May Movies - Week 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Busy week... but working lots of fun in between too... so here we go with this week's haul:

May 1 – Stone Cold (1991)
 
Brian Bosworth needs to pop up in Expendables 4 or something… by the way, there’s an Expendables 4 on the way with Megan Fox joining the crew. THIS though was when Hollywood took a fairly average NFL linebacker with a bigger than life personality (The Boz) and gave him an action movie where he’s paired with seasoned character actors (Lance Henriksen & William Forsythe among others) and action director Craig R. Baxley… and basically made a late 80’s action remake of 1974’s “Stone” about an undercover cop infiltrating a biker gang… and hijinx ensue… and MAN, do hijinx ensue in this movie! I own the Blu Ray because I love this movie so much… it’s an over-the-top action flick & the Boz is even charismatic!
 
Rating – 10+/10 – The final shootout at the Alabama (?) Capitol building is… BANANAS!!!
 
May 2 – The Program (1993)
 
I hadn’t seen this movie since it first came out (and swear I’ve seen the legendary “lying in the road” scene, so it must have been in theatres as a 12-year old) but it’s about a fictional college football team Eastern State University (though they play real teams?) and the hijinx that ensue with their veteran couch (James Caan), 33 year old alcoholic junior quarterback (Craig Sheffer), star linebacker, former special teams guy now on steroids, and all kinds of craziness. If you’ve seen “Any Given Sunday”, this is the college version that came out a few years before… and I enjoyed it… but yeah, Sheffer as the quarter back & obviously in his mid-30’s was a little jarring… Kristy Swanson is HOOOOOOTT though… and legal in this unlike she was in “Deadly Friend” last week.
 
Rating – 9/10 – I recommend for college football fans… and interesting to watch now that we’re in the era of NIL payments. About damn time!
 
May 3 – Cellular (2006)
 
Finishing off Jason May-tham with an oft-forgotten role of him as a bad guy… kidnapping Kim Basinger & the only person that can save her is a random teenager (Chris Evans) who’s only armed with a cellular phone… hijinx ensue. Now, for the full story about this movie, please consider donating $2 a month to Patreon.com/eilfmovies where you can hear me, Izzy & Diana from Happily Ever Aftermath Podcast talk about it… along with DOZENS of other exclusive episodes & early access to almost all others… but I liked it.
 
Rating – ???/10 – Thank you for your considering being a Patreon Patronizer @EILFMovies
 
May 4 – The Sweeper (1996)
 
Thank you to The Grindbin Podcast & IMDb TV for letting me know about this nugget… C. Thomas Howell stars as a “play by his own rules” LA cop who’s recruited by a secret organization during his suspension (by Ed Lauter) to take out criminals… apparently across the country & Mexico? Whatever… plot… but honestly, the stunt work in the opening car chase on the pier (featuring Jeff Fahey as his father in the 70’s/early 80’s) and the incredible stunts throughout this movie… are absolutely MIND MELTING for how low budget this movie was!!! The story is very “by-the-numbers” with the genre… and “Soul Man” isn’t exactly the gruff Gerard Butler character that this movie calls for but… if you’re a fan of the genre, check it out for free on IMDb TV.
 
Rating – 10/10 – Some slow parts… but the stunt work honestly knocked it up!
 
May 5 – Hangfire (1991)
 
After a chemical spill forces the local prison to evacuate… and then they break out & take over what appears to be an Old Western Tourist attraction with plenty of hostages, the local sheriff (Brad Davis) & his war buddy (Ken Foree) must save his wife (Kim Delaney) and the rest of the town from the prisoners… and before the National Guard (led by Jan-Michael Vincent) decide to just nuke the town from orbit because… boredom? There’s also guys like George Kennedy, James Tolkan, Lyle Alzado, Lou Ferrigno, Yaphet Kotto & it’s an intriguing little movie for the most part.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Worth a watch for the genre but the lead wasn’t the most masculine or intimidating lead this show called for (but Ken Foree was great!)
 
May 6 – Ewok Adventures: Caravan of Courage (1984)
 
Now… I have a vague memory of watching these movies when I was a young’un while being babysat at my Uncle Bob’s back when they were new in the pirated-from-TV days… and boy howdy are these TV movies! This was the first TV movie made after “Return of the Jedi” and it was about two shipwrecked kids named Mace & Cindel who are stuck on the planet Endor, befriended by the Ewoks, and then they try to find their parents. Easily peasy, lemon squeezy… it’s weird that you can tell the Wicket costume is movie quality & the others… don’t appear to be… but it’s a kids tale & it’s on Disney+ which is kinda cool, especially since they don’t have the BALLS to put the Holiday Special on there!!! Fun fact: They do have the odd fully mastered 9-minute cartoon portion from the Holiday Special that introduces Boba Fett riding a dinosaur… and that’s well worth your time.
 
Rating – 7/10 – It drags at parts… but hey, what were you really expecting? Glad to see them available & pseudo-canon though!
 
May 7 – Ewok Adventures: Battle for Endor (1985)
 
Okay, I had more vivid memories of this one from the babysitting days… as this one KILLS THEIR PARENTS in the first few minutes but then has Wilfred Brimley joining the kids to go against some monstrous marauder aliens & some sort of evil witch over a power cell for their shipwreck… that they don’t even know how to use? One thing I want to say is these are worth checking out for the 80’s special effects. They’re not movie-quality again… but they’re worth checking out & enjoy practical effects, stop-motion, forced perspective, double exposure, all that kind of stuff… and they are fraught in these movies
 
Rating – 8/10 – There’s definitely more stakes in this one… I enjoy it!

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Love, peace, chicken grease,

​Steve