Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week but somehow we fit movies into our day...
May 22 – Salem’s Lot (1979)
This was a 3 hour TV Mini-Series based on a Stephen King tale and I had heard mixed reviews (okay, mostly negative) over the years. The story is about a novelist (David Soul as Stephen King?) and a teenage horror fan in the small Maine town of Salem’s Lot and there’s a new antique dealer who moves into “the old house up the street” and that can only mean one thing… vampires! The cast is pretty studded with character actors like James Mason, Bonnie Bedelia, Elisha Cook jr, Fred Willard, Geoffrey Lewis & Kenneth McMillan but… honestly this was kind of a funny rough watch. Did I mention it was made for TV? Because you’ll want to know that going in… because there is essentially zero violence, blood & it’s basically a movie that’s all slow buildup… and then awkward freeze frames where what you watch a horror movie for should be. This is essentially “Blue Balls: The Vampire Movie”. Streaming on Tubi though!
Rating – 8/10 – That being said, I still liked it & see the potential for the remake coming later this year
May 23 – Strange Invaders (1983)
Also on Tubi, we had heard about this movie on the “In Search of Tomorrow” documentary that we watched last month (and interviewed the director on our podcast Everything I Learned From Movies) but this is a weird alien invasion movie about a professor (Paul LeMat) whose ex-wife goes back to her Midwestern town… but ends up missing. So he goes to check it out (because they have a daughter & he’s not thinking full-time parent) and hijinx ensue! Nancy Allen pops in as a tabloid reporter / love interest. Louise Fletcher pops in as the government UFO researcher. Even Wallace Shawn & Michael Lerner pop in for a few. The tone is just… weird & all over the place which gives you a genuine sense that you have no idea what’s going to happen. The actress who plays the ex-wife though is noticeably bad though. I’d like to say that her performance is explained with the ending but… it doesn’t really hold up. The lead isn’t the greatest either… but man, if you like weird stories & pretty great practical effects, give it a watch. It’s 90 minutes & again, on Tubi! God bless Tubi!
Rating – 9/10 – Worth a watch for horror fans or alien invasion movie fans!
May 24 – Karate Cops / Hawkeye (1988)
A HUGE thank you to the Grindbin Podcast for bringing movies like this to my knowledge & attention! As you know, I love auteur movies… by which I mean, one person being the writer, director, star, editor, caterer, producer, whatever on what can only be described as THEIR movie in that case. This example is provided by martial artist / trainer of the 80’s SF 49ers George Chung! The story is about a Texan-Asian martial artist detective named Alexander Hakimoto aka Hawkeye (Chung) teaming up with a new partner Charlie Wilson (basically an Eddie Murphy impersonator… but he’s admitted that’s basically just how he is) in the mean streets of Las Vegas to find the killer of Hawkeye’s partner. What follows is 90 minutes of incredible filmmaking!!! Decent martial arts fighting, slow car chases, guerilla filmmaking, nonsensical plot twists, running jokes that are just baffling, I can’t wait to share this with more people. Look it up on YouTube. It’s the one that specifically says that it’s not a Marvel film (cuz Hawkeye).
Rating – 10+/10 – Sure it’s Champagne & Bullets or The Room level of auteur filmmaking but this one is genuinely fun throughout!
May 25 – Uncharted (2022)
What? We didn’t watch this during Marky March? No, because it was still in theatres & I wasn’t going to pay for it… but we watched the long awaited video game adaptation movie starring Tom Holland & Mark Wahlberg about a young pickpocket who gets involved in a treasure hunt… and hijinx ensue. Antonio Banderas leads a slew of questionable evil characters in search of Magellan’s lost treasure… and honestly, I enjoyed the movie. Is it great? Of course not. Was half of the trailer in the post-credits sequence? Yeah, that was a little weird. Is it stupid fun that you just need to shut your brain down for? I’d recommend doing that.
Rating – 8/10 – It’s like National Treasure with a bigger CGI budget.
May 26 – Moonfall (2022)
I’ve been waiting for this one for a while… but because it’s one of those ridiculous Roland Emmerich/Dean Devlin big budget disasterpiece movies… and in this one, not only is it that the MOON is now falling to Earth… and Patrick Wilson is an astronaut (I assume Gerard Butler is busy doing Greenland 2) but… Halle Berry is the only scientist that can save us!!! Ladies & gentlemen… this doesn’t even BEGIN to scratch the surface on how ridiculous this movie is… this was the first movie in YEARS that I basically did a live comment session on Facebook about… and man, this movie is a compilation of all the other disaster movies that came before it (Armageddon, 2012, Day After Tomorrow, The Core, Geostorm, Godzilla, Transformers the Last Night, Independence Day, Gravity, Twister, Contact, Event Horizon, Elysium, Sunshine, Star Trek IV, GI Joe Rise of Cobra, Deep Impact, Ad Astra, etc) and jumbled up … I expected Roman & Tej from F9 to say hi in their Space Fiero at one point & it wouldn’t have been out of the context of the movie… and this was all BEFORE THE THIRD ACT!!! It’s really amazing how bat sh*t this movie is… but damn it, I know I’ll be watching it again for the podcast!!!
Rating - ???/10 – Stay tuned… but you know I love these stupid movies
May 27 – Firestarter (2022)
We caught this new release on Peacock the night it came out… and yes, it’s a remake of the Stephen King story that they made a 1984 movie starring Drew Barrymore, George C Scott & Martin Sheen about a young girl & her father on the run from a secret organization… because they have telekinetic powers. Going to through this out there up front, I really like the 1984 movie. Check it out. This one stars Zac Efron as the father… and Kurtwood Smith showed up for a day of shooting as a former scientist who’s in a nursing home now… and that’s about it for stars. Gloria Reuben from “Timecop” is in it a bit too. The thing is… this movie had a definite TV movie feel to it. Lots of Vaseline on the lens, weird light flares, just weird stuff that made me think of a “This is Us” commercial or something. I do like that John Rainbird is actually a Native American in this version (instead of George C Scott) but his character is pretty confusing in this one. The fire effects were great and practical for the most part, but that just made the CGI stuff stand out even more. Overall, I’m glad that I saw it for free… and I can understand the hate.
Rating – 7/10 – Honestly, just watch the original. Even at 90 minutes it seems too damn long.
May 28 – Human Resources (2022)
This one is an adult spin-off of “Big Mouth” now streaming on Netflix about personality trait monsters (hormones, logic, depression, etc.) that are foul-mouthed & messing with people’s lives. That being said… I loved all the seasons of “Big Mouth” and this is more of the same enjoyment! Most of the Netflix cartoon series that I’ve seen (Bojack Horseman especially) have this weird ability to be both incredibly foul-mouthed toilet humor… but then also have incredibly insightful episodes about very real human things that make the viewer cry. It’s quite incredible! Spoilers: It was episodes 8 & ESPECIALLY 9 for me…
Rating – 10/10 – Keep it up, Netflix!
See you all next week!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another fun week of movie watching... oh boy... another great mix...
May 15 – Xtro 2: The Second Encounter (1991)
Okay, so the original Xtro was a killer alien movie that happened to hit theatres in 1982 around the time E.T. was getting all of the money & even GREAT killer alien movies like The Thing were being panned… so it basically went into obscurity. We watched it for the first time thanks to Lucien Greaves of the Satanic Temple & his Wednesday movie nights… and it wasn’t bad. So nearly a decade later, the same director came back (doing nothing in between?) and this “sequel” has nothing to do with the original, as it’s scientists opening a portal to another dimension or something & this creature comes across, eats a bunch of people, and hijinx ensue. Top billing goes to Jan Michael Vincent as a general who had gone to the other dimension & comes back… but he is by far the worst part of this movie, just nothing from him, like he’s given up on acting already. The other side characters do a decent job with what they’re given but… yeah, I can’t recommend this one really.
Rating – 4/10 – I hear Xtro 3 is better & I have access to it but… we’ll see
May 16 – Miracle Mile (1988)
Harry (Anthony Edwards) has finally found the girl of his dreams (Mare Winningham) after a magical date at La Brea Museum & Tar Pits… but after his alarm clock loses power & he sleeps in on their date, he goes to her job (a few hours late) to get her phone number or address… but instead answers a payphone where someone says that a nuclear holocaust is about to hit LA in about an hour. It’s 4 AM & the streets are empty except for a few night owls… and Harry has to save as many people as he can… including his dream girl! This movie is an EXCELLENT experience in hysteria… you don’t know if it’s all legit… is it a dream? Is it a prank? Did Denise Crosby really leave Star Trek: TNG for a cameo in this? Nearly everybody in this movie is a fantastic character actor, the movie is a tight 80 minutes, lots of social commentary, romantic elements, general craziness… and the even crazier things is, Anthony Edwards & Mare Winningham apparently just eloped in 2021! So the couple ends up together in the end! Well, you now… in real life… but do they in the movie?
Rating – 10/10 – I cannot recommend this movie enough! It’s a crazy flick & I love it!
May 17 – Dopesick (2021)
To be fair, this is actually an 8-hour or so Mini-Series on Hulu… but it’s got a great cast with Michael Keaton, Rosario Dawson & more going through a dramatic rendition of how Oxycontin became a readily available & highly addictive opioid to the masses and through 7-8 different perspectives. Is it a little difficult to watch? Of course! The topic is difficult to live with! There’s really not a way to make it easily consumable children’s time filler. That being said, I highly recommend it… and please… be skeptical of the medical community. Not necessarily doctors, nurses, etc. because most really are doing God’s work… but keep in mind, that they’re still human beings. A lengthy difficult watch of a show… but great acting & necessary message.
Rating – 9/10 – 8 hours though… I’d recommend “The Pharmacist” documentary as well & I think it’s only 2.5 hours.
May 18 – Cool as Ice (1991)
Look… I know this movie is absolute trash! I recognize it. You’re essentially taking a one-hit wonder performer (I hesitate to say rapper but I’ll admit the guy can dance & sells his persona at times in a music video, but that may be more to production’s credit) and putting them into a haphazard movie plot… and expecting financial returns before he’s found out. Well… I still enjoy this movie for the absolutely insane set design, some of the beats are legit & mildly entertaining characters (not the main character for the most part). If you haven’t seen the movie, I’d recommend checking it out… but be prepared for head scratching.
Rating – 8/10 – Like I said, I enjoy this movie… but I also make fun of it while watching… rife for parody
May 19 – Pokemon: Mewtwo Strikes Back Evolution (2019)
Twenty years after the original Pokemon: The Movie – Mewtwo Strikes Back, Netflix financed a completely CGI shot-for-shot remake! Why? Why the heck not? As you might suspect, it’s essentially the same movie with only minor changes & using what appears to be the video game graphics for characters & environments… but it does also fill in some holes in the plot that (at least the English version of) the original left out… like more to Mewtwo’s motivations & such. Oh & in case you didn’t read last week’s entry… Scientist make the ultimate Pokemon, he gets loose & hijinx ensue…
Rating – 8/10 – It’s okay for what it is… mostly only minor changes but I enjoyed it as much as the original
May 20 – The Protégé (2021)
In all of our research for Female Assassin Movies that we did in December, January & February… I did not know that there was a movie released in 2021 directed by Martin Campbell (“Casino Royale”, “Goldeneye”, etc.) starring Maggie Q as a female assassin named ANNA (!?!) who is taken in by an older assassin (Samuel L. Jackson?!?) as a child to become the greatest female assassin in the world… but then she gets involved in a web of treachery (including Michael Keaton?!?) and hijinx ensue?!? How did I not hear about this?!? I love all three of the main actors… and the supporting crew is pretty good too… so how did this movie do? I’d only recommend it if you’re into the genre.
Rating – 8/10 – I really enjoyed the movie… but it did have its points that dragged & I felt like I had seen this movie dozens of times before verbatim.
May 21 – Pokemon: Detective Pikachu (2019)
I had seen this movie when it first came out on DVD… but honestly could not tell you much about it. I had no context or frame of reference for it before watching some animated movies & getting backstory from Izzy… and it’s actually a really cute film! Basically it’s about a kid (in his 20s?) whose detective father is killed, but then he meets up with his partner (Pikachu voiced by Ryan Reynolds) & they have a little detective story unfold. Throw in the girl from “Freaky” and about 50-60 Pokemon characters and voila… you have a movie. Is it the greatest? Not really… but it’s technically the first video game movie to be fresh on Rotten Tomatoes so… there’s that!
Rating – 9/10 – My one major complaint… you have Ken Watanabe in a fighting monster movie… and he doesn’t say “Let them fight!”
Next week's collection is already well on it's way... and you don't want to miss it!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
I've been picking up some overtime at work in preparation for the big trip in June (more later) but in the meantime...
May 8 – Supersonic Man (1979)
We watched the Rifftrax version of this movie about an alien superhero Kronos (moustachiod swarthy Italian) going up against a mad scientist (Cameron Mitchell) from the director of “The Rift”, “Pieces” & “Slugs” is right up our alley… and it’s a hilarious mix of superhero silliness on nearly zero budget, cultural intricacies of Italian males & their respect for women, preposterous plots, and so much more.
Rating – 7/10 – I enjoyed it… but it did drag at times.
May 9 – Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)
We watched the Rifftrax version of this movie too… but my goodness, this movie is a trip. Obviously an early 70’s about a mutant sheep wreaking havoc in Virginia City, Nevada is right up our alley being fans of stuff like “Dogs”, “Night of the Lepus”, “Grizzly”, “Orca” and a plethora of other animal attack movies we’ve done on our podcast… but the fact that it’s apparently a passion project from somebody in the Reno/Virginia City area (and I lived up there for quite a few years) made this really endearing… and the events that happen are chaotic & I honestly have no idea what’s going on half the time… but it’s great for this genre. I highly recommend watching at least the Rifftrax version of this… movie?
Rating – 8/10 – It isn’t perfect by any means… but again, thoroughly entertaining at points. Will probably share with others!
May 10 – Pokemon: The First Movie (1998)
For June, Izzy got to pick the theme for the podcast… and a lot of our most downloaded episodes came when we did a Pokemon movie & Japan month… and she’s a huge fan so… we’re doing PokeMonth!!! This is their first movie… and basically they bring back this ultimate Pokemon Mewtwo (some psychic powered cat-rabbit-sperm thing) who immediately upon being created decides that human & all they love (including their slave fighting pets Pokemons) must be destroyed & made better… and hijinx ensue when a few preteens are the world’s only hope. Obviously I know very little about the Pokemon Universe… but luckily Izzy was there to help…
Rating – 8/10 – We watched the American version so Mewtwo’s motivations were confusing… but for what it is… not bad for a kids flick
May 11 – Pokemon 2000 (1999)
This is the sequel that came out the following year after the first movie was a HIT!!! In this one, a random rich dude decides to bomb an island to call forth a titan (Kong: Skull Island?), capture it & repeat three times to bring forth a 4th titan who’s the ultimate treasure (Godzilla: King of the Monsters?)? Again, some preteens intervene & try to bring balance to the Earth because these are the titans of fire, lightning, ice & water (the last two are the same thing though, right?). Hijinx ensue… and thank goodness Izzy was there to help!
Rating – 7/10 – This one was… a little more ridiculous with a bunch of prophecies for kids & what-not… but not too bad
May 12 – The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant (1971)
So I had heard of “The Thing with Two Heads” where a racist old man’s head is put on the body of Rosie Grier… but did you know the year before, there was a movie with the same premise… but instead was the head of a serial killer being put on a “simple man” and it was a fairly legitimate film starring Bruce Dern?!? This is that movie! There’s also a cameo by Casey Kasum, Pat Priest as the chick in peril, and it’s on TUBI!!! Of course it is!!! That being said, obviously it’s a 70’s movie where there’s a little guy strapped to the back of a big dude for special effects… but I’d suggest checking it out… it’s an odd duck of a movie.
Rating – 8/10 – Better than The Thing with Two Heads… but still pretty preposterous.
May 13 – Pokemon 3 (2000)
Yes, the THIRD Pokemon movie for our month… and this one is… out there! Basically it starts with a single father & his daughter telling a bedtime story, then he has to go check out a chamber of artifacts, and unlocks some powerful creatures called the Unown that are shaped like letters… and then his hometown of Greenfield turns into some sort of crystal palace… and spoilers: It was his daughter basically having the powers of Danny from Twilight Zone where she could have sent them to the cornfield or something… but she kidnaps Ash’s mom because she thought she was her mom… yeah, I don’t know? POKEMON!!!
Rating – 7/10 – It’s not my thing… but hey, the kids will love the visuals since they don’t know what’s going on
May 14 – The Running Man (1987)
We showed this movie at Brewvie’s in Ogden, Utah on the BIG SCREEN!!! Yes, the timeless tale of convicts forced to fight each other on television for our amusement in a future in chaos (1987’s vision of 2019 by the way) hosted by Richard Dawson… but then wrongly convicted man (Arnold Schwarzenegger) brings it all down… but first he has to play American Gladiators! This movie is ridiculous at times with the Stalkers (guys chasing convicts but they’re loaded with weapons) & the one-liners but… it’s so 80’s & over-the-top & Richard Dawson is great as the evil Killion… I cannot recommend this movie enough. Best Stephen King movie!!! (looks at list of Stephen King movies) Okay, Top 5?!?
Rating – 10/10 – Jesse Ventura as Captain Freedom is secretly my 2nd favorite character behind friend of the podcast Sven Ole Thorsen as Sven
Quite an eclectic mix of movies... but would you expect anything else? More next week! Please give us a holla at @EILFMovies on Twitter, Facebook or Patreon... and remember that we're on all the major podcatchers... great gift ideas at untidyvenus.etsy.com or hit her up directly at @UntidyVenus for special exclusive deals!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Busy week... but working lots of fun in between too... so here we go with this week's haul:
May 1 – Stone Cold (1991)
Brian Bosworth needs to pop up in Expendables 4 or something… by the way, there’s an Expendables 4 on the way with Megan Fox joining the crew. THIS though was when Hollywood took a fairly average NFL linebacker with a bigger than life personality (The Boz) and gave him an action movie where he’s paired with seasoned character actors (Lance Henriksen & William Forsythe among others) and action director Craig R. Baxley… and basically made a late 80’s action remake of 1974’s “Stone” about an undercover cop infiltrating a biker gang… and hijinx ensue… and MAN, do hijinx ensue in this movie! I own the Blu Ray because I love this movie so much… it’s an over-the-top action flick & the Boz is even charismatic!
Rating – 10+/10 – The final shootout at the Alabama (?) Capitol building is… BANANAS!!!
May 2 – The Program (1993)
I hadn’t seen this movie since it first came out (and swear I’ve seen the legendary “lying in the road” scene, so it must have been in theatres as a 12-year old) but it’s about a fictional college football team Eastern State University (though they play real teams?) and the hijinx that ensue with their veteran couch (James Caan), 33 year old alcoholic junior quarterback (Craig Sheffer), star linebacker, former special teams guy now on steroids, and all kinds of craziness. If you’ve seen “Any Given Sunday”, this is the college version that came out a few years before… and I enjoyed it… but yeah, Sheffer as the quarter back & obviously in his mid-30’s was a little jarring… Kristy Swanson is HOOOOOOTT though… and legal in this unlike she was in “Deadly Friend” last week.
Rating – 9/10 – I recommend for college football fans… and interesting to watch now that we’re in the era of NIL payments. About damn time!
May 3 – Cellular (2006)
Finishing off Jason May-tham with an oft-forgotten role of him as a bad guy… kidnapping Kim Basinger & the only person that can save her is a random teenager (Chris Evans) who’s only armed with a cellular phone… hijinx ensue. Now, for the full story about this movie, please consider donating $2 a month to Patreon.com/eilfmovies where you can hear me, Izzy & Diana from Happily Ever Aftermath Podcast talk about it… along with DOZENS of other exclusive episodes & early access to almost all others… but I liked it.
Rating – ???/10 – Thank you for your considering being a Patreon Patronizer @EILFMovies
May 4 – The Sweeper (1996)
Thank you to The Grindbin Podcast & IMDb TV for letting me know about this nugget… C. Thomas Howell stars as a “play by his own rules” LA cop who’s recruited by a secret organization during his suspension (by Ed Lauter) to take out criminals… apparently across the country & Mexico? Whatever… plot… but honestly, the stunt work in the opening car chase on the pier (featuring Jeff Fahey as his father in the 70’s/early 80’s) and the incredible stunts throughout this movie… are absolutely MIND MELTING for how low budget this movie was!!! The story is very “by-the-numbers” with the genre… and “Soul Man” isn’t exactly the gruff Gerard Butler character that this movie calls for but… if you’re a fan of the genre, check it out for free on IMDb TV.
Rating – 10/10 – Some slow parts… but the stunt work honestly knocked it up!
May 5 – Hangfire (1991)
After a chemical spill forces the local prison to evacuate… and then they break out & take over what appears to be an Old Western Tourist attraction with plenty of hostages, the local sheriff (Brad Davis) & his war buddy (Ken Foree) must save his wife (Kim Delaney) and the rest of the town from the prisoners… and before the National Guard (led by Jan-Michael Vincent) decide to just nuke the town from orbit because… boredom? There’s also guys like George Kennedy, James Tolkan, Lyle Alzado, Lou Ferrigno, Yaphet Kotto & it’s an intriguing little movie for the most part.
Rating – 8/10 – Worth a watch for the genre but the lead wasn’t the most masculine or intimidating lead this show called for (but Ken Foree was great!)
May 6 – Ewok Adventures: Caravan of Courage (1984)
Now… I have a vague memory of watching these movies when I was a young’un while being babysat at my Uncle Bob’s back when they were new in the pirated-from-TV days… and boy howdy are these TV movies! This was the first TV movie made after “Return of the Jedi” and it was about two shipwrecked kids named Mace & Cindel who are stuck on the planet Endor, befriended by the Ewoks, and then they try to find their parents. Easily peasy, lemon squeezy… it’s weird that you can tell the Wicket costume is movie quality & the others… don’t appear to be… but it’s a kids tale & it’s on Disney+ which is kinda cool, especially since they don’t have the BALLS to put the Holiday Special on there!!! Fun fact: They do have the odd fully mastered 9-minute cartoon portion from the Holiday Special that introduces Boba Fett riding a dinosaur… and that’s well worth your time.
Rating – 7/10 – It drags at parts… but hey, what were you really expecting? Glad to see them available & pseudo-canon though!
May 7 – Ewok Adventures: Battle for Endor (1985)
Okay, I had more vivid memories of this one from the babysitting days… as this one KILLS THEIR PARENTS in the first few minutes but then has Wilfred Brimley joining the kids to go against some monstrous marauder aliens & some sort of evil witch over a power cell for their shipwreck… that they don’t even know how to use? One thing I want to say is these are worth checking out for the 80’s special effects. They’re not movie-quality again… but they’re worth checking out & enjoy practical effects, stop-motion, forced perspective, double exposure, all that kind of stuff… and they are fraught in these movies
Rating – 8/10 – There’s definitely more stakes in this one… I enjoy it!
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Love, peace, chicken grease,
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing