Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Back is feeling much better now... ready to get back into the show season... but Izzy was a damn champ making that money without me!!! This also gave me time to watch some movies...

June 22 – Commando (1985)
 
John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) is a former mercenary or something… but he’s retired now & living in the woods with his daughter (Alyssa Milano) but then some South American general (Dan Hedaya?) sends a hit squad to kill him, kidnaps his daughter & blackmails him into killing the president so the general can take power? Now John has to figure out how to get his daughter back… and it’s by teaming with a stewardess (Rae Dawn Chong) and destroying hundreds of bad guys. Guys, this movie is amazing & 1,000% action and one-liners… and Vernon Wells as the final baddy is chef’s kiss…
 
Rating – 10+/10 – Love this movie even though the story is ridiculous…
 
June 23 – Champions (2023)
 
Woody Harrelson is a semi-pro assistant coach who gets fired after a DUI (and pushing his boss coach Ernie Hudson) & as part of his community service is “forced” to coach a local Special Olympics basketball team… knowing that it’s also directed by one of the Farrelly brothers & the trailer you can see how the movie could go a VERY questionable way. Ladies & gentlemen, I’ll tell you what… this movie was legitimately great! Now, basketball movies I’m usually pretty skeptical of because of playing it for a LONG time in my younger days… but the way everything is handled, this movie was deep, thoughtful, hilarious, and even Kaitlyn “Sweet Dee” Olsen was able to show off her acting chops a little bit. I highly recommend checking it out!
 
Rating – 10/10 – Seeing Woody shooting a jump shot just reminded me that there’s a “White Men Can’t Jump” remake out there that I’ll probably watch one day…
 
June 24 – Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)
 
Of course I’ve seen some Shrek movies (at least the first two) & I’m familiar with Antonio Banderas as the titular character Puss in Boots… but in this one, Puss is faced with his own mortality as he’s down to his last of nine lives, and is on a mission to find the last wishing star to get his lives back… meanwhile he’s paired with an ex love (voiced by Salma Hayek) & a Chihuahua (Harvey Guillen) but being pursued by DEATH (a big bad wolf), kingpin Jack Horner, Goldi & the three bears!!! Hijinx ensue… and I really liked it. It’s fun for kids & adults… and that’s a delicate balance…
 
Rating – 10/10 – Again, highly recommend & would gladly enjoy watching it with a child in need of distraction
 
June 25 – Rollerball (2002)
 
I remember watching this when it first came out and… not enjoying it… like everybody else based on its RT rating. However, I thought it might be worth another shot since I had time on my hands & it was featured on Tubi. Basically in the year 2005 (remember?) there’s a new sport in Russia where it’s a mix of extreme sports & death… but the ratings are great & violence is high… and there’s a kid (Chris Klein from American Pie) who’s the new wunderkind… but things aren’t what they seem as there’s corruption (gasp!). Okay, the movie… is not great obviously. The thing is that there are decent ideas there. LL Cool J is great as charismatic friend. Corruption in sports & power struggles are fraught with ideas for effective storytelling. Some of the actions scenes are okay. Unfortunately, this had the perfect storm of a few things happening like director John McTiernan becoming completely disenchanted with Hollywood, Hollywood chopping up his vision into PG-13 BS, and… Chris Klein may not be the greatest actor by any means… but I feel like he had the worst possible choices of movies to try to kickstart his career with this, “Say It Ain’t So”, “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li” and so on. However, this movie can best be summed up in the infamous 12-minute night vision action scene that’s bad even by straight-to-VHS standards.
 
Rating – 6/10 – Made me want to watch the original… but there’s possibilities in it
 
June 26 – Planet Terror (2007)
 
Yes, the other half of the Grindhouse duo, directed by Robert Rodriguez (apparently he has a new movie out called Hynpotic that I need to watch soon) and a campy over-the-top zombie kind of flick where a chemical has been released on the populous turning them into a violent horde of melty monsters… and hijinx ensue. I love this movie as an ode to the Grindhouse movies that I’ve learned to absolutely love over the past decade or so… from the ridiculous moments of dialogue repeating, the coarse special effects to “age the film” or whatever, the long shots at the “superstar that’s fallen on hard times to have a small part in this movie” (Bruce Willis) and the violence is just cranked up to 11 with exploding blood & limbs & well, explosions!!! Absolutely top notch…
 
Rating – 10+/10 – Why am I not seeing more Robert Rodriguez?!?
 
June 27 – Easy Rider 2: The Ride Home (2012)
 
This is… sort of a sequel of the legendary 1969 “Easy Rider” but… it’s really about the rest of Peter Fonda’s character Wyatt’s family and just a family drama… but it’s also about 40% motorcycle riding on the open highway to pad out the 90 minutes. Wyatt’s brother Morgan is asked to come back to the States to see his father before he dies… and then along the way we get a bunch of flashbacks as to why he’s in Mexico, what happened to other siblings, the father’s past, the sister’s, his buddy Wes Coast (played by Jeff Fahey) and… yeah, it just kinda happens. I didn’t hate this movie as much as I did when I first saw it… but find out specifically why on an upcoming Patreon Exclusive episode in July for BIKER MONTH!!!
 
Rating – 6/10 – This one is rough at spots… and I’m not a fan of drama… but there’s some positives too
 
June 28 – Rollerball (1975)
 
After watching the remake the other day, I had to watch the original starring James Caan. Basically in the year 2018 (40+ years in the future as opposed to 2-3 like the remake), there’s no war… only the corporates… and Rollerball!!! Want some more background on how this came to be or what the global ramifications are of this society? TOO BAD!!! Theatre of the mind!!! Fill in your own blanks, you get bare bones in this one… but apparently there’s a book that I’m not going to read. James Caan is the aged star of Rollerball… and they want him to retire… but he doesn’t want to… so then “They” start taking away the rules to kill him because… well, that’s another thing they don’t really explain well. Look, I really enjoyed the movie… and if you combine this with some world building elements of the remake… you could totally make a decent version of this. Other franchises have tried like Hunger Games and… coming next week… but yeah, 70’s fun.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Not great but good…

Happy Independence Day to those who celebrate... until next time!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I tweaked my back a few days ago... but Izzy has been amazing & running her art shows solo. One positive of having back pain though... plenty of time to watch movies...

June 15 – Son of the White Mare (1981)
 
Watched this one during the Satanic Temple Movie Night… and it’s a beautifully animated Hungarian folktale about a horse goddess giving birth to three brothers who go into the underworld to save their princesses from dragons & reclaim their ancestors’ lost kingdom! Oh… and hijinx ensue. This was subtitled but you know, it’s a beautiful mythic tale and the animated is absolutely incredible. I can’t even tell you what style it is… just very impressionistic yet vibrant… and yeah, I’d recommend just checking it out & seeing it for yourself.
 
Rating – 9/10 – Stunningly beautiful… but I was dozing off at some spots… but I’ll blame the environment, after a long day at work
 
June 16 – Mom and Dad (2017)
 
I’m not sure if I already did this one when we talked about it last Nic-August Cage… but yeah, something is causing all parents (including Nic Cage & Selma Blair) to KILL THEIR CHILDREN… and hijinx ensue… especially when the grandparents get involved (Lance Henriksen) and it’s from Brian Taylor, one of the directors of the Crank movies & Gamer… obviously I love it.
 
Rating – 10/10 – May actually be a 10+ but I may get put on a list…
 
June 17 – Showgirls (1995)
 
Yes, I’m one of the record number of people who pre-ordered the Vinegar Syndrome 4k UHD release of the Paul Verhoeven classic “Showgirls” about an absolutely horrible woman named Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkeley) who moves to Las Vegas to become a famous dancer like… … well, I guess she’ll be the first? Along the way a magical best friend shows up the first hour she’s there to help her through (and ends up being violently raped) and hijinx ensue. Yes, the movie is… over-the-top crazy & every single line of dialogue within it is absolutely horrible like the main protagonist. However, it’s campy as f**k to watch… and makes perfect sense when it’s the Danish director who brought you things like RoboCop & Starship Troopers doing an escalated version of Joe Eszterhas’ script when they were both basically given a blank check to do what they want after the success of “Basic Instinct” & “Total Recall” or something.
 
Rating – 9/10 – I can’t give this a 10 based on the abhorrent dialogue… but this movie has a soft (and hard) spot in my heart
 
June 18 – Creed III (2023)
 
Yes, I’ve seen all the Rocky movies… lots of times… and I cried watching Creed II… I have a thing for daddy stories, sue me! So was I excited for Michael B Jordan to direct & star in this movie that I originally assumed was him going up against Clubber Lang’s grandson from Rocky III? Of course! Was I excited once I found out it was his buddy from the hood that’s been in jail for 15 years? Sure, I dig the Bernard Hopkins “coming into the game late” angle. Well, drama & hijinx ensues… and it’s a pretty decent boxing movie but… the drama was hard for me to grasp because… yeah, some stretches in logic were taken. Aside from that though, not bad at all.
 
Rating – 9/10 – Like most Rocky movies, the boxing scenes are great… the drama is lukewarm… but not bad in this case
 
June 19 – Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
 
I tweaked my back the other day… so instead of helping with one of Izzy’s art shows, I had orders to rest up… so I finally had the 3.5 hours free to watch the 2nd Avatar (not the Last Airbender) movie. This picks up 15 years after the original story of a guy who had his consciousness transported into an alien clone to infiltrate the local alien tribes for human domination to mine Unobtainium (the more I try to explain the movie, the more ridiculous it sounds) but now he’s had children with Zoe Saldana alien & they’re teenagers… oh & Sigourney Weaver had an immaculate birth that is probably going to bring balance to the Force or the Matrix or whatever in one of the planned sequels… but in this one, there’s an alien clone consciousness transfer of the bad guy (Stephen Lang in original) and he wants revenge & wouldn’t you know it… now Earth wants the whole planet because Earth is dying… add a new sea tribe of aliens that live on Samoa… er, let’s face it… they’re Maori Na’vi with the exact same tattoos & war dance… and hijinx ensue. I wasn’t huge on the original & often refer to it as Dances with Smurfs… but it’s a simple story (with a bunch of convolutions) and it’s beautifully shot. This one has war whales.
 
Rating – 7/10 – No need for it to be 3.5 hours, not particularly excited for more sequels… but it was alright…
 
June 20 – The Old Way (2023)
 
Nic Cage’s latest is a Western where he’s a retired gunslinger who was the Devil incarnate… but he found a woman who changed him… and they have a daughter (Ryan Kiera Armstrong from “Firestarter”) and a gang comes through & rapes his wife to death… so now he & the daughter go after them… and come to terms with their lack of human emotions. Sounds like an intriguing premise… and I can’t say it’s a bad western… but the tone is a little all over the place. At times it’s a super serious western with suspense & drama… and you know, a woman being violently raped to death… and then you have Clint Howard being kicked in the nuts… or a two-minute monologue about apples from someone’s tree tasting like sh*t… and then done AGAIN. The tone is weird. The performances are stilted, though on purpose because the two main characters are explaining how they don’t have emotions or empathy… but it’s tough to pull something like this off.
 
Rating – 7/10 – It’s not the worst… Nic Cage is the best… maybe give it a watch if you’re into westerns…
 
June 21 – Wooooooo!!! Becoming Ric Flair (2022)
 
This documentary is the life story of one of the most charismatic wrestlers in history & his 50+ year career… including stops in a plane crash, being struck by lightning, highest highs, lowest lows, four wives, children overdosing, wise & unwise business decisions, all sorts of stuff…
 
Rating – 9/10 – I found the documentary interesting & learned about a bunch of stuff I had no idea about… and 70-something Ric Flair still has it…

Until next time! Have a great week everybody!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Been a busy few weeks with various festivals & whatnot... and I may elaborate on that next time as we haven't been able to see a lot of movies but... until then...

June 8 – Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
 
I don’t know much about D&D and I’m okay with that… but I’d heard good things about this movie… and boy oh boy did I enjoy it! Chris Pine has +20 charisma throughout & it’s entertaining while still being kind of “in on the joke” from a meta standpoint… but not in an over-the-top kind of way, which is a delicate balance. You know the story… group of medieval travelers join forces & go on adventures to bring down the bad guy & an evil red wizard… hijinx ensue… but yeah, I definitely recommend watching this movie & going in without knowing too much…
 
Rating – 10/10 – That’s right! I gave a D&D movie a score of 10!!!
 
June 9 – Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)
 
Along the same tone as D&D:HAT comes the superhero equivalent that’s basically along the lines of a superhero movie made by a teenage fan of the genre with all the meta jokes you can stand, and throwing in some family subplots & ominous baddies, plot twists, stuff like that. This is the 2nd Shazam movie… so you know, at the beginning it’s like people forgot that they saved the world a few years ago like it’s Ghostbusters 2… but then LADYGODS show up & want to destroy the dimension… hijinx ensue. This was a LOT of fun. Again, go in with as little knowledge as you can (except maybe seeing the first movie, they really don’t explain a lot in this one & the concepts are a little out there by comic standards).
 
Rating – 10/10 – ANOTHER 10??? Steve, have you gone insane?!? Like I said, a LOT of fun… I watched it for Izzy & am gonna make her watch it with me!!!
 
June 10 – Silent Trigger (1996)
 
Yup, another Dolph Lundgren movie… and in this one he’s an assassin who apparently was marked in the middle of a job at the beginning of a movie with a sexy lady spotter (chick from “Leverage”) and went missing afterwards… but then they’re unknowingly paired up at an abandoned skyscraper site (that still has security guys) for another job… and hijinx ensue. Shockingly there’s some betrayal involved (no kidding) but this movie was shot more like… a Silk Stockings episode or something, like it’s supposed to be super sexy with the obvious costars & their… I don’t know, motivations… but it’s really awkward… and then you get action. It’s a weird little movie… but I liked it.
 
Rating – 8/10 – We have to do a Dolph Lundgren month so to dive into these things…
 
June 11 – The Muppets Mayhem (2023)
 
Ten half-hour episodes about a young assistant to a music producer tries to get Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem to record their first album after being on tour for the past 48 years or whatever… I love the Muppets so this was going to be highly rated to begin with… but this one had some of my favorite characters in the band. That being said, the fairly predictable lead characters & the nonsense that happens (I assume to make it a full ten episodes) and their “motivations” are just… dumb & boring. Luckily the Muppets are there to keep it lively & fun because otherwise it’s sisters being inconsiderate & a bunch of other “who gives a sh*t” so… what did I think overall?
 
Rating – 9/10 – I had a great time but it’s long at times…
 
June 12 – Confess, Fletch (2023)
 
Now, I’m a fan of the 80’s Fletch movies with Chevy Chase… both of them. This one finds investigative journalist Irwin Fletcher (Jon Hamm) basically retired… because he’s banging an Italian countess or something… and then he finds a dead body at his AirBNB, so he calls it in… and then he’s the lead suspect? Hijinx ensue… but of course the witty banter from the original movies & director from Greg Mottola (Superbad, Adventureland, Dave, Keeping Up with the Joneses) makes this a pretty good movie. There are some parts that are just kind of where I would say “f**k all y’all & leave the situation” but… you know, I watch a lot of Murder She Wrote now so it goes well with that mentality.
 
Rating – 9/10 – Can’t wait for more but… since nobody knows this movie exists probably isn’t a good sign for sequels
 
June 13 – The Guyver (1991)
 
Next March I think we’re going to do a new spin on Marky March where instead of talking about Mark Wahlberg movies, we’re going to go with the forgotten Mark Hamill movies of the early 90’s. This one is based on a Japanese anime about a young man who discovers a device that turns him into a cyborg superhero… and Mark Hamill is a detective that gets involved… and JJ Walker pops up… and it’s directed by special effects guru Screaming Mad George (Society & MANY more) but… you may just have to wait until the episode… it gets nuts…
 
Rating – 8/10 – The story is pretty bad… but oh man, the effects & weirdness make it worth watching.
 
June 14 – Stone Cold (1991)
 
Pretty sure, I’ve done this one before but too lazy to check… Brian Bosworth as an undercover agent in a biker gang led by Lance Henriksen & William Forsythe… mullet hijinx ensue… love everything about this movie…
 
Rating – 10+/10 – Seriously, go see this movie now!!! I have the Blu Ray…

Until next time, true believers! EXCELSIOR!!!

Steve

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

First week of the Month of Constant Moneymaking has come & gone with 8-18 hour days... but here are some movies that we saw...

June 1 – Sisu (2023)
 
An elderly Finnish gold panner finds a vein of gold… but unfortunately it’s during the ending days of WWII… and the Nazis are there scorching the Earth behind them on their way back to Berlin. They mess with this man on his way back to town… and hijinx ensue as they learn he’s a retired mercenary of such legend that I think it translates to John Wick. Yes, it’s a violent John Wick meets Mad Max meets Inglorious Basterds in a glorious explosion of Nazi scalps & ridiculousness. I loved it.
 
Rating – 10/10 – Simple story, lots of fun, lots of violence, gonna watch it again!
 
June 2 – The Last Match (1991)
 
Okay, this movie was sold to me but the plot summary of a football team assaulting a prison in the Caribbean to free the teenage daughter of their quarterback… starring Ernest Borgnine, Henry Silva, Charles Napier (for like two scenes) & Bills quarterback Jim Kelly around the same time that he’s leading the Bills to four straight Super Bowls… and he’s not playing the quarterback!!! The movie is nuts… but there’s a LOT of drama for the first… 70 minutes or so, THEN it kicks into cuckoo bananas territory with coach Ernest Borgnine calling the strategy from a helicopter while footballs with grenades are punted & guys in full football gear are rattling off machine guns slaying HUNDREDS of foreign policemen!!! Now I desperately want a current remake with Tom Brady trying to rescue his daughter imprisoned in the Dominican Republic on a trumped up drug charge… and Gronk, Belicheck and the rest of the Patriots gear up to help him cause an international incident! Where was this when Brittney Griner was in Russia?!? Get the Phoenix Mercury on the phone!!!
 
Rating – 9/10 – The movie is nuts… as long as you can make it through the slower stuff
 
June 3 – Black Tight Killers (1966)
 
The Grindbin Podcast invited us to come on to talk this Japanese James Bond-esque movie… and we watched the Japanese version (no English subtitles) & listen to the upcoming episode to see how we did… but basically a war photographer hits on a stewardess, then she gets kidnapped by a bunch of lady bandits in black tights & Beach Blanket Babylon wigs… and then hijinx ensue when bodies pile around him & he tries to save his “girlfriend” of half a date. Now, that may sound silly… and it is… but I recommend checking it out. There are so many things in this movie that influence future movie powerhouses like Quentin Tarantino, Austin Powers, The Big Lebowski, and more! It’s 87 minutes & a ton of fun and craziness… made me excited to watch it again WITH subtitles on archive.org.
 
Rating – 9/10 – I still think the flowers are cursed…
 
June 4 – Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
 
In preparation for the next movie, I realized that I hadn’t seen the new Ant-Man & wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss anything… and it’s on Disney+ so… basically, hijinx ensue when superheroes are pulled into the Quantum Realm including the Wasp’s parents & Ant-Man’s (new) daughter… and they may have accidentally unleashed an unstoppable force Kang the Conqueror because this family just can’t f**king communicate. Now… with recent Jonathan Majors situations, this may be all for not… but I think he did a good job as the next BIG baddy for the phase… but he’ll probably be replaced… but luckily, because of this multiverse thing that will be super easy (as designed). Do you NEED to watch this movie to keep up to pace with the next few? Probably not… but it’s okay for what it is. I enjoyed it.
 
Rating – 8/10 – MODOK… yeesh… what the hell happened there?!?
 
June 5 – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
 
So then we watched the next big Marvel movie in theatres about the Guardians of the Galaxy… and hijinx ensue when a new baddy Adam Warlock shows up & just starts blasting… and nearly kills Rocket Raccoon… and now the gang need to infiltrate the animal testing facility planet where he came from to stop an explosive on his heart. Go ahead, read the sentence again slowly. Now, I really enjoy the Guardians movies… and this was no exception. Though this one, I will reiterate that it is PG-13 & I don’t think anyone under 13 should watch it unless they’re okay with scenes of animal cruelty, utter obliteration of aliens in violent ways, even the language seemed like director James Gunn was DARING Marvel to make this R-rated. That being said, I teared up a few times… it was effective… just REALLY adult situations & levels of violence.
 
Rating – 9/10 – VERY enjoyable but maybe don’t take gentle kids until you’ve seen it first.
 
June 6 – The Little Mermaid (2023)
 
The Disney live-action remakes have been… meh. I’ve seen most of them and… the best one was probably “The Jungle Book” and that’s 95% CGI animated anyway. Basically taking already decent 70-90 minute animated features & ballooning them to two full hours for basically no reason other than to make another billion dollars off them… which I can understand. That being said though, I had to watch this one in theaters for a few reasons. 1) F**k the racist haters who question the casting! Javier Bardem is a great choice for King Triton. I assume that’s what they’re up in arms about; 2) It was new on date night & the timing just worked out for me to use my abundance of past credits from not going to theatres in really a year before Fast X; 3) I was intrigued by Melissa McCarthy as Ursula the Sea Witch, one of my favorite villains as a child. I know she’s capable of greatness even though half of her movies are ass. So how did this one go? Guys… go check this movie out! If you love the original, it’s damn near a frame-for-frame remake… but with CGI & performances up there with the original. I know, kids don’t seem to like the “old fashioned” animation of the original but they’re missing out. If they won’t watch that, take them to see this. Yes, the plot is a little convoluted still… and it’s ballooned to a full two hours (with a few new musical numbers too) but… worth it.
 
Rating – 9/10 – This one I’d watch again, which I can’t really say with “Aladdin” or “Beauty & the Beast” and about half I haven’t even seen yet
 
June 7 – Biker Boyz (2003)
 
Well, we talked about Torque on the podcast… so we had to talk about Biker Boyz too… and this is definitely the more dramatic & slow paced version of a similar movie. Basically a young biker named Kid wants to get respect amongst the biker gangs through racing… and hijinx ensue as he acts like a petulant child after his father is killed in the first scene. Great cast including Laurence Fishburne, Orlando Jones, Djimon Hounsou, Lisa Bonet & more but… yeah, just not as gripping as it probably should be. Honestly, if you combine this family drama with the ridiculousness of Torque… that’s how you reboot the F&F franchise a few years later in Fast 5… maybe they were paying attention.
 
Rating – 7/10 – The Last Supper mural is great…

Let's see if we can get 7 movies in for next week's reviews... that's what we can a cliffhanger...

​Steve