Bad Movies, Good Beer, Funny Third Thing
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Just a heads up... but I might be super busy the next few weeks... but hey, what else is new? I may not be able to watch a bunch of movies, that's what! In the meantime though, here's a healthy dose... January 24 – Carry-On (2024) It’s a Christmas action movie where a TSA x-ray machine operator (Taron Egerton) gets an earpiece from a mysterious terrorist (Jason Bateman? Really?) who basically says let a package go through or people start dying… I guess forgetting that if the package goes through a LOT of people die… but hey, it’s someone you care about as opposed to hundreds of others (which I get). What happens is kinda tense action movie hijinx… but at the same time you kind of know how it’s going to end up… and I enjoyed it! I went in with zero expectations… and it was fairly entertaining. Jason Bateman in particular was pretty good as the creepy voice (and eventually beige-ish dude)… but I watch a lot of action movies… so how did it fair? Rating – 9/10 – Very good, check it out on Netflix January 25 – Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (2024) Followed that up with another Netflix exclusive, the long anticipa… long gestating… ugh, basically the 4th Beverly Hills Cop movie a scant 30+ years since the 3rd one. Eddie Murphy reprises his role as the Detroit cop who still hasn’t retired… but gets caught up in some Beverly Hills hijinx when he gets a call from an old friend (Judge Reinhold) while an attempt is also made on the life of his estranged daughter, whose a lawyer defending a death row case… and yeah, he’s gotta get to the bottom of this… hilarious vigilante style. Look, the original BHC is one of my favorite VHS tapes from when I was a kid & I saw it HUNDREDS of times… gladly. This one played like a Force Awakens with all the callbacks & cameos but… did it hit? Rating – 8/10 – It hit for me… not great & the daughter’s character wasn’t the greatest… but hey, check it out if you like the original January 26 – The Legend of Zorro (2005) This is the 2nd Antonio Banderas Zorro movie… or as I like to call it, “The Mummy Returns” of the franchise where they have to add the annoying kid because otherwise it’s just Zorro having a d**k measuring contest with a local duke or whatever (Rufus Sewell) over his ex-wife… but she’s actually an undercover agent for the US government as there’s some Old West shenanigans involving statehood, superweapons & everything short of the giant robot spider from Wild Wild West. That being said… I liked it of course. Catherine Zeta-Jones is stunning. There’s a reason that Rufus Sewell spent nearly 20 years as Hollywood pompous bad guy with a highly punchable face. The action is decent. Really the only things that lack are the story a bit… and the kid. Again, Mummy Returns with the kid & when Evie becomes the reincarnation of Nephratiti… Rating – 9/10 – Fun, dumb watch but not as good as the original January 27 – Night of the Comet (1984) Yes, the classic story from the 80’s starring friend of the podcast Catherine Mary Stewart about two hot sisters (along with Barbara Crampton) who are stuck in a mysterious apocalypse where everybody seemed to be raptured by a comet… and their only friend is Chikotay from Star Trek Voyager… and hijinx ensue when they find out that there’s also zombies & scientists after them. I don’t want to go too deep into this movie, but you should definitely watch it. It’s dumb 80’s fun and just kooky enough to get you through the current end times… Rating – 9/10 – Also, feel free to check out our interview with Catherine Mary Stewart on Everything I Learned from Movies! She’s the best!!! January 28 – Final Impact (1992) When a former kickboxing champion (Lorenzo Lamas) starts training a young fighter (Michael Worth) to become the champion… against his former rival… everything should be pretty easy peasy… except for the alcoholism & emotional issues of the former champion. That’s… honestly like 80% of the movie is just Lorenzo Lamas being a douche & apologizing… and the fight scenes are pretty ridiculous and shot in dance clubs during the day… can’t lie… not a whole lot of fun which was weird coming from the director of RAGE, The Sweeper & director or producer on DOZENS of 80’s & 90’s schlock action movies… but yeah, this left a little to be desired. Rating – 6/10 – Not as crazy as Snake Eater… and not as charismatic as Renegade in the Lamas Library January 29 – Buchanan Rides Alone (1958) Randolph Scott stars in this western about a man who has finally saved up enough money to go back to Texas and buy a ranch… but along the way he stops in the corrupt town of Agry, which is ran by the Agry family… and they basically steal his money & frame him for murder. Hijinx ensue as Randolph Scott has to get out of it… and yeah, it’s a western and I had a lot of fun… nothing too much to elaborate on other than you can see why Randolph Scott was such a thing in the 50’s because he has great charisma & not really sure if it’s him or the character that just seems to be doing circles around everybody… Rating – 7/10 – It’s a step-by-step western… you’ll like it or you won’t January 30 – Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster (1965) Okay… here’s the IMDb synopsis on this one… “A Martian princess & doctor replace the women on Mars, destroyed by atomic war, by raiding Puerto Rico while a shot down android terrorizes all.” Okay, so to translate that a bit… basically Mars needs Moms (women specifically for breeding purposes) so they go to Puerto Rico to… let’s say traffic some back home… but along the way they shoot down a NASA shuttle that has an android inside named Frank Sanders who I guess is the Frankenstein of this movie… and hijinx ensue when Frank tries to stop the Martians. This movie is nuts… and very obviously brought to you by the Puerto Rican board of tourism as the doctors explaining things have long scenes of them driving around… but the doctor (James Karen) has had an amazing career since this (his debut) and was even the Berkeley dean in… wait for it… 1995’s CONGO!!! Rating – 7/10 – Kind of a dumb silly watch but… LOTS of stock footage Until next time, true believers!!! Steve
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... and included an emergency pulpectomy leading to future root canal... perfect way to start a certain four-year timeframe... so here are some movies we saw... January 17 – Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993) One of the greatest musical comedies ever constructed… if you haven’t seen it, then you probably weren’t alive in the 90’s… watch it!!! Rating – 10+/10 – I remember seeing this in theatres when it came out… no regrets watching it a few dozen/hundred times in my life January 18 – Joker: Folie a Deux (2024) Alright, so the first “Joker” made a billion dollars back when movies made a billion dollars pretty regularly… so director Todd Phillips was given a blank check for the sequel that he didn’t want to do… and he decided to do “Natural Born Killers: The Musical” and EVERYONE WAS SURPRISED THAT NOBODY WANTED THAT FOR JOKER 2?!? HOW?!? That being said… I didn’t like the first “Joker” really… it was meh at best… but now I simply HAD to see the sequel (as long as I wasn’t paying for it). It was… … … okay. Look, if you go in expecting a superhero movie, or even an anti-hero movie… you’re going to be disappointed. The movies are more character pieces… and this one is a glimpse into the mind of a deranged sociopath & his deranged sociopath girlfriend who may or may not exist (like the first movie? Spoilers? Though not really?) and hijinx ensue. Did I enjoy the movie? Not really… there was a lot of… sigh… why make this movie 2.5 hours when you’re purposely drawing out for runtime? There are definitely some good, interesting moments & scenes but… Rating – 6/10 – Really seemed like Todd Phillips has earned his money & now only wants meager funding for his future projects January 19 – Pale Rider (1985) This is a Clint Eastwood western about a family being run off their gold panning property by outlaws working for the rich man who owns everything else in town… so the daughter prays to God for some help… and along comes a preacher to help out (Eastwood) but… he may have some history that could come back to haunt them. Okay… spoilers… he’s a ghost? He’s like… I don’t know… Spawn sent back from the dead to help this family & exact vengeance on the man who wronged him… so like a fighting angel in a western… but honestly, I was okay with this movie. I had never seen it before & it’s all the usual western tropes… and then towards the end of act two you start thinking “Wait… are they really going with this angle? The angel angle?” Michael Moriarty is the… I don’t know boyfriend of the woman who owns the gold panning property & he’s good… and yeah, lots of the usual suspects from other westerns… did it hit? Rating – 8/10 – Not bad but… yeah, just kind of a weird twist on an otherwise typical western January 20 – Cannonball! (1976) So after Death Race 2000 came out in 1975 & was a pretty big hit… Roger Corman & David Carradine did a few more of these “Underground Race Across America” movies… and Cannonball here was the next one, though set in modern day where Death Race was a more dystopian not-too-distant future setting… and in case you’re wondering YES, the Cannonball run movies came out afterwards in ’81 & ’84 (HACKS!!!). This movie though… was basically your standard fare with soup-up cars, really one-note characters, a van full of ladies who get topless, corrupt cops & officials, DC being the infallible leading man, all kinds of shenanigans & a lot of dumb fun. Perfect movie? Oh of course not… there’s a LOT of rough edges & pointless nonsense to fill the 90 minutes… but was it fun? Rating – 7/10 – It was okay… seemed like a cash-grab carbon-copy of Death Race 2000 but without the over-the-top stuff January 21 – Legend of Billie Jean (1985) The story of a cute Texan girl Billie Jean (Helen Slater) who gets sexually assaulted by a local business owner, so her brother (Christian Slater, though no relation) shoots him… and then they’re on the run from the law... with overnights at abandoned amusement parks & sheriff Peter Coyote smelling something wasn’t exactly ethical about the situation… and hijinx ensue when all the youth of the Gulf Coast see Billie Jean as some sort of Joan of Arc… or let’s face it… guys, this movie is basically the story of Luigi shooting CEO Brian Thompson… but in the 80’s & instead of the business owner dying, he lives to confess Murder She Wrote style and there’s a happy (though confusing) ending. It is NOT a great movie. In fact, I think they forget halfway through if there was supposed to be a point to the movie but… eh, how do I rate it? Rating – 7/10 – Would love to talk in depth on the podcast about this one but… it’s a boggler January 22 – Snake Eater (1989) Lorenzo Lamas is a Marine (apparently the name refers to his elite squadron) but now he becomes a cop… and when his parents are killed in a “boat accident” where we see it’s backwoods hillbillies that blew up their boat & kidnapped his sister… he looks for answers… and finds hijinx. This is a dumb late 80’s action movie obviously… and it ends in vigilante justice (but hey, when the justice system isn’t there to help…) and everything is pretty ridiculous… and after watching five seasons of “Renegade” this is just like a special episode of it with slightly more rape… so what’s the score? Rating – 6/10 – Podcast worthy… there are some insane leaps of faith that you have to take… but what do you expect from a movie called “Snake Eater”? January 23 – The Equalizer 3 (2023) After a vigilante justice event goes sideways at the beginning of the movie, Robert (Denzel Washington) has basically decided to retire in a beautiful town on the Amalfi Coast… but wouldn’t you know it, the Mafia is there & trying to strongarm his newfound neighbors… and hijinx ensue. The scenery is beautiful, the action scenes are pretty good for featuring a man in his late 60’s, it’s obviously violent so be warned about that… but yeah, if you liked the first two movies you’d like the 3rd… Rating – 8/10 – At least it’s easy to look at… We're going to make it through this... somehow! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Been a long busy week... but I'm starting off my four-day weekend by going to the dentist for the first time in about 20 years. Don't look at me like that! I brush twice a day & never had issues before... anyway, here are some movies I watched... January 10 – A Christmas Story (1983) Again, had seen it a few times growing up… and remember how it’s basically a bunch of random skits thrown together but somehow work because of nostalgia… and let’s face it… the movie is super cute. Completely overrated for what it is but… hey, as long as it hits the feels & there’s a little bit of nostalgia for parents, the holidays or anything that touches you, it probably pulls you into the rest of it. So does it work for me? Rating – 9/10 – Yeah, it kinda does the trick… January 11 – Alien from LA (1989) So… for some reason, I was under the impression that this Albert Pyun movie was “An alien comes to Earth disguised as Kathy Ireland & hijinx ensue” but… I was WAY off! Instead she’s a “NERD” because she has a squeaky voice, glasses & hair in a ponytail… and when she tries to find her estranged father, she apparently walks into the basement that’s also a journey to the center of the Earth, complete with some sort of wild dystopian society going on… and then hijinx ensue. I’m not going to lie… this movie was a LOT better than I was expecting. Obviously it suffers from all the Albert Pyun touches making it kind of a waking dream/nightmare at certain points on the budget of a 3rd grade theatre production… and the little character intricacies (specifically Kathy’s voice) can be VERY irritating but… I’d gladly watch it again (if just to try to piece the story together). Rating – 8/10 – I highly recommend the Vinegar Syndrome Blu Ray… so at least you can see what’s going on, less understanding it all January 12 – Cannibal! The Musical (1993) Speaking of Vinegar Syndrome, I watched their recently released 4K UHD version from the original print for one of my favorite movies of all time… from the creators of South Park back when they were in college, and yes it’s a musical about the historical drama of frontiersman Alfred Packer who… let’s just say probably ate some people during his Old West adventures goldpanning in Colorado Territory. The songs? Amazing & hilarious. The acting? As perfectly bad as it needs to be… come on, it’s a comedy first, musical second, historically accurate eighth. If you haven’t seen it, give it a gander… Rating – 10+/10 – There’s a reason that I paid $40 for this version of a beloved movie I already have several copies of on various formats January 13 – My Science Project (1985) Did you know that there were TWO time traveling teenager movies made in 1985? Yes, we all know & love Back to the Future… but there was also this one starring John Stockwell & Fisher Stevens as teenagers who find a strange orb at an old military facility… and decide it’d make a great science project… and hilarity ensues. Plot? It’s from the writer/director of Theodore Rex… and these were basically the only movies he did twelve years apart. The effects? Eh, not bad for an 80’s flick but… honestly the most irritating thing is Fisher Stevens’ character… and it seems the director was OBSESSED with having him front & center as the comic relief… but forgot to add jokes? I don’t know… check it out if you haven’t because if anything, it shows why some movies like Back to the Future are fondly remembered when they’re basically the same story as other movies that just don’t click. Rating – 7/10 – Worth a watch… that’s about it… might talk about on the podcast one day January 14 – Karate Cop (1991) Speaking of the podcast, we’re talking post-apocalyptic movies in 2025 & this one was brought to us by Matt of Movie Melt Podcast… about the last cop on Earth & his latest adventure in the wasteland (apparently this is a sequel to “Omega Cop”) where he gets involved with a woman & her band of refugee kids as they’re being attacked by a gang… and they also have a teleporter (WHAT?) that just needs the last crystal to work (WHAT?) so a side mission is involved… and hijinx ensue when we find bartender David Carradine. This is a definite grindbin movie with cheap production values, but everybody is at least trying, whether it’s being a straight-man because you have no charisma… or going over the top because you’re the villain… it’s a lot of dumb fun… and did I mention there’s a teleporter involved?!? AND KARATE?!? Rating – ???/10 – Find out on Everything I Learned from Movies what we thought about it!!! January 16 – Intrepidos Punks (1988) Based on the poster art, I was sure that this was another post-apocalyptic movie… with let’s just say flamboyantly dressed characters on motorcycles terrorizing a town… so I was expecting Mexican Mad Mex… a Mad Mex if you will. Instead… it’s the story of a group of intrepid (adventurous) punks who wear a wide range of outfits from the wrestling and S&M catalogs while stealing, running a muck & selling drugs… but there’s also a corrupt police department in modern day (80’s) Mexico… and hijinx ensue when they start cutting into each other’s livelihood. So… there was a LOT of sex scenes in this movie… and at times fairly graphic… which is odd when you’re watching with your mother-in-law expecting a bit of a romp… and about the only thing that I really LOVED about the movie was the outfits & the NGAF attitudes… but overall? Rating – 5/10 – It’s a little rough… BUT there’s also a sequel… and I’m not gonna lie… I might just hafta check it out soon Until next time, True Believers!!! Good Afternoon & Happy New Year!!!
Still going one day at a time... work is consistent... so is the movie watching... January 1 – Dune: Prophecy (2024) This is a six-episode series that takes place in the Dune Universe… but 10,000 years before the events of Dune… yet also have all the same families involved in the story… where you might be like “Oh Jesus, everybody gotta be a Skywalker even though this was 300 generations before Anakin & Luke” and… you wouldn’t be wrong. However, keep in mind the concepts of royalty & generational wealth and… add the oppression of intergalactic technology & the McGuffin powers of the spice mélange and… okay, you can still kinda see how this might be a thing. Anyway, the Bene Gessuit (space witches) are starting their plan to infiltrate all the powerful families of the universe & mold society to their whims and create a more perfect society with a perfect ruler… and then hijinx ensue when things don’t go as planned & betrayal is a thing. You may be aware that… I really enjoy the Dune universe. Am I an expert? Of course not. So the question comes… do I recommend watching this six-hour movie about treachery, alliances & family bonds? Rating – 10/10 – I really do… and I’m intrigued where a season two would go with how it ends… but yeah, if you like the Dune movies/universe then definitely check it out January 3 – The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024) So remember a few weeks ago when we watched “Domino” and I complained about it being loosely based on a true story… well, this one is based on a true story… but the casting was done by Michael Bay too (or Guy Ritchie, the director) about a motley crew of English operatives and/or criminals who were sent on a secret mission to Africa during WWII to destroy U-boat resources & turn the war back in England’s favor (and I guess convince the US to join too?) and yeah, it’s what you expect from a Guy Ritchie war movie. There’s plenty of one-liners, big explodies, jacked up dudes covered in gun butter (Superman & Reacher among them), Nazis getting blown up & the inexplicably hot woman in the film getting a LOT of screen time… and yeah, I thought it was dumb fun. The real story it’s based on is apparently what Ian Fleming based the character of James Bond on but… I mean, when you see the real people at the end & some guy that looks like DJ Qualls is portrayed by Henry Cavill, you know that’s it more movie than documentary or anything. Rating – 8/10 – Still a bunch of fun because you realize what you’re getting into January 5 – The Hobbit (1977) Yes, the 75 minute animated classic that they turned into 8-9 hours of movies a decade or so ago… but yeah, Bilbo Baggins going on a magical journey to take out the dragon Smaug & give the dwarves their home back… and hijinx ensue when the wizard they brought keeps randomly disappearing… you know, for plot reasons. The animation is great, voice acting too… and thankfully the story moves at a SUPER clip… but I assume that’s because doing animation for a 75 minute movie is more cost effective than doing it for 120 minutes or something. Rating – 7/10 – I enjoyed it… but didn’t grow up with it & has its limitations January 7 – Christmas Twister (2012) Casper Van Dien leads this movie about a storm chasing dad who hasn’t been spending time with his family… and then a bunch of twisters start hitting the city & nobody believes his predictions because there was one time he said there’d be tornadoes & it was meh… look, it’s an Asylum movie… and the most telling part of this movie & how dull it is… the opening credits… THE TITLE IS MISPELLED!!! AND THEY DIDN’T GO BACK AND CHANGE IT!!! ON ANY LEVEL!!! IN ANY VERSION!!! So I guess technically… I’m talking about CHRISTAMS TWISTER instead of Christmas Twister… Rating – 5/10 – Even less compelling than “Twisters” which is a pale comparison to “Twister” and barely a Christmas movie (cuz it’s a Christams movie) January 9 – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) So… I had seen this once or twice as a kid… but it really wasn’t a staple per se around Christmas time. The timeless story of the Griswolds just trying to get through the holidays in their palatial estate in suburban Chicago… and then all of their family arrive to stay for a week or two… and even the unexpected family… and Clark keeps wanting everything to be perfectly over-the-top but hijinx ensue… but this year the part that stuck was the waiting for a Christmas bonus that’s not going to come. Spoilers… but then again, a $20 gift card to a place I don’t go like Starbucks? Or did they really have Christmas bonuses in the Reagan years for non-C-Level employees that was enough to put a $7500 deposit on a pool? I asked my parents (government worker & nurse) and the answer was a hardy laugh… and today you’re lucky to get pizza… but how does the movie hold up? Rating – 9/10 – Still a fun watch… even though I found myself personifying with the DINK neighbors who did nothing wrong but kept getting screwed over See y'all next week!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Well, another year has come & gone... 2024 is finally over but 2025 is here now... and he/she/it ain't f**king around... so prepare yourself... by watching movies, I guess? December 27 – Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) Yes, the sequel some 37 years after the original… and they bring back most of the original cast (Keaton, Ryder, O’Hara) and add some new faces (Jenna Ortega and Monica Bellucci) and… okay, the story is kind of whatever. Basically the father dies (wasn’t asked back & you probably know why) and the family is reunited there… and Lydia has a ghost talk show or something… and her daughter is at boarding school… and the mom is still insane… and drama ensues when the daughter is tricked into giving up her life for a cute boy ghost next door and… you’ve seen the latest Ghostbusters & how dumb that was, right? Yeah… more of that… but meanwhile Beetlejuice is being chased by his ex-wife… and hijinx ensue. I don’t know… this one didn’t grab me at all. Yeah, there are funny & nostalgic moments but… everybody sucks in this movie. You know, the characters I mean… and the whole thing didn’t make sense… but still waiting for the next great Tim Burton movie since Sleepy Hollow… Rating – 7/10 – Just kinda meh… December 28 – AfrAId (2024) A family tests out a new AI home assistant system… and hijinx ensue as it always does. That’s the story. Sound familiar? Well, this one has John Cho (Harold & Kumar) as the dad… and the AI starts off as kinda good at first… but then as it develops he finds out the sinister truth behind it… and guys, I’m going to try not to spoil it in case you want to watch it but… liberties are taken with reality towards the 3rd act. The whole movie comes off as kind of a scare piece for AI (which it should be) but at the same time it’s to the level of Reefer Madness being a scare piece for weed… it starts with AI becoming a vengeful friend & escalates from there. Again, just didn’t grip me… but decent performances & such. Rating – 7/10 – Guys, why invite one of these narcs into your home? December 29 – The Last Man on Earth (1964) 2025 we’re celebrating the Year of the Apocalypse on the podcast… and a pretty important post-apocalyptic movie in the history of cinema is when Vincent Price was the last man on earth, living in an empty Rome, going door to door slaying zombie-vampires or something & then realizing that he might not be the last person on Earth… and hijinx ensue. This movie is a classic for so many things… post apocalyptic movies with real thought behind it… introducing zombies in a way to the movie masses (though they’re called vampires but… I mean, watch the movie) and just bringing up interesting points in a sixty year old movie that somehow resonate differently after 2020… but will it still grip Steve after all these years? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on Everything I Learned from Movies with a first-time guest, artist & podcaster Steve Stones!!! December 30 – Bad Boys: Ride or Die (2024) The 4th installation of the Bad Boys universe (but unfortunately they ruined the title Bad Boys 4 Life with the 3rd installation because they had NO idea it was going to be a hit?) starts off with Will Smith & Martin Lawrence STILL as Miami’s most amazing cops even though they’re both in their late-50’s/early 60’s? Spoilers… Martin Lawrence has a heart attack… then somebody tries to smear the name of their deceased former captain (Joey Pants) and then… I swear Will Smith had a heart attack too… but they say panic attack… and then they’re framed for shenanigans & hijinx ensue as they must then become fugitives to clear names. Look… this is an action movie & it delivers on that… over the top set pieces, lots of camera movements, explosions, one-liners, Michael Bay even has a cameo since it’s basically the next generation of him directing it… but does that style hold up? Rating – 8/10 – I really enjoyed it being a fan of the genre… but it’s all stuff that you’ve seen before so can be tedious… Reggie gets his respect though… December 31 – Red One (2024) Santa has been kidnapped by terrorists or something from his North Pole compound… and now his elvish head of security (The Rock) needs to join forces with the hacker that helped the terrorists (Captain America) and hijinx ensue… Now… you know this is going to be a dumb action movie with plenty of attempted humor for the kids. If you go in with that frame of mind… you know, the whole “movie gotta movie” and “oh yeah, of course that’s totally a thing, enough said” mentality… it can be entertaining. Plenty of Christmas gags, just ‘roided out & over the top is you would expect in… basically a Christmas superhero movie. I would say that there are twists & turns… but again, it’s mostly just the whole “Oh yeah… I guess in a world where that’s a thing, it makes sense that’s what happened from the beginning, had I known such a thing was possible like everybody else seems to know” but would I recommend watching it? Rating – 7/10 – Sure, why not? Honestly… I’m forgetting a lot of this movie already other than JK Simmons as Santa & the waitress from Sunny in Philadelphia was in this Have a happy & safe New Year's tonight & we're all looking forward to seeing you in 2025!!! Steve & Izzy Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
...and a Merry Christmas / Hannukah to you all... or however you celebrate! Yes, it's Christmas Eve... and we're celebrating in the best way possible... watching movies between running all over town to get those final gifts & see our loved ones! Here are a few that we've seen... December 19 – Madame Web (2024) Okay, so we’re trying to catch up on 2024 movies… including some of the bad ones that we’d missed earlier this year now that they’re at least free… and this movie… is easily one of the stupidest f**king movies that I’ve seen in a while… maybe ever! This is part of the Sony Marvel Spiderman Universe that they don’t even know if it’s connected! The Venom movies, Morbius, this & I’m just going to assume Kraven coming this week are at best a throwback to the ridiculous 80’s & 90’s comic book movies that just… are made to hopefully grab a few bucks from kids & the families that have to bring them… except NOBODY asked for this movie… not even the kids… especially not the teenage girls that it’s aimed at as a coming together of girl power against some random dude that nobody has heard of in a story that is so unbelievably cliché & pointless that it’s hard to watch without mocking constantly. Believe me, I went in with the best of intentions for this movie… but it just seems like nobody involved even cared in their performance. Even Adam Scott as Ben Parker (FOR SOME REASON?!?) was palatable at best. Rating – 3/10 – That being said… if you’re a fan of train wrecks, go ahead & watch it! December 20 – In a Violent Nature (2024) Next up was an interesting one… your basically by-the-numbers 80’s slasher flick… but exclusively from the point of view of the slasher. What an interesting concept! Honestly… it was done pretty well too. You hear all the exposition scenes kind of being done in the distance as the slasher slowly creeps up on the house… or lake… or whatever… every cliché is hit… the kills are impressive & creative (the yoga girl in particular) and a great movie for horror fans. That being said… there are long stretches of the movie where it’s just the slasher slowly trotting through the forest (over the course of several days) which are beautifully shot but seem to just be there to get to the 90 minute runtime needed… and frankly, the ending kind of craps the bed… but again, getting it to 80-90 minutes with a simple concept like that can be tough. So would I recommend it? Rating – 8/10 – If you’re a horror fan, absolutely… otherwise, you’re probably going to be checking your watch a few times… December 21 – I Saw the TV Glow (2024) Next up was this one that came highly recommend from a few people who know movies… and it’s about a teenage boy (who I’m pretty sure is supposed to be autistic or at least on the spectrum) and he’s introduced to this 90’s TV show called The Pink Opaque by a teenage girl & it’s her absolute favorite… and they both have interesting family lives… but then things start getting a little strange… and then she disappears after a house fire & presumed dead… but then she comes back… and hijinx ensue… especially when she says that she’s been IN THE SHOW for the last decade. Okay, I get… that this movie is a metaphor… about youth, aging, time passing differently, trauma & the inability to process it, all kinds of stuff like that… so it’s a drama that’s beautifully shot & has some minor innovations. However, by the end of the movie, I was certain of two things… I’m not sure that Justice Smith can act… and this movie just did not get me like it did so many others (90+% on RT) and when the credits start to roll… I felt like they just forgot to do the last 10-15 minutes of the movie. Rating – 5/10 – Not going to be high on my 2024 awards… but not a bad watch December 22 – Subservience (2024) Megan Fox is a robomaid who falls for the husband of the house… and hijinx ensue. That’s the movie. Sure, there is some heavy handed plot ideas about AI & automatization of not just labor tasks like construction… but also rearing children and stuff like that… but let’s be real… it’s about a robomaid… the husband gets drunk one night & gets coaxed into banging it while his wife is in the hospital for a heart ailment… she goes SWF & learns how to override her controls… and by the end of the movie… well, there probably won’t be a sequel… but there could be. It’s exactly what you think it’s going to be. That being said… not too bad… just a dumb cyber thriller with ridiculous moments. Rating – 7/10 – I almost feel like I didn’t even have to watch the full movie to know beat for beat what was going to happen, but sometimes that’s what you want December 23 – Strange Darling (2024) A guy & a girl meet up… and discuss the rules for their “engagement” at a local motel… and hijinx ensue. That’s about all I’m going to say… other than the story is told in six chapters… but obviously not in order, in order to confuse the watcher (but didn’t really work for at least one viewer). The central character does a great job of playing a serial killer… and the side characters are very good at being one-dimensional… but just be warned, this is a bloody horror movie… and I liked it… but I can also see why some people are meh on it… Rating – 8/10 – An interesting character study more than anything… but also intense at times December 24 – Heretic (2024) Two Mormon missionary ladies go to a man’s house (Hugh Grant) and hijinx ensue when they realize that they’ve been locked into his iron maze of creepy theological discussion & terror. Simple premise, just a handful of actors (including a day of work from Topher Grace), genuinely creepy moments, and interesting ideas on the same level as a YouTube one-sided discussions (yes, we know that all religions are BS… or are they? They are) but if you’re into horror flicks, I’d recommend it. Not great but pretty good… and the performances are decent. Rating – 8/10 – Hugh Grant is going down the creepy road & I’m here for it December 25 – Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) The 2nd in the Resident Evil movie series from director/writer Paul WS Anderson & star Milla Jovovich… and after the events of the first movie, Raccoon City has been overrun with a virus turning people into bloodthirsty zombies… and a motely crew of professional killers (cops, soldiers, gangsters, second coming, etc.) join up to find a way out… but you know, the corporation responsible is trying to wipe away any evidence of their involvement… and hijinx ensue. Now… rewatching these movies after… you know, COVID & seeing the corporate run dystopia that my life has become has a slightly redder hue (not exactly rose colored) but… was it an enjoyable watch? Rating – ???/10 – FIND OUT AS WE GO THROUGH THE SEQUELS ON EVERYTHING I LEARNED FROM MOVIES!!! I'll see you guys on New Year's Eve (maybe) but if I don't... happy holidays & a happy new year of 2025!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Less than a week until Christmas... so I should probably start thinking about presents for loved ones or something... eh, we'll see how it all goes... maybe I'll watch some movies instead... December 13 – The Keep (1983) As you may have heard, Vinegar Syndrome FINALLY made a decent 4K/BluRay version of 1995’s “Congo” just in time for the 30th anniversary this summer… but there was another movie that they’re releasing on 4K and guys… this is a movie from director Michael Mann (Heat, Manhunter, etc.) about Nazis taking over a KEEP (basically a mountain pass) during WWII but while securing it, may have inadvertently released a demonic power beyond their comprehension that had been imprisoned there… and now they must rely on a Jewish professor (Ian McKellen), his daughter & a mysterious man with glowing eyes (Scott Glenn) to save THE WORLD!!! Well… I wasn’t about to buy this movie for $40 sight unseen through Vinegar Syndrome… so we rented it on Amazon for $4 and… guys, this movie was pretty sweet! Now is it $40 4K version sweet?!? Rating – 9/10 – I’ll probably wait for a sale where it drops to $20 but good for VS that their original run of 6000 copies sold out in a day December 15 – The Final Sacrifice (1990) Another MST3K watch… but this is one that I’d actually seen in a theatre. Let me explain… it was 7 years ago at a late night MST3K viewing in Berkeley… but it’s about a teenager whose father is killed by a cult… and now he’s trying to survive with the help of a stranger in a Canadian tuxedo… and hijinx ensue. This is often a TOP 5 MST3K episode among fans… so that’s definitely the way to watch this movie… but overall as a movie… Rating – 5/10 – MST3K all day December 17 – Brothers (2024) I love Peter Dinklage. If you tell me he’s in a movie, I’m watching it. Period. So when I hear that he & Josh Brolin are playing twin bank robbing brothers going for “the last score” with policeman Brendan Fraser in hot pursuit… and Glenn Close as their mother… you KNOW I’m in!!! First things first… the movie is far more vulgar than you’re probably picturing. Foul mouthed, violent, just horrible characters with mixed motives all around… and then to top it all off an orangutan shows up for no reason (at Marisa Tomei’s house) and… the whole movie has a LOT of sour moments throughout. That being said, it’s a comedy with some decent performances by MULTIPLE Academy Award winners… Rating – 6/10 – Very few people will like it… even fewer will love it… but it’s not inconceivable December 19 – The Beastmaster (1982) I bought the 4K Vinegar Syndrome of this last year… but I hadn’t seen that version yet… and for those who don’t know, it’s a sword & sandals fantasy movie about a young man (Marc Singer) looking to avenge his village’s decimation by an evil cult leader/wizard (Rip Torn) & he stumbles upon his supernatural abilities to communicate with animals, see through their eyes & join up with some friends along the way (including John Amos & Bond girl Tonya Roberts). Hijinx ensue… and it’s so weird to me that this director basically did all of the Phantasm movies, this, and that’s about it really… oh & Bubba Ho Tep… but for a career of over 40 years that seems light. Is it the greatest movie ever made? Of course not… but as far as sword & sandal movies of the 80’s, it’s definitely in the top tier with the like of Conan the Barbarian or even guilty pleasures like Deathstalker. Rating – 9/10 – I didn’t grow up with it like others on HBO (Hey Beastmaster’s On) but still enjoy it… Happy Holidays everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Not exactly a winter wonderland... just kinda cold & all the snow we had a few weeks ago has just kind of returned to the ground from whence it came... but I was able to squeeze in a few movies between things... December 7 – Chain Reaction (1996) A young team of scientists have found the method for infinite energy through hydrogen (go with me on this…) and of course, corporations are the only people that can control it… so they kill everybody & blow up south side Chicago to cover it up… but two scientists got away (Keanu Reeves & Rachel Weisz) so now we have to frame them & wipe them from the Earth. What’s that? They’re the only ones that know how the infinite energy thing works? DAMMIT!!! Okay, bring them in… and the chase ensues. I’d seen this movie a few dozen times in the 90’s & early 00’s and really liked it… kinda goofy action & special effects but you know… Keanu is Keanu & Rachel Weisz is gorgeous… Rating – 8/10 – Definitely have to talk about this one on the podcast someday… December 9 – Blue Thunder (1983) A high-tech helicopter is being tested out by LAPD by their aging star pilot (Roy Scheider) & his upstart go-getter (Daniel Stern?) … and then you throw in a former colleague who’s definitely not a bad guy (Malcolm McDowell) & they stumble upon a plot of corporate greed & deception (gasp!) and hijinx ensues… culminating in a helicopter chase through downtown LA buildings… from the director of War Games & Short Circuit. So… I had never heard of this movie before… nor the series shortly after (that apparently had baby-faced Dana Carvey in the Daniel Stern role?) but the movie had… very 70’s vibes with the way that it was shot & the macho machismo & occasional yoga nudity… but yeah, kind of a fun watch, if not just to see some of the helicopter stunts… which you know will always get a good score from me. Rating – 7/10 – Worth a watch but you’ll know if it’s the genre for you… December 11 – Boggy Creek 2: And the Legend Continues (1983) An MST3K watch… and boy oh boy is this movie a mess… but yeah, from the same director/writer/star as the original Boggy Creek but a decade or so later… he’s the professor going into the woods with three students in the search for Sasquatch… and hijnx ensue. Honestly, if you’re going to watch this movie, just watch the MST3K of it… even with the jokes it gets a little boring at times… Rating – 5/10 – MST3K just makes these kinds of movies better Next week... we've been trying to watch more 2024 movies so that we can accurately judge our Best & Worst of the year... and boy do we have some doozies... until then! Have a great day everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Thanksgiving was late this year, but also great! Four day weekend of watching football... and maybe a few movies... November 29 – Poolhall Junkies (2002) This is the timeless tale of a degenerate gambler getting in over his head… but luckily the writer & director is also the star (Mars Callahan) so this normally harrowing tale is really just a venue for displaying little vignettes of hustles, jokes & situations that he can just magically write himself out of. The rest of the cast is stacked with Christopher Walken, Chazz Palminteri, Clint Eastwood’s daughter, Michael Rosenbaum & such… but it’s 2002 as heck & this guys tries to be the next Tarantino… playing pool. Will it work on me? Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned from Movies on all the major podcatchers as we’re Walken in a Winter Wonderland all December!!! December 1 – Alien: Romulus (2024) In the not too distant future, due to corporate greed & treachery, a group of young adults find that the only way for them to leave their oppressive status is to hijack a decommissioned spaceship & head to another planet… but they soon find out why the ship was decommissioned… and it’s Xenomorphs. Now, this latest Alien movie is great in that it’s back to the standard horror format as opposed to… whatever the last few Ridley Scott things have been… but pretty simple story, pretty simple plot, fairly predictable, so was it done well? Rating – 9/10 – I really enjoyed it… but hey, I also liked AVP so I’m probably the target demographic December 3 – Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983) We rewatched “The Fall Guy” (2024) for an upcoming episode on another podcast… and as you may know, the movie they’re making is called “Metalstorm” in the movie… but it wasn’t until I was doing a little research that apparently that was based on a little known Full Moon production… which is this movie here. Now, obviously it’s really in name only because in the new movie, they’re doing some weird space cowboy loves an alien revolt saga… but in this one, it’s even advertised as “Star Wars Meets Mad Max” where it’s a desert planet, there’s a warlord that gets power from crystals, a vengeful daughter of a slain scientist, and of course… a race of cyclops… and hijinx ensues. We’ll definitely be talking about this on the podcast in 2025… but just to spoil it a bit… Rating – 8/10 – This was my jam… December 5 – Agatha All Along (2024) Yes, we watched all nine episodes of the Disney+ miniseries about a character from WandaVision years ago & her witchy coven spinoff but… look, Kathryn Hahn was the best part of WandaVision & now they’ve added Aubrey Plaza to the mix… and that was before I knew they were going to be an estranged couple in the series (witchy lesbians?) but will Agatha be able to get her powers back and continue on in the MCU Multiverse… or will we have to rely on some younger, more affordable version of her? I think you know that answer… but will Steve like it? Rating – 8/10 – It wasn’t that bad… the witchy stuff was okay… kinda meh for the most part but also fun at times… just drags out a bit for my liking Trying to get a few more 2024 movies in for the Stevie Awards... coming soon!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate... and/or watch movies in the week leading up to it... November 21 – The Lost World (1992) No, not the Spielberg directed sequel to Jurassic Park… this is the Arthur Conan Doyle inspired one from the director of My Pet Monster that came out the year BEFORE JP. It stars John Rhys-Davis as the explorer leading an expedition into the heart of Africa for a “Lost World” that he had heard about from a dying man & his sketchbook on his last voyage… and hijinx ensue. It has a very TV movie feel to it… especially with the dinosaurs being in that low-budget 80’s way… and used sparingly… but the performances… are they enough to pull me back in?!? Rating - ???/10 – DINOVEMBER ON EVERYTHING I LEARNED FROM MOVIES!!! TELL A FRIEND!!! WE JUST TALKED TO CAPTAIN POWER TIM DUNIGAN!!! November 23 – Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning – Part One (2023) Yes, I finally watched it… nearly 18 months after it came out… and I think it’s been on Amazon Prime for a few months but… it got lost in the shuffle. You know how it is. I think the first half of the 7th installment of the franchise but… they seem to have found their stride since the 3rd one… and this time superherospy Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) needs to find a Key (capital intentional) to find The Entity (also intentional, but basically the McGuffin AI that’s going to destroy the world Skynet style) and blasts from his past pop up because they’re working for The Entity… and hijinx ensue. Look, I love an action movie… but if you’re having every line delivered as if it’s the Most Important Line Ever Delivered in Cinema… EXCEPT for the one “comedic improv” driving scene that’s down the EXACT SAME PATH as the one in Fast X… it might just take me out of the movie a little bit… that being said… Rating – 9/10 – I really enjoyed it… and if you like spy movies, then you’ve probably already seen it… but if not, check it out November 25 – Sleepy Hollow (1999) Some have said that this was Tim Burton’s last great movie… and I had a pretty bad experience when I watched this in theaters back in the day… but this nearly two hour retelling of the story of Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) & the Headless Horseman (Christopher Walken) with plenty of other great cast members thrown into a weird & whimsical tale of science meeting magic and just overall cookyness with a drab color pallet… is worth a watch. I noticed this time just how much of a nod to Hammer movies it is (since we watched a bunch a while back) & Depp wasn’t completely annoying in this one… Rating – 9/10 – Not a bad flick & definitely good for the spooky season vibes November 27 – Twisters (2024) It’s a remake of the 90’s action flick about stormchasers Twister (you know, with Bill Paxton & Helen Hunt) but in this one they have the new Pitt McConaughey (Glen Powell) & some random blonde chick (who cares?) who are overcoming their demons of crippling inferiority complex and… I don’t know… handsome rationality? They’re trying to save people from tornados by dumping diaper chemicals into the whirly winds… but will they also find inexplicable love, other than the fact that they’re both kinda cute especially when compared to the people they surround themselves with?!? Look… this movie actually wasn’t that bad. The plot: Pointless & convoluted. The characters: Dull AF. The motivations: Completely lost, especially when compared to the original. In the original, the trauma of the tornado when they were a kid was the reason & drive behind their chasing tornados… in this one, it’s what keeps them from performing the simplest act in the field that they’ve allegedly dedicated their lives to… and yet everyone around them still puts the crux of their plan based solely on their shoulders to differing results. However, still not a bad movie… just made me want to watch the original for a good movie though. Rating – 7/10 – Very fitting that Paul Scheer showed up at the end & had probably the best moment in the film Have a great long weekend (hopefully) everybody!!! Steve |
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
December 2024
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