April Movies - Week 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Here's what happened this last week...

Apr 1 – Cyborg (1989)
 
Yes, the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie!!! Post-apocalyptic future… he’s a slinger who gets people out of the city & into the boonies… flashbacks to his past life… a cyborg holding the key to a cure to a worldwide pandemic… damn near mythologically strong bad guys… Cannon films’ final hurrah that was apparently pieced together from the Masters of the Universe sequel & Spiderman movie that were nixed because of their bankruptcy… you know what this is…
 
Rating – 9/10 – For a 90 minute movie some parts are slow… but I unapologetically enjoy this flick
 
Apr 2 – Primal Rage: The Legend of Konga (2018)
 
This one is for an upcoming episode of the podcast (obviously with Konga in the name) but it’s also known as Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn apparently (how it’s listed on Peacock) and it’s basically about a couple who hit someone on a highway in Oregon… but then are stalked by a mysterious forest creature who’s been taking out locals for years. It’s directed by a guy who specializes in special effects and… without giving too much away, I’d recommend it. The characters are a little… one-note, but it had serious “The Descent” vibes with atmosphere & whatnot… and pays, let’s say, homage to other horror movies & tropes

Rating – 9/10 – I’d watch it again… but probably fast forward through some parts to get to the point.
 
Apr 3 – The Conqueror (1958)
 
You may have heard about this movie… it’s the one where John Wayne plays Genghis Khan & it was shot in an area of Utah that had recently been used in nuclear bomb tests by producer Howard Hughes… and hijinx ensue. Now, I like this movie primarily because John Wayne’s performance is awkward as all hell, and it’s the epitome of whitewashing in movies. However, I also stumbled upon that there was an early 90s version of this movie with Richard Tyson as Genghis Khan (think bad guy in “Kindergarten Cop”) with Charlton Heston as his father… so it almost happened a generation later too. Anyway, if you can find it (I had to purchase a copy on a JW pack) give it a look… but don’t judge it before you watch it.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Judge it AFTER you’ve watched it.
 
Apr 4 – Innerspace (1987)
 
I had watched this one a bunch as a kid & wanted to see it again after watching the “In Search of Tomorrow” documentary. Directed by Joe Dante (“Gremlins”) and starring Martin Short, Dennis Quaid & Meg Ryan along with a host of other great character actors… and it’s basically about a test pilot (Quaid) being shrunk down & accidentally injected into an idiot (Short) and hijinx ensue. Think “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” but more fun adult like most Joe Dante movies are.
 
Rating – 9/10 – The effects are pretty fun & Robert Picardo is amazing as The Cowboy!
 
Apr 5 – Raiders of Atlantis (1987)
 
Okay, this one was recommended by Tubi based on our viewing the Bronx Warriors. Also known as “Atlantis Interceptors” and a few other names, it’s basically about an ancient relic being found, Atlantis resurfaces or something, and boom boom hijinx ensue! It’s an Italian production though there’s supposed to be Russian & set in Miami or the Caribbean but… yeah, it’s okay at best.
 
Rating – 6/10 – I was bored at some points… and when you’re about 90 minutes long, you can’t be boring.
 
Apr 6 – Mistress of the Apes (1979)
 
We found this movie a few years ago on Amazon Prime when we were watching a lot of Ape movies (like we are this month in Ape-ril) & did an episode about it on the podcast. It’s just what I think of when I think of Grindhouse movie. It starts with a hospital robbery… so a woman miscarries… while her husband is lost in the African jungle… so she goes with a seedy photographer, his bitter wife & a hunter to find him… and then they stumble upon a society of the missing link… and THEN it gets a little weird! Okay, if you’re intrigued, here’s where you find it now… if you have a Roku, get the channel Midnight Pulp & search for it! The copy of it is pretty good, maybe even better than when it was on Amazon!
 
Rating – 9/10 – It’s just a crazy weird movie… and the two songs on the soundtrack are BANGERS!!!
 
Apr 7 – The Batman (2022)
 
To finish off this week, we FINALLY watched “The Batman” from the director of “The Pallbearer” but also good things (Matt Reeves who did the Planet of the Apes remakes & “Let Me In” as well). This movie is 3 hours long & kind of picks up year two of Bruce Wayne/Batman’s vigilante justice… so it kind of skips over the origin story & motivations to assume you know what you’re getting into… as at this point, it probably should. The performances were pretty good… the atmosphere was dark & bleek… Colin Farrell was great in limited screen time as The Penguin but now gets his own spin-off… but I would kind of put it in the middle Batman movies. It’s not genuinely great like The Dark Knight or great twisted brooding fun like Batman Returns… but it certainly isn’t the trash fire of Batman & Robin.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Maybe I need to watch it again… but the movie kind of fell apart for me when Paul Dano was in the movie.

Cyborg over The Batman?!? Surely I'm insane... but they're both good in different ways... that's why you're reading this, right? Come check us out at Brewview Ogden this Wednesday, April 13th for a special FREE screening of "Link"!!! Hit us up at @EILFMovies for details!!!

​Steve & Izzy