March Movies - Week 3
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another week, another batch of movies...
March 17 – Andor (2022)
Alright guys, take a knee… I’m about to talk about the latest Star Wars prequel series that I watched about a character that I barely remembered from “Rogue One” which was itself a great footnote movie that I’ve only seen once. This tells the tale of a Lost Boy (or one of those kids from Thunderdome) who’s taken in by rebellious scavengers (played by Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter & a guy who gets 2-3 scenes across 12 episodes) and raised to be a thief who sells parts on the black market… and then is recruited as a mercenary by a rebel leader (Stellan Skarsgard) to pull off a robbery… then when almost everybody dies… he bails for a few episodes with his cut… gets arrested on vacation for nothing… then has to break out of an internment camp with Andy Serkis… and stumbles upon the events of a rebellion because they took place at his surrogate mother’s funeral. End Season one. Is he a good character? Not really. Does he have an arc? Not really. Stuff just kind of happens around him as he’s trying to Gandalf from the situation & he’s one of the few who survives. I’ll admit, there’s some great allegories and themes about the Empire & fighting against oppression that hit to modern day events… but they basically have nothing to do with Cassian Andor, the Forrest Gump of Star Wars. The worst part about the whole story though… is that it’s NINE F**KING HOURS LONG!!! This is a three-hour movie tops… but it’s 12 episodes at 45 minutes each. Literally nothing happens until episode 3(?) and then again in episode 7. It sort of picks up from there… but you’re already six hours in.
Rating – 6/10 – It’s okay… but no need for it to be nine hours long
March 18 – Bridge of Dragons (1999)
Tubi is probably my favorite movie streaming service. They have almost ALL of the Dolph Lundgren library and when I was this one where he plays a mercenary named Warchild who works for an evil general (Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa) and has to go save a princess… but then realizes he may be working for an evil man… and from the director of the Antonio Sabato jr vehicle “High Voltage” from a few months ago… I was in. It’s a hilarious mess of a movie with a strong Asian cast… but set in an unnamed country… shot in Bulgaria… but people have cockney accents too… and it’s supposed to be modern day 1999 but everyone is dress like they’re at a Ren Faire or Rambo III… and when the general dresses like M. Bison from Street Fighter though he played Shang Tsung in the movie… I can’t unsee it. Great explosions & predictable story… give it a shot if you like the genre.
Rating – 8/10 – I’ve seen MUCH worse… and it’s at least fun.
March 19 – Storm Catcher (1999)
We followed it up with another movie from the same year where Dolph is the only man who can fly a stealth bomber… but then a general decides he’s going to steal the stealth to drop a nuclear bomb on the White House (but back when Clinton was there so some didn’t want that to happen). Your standard kind of “Broken Arrow” plot… and Dolph is good… the little girl from “Long Kiss Goodnight” plays his daughter & she’s okay (but they didn’t need to f**k up her hair)… but a lot of the other actors & actresses were… not as great. Still fairly fun & a dumb action movie though… check it out.
Rating – 7/10 – Not an essential see in the Dolph Lundgren library… but yeah, why not?
March 20 – Mile 22 (2018)
Izzy & I had seen this in theatres when it first came out (back when we had MoviePass) and I remembered really liking it. Did we feel the same way on a second watch of this secret special ops team (led by Mark Wahlberg & John Malkovich) transporting a double agent (Iko Uwais) to an airport 22 miles away in order to save some major cities?
Rating - ???/10 – Find out on an upcoming episode of Everything I Learned From Movies…
March 21 – In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro (1985)
You can find a VHS rip of this movie on YouTube… but that’s about the only way that you’re going to find it from what I can tell, maybe some bootleg DVDs of a questionable nature. Anyway, white savior in an Africa village… and during a drought, 90,000 baboons are going around & eating people… hijinx ensue. John Rhys-Davies comes into the story too… and we’ll go in depth about this movie (and whether it’s based on a true story) in an upcoming episode as well but…
Rating – 7/10 – Look… you had me at killer apes… and 80’s ridiculousness. If either of those intrigue you, check it out!
March 22 – The Barbarians (1987)
Amazon Prime suggested this based on our previous movies (lots of Sword & Sorcery movies as you know) and I had never seen this movie starring the Barbarian Brothers (David & Peter Paul) about twin barbarians who are reunited & seek revenge against a warlord (Richard Lynch with Bo Derek’s rope wig) and hijinx ensue. Is this a great movie? Absolutely not. There were genuinely some parts that I laughed at though… and let’s face it… this is a couple of bodybuilders & hot chicks dressing up for a Ren Faire & I’m all here for it.
Rating – 7/10 – Glad to have seen it… may do it again for the podcast some time…
March 23 – Circle of Iron (1978)
So… apparently in 1969, Bruce Lee & James Coburn wrote this magnum opus of Bruce Lee’s philosophy about a martial artists (Jeff Cooper?) who goes on an adventure to defeat this evil ruler (Christopher Lee!!!) who possesses a book that contains the ultimate truth. Along the way, he meets a blind man (David Carradine), a monkey man (David Carradine), a vaguely Asian or Middle Eastern master (David Carradine in blackface?) & Death itself (David Carradine) along the way… learning lessons & completing trials. Now… the only other time I had heard of this movie was when we interviewed the great martial artist / weapons master Anthony DeLongis (check out our interview) as this was one of his first gigs in his 40+ year career and… is it a great movie told in a straightforward matter that makes sense? No, not exactly. It’s the philosophy of Bruce Lee told through David Carradine’s riddles & more of an inner perspective look at growing as a person… and a few other random things tossed in. Your lady probably isn’t going to like it. Not because they don’t enjoy those kinds of movies, but because it’s fights… gibberish… lots of walking… more fighting… repeat, so they’ll be bored with it. That being said…
Rating – 9/10 – I enjoyed it. The fights were… okay, especially for the 70s. The story was… okay. Definitely worth a watch though if you’re a fan of kung fu movies.
Alright, see you next week (insert outro music)!!!
March Movies - Week 2
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yup, we went to Cincinnatti for the Bockfest Beer Festival & had a grande ol' tyme... but here are some movies that I watched...
March 10 – The Wild World of Batwoman (1966)
We watched the MST3K episode for this and… wow, I wish I could really tell you what it was about. Apparently there’s a big breasted superheroine named Batwoman (didn’t see DC Comics mentioned in the credits so… lawsuit?) who’s fighting evil with a bunch of her Angels… sorry, Batmaidens. There’s a bunch of dumb criminals including one who looks like a Mexican wrestler but… look, this was in 1966 and Black & White… WHILE THE ADAM WEST BATMAN WAS GOING ON?!? This one was ROUGH!!! The MST3K guys helps but… yeah, without them, only watchable for the Batman logo located in the bare ample bosom of our main character.
Rating – 3/10 – For each of them & the logo…
March 11 – Primal Rage (1988)
This was a new one I stumbled upon because there’s an ape involved… and it may be coming in Ape-ril as a last minute substitute. Basically there’s this university in Florida where Dr. Bo Svenson is experimenting on apes… and unleashes a “rage virus” that essentially turns the campus into crazed zombies. The main lead is Patrick Lowe who… doesn’t appear to be one of those random Lowe brothers (like Rob & Chad, basically the Hemsworths of the 80s) but this movie was pretty insane & the zombie effects were actually pretty entertaining. There’s also a Halloween dance scene (of course there is) where every single costume is more elaborate & awesome than any costume that I will EVER make.
Rating – 9/10 – Absolutely a blast! Great 80’s horror stuff…
March 12 – Outland (1981)
Sean Connery is a marshal stationed at a mining colony on a moon of Jupiter… and something is killing miners at an alarming rate… some sort of space meth. So he makes it his life’s goal to shut it all down & establish lawful order… on a mining colony on a moon of Jupiter. This movie appears to have been shot on the “Alien” set after they were done but is still very well done with establishing the world. The characters are great, independent, flawed, everything you would expect from the type of people who would voluntarily go to a mining colony on a moon of Jupiter. Heck, even your hero at a certain point you can see the whole “Hey, they’re miners doing drugs to get by… nobody is forcing them to take it, right?” but it’s a fun trip throughout.
Rating – 9/10 – This was a lot better than I kind of expected with the whole Sean Connery in Space thing
March 13 – Inherent Vice (2014)
After watching Boogie Nights for the 10th time or so the other day, I realized that it’s the only Paul Thomas Anderson movie that I’ve seen more than once… and I hadn’t seen one since There Will Be Blood, which was good. Then I saw that he did this one about a pothead private eye in some sort of Rockford Files situation with Joaquin Phoenix in the lead… so I was in. The cast for this movie is amazing with Josh Brolin, Reese Witherspoon cameo, Katherine Waterston, Owen Wilson, Eric Roberts cameo, Maya Rudolph cameo, Michael K. Williams cameo, Hong Chau killing it, Benicio Del Toro cameo, and so on… The only problem is… the movie is boring as all hell. It’s basically a pothead version of a film noir… with some of the worst & most ridiculous voiceover in the history of cinema from some beatnik stoner chick. It’s about an ex-girlfriend coming to the PI (or is he still a detective… or a doctor too?) saying that she thinks her new boyfriend’s wife is going to have him committed… … … okay? Sucks to be them… roll credits. Nope, he gets roped in & hijinx ensue. Beautifully shot… could’ve used an editor to get it to about 100 minutes instead of 150… nothing makes sense when you looks at it a second time. Not my bag.
Rating – 5/10 – This is a low rating for me… but just not my bag.
March 14 – The Fabelmans (2022)
Steven Spielberg is a fantastic director… and has been for a half century now… but I’ll admit, I was worried going into this movie… because it’s about him growing up in Arizona in the 50s & 60s & about his love for his parents… and when it’s a man with all the power in basically making his own biopic and a minimum of conflicting viewpoints, that’s typically a recipe for a movie to be a gigantic circle jerk with your own variants. That being said… the movie starts off SUPER schmaltzy… then takes a turn into some genuine family drama… and before you know it, he’s thrown in a few ridiculously funny beats towards the end… roll credits, you had yourself a time. I’ll be the first to say that watching that movie at 1.5x speed is the way to go with this 2.5 hour flick… and you won’t miss a thing, guaranteed… but check it out!
Rating – 9/10 – “Unless I make a movie about this… which I would NEVER do…”
March 15 – Infinite (2021)
First time watch of this Marky Mark movie costarring Chiwetel Ejiafor… and it’s about a man who is having dreams… but they’re really memories of his past lives… and only a few hundred people have this ability… some want to save humanity, some want to destroy it… yeah, it’s basically all the action movies & young adult novels thrown into one but… if you’re into those action movies… you may find yourself enjoying it, even if it’s basically following the treads left along the way by far superior movies…
Rating – 8/10 – Like I did… yeah, it’s a dumb movie… but I love Chiwetel Ejiafor in just about anything & it’s dumb action
March 16 – 47 Meters Down (2017)
First time watch of this movie that I basically knew as “Mandy Moore gets her tourist ass dropped to the bottom of the ocean in a shark tank” and hijinx ensue. Yeah, that’s pretty much it… but her sister is there with her too (you know, for exposition) and Captain Matthew Modine is going to get help but literally phones it in for the 2nd & 3rd act. That being said though… it’s actually a pretty tight 80 minute movie with decent tension building & still exactly what you would expect from a shark movie.
Rating – 8/10 – I’ve seen MANY worse shark movies… and I may have to check out the sequel from the same director
See you just in time for St. Patrick's Day!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Doing a double session this time because... we're going to Bockfest in Cincinatti this week, so we're going to meet up with the History of Bad Ideas crew & Michael Bagford for some great food, DRINKS & more drinks... and also get to know the history of the city even more. It's going to be hella fun... check out the podcast for more details. We're going to try to interview the Sausage Queen...
February 24 – Pepsi, Where’s My Jet (2022)
This is a Netflix documentary about the kid who sued Pepsi to get a Harrier Jet using Pepsi Points based on a commercial ran in the 90s with NO SMALLPRINT LEGAL MESSAGE & the 20-year legal battle that followed. It was really interesting to see how young ambitious kids with their ambitious friends going up against a corporate juggernaut that’s obviously in the wrong… and then things get weird a few years in when Michael Avenatti (yes, THAT Michael Avenatti) gets called in to “help” with the situation. Very interesting look at the legal system & how it’s a corporation. I mean… right? Everybody knows that, right?
Rating – 9/10 – If you like these kind of documentaries, this is a fun one.
February 25 – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
Yup, I finally watched the long anticipated sequel to my favorite Marvel movie… and it was great as advertised. Though I didn’t quite get the same feelings as watching the first one in the Oakland area five years ago… this one had different feels after the passing of Chadwick Boseman. The story is basically Wakanda going against the Na’vi from Avatar but their leader isn’t a giant blue fish-cat creature, but rather a Latin guy with wings on his feet… and all while the people (mainly the ladies) of Wakanda are dealing with loss in completely (sarcastic) logical ways but… it’s pretty deep stuff for essentially a ridiculous kids movie.
Rating – 10/10 – Not quite 10+ but… let’s face it… it’s because they’re fighting the Na’vi due to poor communication skills
February 26 – Search for the Beast (1997)
Okay, this one is about a scientist going into the Oskaloosa wilderness to find Bigfoot & hijinx ensue. This movie is one of those were everybody who works in it has worked in only this… except for the exotic dancer who was bearing T&A in a few scenes… you know, because it was the mid-90’s… she’d been in a few things… showing T&A. It also takes some weird turns towards the end. The video quality is that of any home camcorder in the mid-90s as well as the Microsoft Paint special effects.
Rating – 7/10 – Drunk watch with friends… horrible acting abound… but also like watching the movie your friends made when they were high that one time…
February 27 – Mausoleum (1983)
This one was recommended on Tubi… and it starts out with a 10 year old girl at her mother’s funeral… and she’s obviously distraught… so she runs into this mausoleum & is possessed by a demon. We then cut to 20 years later… and the demon finally takes over… and this voluptuous woman starts killing people in some pretty fantastic ways. There’s also a great quick performance by LaWanda Page as the nanny & honestly, I really dug the lead actress’ performance (Bobbie Bresee) and when you combine it with pretty bad but effective effects, I recommend this movie if you’re into cheesy demon possession movies like “Demon Wind” and others from the 80’s.
Rating – 9/10 – I’d love to talk about this one with other film nerds
February 28 – The Church (1989)
THEN Tubi told me about this Dario Argento movie (well, he wrote but… it’s of the same ilk) about a 12th century church built on a mass grave of demonic possessions… and through, I don’t know, digging a basement for the church or something, they unleash an evil upon the world… but it really doesn’t surface until there’s a school field trip there… and hijinx ensue! Again, a great cheesy 80’s horror flick if ever there was one… and a preteen Asia Argento in a key role (basically as Natalie Portman from “Leon The Professional”).
Rating – 9/10 – I’ve love to talk about this one with other film nerds too
March 1 – The Legend of Bigfoot (1975)
I mentioned before that we were on a Bigfoot kick… and this was a mockumentary made in the mid-70s about a man (Ivan Marx) going in search of the missing link. It’s oddly kind of a precursor to found footage movies (though the bigfoot is just a guy in a big black furry suit obviously) and there’s other things that happen along the way… but what’s most striking about this movie isn’t the constant narration (which gets pretty ridiculous but fits the 70s environmental things from school idea) but some of the shots & editing are pretty great. Then I saw who did it… and it’s Harry Winer who would later do flicks like “Space Camp” and a LOT of TV over the years.
Rating – 6/10 – Can’t really recommend as I almost fell asleep a few times to soothing tones & zero plot but… if you’re on a kick, go for it.
March 2 – M3GAN (2022)
As a kid, I loved the stupid show “Small Wonder” that lasted FOUR seasons… and watching it in hindsight, the show was absolutely terrible. I was 5-7 years old though so what the hell did I know? Basically that was about an engineer who secretly made an android to look like a little girl… took it home to test out with his own family… and hilarious 80’s sitcom hijinx ensue complete with laugh tracks. A few years ago I commented on The Grindbin Podcast that the entire show needed to be redone as a horror movie. Ladies & gentlemen, Hollywood was listening… and this is the result. Let’s see… a female engineer (Alison Williams) was secretly working on an AI android, got caught, so she decided to take it home… to test out on her niece who she just got custody of after her parents died (on screen by the way). Hijinx ensue… and it was fun, freaky, and everything you could ever want in a horror movie.
Rating – 10/10 – I absolutely loved this movie
March 3 – Invincible (2006)
I had never actually seen this movie until now… and it seems like it’d be right up my alley. Mark Wahlberg plays the real life Vince Papali, who tried out for the Philadelphia Eagles (my favorite team since 1987) in 1975 during an open tryout… and makes it onto the team with help from new head coach Dick Vermeil (Greg Kinnear). Is it completely based in fact? Of course not, it’s a Disney flick. Does it hit all the sports movie tropes? Absolutely.
Rating – 8/10 – I still really enjoyed it… though some character choices are questionable… but whatever
March 4 – Four Brothers (2005)
I remember really liking this movie when it came out… John Singleton directed, odd mix of “brothers” raised by a sweet old lady who’s murdered in the opening scene & then vengeance hijinx ensue! Great flick, right? People being threatened with gasoline, straps being pulled in the middle of basketball games that have little or nothing to do with the manhunt, the ancient ruins of Detroit, quipy dialogue of the uber-hetero nature… all stuff you want in 2005 when you’re 24 at the time. That being said, a LOT of questionable things pop up too (yes, I know the earlier stuff is super questionable, that’s why we’re talking about it on the podcast) especially with regards to female roles, vigilante justice & dirty cops. Probably the real MVP of this movie though… despite being almost a cameo… is Chiwetel Ejiafor as the bad guy Victor Sweet. This is a Globe-level thespian doing his best over-the-top gangster… and I’m all here for it.
Rating – 8/10 – If you like stupid action flicks (with little action) starring a mid-2000’s supergroup of Marky Mark, Tyrese & Andre 3000, check it out!
March 5 – Midnight Ride (1990)
Okay, a housewife has just left her arrogant & abusive cop husband (Michael Dudikoff) in the middle of the night… and when he finds out, he’s going to set her straight. Well, the joke’s on her as she picks up a hitchhiker (Mark Hamill) who ends up being a psychiatric patient serial killer… and hijinx ensue! I’m not going to lie… this kick started a dive into Mark Hamill’s early 90’s filmography that I had no idea about… and this movie was actually a lot of nutso crazy fun.
Rating – 9/10 – I can’t wait to talk about this movie at length on a podcast.
March 6 – Time Runner (1993)
In this next one, Mark Hamill is an astronaut from 2022 who accidentally goes through a wormhole & back in time 30 years to stop an alien invasion… and gets some help from Rae Dawn Chong… and a newfound ability to see flashes of his future? Look, the movie is nutso crazy from a plot standpoint… and really doesn’t let up at any point… but yeah, enjoyable nutso fun.
Rating – 9/10 – How did I not hear about these kinds of movies starring Mark Hamill?
March 7 – The Beyond (1981)
This is a Lucio Fulci movie (so Italian Giallo horror genre) about a woman inheriting an old Louisiana hotel (brothel?) with a terrible secret… it’s built on a portal to HELL!!! Oh, and hijinx ensue. The movie has a genuinely creepy aura about it… even with some fairly ridiculous characters & situations thrown in… it’s actually very similar to “The Church” which we watched a few weeks ago… but with slightly more body horror gore… but gee, did I enjoy it?
Rating – 8/10 – Yup, it was pretty good… may have to check out more of this Fulci
March 8 – The Meteor Man (1993)
I hadn’t seen this movie since it first came out on VHS 30 years ago… but I remembered liking it as a kid. Starring basically every African-American actor from the 80’s & 90’s it’s about a man who gets hit by a meteor giving him superpowers… and now he’s going to clean up the neighborhood… well, surprisingly reluctantly… in fact, the neighborhood basically pressures him into doing it. Hijinx ensue. I’ve wondered for the longest time why this movie wasn’t more of a thing & readily available on streaming services since it’s a groundbreaking African-American superhero movie (like Spawn, Steel, Abar, etc.) but then… I remembered that Bill Cosby has a cameo (don’t even think he has a line) where he’s a homeless man who also gets a piece of the meteor… with the power of green enabling him to do some seedy things… and kind of is a hero at the end… so yeah, that doesn’t age well though I think he financed a large part of this movie.
Rating – 9/10 – A must see for any fan of black superheroes!
March 9 – RocketMan (1997)
This Disney-produced Harland Williams vehicle is one of my favorites from my teen years. Basically a computer programmer (Williams) stumbles his way into the 3rd (or 4th) seat on a Mars mission with NASA with Captain William Sadler, 2nd in command hot brunette & a chimpanzee. Hijinx ensue. Obviously it’s an absolutely absurd comedy… but damn it, I like it. Watching it this time there are a few moments where I was like “Wait, this was Disney with that joke?” but yeah, definitely recommend.
Rating – 9/10 – The “It Wasn’t Me” catchphrase has always wore on me a bit keeping this from a 10
So yeah, that'll do it for now... but I'll be back before you know it!
February Movies - Week 3
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another week, another bag of movies... but yeah, we've got our trip coming up next week so you might get a double batch of movies...
February 17 – Radical Jack (2000)
This is a Road House rip-off starring country star father Billy Ray Cyrus (only about 8 years after he was a thing) and of course… we watched the Rifftrax version. Michelle’s sister Dedee Pfeiffer shows up & she’s fairly easy on the eyes… George “Buck” Flowers is the bad guy in probably the only non-homeless man role I’ve seen him in… but yeah, bad fights, silly explosions, hijinx.
Rating – 7/10 – Definitely watch the Rifftrax version if you must…
February 18 – Debbie Does Dallas II (1981)
Brent from the Home Video Hustle picked this one for his Love on Film Month pick and… okay, I don’t know what it is with pornography in the 70s & 80s but holy crap this is some misogynist crap… through & through. The whole industry, I mean. Basically it’s the story of a teenage cheerleader who didn’t become a Cowboys cheerleader in the original… so now she’s going to her aunt’s ranch to do some chorin’… but apparently her ranch is a brothel… and hijinx ensue. Ron Jeremy shows up as the coach who wants to shut it down… before he tests out the goods and… man, it gets rough towards the end.
Rating – 5/10 – I’ve seen worse… and Barbi Woods tries to be upbeat but… yeah…
February 19 – The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)
There’s a series of murders happening in a small mountain town and the police have only one potential suspect… … … Bigfoot… or the legendary creature Arak specifically. George “Buck” Flowers shows up in this one too. It’s not the greatest movie by any means but… I had a few laughs with it.
Rating – 7/10 – As you’ll see, we got on a bigfoot kick… prepare yourself.
February 20 – Shriek of the Mutilated (1974)
We had seen this movie before for an episode of The Grindbin Podcast but… now we’ve seen a DVD quality version (before it was a VHS rip on YouTube I think) and I would highly recommend that way. Basically it’s the story of a school field trip going to an island to hunt a sasquatch… but then they find out there are ulterior motives. Then again, the first few minutes (probably the best part of the movie) is a man having a nervous breakdown at the party SCREAMING that the last field trip ended in EVERYBODY DYING!!! THEN he dies in one of the most hilarious ways ever!!! Honestly, I kinda like this dumb movie. The performances aren’t great (the lead guy is laughably bad) but the first few minutes & the last few minutes make up for the slow middle.
Rating – 8/10 – Izzy’s talking about her Wild Card Month in June being about sasquatch movies… so we’ll see.
February 21 – Sister, Sister (1987)
This movie was recommended by Brent of HVH too… and I hadn’t heard of it. Basically there are two sisters (Judith Ivey & Jennifer Jason Leigh) who live in an inherited mansion in Louisiana that they rent out as a B&B. One day, a young visitor (Eric Stoltz) shows up & has the hots for JJL… but she’s also a little autistic or something (they say mentally unstable from their parents’ death but… yeah). Well, Stoltz is throwing around some serious James Spader energy so obviously… hijinx ensue in the boudoir… and then elsewhere. I don’t want to say more but… this movie was a trip & I really enjoyed it.
Rating – 10/10 – If you’re into psychological thrillers & twisty nonsense, you’ve got to check this one out. I think it was on Tubi
February 22 – Terror at Tenkiller (1986)
Some young ladies go to a remote cabin in the woods on a lake and… hijinx ensue. This is one of those movies where everybody that starred, directed, anything with this movie… that was it. They were in nothing else… and you can tell from the bad acting & ridiculousness. EXCEPT the bad guy Tor where this was his first real thing (still rough) and then he’d be in over 100 different shows & movies!!!
Rating – 6/10 – Lots of nothing between ridiculous somethings… check out the Rifftrax version if you can.
February 23 – Quest of the Delta Knights (1993)
This is a low budget swords & sandals movie with David Warner in multiple roles, but most importantly as a knight in a secret society who helps a young boy to try to take down the local lady overlord (Olivia Hussey). Hijinx ensue… but yeah, Rifftrax is the way to watch this one. There’s some great over the top ridiculousness but that’s about it.
Rating – 6/10 – There were a few times where I was like “Is David Warner paid by the role? Nice…”
Okay, not a lot of winners this week... but we had some laughs... and there are some good ones coming up!
February Movies - Week 2
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Happy Valentine's / President's Week!!! Here are some lovely movies that I watched...
February 10 – Man’s Best Friend (1993)
Okay, I remember the trailer from when I was a kid… but I don’t think I’d seen the movie before… but I did remember almost all of the kills. Anyway, if I had seen it… it was almost 30 years ago… and it’s the timeless tale of a genetically engineered guard dog Mastiff being released by an investigative reporter (Ally Sheedy) and the scientist who made him (Lance Henriksen) has to find him before he loses his mind & starts killing EVERYTHING!!! The tone is… kind of a tongue-in-cheek dark comedy, which it almost has to be… and I’ll be honest, I had a lot of fun watching it. Of course it’s pretty predictable (though some choices amazed me that they went that far) but it’s a very 80’s horror flick… that just happened to be released in 1993.
Rating – 9/10 – I’ll say it… I enjoyed it more than “Cujo”
February 11 – The Nesting (1981)
An agoraphobic writer decides to rent an old isolated house in order to get over her writer’s block (must be nice!) but she also seems to have dreamed of this place… she finds out that it used to be a brothel… and it might be haunted!!! This is your run of the mill haunted house flick… but if you’re into it then you’re into it. The “flashback / dream” sequences are off-putting because they… honestly are probably using stageplay cosplay outfits from the day or something, not the biggest budget on costuming or set decorating… but let’s just say maybe it adds to the unnerving feeling that the writer is going through… yeah, that’s it.
Rating – 8/10 – I’d recommend it… there are some ridiculous scenes & kills… which may be spoiled by the pictures on Tubi, or so you think!
February 12 – Fear (1996)
New girl meets boy… dad is skeptical of boy… boy has secret past & may be a psycho. Tale as old as time. However, there are a few things that I’ll say about this movie that put it as one of my favorites of the genre. 1) Marky Mark (Wahlberg) knocks it out of the park with his performance. He’s charismatic as the good version of his character… and an absolutely intimidating prick as the evil version. 2) The soundtrack is so 1996 I almost broke out my first CD that I ever bought for myself, Bush “Sixteen Stone” and 3) Many award winning movies come & go… and you remember NOTHING about them. However, in this movie, I’d say there are about FIVE scenes / images that are basically unforgettable to anyone who has seen this movie. Marky Mark yelling into the peephole, “Wiiiiiild Horses” on the rollercoaster, Alyssa Milano being exploited, the dog’s last scene, and the final confrontation. There might be more… and honestly that makes it a better than movie than… say… “The Artist” or “Crash” or most other Best Picture winners.
Rating – 10/10 – If I want to see this genre of “jealous psycho” movie, this is the one that I’ll pick just about every single time
February 13 – The Elite (2001)
This movie was recommended by the algorithm and watching dumb action movies… and it sounded a little interesting: Five young adults are now a government anti-terrorist team after their parents are killed in a plane crash and… apparently become government property? Don’t worry about it. Anyway, they’re trying to stop a terrorist (Jurgen Prochnow) from unleashing a nuclear weapon from an aircraft carrier on a gaming convention (really?) and hijinx ensue. This movie… … really looked like a TV pilot for a sh*tty USA series or something that never happened. It’s not great. The second biggest star in it is Robin Givens and… she’s horrible. Three of the teenage boys looked exactly the same… and two are actually twins… just a fun, dumb movies… but without the fun really.
Rating – 5/10 – That’s gonna be a “no” from me, dawg…
February 14 – Boogie Nights (1997)
Researching for Marky March… and we’ve been watching porn the past few weeks… so why not revisit the story about a busboy who becomes a porn superstar… and then the tragic downfall? This cast is amazing with Mark Wahlberg, Burt Reynolds, Julianne Moores, William H Macy, John C Reilly, Don Cheadle, friend of the podcast Thomas Jane & more… and for whatever reason, it’s the only Paul Thomas Anderson movie that I’ve seen more than once… and I’ve seen it probably 6-7 times easy. It’s funny… it’s tragic… it’s heartwarming… it’s soul crushing… and just a great movie that doesn’t really seem to drag… even in the later half when you just want the misery to end for the characters.
Rating – 10/10 – Great flick! If you haven’t seen it, get on it!
February 15 – Clerks III (2022)
I was never a huge fan of Clerks… and I liked Clerks II with my friends in theatres back when they were semi-affordable & had a great time… but I was curious how director Kevin Smith was going to climb entirely up his own butthole & end this trilogy of movies. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a LOT of Kevin Smith’s movies… but it has been a while since the last one that I did… and the Jay & Silent Bob Reboot was so rough that I couldn’t make more than about 15 minutes into it. This is about the two clerks from the original, now 30 years later, and one has a heart attack… realizes that he hasn’t done anything with his life… so he wants to make a movie about his life (basically the first movie). There’s a LOT of nods to his other movies, his buddies from being in Hollywood for 30 years, and all that… and there’s some themes of friendship & legacy… but overall, it just didn’t grab me. I watched it by myself… and I told Izzy that she could just pass on it.
Rating – 7/10 – Watch if you’re a Kevin Smith completionist but… spoilers, Rosario Dawson is killed immediately after the 2nd movie offscreen.
February 16 – Party at Kitty & Stud’s (1970/78)
Yes… the legendary Sylvester Stallone porno from when he was living homeless at a bus station & needed $200 to pretend to bang some random chicks. The version we watched was the re-released “Italian Stallion” version that came out right after the success of “Rocky” to capitalize on it but… this movie was… well, I’m not sure if you can call it that but… oh, just listen to the episode of Everything I Learned From Movies. It’s a trip.
Rating - ???/10 – I’m not even sure if this is a porno… so I don’t know what it is.
Everything I Learned From Movies is on all the major podcatchers... check it out... we have fun!
February Movies - Week 1
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yup, another week of movies... you're welcome...
February 3 – Bill Osco’s Alice in Wonderland (1976)
Yes, for February, we’re watching some pornography for the podcast… and this one was recommended by a Patreon… and it’s an X-Rated Fantasy Musical!!! I mean… what would you expect an X-rated version of Alice in Wonderland to be? An incredibly young looking lead stumbling into a journey of self-discovery ending in various orgy montages? Yup… that’s about it. The music is okay & kinda catchy… even with the quality of video & sound being questionable at best. There was an R-rated version released too… and the quality on that portion is MUCH better than the sex scenes added later.
Rating – 8/10 – Check it out if this sounds interesting to you…
February 4 – Metro (1997)
I had seen this movie back when it first came out… and remember really liking it. Eddie Murphy is a hostage negotiator whose chief buddy is killed checking out a jewel thief (Michael Wincott) and he’s on a vengeance path to get him… but also has to train his future replacement (Michael Rapaport) and hijinx ensue. It’s set in San Francisco which is great to see the old hood (including a chase going past my old work) and… frankly there’s a LOT of plot holes in the movie that you could drive a truck through… but I thought it was a lot of fun.
Rating – 8/10 – Not perfect but a lot of what you’d expect from 90’s Murphy trying to catch Beverly Hills Cop vibes again
February 5 – Cabin Boy (1994)
I have fond memories of watching this dumb comedy as a kid. I loved Chris Elliott in his show “Get a Life” and other great character actors & nobodies at the time (Alfred Molina, Andy Richter, etc.) were in this comedy about a fancy lad (Elliott) who mistakenly boards the wrong ship home to live life as a kept man under his daddy’s Hawaiian hotel empire… and instead finds himself as a stowaway on a fishing vessel… and hijinx ensue. I hadn’t seen this movie since probably… 1997, so I knew I was probably in for a rude awakening as to how bad it was… and man, oh man… it’s pretty bad… and I still enjoyed it. Now, I would’ve told you it was a 10 or 10+ back when I was 13-14 years old… but today…
Rating – 8/10 – I still really enjoyed it… though Chris Elliott does not make the most convincing fancy lad with his beard & looking 52 years old at the time
February 6 – Wolfen (1981)
We watched this movie for an episode of the Bloody Bits Horror Show… and I thought I had seen it a decade ago but… I remembered absolutely nothing about it. For example, Albert Finney is the lead, you get to see Edward James’ Olmos, the first kills of the movie are basically Trump, his wife & his driver… and it’s the first use of Predator POV. Basically there’s a serial killer going around killing people in NYC… and Detective Albert Finney is trying to bring the killer down… but the evidence shows only one logical conclusion… the killer is a werewolf!!! Hijinx ensue… definitely check it out! It’s like… a legit movie given the fairly ridiculous premise.
Rating – 9/10 – There are some parts that drag for “character development” that doesn’t really happen but definitely worth a watch
February 7 – Black Eagle (1988)
This was on Tubi… we hadn’t seen it… and it has super young JCVD as a Russian soldier… and the hero is Sho Kosugi… with his real life kids in it too (and honestly his son kind of being a better actor). I’m IN!!! The story is about a CIA agent (Kosugi undubbed) trying to find a super weapon that crashed into the Mediterranean Sea near Malta… but the KGB are there too. Hijinx ensue. The movie is your standard Cannon Films craziness & we’ll probably talk about it on the podcast some time… but yeah, just kinda craziness all around…
Rating – 8/10 – I’d recommend it if you’re just looking for action & some prime JCVD beef
February 8 – Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)
From the director of Mad Max & Happy Feet comes the answer to the question “What if some lonely chick found a magic lamp with a Djinn that looks like Idris Elba inside… and then wanted to f**k him?!?” What a meet-cute! This movie was an awkward one… as it’s mostly the djinn telling stories of his exes… and a bunch of allegory about wishes, desires, love, all that kind of stuff… and then hijinx ensue… by which I mean, hijinx doesn’t really ensue. This is basically a play… with a lot of over the top effects & stories that… I don’t know, end morally ambiguous but not in a profound way? I don’t know, it just didn’t click with me… but the acting & stuff was great.
Rating – 7/10 – Not my bag… and frankly when the movie ended I responded with “Well… okay?”
February 9 – Red Scorpion (1988)
This is one of those Dolph Lundgren movies that’s… basically a Cannon movie… though they went bankrupt right before it was made. Young Dolph is a Spetsnaz commando (Russian) who’s sent on a mission to infiltrate an African rebel army & assassinate their leader… but has a change of heart halfway through… and hijinx ensue. You’ve got a foulmouthed M. Emmett Walsh as an American journalist & from the director of “Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter” & “Missing in Action” and lots of dummy kills & explosions. I really enjoyed it… but there’s some definite questionable motivations throughout.
Rating – 8/10 – Give it a gander if you’re into Dolph’s sweaty body… or action movies
Have a great week everybody!!!
January Movies - Week 4
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yup, it's February now... and I'll be watching Black Panther: Wakanda Forever tonight... but first...
January 26 – Killer Sally (2022)
This is a new Netflix documentary about the female bodybuilder Sally McNeil, who’s famous for killing her bodybuilder husband on Valentine’s Day 1995. As with most of these kinds of documentaries, there’s obvious ways that the story is told through the first few episodes to sway you one way… and then they bring in the rest of the facts when we get to the trial portion, you know, just to get that reaction… and of course, I’m always wondering what the victim or people specifically left out (or choosing to bow out) of the documentary would have to say but… you know, they’re probably dead or something… or made it a lot simpler. Long story short: Don’t do steroids & get out of toxic relationships. Or go to jail… whatever.
Rating – 8/10 – Still pretty well done getting the information out but… there’s definitely things left out purposely.
January 27 – Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls (1979)
Yup… we’re gearing up for February on the podcast where we’re watching our first adult films. Sure, I’ve seen some pornography in my day… but definitely not a lot. So the theme for the month is to watch a few movies that are recommended to us by our Patreons and… this was the first! You know that stereotypical porn about pizza delivery with “extras” on the side? This one stars John Holmes & a bunch of cute chicks… and there’s also a plot involving a six-foot chicken that sexually assaults people… and a chicken conglomerate trying to run them out of business? It’s nonsense… but the best kind of nonsense & a quintessential example of the Golden Age of Porn.
Rating – 9/10 – There are definitely some things that’ll make you squirm… okay, a LOT… but it’s what you signed up for
January 28 – Once Upon a Girl (1976)
What if Hanna-Barbara did a porn? That’s this movie. I’m not even joking. Mother Goose is on trial (played by Hal Smith) for public indecency & she sees it as the perfect opportunity to tell the REAL stories of Jack & the Beanstalk, Cinderella & Little Red Riding Hood. This movie is… … rough to say the least. There are a lot of points where it’s kind of crass to be crass… and trigger warnings for stuff like rape and whatnot. That being said… yeah, it’s a bad Hanna-Barbara animated porn.
Rating – 6/10 – They REALLY try to drag it out to fill that 80 minute runtime.
January 29 – Dead Heat (1988)
This was a first time watch for me… about two LA detectives (Treat Williams & Joe Piscopo) who are investigating a string of bank robberies to find out that they’re being done… by reanimated corpses / zombies? That leads them to a mysterious company… one of the detectives is killed… and then they bring him back to life. Now he has like… a day to find out why he died (wasn’t he already at the company though) and bring down some bank robbers… and hijinx ensue. Zombie Cop! Now… it sounds ridiculous & stupid… and it absolutely is… but I loved it!!!
Rating – 10/10 – Great action, stupid one-liners, just a fun watch!
January 30 – Madoff: Monster of Wall Street (2023)
This was a 4-hour documentary about Bernie Madoff and how he came to swindle BILLIONS from people… but of course… he didn’t do it alone. Can you name the other people? Of course you can’t… because he was a scapegoat. Great documentary but it just made me mad about the whole economic system & the justice system in general… but then again I’m biased… because I know bringing math into the economy is like bringing science to religion.
Rating – 9/10 – If you don’t know the details, it’s a great way to see how horrible people (and institutions) can be
January 31 – Million Eyes of Sumuru (1967)
Sumuru (played by Bond girl Shirley Eaton) leads an army of superhotties who are basically killing off male leaders & heads of state… and replacing them with her agents… and there’s only a few “secret agents” that can stop her… unfortunately it’s George Nader & Frankie Avalon and… man, this one was a little rough. The male agents are idiots… the plot is pretty whacky… but man, are those girls hot. I’d recommend checking out the Rifftrax version of this James Bond wanna-be.
Rating – 7/10 – Eye candy aplenty…
February 1 – Black Water (2018)
JCVD shows up in an inescapable submarine prison (with Dolph Lundgren in the next cell) and now he must figure out where he is, who has him there, and how he can get out… hijinx ensue. Okay, hijinx like a lot of flashbacks, obvious plot twists & double crosses, some others thrown in just because, female soldiers who paid for medical school by stripping (I assume anyway) and honestly… I thought this was a new movie to me… but watching it, I figured out that I had seen it back when it first came out… but remembered almost nothing important. How would I forget an underwater prison movie?
Rating – 7/10 – This one’s a little rough but… JCVD & Dolph actually share a scene or two!
February 2 – The Astrologer (1975)
Okay, so this movie was part of the Bloodbank for Patreons of the Bloody Bits Horror Show… and I had heard about it last week as one of those “Auteur” films where a guy is the writer/director/star/caterer/financier but had never made a movie before… so I’m expecting some Neil Breen, Tommy Wiseau, John DeHart crap… and boy howdy did I get them all in one 70’s movie with a soundtrack that I can only assume was not paid for! Basically it’s about a guy (Craig Deeney) who starts as a carney tarot card reader… so then he robs a bunch of banks… wins all of the stocks… makes a movie that grosses $145 million (before Star Wars) and has 26 shows on the three channels in syndication… all in like a year… and hijinx ensue. The editing of scenes is absolutely bonkers… like the character you think will be the villain is suddenly & immediately killed, smash cut to him narrating elsewhere about another movie that he’s apparently in now? Not going to lie… the internet went out with 15 minutes left in the movie… and I have no idea what’s going to happen other than it’s probably going to be bat sh*t insane.
Rating – 6/10 – Don’t try to watch it & have it make sense… just assume that everything he said that happened off-screen makes total sense… and it’s still rough. Neil Breen, you HACK!!!
January Movies - Week 3
January Movies - Week 2
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Man, time is flying... we're already almost three weeks into 2023 & I feel like I've done nothing but watch movies & work... oh well...
January 12 – The Hideous Sun Demon (1958)
An atomic research scientist is involved in an accident… and now whenever he’s in the sun, he transforms into a murderous reptilian creature… and then immediately returns to human once he’s back in the shade. Pretty easy peasy, right? Just stay indoors… NOPE! Instead this guy goes barhopping & picking up on a blonde lounge singer who may be owned by a Mafioso pimp… takes her to the beach… oh no, sunrise! Repeat this kind of stupid stuff a few more times until the body count rises… then some other scientists come to cover for him like “It’s not his fault” but it 100% is! Yeah, it’s a Rifftrax… but just like any other bad 50’s sci-fi monster movie.
Rating – 5/10 – Despite being absolutely horrible plotwise, at least it’s quick about it & doesn’t drag out more than 70 minute or so
January 13 – Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (2012)
This movie starts off with a first-person POV scene of a man being awoken by his daughter because there are monsters in the house… and it ends up being JCVD & a few goons who then execute his wife & daughter in front of him. Now this man John (Scott Adkins) is on the vengeance warpath… and hijinx ensue. Now, this movie is entirely too long thanks to a lack of editing & overuse of slow motion… however, I enjoyed it because… okay, I’m certain this wasn’t a Universal Soldier movie when it was written. This was about a cult or something that used mind control & had strong elements of David Lynch with just messing with strobes, perception, changing memories, amnesia… and then instead of cult members they’re like “Oh no, they’re Universal Soldiers who just die a lot easier… because I know JCVD & can get Dolph Lundgren too as long as they’re not in any scenes together” (honestly, Dolph is in three scenes anyway, I think).
Rating – 9/10 – I enjoyed it as a cap to the UniSol UniVerse but… it’s not the ridiculous fun of the first (and some sequels)
January 14 – The Big Lebowski (1998)
I did not like this movie the first time I saw it in 2000 or 2001 late one night at a friend’s house. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because it’s a little slow & the jokes are subtle and parts of it just have people screaming over one another. That being said, I watched it again around 2004… and then again… and then again… and now it’s probably one of my favorite movies. It’s about a slacker (Jeff Bridges) known as the Dude & he gets caught up in a kidnapping plot… and hijinx ensue. Just watch it.
Rating – 10+/10 – I meant what I said… it’s now easily in my Top 5 Movies of All Time
January 15 – The Woman King (2022)
This film is based upon the Dahomey Amazons in Africa… and is set in the 1820’s if I remember right… but essentially it’s the story of a general in the Dahomey army (Viola Davis) and how they attempt to transition from slavery as a chief export to palm oil… but there’s European forces, other tribes… and for some reason Hollywood thinks it has to throw in a mother-daughter angle… and they just f**king don’t. That being said… hijinx ensue… and this movie was great aside from all of the emotional baggage that they try to throw in. You have a female army fighting to protect their way of life… you don’t need kids involved, it’s implied. Also, I couldn’t stop thinking about Capt. Wanda from “Congo” whenever the king (John Boyega) spoke… but he does a great job as well.
Rating – 10/10 – Go check it out!
January 16 – Invasion of the Animal People (1959)
This was an MST3K watch about group of scientists in Switzerland… sorry, Lapland… and they’re investigating a meteor that hit there… but it ends up being an alien vessel… and they release a yeti on them? Yeah, it’s a 50’s sci-fi thing. The acting isn’t great or anything… but good to make fun of.
Rating – 4/10 – Almost nothing made any sense in this movie & it’s 50% stock footage of a plane flying
January 17 – The Human Duplicators (1965)
This was another MST3K watch about a giant alien (Richard Kiel unshaven) who’s mission is to take over Earth by teaming with an earthling scientist to create “duplicates” of humans that they capture (or get DNA from or something?) and turning them into zombies that do their bidding. One catch though… some white guy is going to try to stop them… oh, and the zombies are apparently made out of porcelain or something & break with the greatest of ease.
Rating – 7/10 – Still kind of a fun, dumb movie… and I support Richard Kiel getting work as a fellow giant
January 18 – Legionnaire (1998)
Yes, we are celebrating Jean Claude Van January again on the podcast (almost out of movies for him honestly) and this one has him as a French boxer who pisses off mobsters and gets away from them by joining the French Foreign Legion, who then immediately send him to Morocco for training & hijinx ensue. This movie has a very “Lawrence of Arabia” feel to it with practical fighting on actual locations & that really comes through. The actors look legit miserable at points & joyous at others with even small victories. The story is a little “Really?” at points but overall, worth a watch.
Rating – 8/10 – Beautifully shot & prime straight to video era JCVD
See you next week!!!
January Movies - Week 1
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Okay... another week another bunch of movies... here we go...
January 5 – In Hell (2003)
This was one of the few JCVD movies that I hadn’t seen… and friend of the podcast Michael Bailey Smith starred in it… and it’s a prison movie… so what could go wrong? Well, it wasn’t what I expected. JCVD is thrown into a Russian prison because he killed the man who raped & murdered his pregnant wife… and hijinx ensue. Again, maybe the biggest thing was the expectations going in. I expected JCVD to do some martial arts… and he did some fighting but… more like fist fighting really. There was also even more rape than I was expecting in a prison movie (obviously there’s always some) but this one was like “Hey, has it been five minutes yet? Just to be safe throw Billy Campbell in with somebody to go through him like tissue paper!” It wasn’t a bad movie… though there’s definitely some things that are just ridiculous towards the end. Oh & Lawrence Taylor is the narrator so… odd.
Rating – 8/10 – Not the greatest but not the worst…
January 6 – Magic Christmas Tree (1964)
Okay, this was a crazy movie about a boy who gets a ring from an old witch… which when used in conjunction with a magic Christmas tree grants three wishes… hijinx ensue. This was a Rifftrax Christmas special… and it’s great to laugh at but… as far as a movie goes, there’s really not much here worth mentioning.
Rating – 5/10 – Definitely watch the Rifftrax version
January 7 – Santa’s Summer House (2012)
What happens when you give director David DeCoteau a few grand, a mansion that he filmed like a dozen movies at, and access to 90s actions stars Gary Daniels, Cynthia Rothrock & Daniel Bernhardt for a few hours? You get a movie about a bunch of bitchy people who stumble upon Santa’s Summer House and they can work their stuff out (or not) while Santa is played by Robert Mitchum’s son. Hijinx ensue… but not really. It’s about 40% establishing shots at the beach or a different angle of the mansion that you’ve seen in a bunch of other sh*tty movies.
Rating – 5/10 – Nice to see these actors getting work… but about the only bright spot is Cynthia Rothrock at least trying to do something.
January 8 – Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)
The 2nd cinematic adventure of the world’s greatest detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) as he goes to a murder mystery party involving Dave Bautista, Edward Norton, Kate Hudson, Janelle Monae, Jessica Henwick, Kathryn Hahn, Leslie Odom jr and a few other cameos… but he wasn’t invited… hijinx ensue. This movie was written & directed by Rian Johnson (“The Last Jedi”) who did the original “Knives Out” too and… basically it’s just a lot of fun. It’s on Netflix, check it out. I don’t want to spoil anything.
Rating – 10/10 – Even if you know who did what… it’s still a lot of fun
January 9 – The Dark (1979)
This movie is interesting because… the first 80 minutes or so of the movie have absolutely nothing to do with the last five minutes. Basically my understanding of this movie… is Tobe Hooper helped with filming movie to give it a creepy feel because… well, it was a movie about a serial killer going around and killing young ladies in Los Angeles. You have William Devane playing Stephen King who’s looking for his daughter’s killer while also trying to hook up with a newswoman played by Cathy Lee Crosby (the blonde “Wonder Woman” from the 70’s TV movie). Apparently right before the movie was about to be released though… this movie called “Alien” comes up & is amazing… so to capitalize on aliens being successful in movies, they decide to make the serial killer a f**king werewolf with laser beam eyes and add some BS at the beginning of the movie about there being thousands of planets with millions of species just in our universe… so what if one showed up here on Earth? Okay… so how did it get here? Spaceship? Is it just trying to eat by… mauling bodies of women? I can grasp that a hairy humanoid with laser beam eyes is a potential special that came down from another planet, I’ve seen ALL the Predators… but you can’t just have him show up wearing flannel & jeans in the last five minutes of the movie and take out the LAPD because… science?
Rating – 7/10 – That being said… I still kind of enjoyed just how f**king pointless most of the movie is… then it takes a sudden turn at the end
January 10 – Fun in Balloon Land (1965)
Speaking of pointless… this was a Rifftrax watch… and it starts off with about 15-20 minutes of some guys who owns some giant parade balloons in a warehouse… and I can only assume having his kids attempt to reenact nursery rhymes with the giant balloons… and then we get about 30 minutes of a parade in Philadelphia narrated by… I can only assume is his cracked-out niece who’s not even seeing the parade, probably just reading stuff & feigning excitement… and then a kid wakes up & it was all a dream. The end.
Rating – 4/10 – Rifftrax helps… but it can only do so much
January 11 – Zindy the Swamp Boy (1973)
This movie is a Rene Cardona jr directed movie about a fugitive grandpa (played by Rene Cardona III) who lives in the swamp with his grandson Zindy… oh & he has a chimp because it’s the jungle too. The first part is the grandpa teaching Zindy to survive in the jungle/swamp… then the grandpa passes away… and Zindy has to fend for himself… and hijinx ensue. This movie was… actually kind of fun to watch (especially with Rifftrax) because it’s kind of a Mowgli / Huck Finn character with a monkey… but then the ending had me laughing out loud for all the wrong reasons.
Rating – 9/10 – Rifftrax will help for some slower parts… but I recommend if you’re a sicko like me
Until next week, true believers!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing