Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
It's that odd time of year here in Utah where it can dump a foot or two of snow overnight... and then be in the mid-50's the rest of the week... and the only constant is that half the people you know are sick & the other half are waiting to be or will never admit it... but still... I watch movies... January 26 – Elvis (2022) So we finally set aside 2.5 hours to watch Tom Hanks play a villain with a funny accent & Austin Butler in the role that got him Feyd Rautha in Dune 2… and from the opening minutes… you know this is a Baz Luhrman production!!! This biopic of Elvis Aron Presley is… over-the-top, fairly preposterous, loosely based on events that happened in reality, SO MUCH MAKEUP ON EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME, quite racist in a lot of incidental walls (but that was the 50’s & 60’s), but also… the story that it tells (though again, loosely based in reality) wasn’t horrible. It’s more a movie about the huckster Colonel Parker (Hanks) taking advantage of a talented young artist & exploiting him and the music industry to get his ends… and then trying to convince the audience that it was all their fault that he died… because he did it all for the fans… and if there were no fans, then Elvis would still be alive. Bold! Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it for the dark fairy tale that it was… knowing that it’s all BS… but Izzy did not enjoy it… knowing that it’s all BS… January 27 – Ghosts of Mars (2001) Director John Carpenter’s official “FU” to Hollywood where cops on Mars (Martian cops?) played by Jason Statham, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier, Clea Duvall & others go to an outpost to transport the dangerous criminal James “Desolation” Williams (Ice Cube) but… when they get into town… everybody’s gone… and then they’re found… either headless & hanging upside-down, or turned into some bloodthirsty zombie Mad Max group possessed by the ancient Martian ghosts that had long since been buried in the bowels of the planet… but were mined out & are doing everything they can to kill the invaders of their planets (earthlings). Sound preposterous? It was intended to!!! I haven’t even mentioned the breathing goggles. This movie is kind of a mix of Assault on Precinct 13, The Fog, Escape from NY, all the Carpenter classics… but they went to space and it’s tongue in cheek, right? I hope so… because otherwise it’s absolutely preposterous that this movie got made. Rating – 8/10 – Lots of things that I like about the movie… but there are definitely things that’re out there. BREATHING! GOGGLES!!! January 28 – Solo (1996) I remember seeing this movie in theatres when it came out… but it’s basically Mario Van Peebles as a military robot soldier (universal soldier?) who escapes when he’s able to be disassembled after getting a conscience… and general William Sadler is sent to take him out. He befriends a village in Central America to help them with their own dictator situation… and hijinx ensue. Now… this is not a great movie… but it’s okay & dumb fun. MVP does a decent job of being an emotionless robot. Sadler is great as a prick. Academy Award winner Adrian Brody shows up as a scientist! Rating – 8/10 – I’d watch it again… and you might hear about it on the podcast one day January 29 – Conan the Barbarian (2011) Jason Momoa stars in this remake of the tale of Conan made famous by Schwarzenegger… and Stephen Lang is the big baddie, Rose McGowan is the witch daughter, Rachel Nichols is the virginal hottie, personal favorite Nathan Jones shows up for a cup of coffee… it’s not a bad movie, just really PG-13. It doesn’t go necessarily hard or soft either… it’s just kind of middling… but I still enjoy it because Sword & Sandals is my genre. Rating – 8/10 – I’d recommend it if somebody likes the original Conan… but it’s more Conan the Destroyer January 30 – Highlander: Endgame (2000) The 4th installment of the Highlander saga… that came out after SIX seasons of the TV series and combined both Highlanders (Adrian Paul & Christopher Lambert) along with a bunch of random actors (Donnie Yen, Bruce Payne, Damon Dash, etc) when the ultimate Immortal Kell cames after them for his convoluted revenge! Okay, this MAY be the best Highlander SEQUEL movie… but when you don’t really have competition as far as a decently made movie, then that’s what it’s saying. The movie itself is kind of head-scratchingly dumb… but there are elements that are decent. The Paul-Yen fight scene is legit… there’s stronger storytelling elements in this movie as opposed to the TV series… although there’s also things that completely contradict not just Immortals lore, but the TV series completely… so how do I rate it? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on Everything I Learned From Movies, available on all major podcatchers January 31 – Highlander: The Source (2007) The 5th installment… in the not-too-distant apocalyptic future, planets are aligning and stuff… and there’s the Guardian of the mysterious mythological SOURCE… and now some Immortals want to find it… before it’s too late… and apparently Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) doesn’t want to… but YET ANOTHER EX-WIFE is apparently having visions about The Source… so he comes along… and hijinx ensue. This movie is f**king rough. I believe I read it was a Sci-Fi Channel movie and the budget kinda shows… but oh boy… Rating - ???/10 – Hear all about it on the Podcast!!! You know it’s Highlander Month!!! What's coming up in February?!? Random movies with great guests on the podcast, Chinese New Year + Super Bowl + Mardi Gras + Valentines Day in a four day period, visitors, a Leap Year, all kinds of fun stuff I don't even know about yet... see you there!!! Steve
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Had my first trip to the home office in 18 months & it was great to see all the new team members for the first time (in real life) and the teammates I've met before too! Also, had a chance to watch some football with B&K... and watched a few movies when I wasn't working... January 19 – In the Mouth of Madness (1994) An insurance adjustor (Sam Neill) goes to check out the world’s most famous horror writer Sutter Cane (definitely not Stephen King, played by Jurgen Prochnow) and find out why the fans are so fanatic about him… and hijinx ensue when he stumbles into the 7th ring of hell? Yeah, this is a John Carpenter masterpiece… it’s completely nuts, especially the last half hour or so… I don’t want to spoil it more than that. Rating – 9/10 – Seriously, if weird horror is your thing, then you’ve probably already seen this… but if not, check it out! January 20 – Fortress (1994) While watching the Highlander movies, this one was recommended. In the not-too-distant future, a man (Christopher Lambert) & his wife are imprisoned for having an illegal pregnancy… and sent to The Fortress, a private underground prison controlled by CCTV, AI, dream reading technology, pain modules & all sorts of crazy stuff… and led by the evil warden (Kurtwood Smith). Your fairly typical prison escape movie then follows… but with crazy futuristic twists that… don’t need to make sense! I really enjoyed it… the show is nuts… which you would kind of expect from the director of “Re-Animator” but… yeah, I liked it. Rating – 9/10 – Lambert is still an emotionless log… but there’s some great stuff going on around him January 21 – Fortress 2: Re-Entry (2000) Of course we followed it up with the sequel!!! Seven years after the original (spoilers, he escaped), Brennick (Lambert) is living in isolation with a few rebels… and seven years later they get caught… and are sent to the New Fortress… IN SPACE!!! SPACE JAIL!!! NOW how’s we going to get back?!? Hijinx ensue… and yeah, it’s probably even crazier than you would expect… Rating – 8/10 – Pam Grier even shows up for plot convenience!!! January 22 – The Flash (2023) The death note of the DC cinematic universe before they do a hard reboot… but it’s The Flash getting his own feature film (with a little bit of origin story thrown in) where he’s crying about his mom being dead for over a decade & then finds out that he can run so fast that he can travel through time… and hijinx ensue as he goes through the multiverse. Michael Keaton (and others) pop up as Batman… plenty of cameos from the rest of the Justice League… it’s a bit of a fuddled mess, but there are a few funny moments… overall though, the movie kind of makes fun of itself with how “just go with it” the tone is… and plenty of self-aware jabs as to why everybody hates The Flash… but then continues to do it… not horrible but kinda long & nobody likes Ezra Miller. Rating – 6/10 – HOW DARE YOU WASTE NIC CAGE CAMEO?!? January 23 – Knives Out (2019) I don’t recall if I mentioned watching this the first time back in the 2020 days… but it’s about detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) being called in mysteriously to the apparent suicide of a famous writer (Christopher Plummer) but there may be MURDER afoot. All-Star cast, lots of fun, twists & turns throughout… enjoyed it… well done, director Rian Johnson (“Last Jedi”) Rating – 10/10 – If you like Murder Mysteries, this is a new twist of one for you January 24 – Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) Izzy’s Mom wanted to watch a western… and this came up on Tubi… and apparently it’s a sequel to “Support Your Local Sheriff” (1969) starring a lot of the same people… but it’s not a sequel, just kind of the same movie but instead of James Garner being mistaken for a sheriff, he’s mistaken for a gunfighter this time… brilliant! It’s a western comedy… though maybe a lot of the humor was HUGE in the 70’s because it’s about a con man James Garner with an oddly specific gambling addiction, a “free willed” chick who just shoots at everybody, some shiesty mining barons feuding over nonsense, but yeah… it was 90 minutes, Jimmy Garner is pure charisma, and you know what you’re getting into when you start up the movie. Rating – 8/10 – Chuck Connors also pops up at the end! Hijinx ensue… January 25 – Expend4bles (2023) Yes, the 4th installment of the “gimme all the 80’s & 90’s action heroes” action franchise… and in this one, the new members (50 Cent, Jason Scipio, etc.) and the old crew that wanted to be in this one (Stallone, Statham, Couture, Lundgren, etc.) are trying to get Nuclear McGuffins from Ghadafi’s Old Chemical Factory (literally what it says in movie) before bad guy Iko Uwais gets them… hijinx ensue… STALLONE DIES… they sad… now Andy Garcia & Megan Fox are leading them on the next mission to get the McGuffins back from a boat. That’s the 1st act. This movie was… exactly as dumb as it sounds. Yes, I love action and I can forgive ridiculousness… but the last two acts of this movie are on a bluescreen boat soundstage and it’s REALLY obvious… but yeah, if you’re signing up for the 4th Expendables movie… you know what you’re getting into Rating – 8/10 – It’s a shame we had a blizzard so I couldn’t see “The Beekeeper” opening weekend… but this did okay Have a great weekend everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... but next week I'm going to the office for the first time in 18 months!!! I got a haircut to celebrate... oh & watched a few movies... January 12 – Fire in the Sky (1993) Based on the true story of an Arizona lumberjack (DB Sweeney) who was abducted by aliens for five days, and the whole town turns on the other five guys who were out there with him (for mildly realistic reasons) but then when he comes back… what now? I’ll say this about the movie… it was pretty well done in showing how the “facts” of the story have been told over the 20+ years prior… and how the interrogations just aren’t answering any questions & there’s no evidence of… anything really. We even started watching a documentary that it recommended on Tubi but… it was exactly the same BS but cut like a TV show so… no thank you. So how does the movie end? Does it? Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it but it also made me want to watch the craziness of “Communion” instead too… January 13 – Monkey Shines (1988) An athlete gets struck by a truck and become paraplegic. His lady runs off with his doctor (Stanley Tucci). His mom is overbearing. His caregiver is horrible. However, his best friend is a bit of a mad scientist… and is testing some intelligence formula on monkeys… and so when he needs a monkey assistant (and best friend needs to hide his experiments) then it works out… until the monkey starts getting feelings towards the paraplegic… and hijinx ensue. This is a George Romero horror flick… and honestly one of my favorites. It has that 80’s horror appeal of honestly not going what’s going to happen next (mental links?) or any real explanation for a lot of stuff… but yeah, if you’re into horror, it’s a good flick that’ll probably make you chuckle a few times. Rating – 10/10 – Always a fun watch… especially towards the end January 14 – Death Machines (1976) This was a recommendation from the Grindbin Podcast (check out their episode), about an evil Oriental Dragon Lady who injects three martial arts masters with some serum that turns them into zombie assassins… and hijinx ensue when she sends them out against her enemies. This movie was a bit of a treat because… it’s just so weird. Yeah, there’s martial arts fighting but nothing special… and the acting is the typical kind of stilted that you would expect from a movie like this… but you really don’t know what’s going to happen from scene to scene because… honestly I’m pretty sure the people making the movie improvised half of it. Rating – 8/10 – Would watch again… but would have to have first time watchers with me January 15 – Bedazzled (2000) We did this movie on the podcast a few years back from Djinn June (face it, the Devil is basically a genie in this movie) but it’s about a nerdy people pleaser (Brendan Fraser) who at his lowest point gets an offer of seven wishes from The Devil (Liz Hurley) and hilarious hijinx ensue. I’ve seen this movie a few dozen times in my life (one of my dad’s favorites) but I love how the moral of the story is he has to go through these ordeals & hijinx to basically realize… he’s f**king Brendan Fraser & with the slightest bit of confidence he can make his dreams come true. Rating – 10+/10 – Yup, this movie may have somehow made me the way I am because of the moral at the end… January 16 – Island of Dr. Moreau (1977) Saw this one suggested on Tubi… and realized that I wasn’t sure if I had seen it. Based on the HG Wells classic, Michael York is shipwrecked on an island where Dr. Moreau (Burt Lancaster) is experimenting and making humanimals and hijinx ensue… and in this version, it’s a commentary on have & have-nots and double standards… and that of course leads to rebellion by the oppressed… and Michael York tries to leave with the daughter (Barbara Carrera) who allegedly is part-cat but… Rating – 7/10 – This wasn’t a bad version just… the ending just kind happens really quick & I was like… is she a cat or is her makeup just smudged? The End January 17 – Island of Dr. Moreau (1997) This legendary flop version was also on Tubi… so rewatched it… and based on the HG Wells classic, David Thewlis is shipwrecked on an island where Dr. Moreau (Marlon Brando) is experimenting and making humanimals and hijinx ensue… and in this version, it’s a commentary more on trying to oppress these humanimals with pain-causing chips in their spines (brute force & threat of violence) and FULL-ON into the ideologies of Gods & religion… and self-identifying with “What am I? Father?” and all that mess… and Val Kilmer is absolutely insane in this movie… and David Thewlis would probably throat chop you if you asked him about the movie… Rating – 7/10 – This is a bad version… but goddamn it, the movie is an absolutely sh*t show and I can’t look away. Would you like to know more? January 18 – Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau (2014) This is the mystifying tale of eccentric filmmaker Richard Stanley and what he set out to do with the 1997 version of Island of Dr. Moreau… but hijinx ensue & he ended up getting canned for John Frankenheimer… but oh boy, that is NOT all that happens during this film with the craziness of Brando, Kilmer, Aussie extras, and… let’s face it… if Fairuza Balk is the voice of reason in your production… it’s gonna be epic! Rating – 9/10 – Yes, the documentary is from the point of view of the sane… but what about the insane? I wonder if Kilmer talks about this in his documentary… Have a great day everybody!!! Also... what the f**k happened to the Eagles?!? Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
The year 2024 continues... and new exciting things are popping up everyday... and here are some movies that we watched... January 5 – Highlander 3: The Final Dimension (1994) A few entries ago, I talked about how the original Highlander is a classic 80’s flick… and then the sequel happened and… kinda screwed over the franchise… so a few years later, they basically decided to do the first movie again, but with Mario Van Peebles as the bad guy instead of Clancy Brown. Don’t believe me? There are DOZENS of times you can line up the scenes exactly the same… and guess where you can hear all about it?!? Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcatchers!!! Home Video Hustle joins us for this one!!! January 6 – Muscles & Mayhem: An Unauthorized Story of American Gladiators (2023) When Izzy was recovering from pneumonia (whole story about that with the healthcare industry), she was watching a BUNCH of documentaries… and the only one she suggested to me was this! It was the story of the American Gladiators TV show (HUGE fan when I was a kid & saw the live show) primarily from the point of view of a few directors, producers, and the main stars like Gemini, Ice, Nitro, Laser, etc. Basically they were exploited bodybuilders who were rode hard & put away basically penniless but… yeah, that’s a tale as old as time in Hollywood, right? So then I started wondering… why was this the unauthorized story besides being from the view of the exploited? Rating – 10/10 – If you’re a fan of American Gladiators, check it out! Ice has a podcast too so I’m probably going to start listening to that… January 7 – 30 for 30: The American Gladiators Documentary (2023) This is why! ESPN did a 30 for 30 primarily from the point of the view the exploitive Elvis impersonator creator of American Gladiators… with a few of the gladiators included (Gemini & Malibu I think were the only crossover for both though). In the second half of the documentary, they start looking for the mysterious OTHER creator Dann Carr… and that’s probably the most intriguing part of the documentary. Although it seems like it was edited a very particular way that had me unsettled… Rating – 9/10 – Aside from that though, I’d recommend checking it out too January 8 – Holly Star (2017) Izzy had this movie recommended to her during the Hallmark movie season… and it’s about a broke puppeteer who goes back to her hometown… sassy friend who likes paintball & they couldn’t afford Melissa McCarthy… and she ends up selling Christmas trees with her old “boyfriend” (guy she kissed when she was 7?) and his dad… and hijinx ensue? Look, it was pretty rough… but there were moments… and you know what you’re getting into when you sign up for it. The puppetry pieces were kinda fun too… at least different. Rating – 8/10 – It was kooky enough for a Christmas watch… completely inoffensive January 9 – A Christmas Karen (2022) This one I was worried about… but it’s basically a modern day “A Christmas Carol” but instead of Ebenezer Scrooge, you get a Karen… and I’ll be damned… I actually really enjoyed this movie. There’s definitely the parts where you absolutely wish horrible things to Karen… and yeah, a bunch of things that she does are absolutely unforgiveable (even when we get the white savior moments at the end where money solves everything) but some of the jokes were pretty funny… and yeah, it was a LOT better than I expected going in. Rating – 9/10 – I’d say give it a watch January 10 – The Knight Before Christmas (2019) We had seen this one a few years before… but my wife wanted to watch it again because she recommended it to somebody else and wanted to yell “Old Crone!” at the top of her lungs for the next few weeks. Basically a 15th century knight is sent to modern day Ohio by a witch to find his true purpose or quest or whatever… and he runs into Vanessa Hudgens… and hijinx ensue as he’s a decent human being in a world full of dipshits… and they hook up in ridiculous ways. Rating – 9/10 – Not bad for a Hallmark Christmas movie… and apparently Ms. Hudgens is in DOZENS of them, like a whole cinematic universe January 11 – The Creator (2023) In the not-too-distant future, AI has become self-aware Skynet style and the robots designed to help mankind & build their society have risen up and bombed Los Angeles… so they were banned from America… yet live peacefully in New Asia (Eurasian continent). Hmm… gee, I wonder if they’re really bad guys. However, America is trying to find Nimrata, the AI God who the AI worships… but hijinx ensue when an undercover agent (Denzel’s kid) gets caught up & falls in love with a woman in New Asia… but then the seal team 6 comes in & BOOM! Now it’s a few years later & they bring him back in because… his wife isn’t dead! Yeah, you obviously know how the movie goes from here… and it’s basically what Avatar should be… but apparently on a budget of $25 million (ridiculously good for that amount). It has a very… Fallout meets Chappie kind of feel to it… but yeah, check it out. Rating – 9/10 – Could have been tightened up a bit but… definitely worth a watch on Hulu Depending on the weather, I may actually get to see a movie in theatres since "Barbenheimer" months ago... but come Hell or high water... allegedly Dune: Part 2 comes out on March 1st so... got that to look forward to as well. Have a great day everybody!!! Stay warm out there!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Starting off 2024 with a healthier wife & a few movies off the queue... January 1 – Violent Night (2022) Ever wanted to see Die Hard… but with Santa? Well, now’s your chance. Santa (David Harbour) is out doing his Santa thing… when he gets caught in an isolated mansion while a terrorist group led by John Leguizamo has taken a bunch of rich a-holes hostage & only Santa can save them… well… actually just one good girl… and hijinx ensue. It’s cute, fun, violent obviously… and I had a lot of fun watching it. The kills are pretty funny & over-the-top. The Christmas clichés are prevalent. Give it a watch if you’re a teenager or older. Rating – 10/10 – May be a new holiday classic… you know, like Die Hard January 2 – K-9 (1989) An a-hole police officer (Jim Belushi) may have a criminal kingpin trying to take him out (after a chopper shoots up his car at makeout point in the opening scene) so he calls upon the help of a canine officer that may/may not have PTSD to help him bring him down. Hijinx ensue as I’m not entirely sure how this office gets to have a K-9 except that movie has to movie… and we get to talk about it on the podcast. Rating - ???/10 – That’s Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL the major podcatchers!!! January 3 – Turner & Hooch (1989) Think K-9 sounded interesting… what if a few months later we released the same movie but with Tom Hanks instead of Jim Belushi as the cop? And the dog is more John Belushi in nature? Sounds like a winner, huh? Rating - ???/10 - That’s Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL the major podcatchers to find out if it’s as good as you remember!!! January 4 – The Retirement Plan (2023) A woman & her daughter are being hunted by criminals… so the only thing they can do is go to Grand Cayman to find her estranged father (Nic Cage) who’s a retired beach bum to save them… but oh yeah, he’s a former operative so he’s about to kill some fools! Ron Perlamn, Jackie Earle Haley, Ernie Hudson & others show up… and hijinx ensue. It’s an action comedy and anything with Nic Cage is great to me… but yeah, it’s not the greatest of the genre. I had a lot of fun with it though… and Nic Cage is always great. Did I mention Nic Cage AND Ernie Hudson are in it?!? Rating – 9/10 – I support more Cage in action comedies!!! What? An entry that's half a shameless plug for the podcast?!? Look, if you're checking out this site, then you're going to love the podcast... so give it a listen. Why not?!? Steve |
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
December 2024
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