Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,
First week of the Month of Constant Moneymaking has come & gone with 8-18 hour days... but here are some movies that we saw... June 1 – Sisu (2023) An elderly Finnish gold panner finds a vein of gold… but unfortunately it’s during the ending days of WWII… and the Nazis are there scorching the Earth behind them on their way back to Berlin. They mess with this man on his way back to town… and hijinx ensue as they learn he’s a retired mercenary of such legend that I think it translates to John Wick. Yes, it’s a violent John Wick meets Mad Max meets Inglorious Basterds in a glorious explosion of Nazi scalps & ridiculousness. I loved it. Rating – 10/10 – Simple story, lots of fun, lots of violence, gonna watch it again! June 2 – The Last Match (1991) Okay, this movie was sold to me but the plot summary of a football team assaulting a prison in the Caribbean to free the teenage daughter of their quarterback… starring Ernest Borgnine, Henry Silva, Charles Napier (for like two scenes) & Bills quarterback Jim Kelly around the same time that he’s leading the Bills to four straight Super Bowls… and he’s not playing the quarterback!!! The movie is nuts… but there’s a LOT of drama for the first… 70 minutes or so, THEN it kicks into cuckoo bananas territory with coach Ernest Borgnine calling the strategy from a helicopter while footballs with grenades are punted & guys in full football gear are rattling off machine guns slaying HUNDREDS of foreign policemen!!! Now I desperately want a current remake with Tom Brady trying to rescue his daughter imprisoned in the Dominican Republic on a trumped up drug charge… and Gronk, Belicheck and the rest of the Patriots gear up to help him cause an international incident! Where was this when Brittney Griner was in Russia?!? Get the Phoenix Mercury on the phone!!! Rating – 9/10 – The movie is nuts… as long as you can make it through the slower stuff June 3 – Black Tight Killers (1966) The Grindbin Podcast invited us to come on to talk this Japanese James Bond-esque movie… and we watched the Japanese version (no English subtitles) & listen to the upcoming episode to see how we did… but basically a war photographer hits on a stewardess, then she gets kidnapped by a bunch of lady bandits in black tights & Beach Blanket Babylon wigs… and then hijinx ensue when bodies pile around him & he tries to save his “girlfriend” of half a date. Now, that may sound silly… and it is… but I recommend checking it out. There are so many things in this movie that influence future movie powerhouses like Quentin Tarantino, Austin Powers, The Big Lebowski, and more! It’s 87 minutes & a ton of fun and craziness… made me excited to watch it again WITH subtitles on archive.org. Rating – 9/10 – I still think the flowers are cursed… June 4 – Ant-Man & the Wasp: Quantumania (2023) In preparation for the next movie, I realized that I hadn’t seen the new Ant-Man & wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss anything… and it’s on Disney+ so… basically, hijinx ensue when superheroes are pulled into the Quantum Realm including the Wasp’s parents & Ant-Man’s (new) daughter… and they may have accidentally unleashed an unstoppable force Kang the Conqueror because this family just can’t f**king communicate. Now… with recent Jonathan Majors situations, this may be all for not… but I think he did a good job as the next BIG baddy for the phase… but he’ll probably be replaced… but luckily, because of this multiverse thing that will be super easy (as designed). Do you NEED to watch this movie to keep up to pace with the next few? Probably not… but it’s okay for what it is. I enjoyed it. Rating – 8/10 – MODOK… yeesh… what the hell happened there?!? June 5 – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) So then we watched the next big Marvel movie in theatres about the Guardians of the Galaxy… and hijinx ensue when a new baddy Adam Warlock shows up & just starts blasting… and nearly kills Rocket Raccoon… and now the gang need to infiltrate the animal testing facility planet where he came from to stop an explosive on his heart. Go ahead, read the sentence again slowly. Now, I really enjoy the Guardians movies… and this was no exception. Though this one, I will reiterate that it is PG-13 & I don’t think anyone under 13 should watch it unless they’re okay with scenes of animal cruelty, utter obliteration of aliens in violent ways, even the language seemed like director James Gunn was DARING Marvel to make this R-rated. That being said, I teared up a few times… it was effective… just REALLY adult situations & levels of violence. Rating – 9/10 – VERY enjoyable but maybe don’t take gentle kids until you’ve seen it first. June 6 – The Little Mermaid (2023) The Disney live-action remakes have been… meh. I’ve seen most of them and… the best one was probably “The Jungle Book” and that’s 95% CGI animated anyway. Basically taking already decent 70-90 minute animated features & ballooning them to two full hours for basically no reason other than to make another billion dollars off them… which I can understand. That being said though, I had to watch this one in theaters for a few reasons. 1) F**k the racist haters who question the casting! Javier Bardem is a great choice for King Triton. I assume that’s what they’re up in arms about; 2) It was new on date night & the timing just worked out for me to use my abundance of past credits from not going to theatres in really a year before Fast X; 3) I was intrigued by Melissa McCarthy as Ursula the Sea Witch, one of my favorite villains as a child. I know she’s capable of greatness even though half of her movies are ass. So how did this one go? Guys… go check this movie out! If you love the original, it’s damn near a frame-for-frame remake… but with CGI & performances up there with the original. I know, kids don’t seem to like the “old fashioned” animation of the original but they’re missing out. If they won’t watch that, take them to see this. Yes, the plot is a little convoluted still… and it’s ballooned to a full two hours (with a few new musical numbers too) but… worth it. Rating – 9/10 – This one I’d watch again, which I can’t really say with “Aladdin” or “Beauty & the Beast” and about half I haven’t even seen yet June 7 – Biker Boyz (2003) Well, we talked about Torque on the podcast… so we had to talk about Biker Boyz too… and this is definitely the more dramatic & slow paced version of a similar movie. Basically a young biker named Kid wants to get respect amongst the biker gangs through racing… and hijinx ensue as he acts like a petulant child after his father is killed in the first scene. Great cast including Laurence Fishburne, Orlando Jones, Djimon Hounsou, Lisa Bonet & more but… yeah, just not as gripping as it probably should be. Honestly, if you combine this family drama with the ridiculousness of Torque… that’s how you reboot the F&F franchise a few years later in Fast 5… maybe they were paying attention. Rating – 7/10 – The Last Supper mural is great… Let's see if we can get 7 movies in for next week's reviews... that's what we can a cliffhanger... Steve
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Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
December 2024
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