July/Aug Week Movies

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Here are some more movies that I've seen recently... and maybe you should check out!

July 29 – Cry of the Bewitched / Yambao (1957)
 
We watched this Rifftrax version of a story from 1850 Cuba about a plantation owner who has a pregnant wife… and one night, the beautiful granddaughter of a voodoo priestess killed 15 years earlier has come back… and apparently her grandmother is with her too… and they want REVENGE!!! The story is… pretty ridiculous… and there are a LOT of long musical numbers to draw this movie out to 75 minutes or something like that… but the Rifftrax jokes definitely help… and the performances aren’t horrible (though there definitely appears to be some blackface going on) so… I don’t know, it’s up to you!
 
Rating – 4/10 – The movie itself is bad but Rifftrax might be worth it.
 
July 30 – Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood (1973)
 
We were flipped through doing a Tubi Roulette & stumbled upon this movie about a family that poses as potential financiers for an eerie carnival where their son disappeared… and hijinx ensue as they find out that the carnival is… well, even worse than it seems! Now, looking into this movie, the director only did this movie… and apparently was so wealthy that he didn’t even want to release it widely, he just wanted to make it to show his vision… and honestly I’m not sure exactly what that vision was… but it’s a weird creepy movie in the vein of horror classics like Carnival of Souls & Italian horror movies and that ilk… and I actually enjoyed it. It’s a tight 75 minutes or so… Herve Villechaize shows up for a bit… the guy running the carnival reminded me of Mr. Fisheodor from Bob’s Burgers… and one of the teenage kids looked like Javier Bardem with Downs Syndrome… just kind of a weird creepy movie if that’s your bag.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Definitely check it out if you like 70’s horror movies & the macabre
 
July 31 – Season of the Witch (2011)
 
Yes, more Nic-August Cage watching… and I’m pretty sure I watched this when it first came out a decade ago… but didn’t remember much about it… and probably confused it with “The Last Witch Hunter” too. Basically it’s Nicolas Cage & Ron Perlman as crusaders who leave & get tangled up in transporting a supposed witch to a city on the other side of the world to be unwitched or something… you know the story, hijinx ensue. Is it a great sword & sandle movie? Of course not… and worse yet, it’s barely memorable. That being said, you may want to give it a gander if that’s your genre (which it is for me).

Rating – 7/10 – Meh… it is exactly what you think it’s going to be…
 
August 1 – Tartarus (2005)
 
I may have mentioned it on here before… but Wednesday nights you can watch a few movies streaming on The Satanic Temple’s website with their founder Lucien Greaves (check out our interview with him) and that’s where we saw this movie… which is absolutely an auteur movie (writer/director/producer/etc) for Dave Wascavage… and I think it’s hilarious that on IMDb the plot summary says “The plot is unknown at this time.” Basically it starts off with this absolutely douche nozzle named John getting abducted by aliens… and through various probes we get flashbacks into his life of douchebachery… and about 15 minutes in you get the twist… that it’s basically purgatory where apparently his hell is being probed by aliens who become preachy towards the end… but yeah, this was made with a budget of a few grand… the computer effects & costumes are laughably bad at times (why show the seams of the garbage bags you’re using as the backdrop of the alien spaceship cave location?) but… yeah, parts of the movie just seemed really long… and the movie is like 75 minutes long.
 
Rating – 5/10 – I know it’s an indie movie… and the bones are there… but yeah, maybe watch it with your drunk friends
 
August 2 – Quigley (2003)
 
Oh man… the movie that followed that up was about a Scroogish businessman named Archie (Gary Busey!!!) who dies swerving away from a dog in a car crash… and to atone for his life of douchebachery (sensing a theme?) he’s reincarnated as a little foo-foo puppy named Quigley (why is that the dog’s name if it’s… Archie?) to basically do two good deeds… convince his business partner (Curtis Armstrong!!!) to not release his violent VR video game & hook up with his… I don’t know, secretary / VP of Marketing or something (entirely too young & hot chick for any of this) and then… help his brother (Christopher Atkins of “Shakma” & “Blue Lagoon”) out financially… somehow… as a dog. How that happens will make your head hurt… but yeah, shenanigans ensue. It’s one of those typically goody Christian movies… but there are some great scenes of Gary Busey acting like a dog that are just crazy Busey… and the actors try their best (surprisingly good cast obviously, even with like Tucker Smallwood & Oz Perkins) but… yeah, it’s what you’d expect otherwise.
 
Rating – 5/10 – Still though… Busey as a dog & Booger as a businessman after watching him in a few seasons of Supernatural was pretty entertaining
 
August 3 – Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
 
That’s right! We FINALLY watched “the final installment” of the series that started with the PERFECT Dinosaur movie… and boy oh boy is this a stupid American movie with dinosaurs & I really enjoyed it!!! Okay, so it picks up a few years after DINOSAURS HAVE BEEN UNLEASHED ONTO THE WORLD at the end of the last movie… and the most unbelievable thing about this movie is the news saying that ONLY 37 PEOPLE WERE KILLED THIS PAST YEAR BY DINOSAURS!!! So… they’re a nuisance like sharks or choking on a pretzel. Anyway, through the power of convenience, they bring back Dr. Grant, Statler & Malcolm… the holy trinity of JP and throw them in with Chris Pratt & Bryce Dallas Howard to play Raider of the Lost Park… and hijinx ensue. Again, I loved it… but there was SO MUCH stupid shit throughout this movie… that I can’t wait to talk about it again in DINOvember in detail.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Honestly would’ve been higher without locusts involved… but hey… what’re you gonna do?
 
August 4 – Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)
 
Holy crap! You guys… seriously… go see this movie!!! The best way that I can describe this movie is… like the Matrix… but starring that Chinese family at your local laundromat. That sounds… ridiculous & a little stupid, I get it… but seriously… this movie has EVERYTHING! (everywhere… all at once) Great action scenes featuring Michelle Yeoh & Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles, heartwarming family drama, multiverse madness, Jamie Lee Curtis in a great supporting role, and it touches all the feelings from heartbreak to grief to laughing hysterically to hard-dicked action… and everything in between. Easily a contender for movie of the year… and maybe the past 5 years!!!
 
Rating – 10+/10 – WATCH IT TONIGHT!!!

This next week is busy with some big art shows & the Ogden Map that I designed is up at UntidyVenus.Etsy.com so check it out!!!

​Steve