April Movies - Week 3 & 4
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
It was a busy few weeks with business trips & Izzy starting her amazing adventures with The Local Artisan Collective... so we only watched a movie about every other day...
Apr 16 – Spiderman: No Way Home (2021)
The 3rd or 4th biggest money making movie of all time… and yes, I waited to see it at home… thanks Omicron! That being said, it was a truly ambitious live-action Spiderverse setup where basically Peter Parker gets exposed as Spiderman… so he & his two friends can’t get into MIT (oh no? avoiding student debt… and weren’t you like Tony Stark’s heir in the last movie? Or an Avenger?) so he goes to his sarcastic wizard friend, interrupts him while wizarding & now the dimensions are merging… or nitpicking people who already knew Peter Parker was Spiderman… or something. I enjoyed the movie as a whole… but definitely not even the best Spiderman movie. There were some parts when (spoilers but not really) all three Spidermans were having a conversation with one another… and I was having flashback to Ghostbusters (2016) when I was BEGGING for somebody to make it stop… it wasn’t funny. LOVE what they did with the bad guys though giving them more context & not making Jamie Foxx into an absolute stooge.
Rating – 8/10 – There were a lot of things that I was just kinda “meh” about… but still lots of fun
Apr 18 – Deadly Friend (1986)
Speaking of engineering kids not getting exactly what they want, here’s a forgotten Wes Craven directed nugget about a teenage boy who designs a robot named BB (very Short Circuit’s Johnny 5 looking) and he moves into a new house with a superhot teenage neighbor (16-yr old Kristy Swanson) and hijinx ensue when her abusive father accidentally kills her… and the engineer decides to put his microchip into her corpse’s brain! I thoroughly enjoyed this cooky twisted tale… but it has weird tonal issues too… in reading the history of it though, basically it was just going to be a teenage romance movie & they had to throw in some gore because… you know, Wes Craven directed it so his fans won’t want to see a teenage drama. They had already learned when John Carpenter made “Starman” that people don’t like change. Check it out!
Rating – 9/10 – Possibly the greatest kill in horror history… I loved it
Apr 20 – The King of the Con (2021)
This was a three-episode documentary series about noted con man Barry Minkow (think teenager behind “ZZZZ Best Carpet Cleaning” from the 80’s) and his life of conning everybody around him with minimal repercussions. Half of the series is interviewing him… but everybody else is basically saying “You can’t believe anything he says, so here are the facts”. I watched this with my wife Izzy, who basically had a con man for a father (again, minimal consequences) and I basically speak fluent bullsh*t so we were watching like “How could anybody fall for this?” My guess is he’s sending those text messages with links now for his “legit” gig… but it’s an interesting look into a weird but not very complicated character. “But Steve, why did he live his life like this? Like they keep asking in the show?” Money, dumbass! He wanted money… so he lied to people to get it! Mystery solved!
Rating – 8/10 – Still worth a glance if this is your thing.
Apr 22 – Cyrano (2022)
Okay, I am a huge fan of the story of Cyrano de Bergourac (sp) & Steve Martin’s rendition in “Roxanne” is incredible. I am also a HUGE fan of master thespian Peter Dinklage… so my expectation were HIGH for this movie. Yes, even knowing it was directed by Joe Wright of 2015’s “Pan” infamy… at least it wasn’t a musical. So… this was a musical & had two things going against it. One: I am not a big fan of most musicals, especially period piece ones. Two: Peter Dinklage is not a singer by trade… and he’s your lead. That being said, in spite of that hindsight, his rendition of Cyrano is quite amazing from an acting standpoint, the fight scenes were surprisingly good & it’s a beautifully shot movie. I’d absolutely recommend checking it out, especially if musicals are your thing.
Rating – 8/10 – Great movie… but I just didn’t really feel for the Roxanne character & most of the musical
Apr 24 – The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)
It has FINALLY come to be seen by the public… and story of Nicolas Cage as Nick Cage (a slightly exaggerated version of himself) going to a man’s birthday party in Mallorca in exchange for a million dollars… and then shenanigans ensue when the CIA inform him that he’s actually an arms dealer… so then they recruit him to take him down, sounds like something out of my notebook for dream project movies… and the execution was flawless. Pedro Pascal is great, Nic Cage is great, even the others like Ike Barinholtz are decent… and the more you know about Mr. Cage’s filmography the more you’ll get the inside jokes… granted, the 3rd act kind of takes some weird twists to double down on the humor aspect… but God damn it, I love this movie!
Rating – 10+/10 – Watch it in theatres, watch it streaming, do what you need to do, it’s better than you even think it would be!
Apr 26 – The Northman (2022)
It was my birthday… so I watched the new Nic Cage movie… and then followed it up with VIKING VENGEANCE!!! From the director of two apparently great movies that I haven’t seen (“The Witch” & “The Lighthouse”) comes the tale-as-old-as-time story of prince Hamlet… sorry, prince Amleth whose father is killed by his uncle, who then usurps the kingdom, so he narrowly escapes to grow up in a life of vengeance… and then infiltrates as a slave to avenge his family! The director’s style apparently involves a lot of staring down the barrel of the camera… and it’s shot a lot like a stage play in that aspect… but it was intense, violent (though not that gushy) & exactly what you want in a weird psychedelic movie of vengeance. Also, most of the movie is shot in Iceland… and there were a LOT of times they were shooting at places I had visited… and it made me want to move there again. Coming soon?
Rating – 10/10 – Watch it in theatres, watch it streaming, do what you need to do, it’s better than you even think it would be!
Apr 28 – Congo (1995)
Again, it was my birthday… and we had a movie screening at Brewvies… so I took people to the Virunga region of the Congo in search of the Lost City of Zinj on the big screen for the first time in 27 years!!! Ernie Hudson, Laura Linney, Adewale & Tim Curry lead this exposition along with cameos from Joey Pants, Bruce Campbell, Delroy Lindo, Joe Don Baker, Jimmy Buffett & more!!! Lost city of gold, killer apes, other apes that know sign language, diamond-powered lasers, probably the worst “romance” in cinema history, but Ernie Hudson’s greatest performance!!!
Rating – 10+/10 – I love this ridiculous movie!
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April Movies - Week 2
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Okay, here are the movies from this past week...
Apr 8 – South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
I’ve been showing Izzy the series “South Park” the past few weeks… and we came to that incredible point between Season 3 & 4 which means… THE MOVIE!!! Yes, it’s a musical. Yes, it’s inappropriate by design. I still don’t care. The boys get involved in The Devil & Saddam Hussein’s plot to take over the world when their favorite actors Terence & Philip are sentenced to death by a mob getting out of hand… and hijinx ensue.
Rating – 10/10 – This movie is legend & I quote it almost daily… and own the soundtrack… and still holds up.
Apr 9 – In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
We have had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Uwe Boll twice on our podcast… but hadn’t talked at length about any of his movies. That will change in Jason May-tham when we talk about this movie. Director Boll took an RPG video game that I had never heard of & attempted to cash in on the Lord of the Rings fantasy genre that peaked a few years earlier… and to do it on a $60 million budget as opposed to a billion or so. What happened was great actors like Statham, Burt Reynolds, Ray Liotta, Matthew Lillard, John Rhys-Davies & more coming together to make a movie that… they usually don’t talk about. That being said, I genuinely enjoy this movie. The epic fight scenes are great, the acting is decent, the plot has its issues, but overall… my only real issue is the ending… but because at the end of a 2:07 movie it… just kind of ends.
Rating – 8/10 – This has 4% on RT but… I don’t get it. I enjoyed it. I think people just hate Dr. Boll.
Apr 10 – Stone (1974)
This movie is a classic of the Australian film industry & basically their “Easy Rider” with regards to legitimately good biker films. From writer/director/star Sandy Harbutt (who basically only did this?) is the tale of a motorcycle gang trying to find out who is killing them off… so an undercover cop joins them, they jump him in, and hijinx ensue. It’s genuinely entertaining & you have no idea what’s going to happen… stunts are great… plenty of nudity, maybe even too much… but a young Hugh Keays-Byrne almost steals the show too!
Rating – 10/10 – I feel like this movie is the inspiration for “Stone Cold” in the early 90s but yeah, this is a great one!
Apr 11 – The Meg (2018)
As I mentioned earlier, we’re watching Jason Statham movies… and this is the one where he beats up a shark that’s like three buses long. The movie is ridiculous… but there’s decent charisma throughout from the cast (except Ruby Rose, I don’t get her appeal) and as long as you go in knowing that it’s a stupid action movie, you’ll probably enjoy it!
Rating – 8/10 – We’ve seen this movie four times… it’s the Geostorm of Shark Movies
Apr 12 – The One (2001)
What happens when you take The Matrix, TimeCop & Highlander… and throw them all in a blender known as the Multiverse? You get this Jet Li, Jason Statham, Delroy Lindo & Carla Gugino movie about someone killing off the other 124 versions of him across the Multiverse to become… The One! The CGI is a little dated but it’s great to see Jet Li in his prime & Statham looking like Bruce Willis in this time capsule of a movie with a decent early 2000s rock soundtrack. Think “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” meets “Down with the Sickness” and sprinkle in some “Last Resort” with everything in between.
Rating – 8/10 – There are a few scenes that I would have done differently… but I’m sure they had to meet the 80-minute requirement.
Apr 13 – Our Flag Means Death (2022)
This is Taika Waititi’s new project starring a great cast of character actors… and loosely based on the true story of a nobleman Stede Bonnett who decided to leave his family & privilege behind to become a pirate in the 18th century. With Waititi involved, you know it’s a comedy… and I really enjoyed it… but I will warn you that if you’re uncomfortable with gender-fluidity and the thought of pirates alone at sea becoming lonely, then this probably isn’t the show for you. Almost ALL major characters deal with those issues… albeit in hilarious ways. Check it out on HBO Max
Rating – 9/10 – Some of the decision making is… poor, but that’s how you get drama in your comedy, just makes it drag at times
Apr 14 – Crank (2006)
Chev Chelios (Statham) is a hitman who’s been injected with a poison that will kill him in an hour… unless he can keep his heart pumping with adrenaline… or find the antidote. Hijinx ensue! This movie is an incredible acid trip of 2000’s testosterone from directors Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor (“Gamer”) and I absolutely love it!!!
Rating – 10+/10 – I have bought this movie several times & people just keep “borrowing” it
Apr 15 – Crank 2: High Voltage (2008)
Spoiler alert: Chev doesn’t die at the end of Crank and even crazier hijinx ensue!!! I'll be watching this tomorrow night... but I can already tell you...
Rating – 10+/10 – Neveldine & Taylor should squash that beef… they’re great together!
Anyway, work trip next week so might not get all of the movies in that I usually do... but there are some big ones coming up... including "Spiderman: No Way Home" which we can finally see now that it's out of theatres. AND if you want to watch a movie in theatres with us, check out our Facebook page at facebook.com/eilfmovies to see our upcoming FREE Screenings at Brewvies in Ogden, Utah!!! Great food, great beer, great movies!!! We just watched "Link" there last night & we have "Congo" coming up on Wednesday, April 27th... ON THE BIG SCREEN!!!
Until next time...
April Movies - Week 1
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Here's what happened this last week...
Apr 1 – Cyborg (1989)
Yes, the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie!!! Post-apocalyptic future… he’s a slinger who gets people out of the city & into the boonies… flashbacks to his past life… a cyborg holding the key to a cure to a worldwide pandemic… damn near mythologically strong bad guys… Cannon films’ final hurrah that was apparently pieced together from the Masters of the Universe sequel & Spiderman movie that were nixed because of their bankruptcy… you know what this is…
Rating – 9/10 – For a 90 minute movie some parts are slow… but I unapologetically enjoy this flick
Apr 2 – Primal Rage: The Legend of Konga (2018)
This one is for an upcoming episode of the podcast (obviously with Konga in the name) but it’s also known as Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn apparently (how it’s listed on Peacock) and it’s basically about a couple who hit someone on a highway in Oregon… but then are stalked by a mysterious forest creature who’s been taking out locals for years. It’s directed by a guy who specializes in special effects and… without giving too much away, I’d recommend it. The characters are a little… one-note, but it had serious “The Descent” vibes with atmosphere & whatnot… and pays, let’s say, homage to other horror movies & tropes
Rating – 9/10 – I’d watch it again… but probably fast forward through some parts to get to the point.
Apr 3 – The Conqueror (1958)
You may have heard about this movie… it’s the one where John Wayne plays Genghis Khan & it was shot in an area of Utah that had recently been used in nuclear bomb tests by producer Howard Hughes… and hijinx ensue. Now, I like this movie primarily because John Wayne’s performance is awkward as all hell, and it’s the epitome of whitewashing in movies. However, I also stumbled upon that there was an early 90s version of this movie with Richard Tyson as Genghis Khan (think bad guy in “Kindergarten Cop”) with Charlton Heston as his father… so it almost happened a generation later too. Anyway, if you can find it (I had to purchase a copy on a JW pack) give it a look… but don’t judge it before you watch it.
Rating – 7/10 – Judge it AFTER you’ve watched it.
Apr 4 – Innerspace (1987)
I had watched this one a bunch as a kid & wanted to see it again after watching the “In Search of Tomorrow” documentary. Directed by Joe Dante (“Gremlins”) and starring Martin Short, Dennis Quaid & Meg Ryan along with a host of other great character actors… and it’s basically about a test pilot (Quaid) being shrunk down & accidentally injected into an idiot (Short) and hijinx ensue. Think “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” but more fun adult like most Joe Dante movies are.
Rating – 9/10 – The effects are pretty fun & Robert Picardo is amazing as The Cowboy!
Apr 5 – Raiders of Atlantis (1987)
Okay, this one was recommended by Tubi based on our viewing the Bronx Warriors. Also known as “Atlantis Interceptors” and a few other names, it’s basically about an ancient relic being found, Atlantis resurfaces or something, and boom boom hijinx ensue! It’s an Italian production though there’s supposed to be Russian & set in Miami or the Caribbean but… yeah, it’s okay at best.
Rating – 6/10 – I was bored at some points… and when you’re about 90 minutes long, you can’t be boring.
Apr 6 – Mistress of the Apes (1979)
We found this movie a few years ago on Amazon Prime when we were watching a lot of Ape movies (like we are this month in Ape-ril) & did an episode about it on the podcast. It’s just what I think of when I think of Grindhouse movie. It starts with a hospital robbery… so a woman miscarries… while her husband is lost in the African jungle… so she goes with a seedy photographer, his bitter wife & a hunter to find him… and then they stumble upon a society of the missing link… and THEN it gets a little weird! Okay, if you’re intrigued, here’s where you find it now… if you have a Roku, get the channel Midnight Pulp & search for it! The copy of it is pretty good, maybe even better than when it was on Amazon!
Rating – 9/10 – It’s just a crazy weird movie… and the two songs on the soundtrack are BANGERS!!!
Apr 7 – The Batman (2022)
To finish off this week, we FINALLY watched “The Batman” from the director of “The Pallbearer” but also good things (Matt Reeves who did the Planet of the Apes remakes & “Let Me In” as well). This movie is 3 hours long & kind of picks up year two of Bruce Wayne/Batman’s vigilante justice… so it kind of skips over the origin story & motivations to assume you know what you’re getting into… as at this point, it probably should. The performances were pretty good… the atmosphere was dark & bleek… Colin Farrell was great in limited screen time as The Penguin but now gets his own spin-off… but I would kind of put it in the middle Batman movies. It’s not genuinely great like The Dark Knight or great twisted brooding fun like Batman Returns… but it certainly isn’t the trash fire of Batman & Robin.
Rating – 8/10 – Maybe I need to watch it again… but the movie kind of fell apart for me when Paul Dano was in the movie.
Cyborg over The Batman?!? Surely I'm insane... but they're both good in different ways... that's why you're reading this, right? Come check us out at Brewview Ogden this Wednesday, April 13th for a special FREE screening of "Link"!!! Hit us up at @EILFMovies for details!!!
Steve & Izzy
March Movies - Week 4
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
I'm a day late but... here's how we finished off March...
Mar 25 - Shakma (1990)
We’re doing Ape-ril on the podcast, as you know I’m sure, and THIS movie (on Tubi) is a treasure that was shared to us by Drew of the Reel Feels Podcast. Basically a bunch of med students decide to have a live-action role playing D&D game inside of a medical school building, with Professor Roddy McDowall as the dungeon master… and a doped up baboon on the loose… and hijinx ensue! Probably the best thing about this movie is the sheer ferocity of the titular character Shakma, played by Typhoon the baboon (of “The Fly” & “Order of the Black Eagle”) as he’s tearing into the sets… and to a lesser extent people fighting off the plush doll that’s supposed to be Shakma.
Rating – 10/10 – If it weren’t for the sloooooow last 10-15 minutes, this would be a 10+ movie
Mar 26 – Nightbeast (1982)
Izzy picked this movie that come up as a suggestion on Tubi based on Shakma… and it’s about a creature that lands from outer space… and just starts tearing off heads & blasting people with his space ray in a small town… and hijinx ensue. It’s a tight 80 minutes… and the actors really weren’t in anything else… but what easily gives this movie an extra two stars from me… is probably the weirdest, yet most realistic sex scene that I’ve seen in a movie in a long time (40 year old movie). Basically the sheriff (who probably looks like your dad) and a fellow officer have to clean & stitch up after an altercation and… seriously, just watch it on Tubi. I started joking that it was going to turn to porno dialogue… and I was not disappointed.
Rating – 8/10 – That being said, the rest is kinda rough… but worth a watch if you enjoy the space monster genre with an 80’s slasher angle
Mar 27 – Nightmare Alley (2021)
Director Guillermo del Toro is a bonafide master of horror… and this latest from him is a remake from the 30’s about a drifter (Bradley Cooper) who stumbles upon a carnival, becomes wise in the carny & con man ways, and hijinx ensue once he moves to the big city to exploit others. The cast include Rooney Mara, Cate Blanchett, Richard Jenkins, Willem Dafoe, Toni Collette, Ron Perlman & many more… and I don’t want to give anything away, so just check it out on HBO Max. The movie does a great job of letting you know on the various grifts… and it really pays off.
Rating – 9/10 – Warning: It’s 2.5 hours long & you probably won’t like any character in the movie
Mar 28 – The Snake Strikes Back (1980)
Also on Tubi, we were suggested this martial arts movie… and to be honest, I think it’s about warring clans in a village… but a lot of characters looked alike except for some costuming. That being said… even though I wasn’t getting much from the story besides the basic revenge story… the fighting & acrobatics is AMAZING!!! They also throw in a super-powered belly fighting master who bestows his knowledge on the hero… and hijinx ensue!
Rating – 9/10 – The fighting is great… so at least fast forward to those parts. TUBI!!!
Mar 29 – Konga (1961)
Ape-ril back again for this classic… Doctor Decker (Michael Gough of Batman ’89) was missing in Uganda for a year… and when he comes back he has a new pet chimp named Konga… and was doing a lot of botanical research on plants that grow fast… and plans on continuing his research. Hijinx ensue when his new formula causes his chimp to be a hypnotically controlled killing machine… and then he gets out of hand!
Rating – 9/10 – If you enjoy King Kong, definitely give Konga a watch… even if just to see Michael Gough differently than just as Alfred from Batman
Mar 30 – Future Shock (1994)
This anthology movie that Izzy picked has a psychiatrist played by friend of the podcast Martin Kove using an experimental device on three patients… and we go on crazy adventures inside their heads. One of the stories has Bill Paxton as the ultimate bad roommate… another has a man who’s scared of everything… and the whole movie was believable if it were made in 1982 instead of 1994 with the film & sound quality. I mean… it’s kind of fun (especially Bill Paxton’s gaslighting performance) but most of the main characters are just… meh… and it’s hard to personify with them when they’re basically idiot p*ssies.
Rating – 4/10 – I can’t really recommend it other than the Bill Paxton part… but you can probably see a YouTube clip & save 90 minutes
Mar 31 – Spill (1996)
Another Brian Bosworth action movie that we picked up in a pack… and this one is also known as “Virus” but it’s a biological weapon that dumped in a national park… and only a former football star turned secret service agent (Bosworth) can save the day & keep thousands perhaps millions of people from dying horrifically. There’s also some twists & turns where the government is involved and blah blah blah… honestly with these movies, it’s weird that Brian Bosworth is probably the most charismatic & energetic performer since he’s a football player first & foremost. The other actors were… okay at best. The script was meh. The action was decent even if stupid… but it’s always weird that he never got a BIG shot at an action career other than “Stone Cold”… and that movie’s a 10+ any day. This was five years later but not quite as good.
Rating – 8/10 – I still enjoyed it… Bring Back the Boz!!!
More to come next week... and guess what... WE'RE COMING BACK TO BREWVIES FOR MOVIE NIGHTS!!! First one will be Wednesday, April 13th to be sure to follow us at @EILFMovies on Twitter, Facebook & Patreon for the latest!!!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing