) GOOD version of this movie. Yeah, it’s exactly the same thing… except much, much duller. I was legitimately falling asleep throughout this movie. Nobody gives a f**k about the security guard’s family drama… or the lady sheriff who shows up like “Oh, she’s not a good guy obviously… she wouldn’t give a f**k about this guy either.” Hmm… how do we improve this movie? Make it so the security guy doesn’t speak… because nobody cares… the sheriff is basically the reason he’s doing the job because the sheriff obviously knows about the murdering robots… and cut out about 30 minutes of monotonous bullsh*t drama. In other words, make it Willy’s Wonderland. Rating – 6/10 – This was f**king rough. Sure, compared to a 10+ with the exact same premise probably doesn’t work in its favor but… pointless. Watch WW twice instead! November 6 – Prehysteria 2 (1994) That’s right! The little dinosaurs from the original are on a whimsical adventures are they are whisked away on a raisin crate & end up in a mansion with a latchkey kid & his hobo friend who happens to be a girl… and hijinx ensue. What happens exactly?!? Check out the podcast… Rating - ???/10 – The podcast is Everything I Learned From Movies… and all three of these movies are on Peacock!!! Wait, three?!? November 9 – Prehysteria 3 (1995) That’s right! THREE!!! And in this edition… they once again get swept up in a crate of raisins… and end up in a miniature golf course with a girl rocking the worst Scottish accent ever… and her uncle owns the REAL golf course next door… and her dad is Fred Willard as the worst businessman and/or athlete sad story ever… but then little dinosaurs get involved and… listen to the podcast! Rating - ???/10 – Available on all the major podcatchers… oh wait, this one’s the Patreon Exclusive episode!!! Patreon.com/eilfmovies November 12 - Over the Top (1987) Sylvester Stallone is Lincoln Hawk, a truck driver by day, arm wrestler by night, deadbeat dad always who picks up his estranged son from his military school graduation to go see his dying mother in the hospital… but also try to rekindle their relationship… spoilers, she dies & the kid acts like a kid whose mother just died… and the grandpa is rich Robert Loggia… and somehow the Arm Wrestling Championship is involved… basically I’m saying it’s the perfect movie. Rating – 10/10 – The only flaw is that it’s a double elimination tournament November 15 – The Horror at Party Beach (1964) What happens when beach kids, greasers on motorcycles & radioactive sludge monsters have a big bash on the beach? Well, watch the MST3K version… it’s kinda hilarious. Rating – 6/10 – The movie is pretty rough though in its original form November 18 – Pterodactyl (2005) We’re continuing DINOvember on the podcast and this is a Sci-Fi Channel original starring Coolio as a squadron leader in the dark forests of Northern Turkey… and there’s a volcano going off that lets loose dormant pterodactyl eggs… and hijinx ensue when a school paleontologist trip mixes with human traffickers. It’s almost exactly what you expect… but there are some parts of this movie that are unusual… mostly around the teacher-student relationship… but from the director of “Stunts”, “Commando” & “Showdown in Little Tokyo” Rating – 6/10 – Rough… but don’t think for a second that there isn’t a spin-off sequel November 21 – Haunted Mansion (2023) Based on the Disneyland ride, there’s a Mansion (southern plantation) that’s haunted AF with 999 ghosts… you got single mom Rosario Dawson & her son moving in… they need help from some Zach Baganses (or whatever constitutes an expert in the field) and hilarity ensues. This was… more entertaining than the Eddie Murphy one… but that’s probably because of the All-Star cast… and 20+ years improvement in technology & figuring out these kinds of movies for the masses. There were definitely some parts that were… more boring than others… but yeah, I’d recommend checking it out. Rating – 8/10 – Definitely some funny parts… and I’m pretty sure Owen Wilson was his character from “The Haunting” Hopefully I'll see you before December... wish me luck!!! Steve Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yes, the month continues... finding a home for MIL continues... doing all of the jobs at work continues... Q4 continues with the motto "It's going to be great!" In the meantime, I saw a few movies... October 21 – The Mad Monster (1942) This was an MST3K watch… and it’s about a mad scientist who turns his Simple Jack employee into a werewolf in order to prove that he’s the maddest scientist in the world… and to exact revenge against his enemies!!! Sounds awesome, right? Well… this was a ROUGH watch because of the pacing & sound mixing. Sure, it may have been because this was the 3rd episode of MST3K ever made so they might have still been figuring things out… but the movie itself was a LOT of silence… and when they were talking it was like they were in a can in the bottom of the ocean… and the dialogue is crap… and the action is… well, not very action. Rating – 4/10 – Maybe an Incomplete score but I doubt there’s a better version of this movie out there… and I’m not going to try it. October 23 – Phantasm (1979) Two teenage orphans (eldest might be like 20?) stumble upon a mysterious tall grave robber in their small town… and hijinx ensue when they find out that he has some pretty weird, mystical powers and a loyal army of Jawas or something? Look, my description isn’t the best… but it’s from the director of Beastmaster… and it spawned a handful of sequel over the years… and it’s definitely worth a look if you like 70’s horror that doesn’t have to necessarily have a point or mean anything. The Tall Man is creepy… the cinematography is creepy… the effects are pretty dope for the time… if you like horror, and you haven’t seen this, check it out! Rating – 10/10 – Horror classic and the sequels are… okay, especially if you like Supernatural October 26 – Hobgoblins (1988) When the world’s worst security guards let out some tiny aliens out of a safe in an office building… and the aliens start killing people by making their fantasies come true… hijinx ensue! The acting is godawful… the effects are laughable puppets… the music is ridiculous… but for some reason, about the time that the army cadet starts hucking grenades around a strip club, I find myself enjoying this dumpster fire of a Gremlins ripoff. Rating – 7/10 – It’s 2.2/10 on IMDb… but there’s some charm… and a familiar face or two (like Maynard from Pulp Fiction as the bouncer named Roadrash) October 29 – The Fall of the House of Usher (2023) This is the latest Netflix release from directors Mike Flanagan (Doctor Sleep & Haunting of Hell House) & Michael Fimognari (his cinematographer on those) comes the story of a billionaire American family… and how their pasts come back to destroy them in the most Edgar Allen Poe way possible. Yeah, it’s basically all of the works of Poe turned into an eight-hour miniseries… and guys… it f**king worked & is fantastic. Bruce Greenwood, Carla Gugino & dozens of other actors NAIL it… it’s dark, creepy, funny, poignant, the dialogue pops… check it out if you enjoy ANYTHING horror related. Rating – 10/10 – EIGHT hours is a lot… but we managed to watch it all in three evenings, even after working overtime each day October 31 – The Frighteners (1996) Michael J Fox is a paranormal investigator who can see ghosts… and people are dying mysteriously of heart failure… and hijinx ensue. Peter Jackson’s greatest film!!! If you haven’t seen this movie, I don’t want to spoil anything… go see it now on Tubi before it’s too late!!! This movie is a classic & I thoroughly enjoy myself every single time!!! I cannot say this enough… go see this movie!!! Rating – 10+/10 – Have you not watched it yet?!? GO!!! GO NOW!!! What’re you waiting for?!? Have a great November everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
The struggle continues... yet against all odds, we're well on the way to getting MIL adjusted to Utah and finding her a place to live & finally become an adult. In the meantime, we also watched a few movies... October 13 – Single White Female (1992) I had never seen this movie before… but I basically have through cultural osmosis. Tale as old as time about the recently-single woman with a rent controlled apartment in NYC (Bridget Fonda) who now needs a roommate to help pay for her palatial accommodations (like 4000 square feet?!?) so she meets this shy applicant (Jennifer Jason Leigh) who slowly but surely starts to destroy her life… while also taking on the other girl’s look… and murderous hijinx ensue when she gets back with her ex-boyfriend (Steven Weber). This movie is… dark… and honestly infuriating with regards to how the main girl handles the situation in the most plot-convenient way possible. That being said… decent suspense… and plenty of full frontal nudity… and scenes that you’ll probably remember for a long, long time. What more can I say? Rating – 9/10 – The ending epilogue almost destroys the rest of the movie… because honestly the “good girl” would probably have to defend herself in a court of law but… nope, just credits and a “I guess I understand it all…” BOO!!! Definitely watch this movie though… October 15 – The Fog (1980) I don’t recall if I’ve seen this movie since I started doing these… but it’s one of Izzy’s favorites. Director John Carpenter and his follow-up to the first two Halloween movies, small coastal town is terrorized by fog on the 100th anniversary of the founding of their town… and apparently pirate ghosts are going around killing people. Tom Atkins (without the moustache) & Academy Award winner Jamie Lee Curtis try to save the day with help from the voice of Adrienne Barbeau… and hijinx ensue. This is a good little 90 minute Halloween flick… as long as you don’t try to think too much about it… I think that’s why it’s good fun watch & one of Izzy’s favorite. It’s just ridiculous enough to be mildly scary but not too real. Rating – 9/10 – I enjoy it too… but yeah, only an annual watch because of the wife. I prefer other Carpenter flicks. October 17 – Duel (1971) Spielberg’s first movie… well, I guess it was a TV movie that they added a few scenes to make feature length… but it’s about a traveling salesman (Dennis Weaver) going across California… when the driver of a trailer starts to terrorize him… and they both seem to lose their goddamn minds on the (completely isolated?) highways of California. For being such a simple premise, you see a lot of the Spielberg tropes in the filming with shots similar to movies like Jaws & Jurassic Park later… but yeah, definitely a decent flick. I recommend checking it out. Rating – 8/10 – Only a few moments where I was checking the time… but you had to pad it out to feature length. The actual tense scenes are legit. October 19 – Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) Killer alien clowns land in a small town and hijinx ensue. If you haven’t seen this movie, and you enjoy campy horror flicks, then you need to remedy this on Tubi RIGHT NOW!!! The special effects and hilarious kills are all you want in a horror flick without being really scared. The acting is… over the top in all the best ways… John Vernon plays his character (you know the one) and you even get a nerdy looking Christopher Titus saying “What the heck was that?!?” in his acting debut. Seriously, the Chiodo Brothers made a great flick! Rating – 10+/10 - That’s right! Ten-PLUS!!! We showed it to Katie & Izzy’s Mom and they both loved it… and they soft… watch it with your kids!!! Until next time!!! Steve |
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
March 2024
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