Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Why do I feel so busy all the time? Oh yeah... because I was busy... and then I'm constantly made more busy... but hey, here are some movies that we watched along the way between busyness...

August 19 – The Lost City of D (2022)
 
That’s right… I’m going by the REAL title of the movie of this “Romancing the Stone” for this generation. Sandra Bullock is a novelist… who gets kidnapped by eccentric billionaire Daniel Radcliffe who wants her help in finding some lost city on an island because her dead husband & her used to be paleontologists… Brad Pitt cameo… it’s basically “Romancing the Stone” but with cheaper jokes. I kinda enjoyed it… but the mid-credits scene… is easily one of the most bafflingly dumb things I’ve ever seen. Only questions… no humor… odd way to end the movie…
 
Rating – 8/10 – If you liked “Jewel of the Nile” you’ll probably like this…
 
August 20 – Warrior of the Lost World (1984)
 
I love Italian post-apocalyptic movies… and in this one, Robert Ginty is a guy on a high tech motorcycle who mumbles his way into a town to bring down an Orwellian evil corporation led by Donald Pleasance. Pretty sweet, right? Well… Ginty is unintelligible… his motorcycle is even worse… Fred Williamson cameo though… and Persis Khambhatta as hottie that doesn’t talk much but it apparently important… from the director of “Kickboxer” so if this sounds like your bag, check it out. If not, maybe check out the MST3K version?
 
Rating – 7/10 – Ginty was absolutely the worst part… but he’s in every scene. Still a bit of fun though.
 
August 21 – Waxwork (1988)
 
I had seen this movie before during the start of the pandemic… and I think it’s one of those 80’s horror movies that’s a lot of fun. Basically it’s about a bunch of teenagers who visit a new waxwork museum that literally popped up overnight in their town… and the curator is David Warner, so you know he’s evil… and hijinx ensue as their displays of public domain characters from history ranging from Dracula to the Mummy to Jack the Ripper to zombies to whatever are basically portals to worlds where they’re real… and people get dead. The makeup effects kind of run the gamut from impressive to hilarious at times… but it’s just a fun movie with decent acting & a lot of tongue-in-cheek references that make it work.
 
Rating – 10/10 – I really recommend it, especially if you’re into movies like “Monster Squad” & “Cabin in the Woods” with ALL the monsters.
 
August 22 – Waxwork II: Lost in Time (1992)
 
Now, this was my first time watching its sequel… and they brought back the same writer/director Anthony Hickok, star Zach Galligan (replaced the girl though apparently after a messy breakup in her relationship with the director) and picked up where the original left off… but instead of anything to do with waxworks, they have a medallion that teleports them through time (though it appears to really be literary & film premises that don’t actually exist in time that they’re jumping to) and basically this becomes something in the vein of “Stay Tuned” and other movies where they just jump from genre to genre… like go from a 50’s Haunted House movie with Bruce Campbell… to an “Alien” ripoff… to a sword & sandal flick… to Nosferatu… but with just enough change to not get sued maybe?
 
Rating – 10/10 – This one was also a lot of fun… apparently the script to the unmade 3rd one is online so… may hafta check that out too.
 
August 23 – Willy’s Wonderland (2021)
 
It’s Nic-August Cage… and so we watched one of his recent classics where plays a man who’s car breaks down in a small town… and to pay off the repairs, he gets a job to clean an abandoned Willy’s Wonderland (think Chuck E. Cheese in a meth house) but soon finds out… that this small town has a terrible secret. Okay, it’s not a secret because you know from the trailer… the animatronic robots comes to life & kill people! So it’s basically a Five Nights at Freddy’s movie… and it’s pretty tremendous. Try, the teenagers that get thrown in are (probably purposely) irritating but provide great fodder. Nic Cage channels his inner mime in a role with zero lines. Check it out now!!!
 
Rating – 10/10 – There are some slower parts & other things that don’t make a lot of sense… but you know that going in!
 
August 24 – Ms. Marvel (2022)
 
This is the latest six-part series (so basically a four-hour movie) about the rise of a new Avenger in Jersey City. A teenager of Pakistani descent named Kamala Khan stumbles upon a bracelet that gives her superpowers of… I guess making crystals that can float out of thin air? Dot dot dot… hijinx ensue! Honestly, this was a sweet family drama disguised as a superhero origin story. The only parts where I felt legitimate concern for characters… was during the flashback to 1942 British Occupied India because… you know, I know a little bit of history. The rest is pretty cookie cutter origin story stuff… and the family dynamics were pretty great. It’s a fun fling of a series.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Would I watch it again? Probably not… but I’m curious to see where exactly this Phase 4 or 5 of Marvel is going because… so far it’s not too gripping.
 
August 25 – Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1991)
 
Yes, there’s a Nicolas Cage as Dracula movie coming in a year or so called “Renfield” and I’m excited for it… but until that happens, this still stands as the quintessential Dracula movie! Francis Ford Coppola had a vision for this movie, paying homage to dozens of different classic movies, incorporating all sorts of special effects from practical to double exposure to puppetry to make this movie unnerving, unsettling & keeping the viewer informed but also… a little out of their element, as they would be in the presence of the most powerful Nosferatu. Great performances all around (okay, I enjoy Keanu’s performance as a confused guy who’s not even sure what his accent is half of the movie, again FITTING), beautiful cinematography, even a weird “Love through Time” angle (that wasn’t the first time it was done) and damn it… I love this movie.
 
Rating – 10+/10 – I think this was my first Blu-Ray that I bought (for like $5) after I got a PS3 to play them.

September is coming... and that means getting geared up for the holidays... I guess. Alright, have fun everybody!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Busy week as we adjust to life with a puppy... but we got a few movies in...

August 12 – City of Angels (1998)
 
Everybody knows this movie’s soundtrack… and the basic story about an angel (Nicolas Cage) falling in love with a heart surgeon (Meg Ryan) and that I think Nicolas Cage is the greatest living actor… but I had never seen this movie… so I thought it fitting for our 350th Episode on Everything I Learned from Movies… and I can tell you… I’ve seen this movie now. Look… for more details on how I enjoyed it, please check out the episode… because I have a LOT of thoughts on this movie. A preview… Nicolas Cage didn’t show up into this movie until there was about 20 minutes left & he became human. Before that he was on valium… and Meg Ryan deserves what she gets…
 
Rating - ???/10 – Do you like listening to that Sarah MacLachlan song? Then this is the movie for you…
 
August 13 – Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
 
So… remember my thing about action movies? This one was recommended by some friends with the Grindbin Podcast crew and… apparently there was a writer/director Andy Sidaris who made action movies in the 80’s that were basically excuses for crazy action, topless girls & lots of guns and other random crazy sh*t. This was my first dive into his collection (but definitely not my last). The story is about an undercover DEA agent & her helicopter pilot friend (both of which are giant breasted blondes who we see change clothes in usually deleted scenes) who stumble upon some diamonds involved in a drug trade… while also unleashing a snake “contaminated with all sorts of cancers & stuff” on the island of Molokai (see Jurassic Park) and hijinx ensue, especially when dudes get thrown into the mix too. I don’t want to spoil anything but… it gets twisted & incredible… and rocket launchers.
 
Rating – 9/10 – There’s such a thing as too much gratuitous nudity… this is docked though because some of the dialogue is wretched.
 
August 14 – Prey (2022)
 
When I heard there was a new movie Predator coming out… I was in. No more needed. Then they mentioned that it was starring Native Americans hundreds of years ago… my first thought was the end of Predator 2 (spoilers, it connects)… and I was doubly in. Then a few weeks before, they mentioned it was going straight to Hulu… so I became skeptical. Do they not think it’ll make money? Is it that bad? Remember Firestarter? Then in the days leading up to it… 95% on Rotten Tomatoes… and I was back in… and guys… it f**king slaps!!! You want Apocalypto v Predator? You get it… and so much more. Beautifully shot, the acting is really good for a little known bunch, the effects & pure action-ness of it all… watch it!!!
 
Rating – 10/10 – It’s almost a 10+ but I may have to watch it again to really evaluate it
 
August 15 – Trading Paint (2019)
 
We joined up with our friends the Break/Fix Podcast to cover this 2019 movie currently streaming on Netflix… because it stars John Travolta & Shania Twain in a drama about racing… even if it’s the weird body funny cars that go around a 1/6 mile mud track 50 times so… I assume these races are wrapped up in about 10 minutes tops? Anyway, it’s a former legend father (Travolta) and his son who race together… until the son decides to join the rival team… and hijinx ensue. It’s 0% on RT and I can kinda see why… but still decently shot for a midday soap opera.
 
Rating – 4/10 – It’s rough… but good to see Shania nowadays… I guess
 
August 16 – Outcast (2014)
 
It’s still Nic-August Cage on the podcast… and so we did another Crusades Era movie starring the greatest living actor… but this is really a Hayden Christianson movie where he’s trying to make amends from killing a bunch of people for God & Country… by doing opium in the Far East & stumbling upon a power struggle where he sides with a 14-year old heir & his… let’s say “of age” sister who are being pursued by their power hungry older brother. The directorial debut of friend of the podcast & legendary stunt coordinator Nick Powell… you can watch it for free on Amazon Prime, Tubi, Vudu, all kinds of stuff… I’d recommend it.
 
Rating - ???/10 – Listen to the episode… but it’s 4% on Rotten Tomatoes… and it’s worthy of FAR more than that!
 
August 17 – Road Games (1981)
 
This movie is on Tubi… and comes from director Richard Franklin (Link, Psycho II, etc.) about an American truck driver (Stacy Keach) who’s driving a truck in Australia… and gets himself involved in a serial killer investigation… and picks up a hitchhiker heiress (Jamie Lee Curtis) & hijinx ensue. Now… this movie was a lot of fun… there’s some Australian humor that may have just gone past my head… but Keach is great, the stunts are great, the story is pretty intriguing… I highly recommend watching it. I plan on watching it again soon.

Rating – 10/10 – Ausploitation at its best!
 
August 18 – First Spaceship on Venus (1960)
 
We watched the MST3K version of this… and thank goodness… this one was still kinda rough. Apparently it’s a German-Japanese sci-fi collaboration movie about an expedition to find out about an alien artifact found on Earth… from Venus? So astronauts go to check it out. Now, I realize it’s was made in 1960 so the special effects are not what a modern movie would be… and that’s the problem with the movie… it’s that it’s just kind of boring, even with the jokes. I found myself checking my phone a lot.
 
Rating – 4/10 – Definitely go MST3K route… but yeah…

Anyway, that'll do... be sure to check out UntidyVenus.Etsy.com & The Local Artisan Collective for some great art... and Tubi... they have free art.

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

We have a dog now... his name is Sushi and he's a Supermutt of everything (like 1/4 Australian cattle dog, 1/4 Pit Bull Terrier, 1/4 Husky, 10% Coonhound, 10% Bulldog & the rest literally says Supermutt on his DNA research). We're still going through the basic "getting him used to things" part of the relationship... but he's sweet & nice... and the cats are starting to come out to see him when they're on the same floor. BUT that's now why you're here right...

August 5 – The Ultimate Weapon (1998)
 
So over the weekend, our internet provider basically shut our city down unannounced… and basically said it’s for a reason we can’t go into & we have no idea how long it’ll take (ended up being 48 hours). Thank goodness we have physical media & we went into this Action Movie Pack that we had talked about with a few Brian Bosworth movies before… but we figured we’d just watch the rest of them from the pack. First up, Hulk Hogan is a mercenary who suddenly grows a conscience & fights a bunch of Russians… oh & he has a long lost stripper daughter who develops feelings for his mercenary buddy… and yeah, hijinx ensue. It’s as ridiculous as you would expect… but hey, there’s stunts & explosions!
 
Rating – 7/10 – I’ve seen a lot worse…
 
August 6 – The Collectors (1999)
 
There was a time in the 90s when everybody wanted to be Quentin Tarantino & make the next Pulp Fiction… and this is an attempt at that, but instead of John Travolta & Sam Jackson as the quirky hitmen… you have Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers & basketball player Rick Fox. Needless to say, the drop in performance was pretty substantial. So yeah, two hitmen are in New York being pursued by the New Orleans Police Department as they go around hitting marks… until hijinx ensue. Oddly enough, this is from the director of both “Ipcress File”, “Iron Eagle” AND “Superman IV: The Quest for Peace” (Sidney J. Furie) but… it’s just a weirdly paced, nonsensical movie where I kept expecting the two leads to just drop the pretenses and kiss. Not sure why… and there’s also weird talk about the N-word in the middle for a scene and… yeah, it’s a weird one.
 
Rating – 5/10 – This whole action pack probably deserves a month or two on the podcast…
 
August 7 – High Voltage (1998)
 
Besides the Boz movies I mentioned a few months ago, if there’s a gem in this pack, I’ve got to go with this movie. It’s about a crew led by Antonio Sabato Jr. (including Amy Smart & Lochlyn Munro as well as the writer Mike Mains) who rob a bank… but then find out that it’s ran by the Vietnamese gang in Chinatown (?) and of course… hijinx ensue. Now… the bank teller who falls in love with ASJ & vice versa… is Shannon Lee, the daughter of Bruce Lee… and honestly, she wasn’t that bad in the role… even if it’s a pretty damn ridiculous role… and you get some decent action (though 90’s slo-mo diving abounds) and some great cameos from the likes of ANTONIO SABATO SR, Donald Gibb & William Zabka… I’d say check it out if you like 90s action stuff.
 
Rating – 9/10 – I’d watch it again…
 
August 8 – Coyote Run (1996)
 
Alright guys, let’s slow it down a bit… a small town deputy (Michael Pare) goes to some town in the Midwest where a kingpin (Peter Greene from cameos in “Usual Suspects” & “Pulp Fiction”) runs things… and he’s going through & trying to avenge… something. It’s not really delved into until the end… and then you just scratch your head a bit when it all plays out. This whole movie felt like it was originally a Western or something… but then to save on money they just set it during modern day… but didn’t change anything else. The third act of the movie is a cavalcade of WTF with regards to shootouts, plane flights, motivations, all kinds of stuff… but again, I’ve seen worse.
 
Rating – 5/10 – It’s just not that gripping… and the ending lost me a bit.
 
August 9 – Musketeers Forever (1998)
 
Okay, this one is about a group of aged ex-secret service guys (led by Lee Majors) who open a “jazz” club on a Native “American” reservation in “Las Vegas” (it’s actually just a f**king bar that mostly plays 90s music in the vein of Four Non-Blondes in MONTREAL because there’s snow on the f**king ground the entire movie… which is NEVER Las Vegas for more than an hour) called the Musketeer Club… and their old buddy’s son (Michael Dudikoff) comes to join them… and hijinx ensue when the local boss (played by Martin Neufeld who I know as that irritating worst cop ever in Highlander III) tries to shut them down… and yeah… it’s not great. There’s definitely some fun parts that in good hands could be a Steven Seagal vehicle around this time but… yeah, it was just bad.
 
Rating – 5/10 – Again a few nice things & I’m sure the budget was a year’s wages to you or me… but yeah…
 
August 10 – In Too Deep (1999)
 
After finishing off one action pack, we went to the next one… and I wanted to start with something that I’d seen before & remembered really liking… that’s right, the movie where an undercover cop (Omar Epps) may be getting too deep into the streets of Cincinnati when he tries to take down the drug kingpin GOD (LL Cool J). Now, what I remembered about this movie… was thinking that LL Cool J’s performance was really good (it is) and that as with most gangster / hood movies, the female characters always get in the way because otherwise it’d just be a bro-mance with business as usual (it does) but on rewatch… … … I still love this movie. Is it the greatest story? Of course not… it’s a hood movie though… and I love the genre. Throw in Stanley Tucci as the chief of the undercover unit, some Nia Long & a few out-of-nowhere torture scenes and BAM!!!
 
Rating – 10/10 – Hood classic… though not quite 10+ because the ending seems to just… happen… conveniently. Another trait of the genre.
 
August 11 – Shakedown (1988)
 
You may not know this about me… but I love 80’s & 90’s action movies… especially with odd pairings both in actors portrayal & archetypes… and if you want a movie where a lawyer (Peter Weller fresh off Robocop) and a… I guess, like a homeless detective (Sam Elliott fresh from Road House) pair up help a crack dealer who’s wrongly imprisoned for killing a cop (though he admits about a dozen times to selling crack all the time) from some corrupt Manhattan cops in a James Glickenhaus directed film (like “The Exterminator”, “The Soldier”, Jackie Chan’s “The Protector” & “McBain”) then you are in for a treat. I’ll admit… the first two acts are a little “get on with it” where it focuses mostly on Peter Weller banging his ex-fiancee & new superrich fiancée with no intentions of breaking it off until the third act when… absolute craziness ensues with the way he breaks off the relationship, how he obtains a key piece of evidence, the final courtroom scene & then one of the most ridiculously amazing action scenes in movie history (involving an airplane and various NYC landmarks… hint hint). This movie is a great bad movie.
 
Rating – 10/10 – Watch it if you like action movies!

Alright, back to cleaning up dog poop... have a great weekend everybody!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Here are some more movies that I've seen recently... and maybe you should check out!

July 29 – Cry of the Bewitched / Yambao (1957)
 
We watched this Rifftrax version of a story from 1850 Cuba about a plantation owner who has a pregnant wife… and one night, the beautiful granddaughter of a voodoo priestess killed 15 years earlier has come back… and apparently her grandmother is with her too… and they want REVENGE!!! The story is… pretty ridiculous… and there are a LOT of long musical numbers to draw this movie out to 75 minutes or something like that… but the Rifftrax jokes definitely help… and the performances aren’t horrible (though there definitely appears to be some blackface going on) so… I don’t know, it’s up to you!
 
Rating – 4/10 – The movie itself is bad but Rifftrax might be worth it.
 
July 30 – Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood (1973)
 
We were flipped through doing a Tubi Roulette & stumbled upon this movie about a family that poses as potential financiers for an eerie carnival where their son disappeared… and hijinx ensue as they find out that the carnival is… well, even worse than it seems! Now, looking into this movie, the director only did this movie… and apparently was so wealthy that he didn’t even want to release it widely, he just wanted to make it to show his vision… and honestly I’m not sure exactly what that vision was… but it’s a weird creepy movie in the vein of horror classics like Carnival of Souls & Italian horror movies and that ilk… and I actually enjoyed it. It’s a tight 75 minutes or so… Herve Villechaize shows up for a bit… the guy running the carnival reminded me of Mr. Fisheodor from Bob’s Burgers… and one of the teenage kids looked like Javier Bardem with Downs Syndrome… just kind of a weird creepy movie if that’s your bag.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Definitely check it out if you like 70’s horror movies & the macabre
 
July 31 – Season of the Witch (2011)
 
Yes, more Nic-August Cage watching… and I’m pretty sure I watched this when it first came out a decade ago… but didn’t remember much about it… and probably confused it with “The Last Witch Hunter” too. Basically it’s Nicolas Cage & Ron Perlman as crusaders who leave & get tangled up in transporting a supposed witch to a city on the other side of the world to be unwitched or something… you know the story, hijinx ensue. Is it a great sword & sandle movie? Of course not… and worse yet, it’s barely memorable. That being said, you may want to give it a gander if that’s your genre (which it is for me).

Rating – 7/10 – Meh… it is exactly what you think it’s going to be…
 
August 1 – Tartarus (2005)
 
I may have mentioned it on here before… but Wednesday nights you can watch a few movies streaming on The Satanic Temple’s website with their founder Lucien Greaves (check out our interview with him) and that’s where we saw this movie… which is absolutely an auteur movie (writer/director/producer/etc) for Dave Wascavage… and I think it’s hilarious that on IMDb the plot summary says “The plot is unknown at this time.” Basically it starts off with this absolutely douche nozzle named John getting abducted by aliens… and through various probes we get flashbacks into his life of douchebachery… and about 15 minutes in you get the twist… that it’s basically purgatory where apparently his hell is being probed by aliens who become preachy towards the end… but yeah, this was made with a budget of a few grand… the computer effects & costumes are laughably bad at times (why show the seams of the garbage bags you’re using as the backdrop of the alien spaceship cave location?) but… yeah, parts of the movie just seemed really long… and the movie is like 75 minutes long.
 
Rating – 5/10 – I know it’s an indie movie… and the bones are there… but yeah, maybe watch it with your drunk friends
 
August 2 – Quigley (2003)
 
Oh man… the movie that followed that up was about a Scroogish businessman named Archie (Gary Busey!!!) who dies swerving away from a dog in a car crash… and to atone for his life of douchebachery (sensing a theme?) he’s reincarnated as a little foo-foo puppy named Quigley (why is that the dog’s name if it’s… Archie?) to basically do two good deeds… convince his business partner (Curtis Armstrong!!!) to not release his violent VR video game & hook up with his… I don’t know, secretary / VP of Marketing or something (entirely too young & hot chick for any of this) and then… help his brother (Christopher Atkins of “Shakma” & “Blue Lagoon”) out financially… somehow… as a dog. How that happens will make your head hurt… but yeah, shenanigans ensue. It’s one of those typically goody Christian movies… but there are some great scenes of Gary Busey acting like a dog that are just crazy Busey… and the actors try their best (surprisingly good cast obviously, even with like Tucker Smallwood & Oz Perkins) but… yeah, it’s what you’d expect otherwise.
 
Rating – 5/10 – Still though… Busey as a dog & Booger as a businessman after watching him in a few seasons of Supernatural was pretty entertaining
 
August 3 – Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
 
That’s right! We FINALLY watched “the final installment” of the series that started with the PERFECT Dinosaur movie… and boy oh boy is this a stupid American movie with dinosaurs & I really enjoyed it!!! Okay, so it picks up a few years after DINOSAURS HAVE BEEN UNLEASHED ONTO THE WORLD at the end of the last movie… and the most unbelievable thing about this movie is the news saying that ONLY 37 PEOPLE WERE KILLED THIS PAST YEAR BY DINOSAURS!!! So… they’re a nuisance like sharks or choking on a pretzel. Anyway, through the power of convenience, they bring back Dr. Grant, Statler & Malcolm… the holy trinity of JP and throw them in with Chris Pratt & Bryce Dallas Howard to play Raider of the Lost Park… and hijinx ensue. Again, I loved it… but there was SO MUCH stupid shit throughout this movie… that I can’t wait to talk about it again in DINOvember in detail.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Honestly would’ve been higher without locusts involved… but hey… what’re you gonna do?
 
August 4 – Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)
 
Holy crap! You guys… seriously… go see this movie!!! The best way that I can describe this movie is… like the Matrix… but starring that Chinese family at your local laundromat. That sounds… ridiculous & a little stupid, I get it… but seriously… this movie has EVERYTHING! (everywhere… all at once) Great action scenes featuring Michelle Yeoh & Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles, heartwarming family drama, multiverse madness, Jamie Lee Curtis in a great supporting role, and it touches all the feelings from heartbreak to grief to laughing hysterically to hard-dicked action… and everything in between. Easily a contender for movie of the year… and maybe the past 5 years!!!
 
Rating – 10+/10 – WATCH IT TONIGHT!!!

This next week is busy with some big art shows & the Ogden Map that I designed is up at UntidyVenus.Etsy.com so check it out!!!

​Steve