Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Izzy is getting healthier by the day... and in doing so, we've been watching movies again... so here's what we did when we weren't working...

December 26 – Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny (2023)
 
We finally watched the 5th installment of the Indiana Jones series now that it’s on Disney+ and this one catches up with everyone’s favorite archeologist now in list mid-70’s during the 1960’s… and he has to retrieve this artifact that the Nazis were looking for a generation earlier… only there’s now still a Nazi scientist working with the American government to get it too. Oh, did I mention this artifact is a Time Machine you can fit into your pocket? Hijinx ensue. Look… I kind of enjoyed the movie. Was it perfect? Of course not. Harrison Ford is 80+ years old & they’re trying to convince you that he’s an action hero still. The action scenes look like cut scenes from a video game. There are SO many “member” moments that you might dare say it’s fan service… and yeah, that’s what it was… and I enjoyed it. Mads Mikellsen is a good villain of course. Check it out. Why not?
 
Rating – 8/10 – Could have been better, could have been worse. Better than Crystal Skulls AND Temple of Doom
 
December 27 – Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
 
I remember my dad & I renting this movie on VHS back when it came out… and about 15 minutes into it, we double checked that we had rented the right movie & got the correct cassette. This is legendarily one of the most confusing & confounding sequels ever made… to a movie that probably shouldn’t have had a sequel to begin with… yet there’s still a sick, sinister joy to watching it. Now, good luck trying to find the original version of the movie that I watched as a kid where all the swashbuckling immortals are from the Planet Zeist & exiled on Earth as punishment for whatever. In the Directors or Renegade cuts on DVDs now, they attempt to make it they’re from the Past instead but… that somehow makes even less sense really. Wait, did you not see the original Highlander so you don’t know about the lore?
 
Rating - ???/10 – Then you’d better tune into Everything I Learned from Movies Podcast this January when we dive into Highlander Month!!!
 
December 28 – Batman Forever (1995)
 
So what if I can probably recite this movie line for line? That could easily be said of each of the first three Batman movies (1989-95) and then Batman & Robin came around and reminded me that movies could be god-awful again. Yes, this is the Val Kilmer as Batman/Bruce Wayne (spoilers?) and the bad guys are Jim Carrey as the Riddler & Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face with a side of Nicole Kidman as Dr. Tits McGee and Chris O’Donnell as Unwanted Drama. Jim & Tommy are hamming it up so much you’d think they owned stock in a cured meats company… I noticed cameos this watch that I’d never noticed before in the dozens of previous watches (Rene Auberjonois as Dr. Burton for example) but yeah… I enjoy this one.
 
Rating – 9/10 – It’s super cartoony, of course… but it’s not quite the full blown clusterf**k of B&R yet… plus I was 14 when it came out! Congo’s still better though!
 
December 29 – Mad Max (1979)
 
In the not-too-distant future of Australia, there’s basically an isolated area where people live… but there’s also a biker gang led by a man known as Toecutter. The police, who are basically a biker gang of their own, are powerless to stop them, bound by the law… but then Toecutter does something that sends policeman Max Rockatowsky on a vengeance spree. Yes, the original (and surprisingly tame) story of the Mad Max universe but with plenty of incredible stunts & world building… that gets cranked up to 11 in the sequels… and director George Miller is great… and can’t wait for Furiousa later this year. What do I think of the original though?
 
Rating – 10/10 – An incredible movie made on a shoestring budget back in the late 70’s, check it out
 
December 30 – Thunderbolt & Lightfoot (1974)
 
Did you know that Clint Eastwood & Jeff Bridges did a movie together nearly 50 years ago? Eastwood is Thunderbolt… a former bank robber whose past has caught up with him. Bridges is Lightfoot… apparently some rando who picks Thunderbolt up hitchhiking while a man is trying to kill him… but has a leadfoot as a reckless driver. Together, they’re going to get the old gang back together for one last score… and hijinx ensues. I’m not going to lie… I thought Jeff Bridges was going to end up being some sort of narc because of just how convenient everything was going together for this to happen… but about the time that he dresses up as a woman in a 1974 movie I thought… maybe not?
 
Rating – 8/10 – Definitely worth a watch in my opinion… the pace is slower at times but not bad for a 70’s flick
 
December 31 – Strange Days (1995)
 
This was a first time watch from director Kathryn Bigelow (former Mrs. James Cameron, Hurt Locker, Point Break, etc.) where a former cop / now “virtual experience peddler” (Ralph Fiennes) is harping over his ex-girlfriend (Juliette Lewis) who’s now with a big time music producer (Michael Wincott) when he stumbles upon a recorded experience that uncovers a huge conspiracy… and this is all in the not-too-distant future of LA on the eve of the millennium in 1999/2000. The cast is loaded… the camera work for the time (pre-GoPro and all) is REALLY impressive… sure, if you’ve seen a movie like this you know what the “twist” is going to be from jump street… but even then, it’s an entertaining twisted little tale.
 
Rating – 10/10 – Angela Bassett is a goddamn goddess & you need to give her that Academy Award before it’s too late, you cowards!!!
 
See you in 2024!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Holidays everyone!!! Izzy is doing much better now that she's been properly diagnosed & I've been to various hospitals 7 times in the last 10 days... but everybody's doing okay now. During that time, here are a few movies that I gleamed between visits...

December 16 – The Devil’s Advocate (1998)
 
A hotshot Florida lawyer (Keanu Reeves) and his stunning wife (Charlize Theron) hit the big time as they join a NYC law firm… but hijinx ensue when the partner that recruited him (Al Pacino) may not be what he appears… come on guys, he’s the f**king Devil. It’s in the title! Keanu is literally the advocate of the Devil! This movie is… absolutely fantastic!!! Now, there’s only slight tongue in cheek when I say that… because it’s well shot, you have NO idea how crazy it’s going to get… and the first time that I watched this movie, because I was recovering from a disfiguring injury, I turned it off at a certain point… only to find out later that I had missed possibly the greatest 15 minutes in cinema history at the end!!!
 
Rating – 10/10 – Some unnecessarily stupid decisions made keep this from being a 10+ but I love this crazy movie
 
December 18 – An American Werewolf in London (1981)
 
Two Americans go backpacking across the English countryside… and then are attacked by a creature, killing one and leaving the other… changed? Guys, it’s called an American Werewolf in London so… you know it was a werewolf. Classic horror comedy with the transformation scene that changed cinema & the awards system forever… if you haven’t seen this movie, check it out! There are crazy things that I forget every time that I see it & never disappoints.
 
Rating – 10+/10 – See You Next Wednesday!
 
December 20 – Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (2002)
 
Famously this is the movie with the most reviews on Rotten Tomatoes to have a 0% rating with the critics. It’s an action movie directed by Kaos (full name is Wych Kaosayananda) and starring Antonio Banderas & Lucy Liu as dueling assassins (technically FBI & DIA agents but… really?), who then have to work together when they find out there’s a bad guy… it’s trying to be the Matrix set in Vancouver with over the top techno music & explosions… and Ray Park shows up too.
 
Rating – 7/10 – I’ve definitely seen MUCH worse movies, so for this to be 0% on RT is pretty ridiculous… but I can also understand
 
December 22 – Disney’s Pinocchio (2022)
 
In order to keep up the copyrights on all their animated classics from (sigh) 80+ years ago, Disney is doing all the live-action remakes of their movies… and this one came out last year. Yes, it’s the tale of Pinocchio… from the director of Back to the Future & Forrest Gump, starring Tom Hanks, and the rest is mostly CGI so… yeah. Now, I had mentioned this a while back with “The Little Mermaid” earlier this year, there’s no reason for these to be a full two hours. The original was 80 minutes with credits and more than enough… but yeah, it’s nearly beat for beat with a few modern additions to… I don’t know… it doesn’t really build character as much as add color. It was… meh…
 
Rating – 6/10 – Just watch the original…
 
December 24 – Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022)
 
So director GDT has been working on doing this for decades… and he was about ready to release this stop-motion movie upon the world about the time Disney was ready to do theirs. I’m pretty sure a conversation was had… and this movie was released (on Netflix) three months after Disney’s release (which flopped). Basically… this is a darker telling of the story, with creepier stop-motion animation, and being a del Toro movie… it begins & ends with death and talks about it constantly throughout. That being said… it’s pretty goddamn incredible & you should all check it out!
 
Rating – 10/10 – If you’re going to watch a Pinocchio movie, check this one out!

More to come, hopefully before 2024 catches up with us! Have a great weekend everybody!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Izzy has been under the weather for over a week now & the American Healthcare system is basically the worst... but hey, here are some movies I watched while wishing my wife could breathe & sleep at the same time...

December 4 – Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
 
This was another MST3K movie… about an alien civilization plotting to turn Earth into a feeding ground for their giant lobsters (yup!) and the only person who can save us… is a teenager from their planet who falls in love with a girl on our planet… and hijinx ensue. I’m not going to lie… I kind of enjoyed this one. Sure, the acting sucked… but what brought me back… was the alien death ray that the Terminator style “bad alien” was using that instantly turned people into classroom skeletons that they would jiggle on a string or something when they fell. I was cracking up & yeah… it worked for me.
 
Rating – 6/10 – Check it out if you want… you know based on the description whether you’d like it or not
 
December 6 – Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
 
This was the first movie in the latest Planet of the Apes reboot where a young scientist (James Franco) is trying to find the cure of Alzheimer’s for his aging father (John Lithgow) and hijinx ensue when he finds out that his miracle cure virus may make apes super smart… and also kill humans within a few hours. The movie is set in San Francisco & I remember watching it when I first moved there back in late 2011… and I really enjoyed it. This time around though… I absolutely loved it! Sure, Franco makes ALL the wrong decisions & for pretty meh reasons… but Caesar’s mo-cap performance is a goddamn treasure (as it is in the sequels too) and the movie knows what it’s doing at all times.
 
Rating – 10/10 – SO psyched for the 4th installment of the series coming later this year apparently…
 
December 8 – The Stranger / Stranded in Space (1973)
 
So… this was an MST3K watch… and apparently it was the pilot for a TV series… but the story is that an astronaut goes into space… and lands on a planet that is almost EXACTLY like Earth. What’s the difference? How can the humans on this planet tell that he’s an alien humanoid from another planet? Well… if he just doesn’t go around screaming it at people, I guess they wouldn’t know but… you know, now they have to study & probe him… and hijinx ensue. It’s the weirdest. It’s like Planet of the Apes… except it’s Planet of the Humans. Thank goodness there was MST3K to make it a little hilarious though because… yeah, it was like an episode of The Fugitive or something otherwise.
 
Rating – 5/10 – Interesting concept but… yeah, kind of have to escalate it
 
December 10 – Mission to Mars (2000)
 
The year is 2020 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew mysteriously disappears except for one location signal. Now the second crew has to get there (a year later) to save them… and wouldn’t you know it? More hijinx ensue… because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. This was a first time watch for Doppelganger December (with the next one) and I had no idea what to expect going into either of them… and this one… look, it’s been 20+ years, you’d seen it if you planned on it… it ends like The Abyss & Contact. Oh you haven’t seen those movies either? Well then I guess it’s not a spoiler… still enjoyed talking about it on the podcast though…
 
Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcasters
 
December 12 – Red Planet (2000)
 
The year is 2056 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew goes to check on why their terraforming equipment doesn’t appear to be working… and even more hijinx ensue when they get there because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. Where Mission to Mars had astronauts though… apparently this crew is a lady pilot, a few aging astronauts & a gaggle of civilians including a rich dude, a janitor & a mentalist (Simon Baker). However, when all seems lost for the crew, they luckily brought along their multitasking robot AMEE to do difficult tasks and help them through… except then it switches into Military Mode and starts attacking the crew too. How can they possible leave… the Red Planet?
 
Rating - ???/10 – You KNOW that I’m going to make a lot of Congo references when the malfunctioning killer robot is named AMEE!!!
 
December 14 – Against All Odds (1984)
 
Yet another first time watch… and I didn’t even know this movie existed honestly… but it’s prime Jeff Bridges as an aging football player (37 years old) who’s hired by a bookie (James Woods) to find his ex-girlfriend… who’s also the daughter of the owner of the football team (Rachel Ward) and as you might expect… hijinx ensues! This movie was brought to our attention by the Gran Touring Break/Fix Podcast for a collaboration episode… so you can get all the details you want about this nutso movie from there… but it’s more than just the Phil Collins song!
 
Rating – 8/10 – The part I’ll probably never forget? Raw dogging on ancient ruins… yikes…

Please send your prayers to @UntidyVenus to let her know that you're wishing her a speedy recovery... much love from our end!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Things continue to be busy... but hey, here's a few movies that we've seen...

November 24 – Dixie Ray, Hollywood Star or It’s Called Murder, Baby! (1982)
 
Okay, so this one was for the Grindbin Podcast for Camvember (celebrating Cameron Mitchell who, as is tradition, is in this movie for about four minutes of screen time) but this one had a twist… because it was a hardcore porno. That’s right! Remember last February when we did a month of pornographic films on the podcast? Well, Mike & Bobby with the Grindbin did… but they must have forgotten the whole “Porn banning Utah” thing because apparently to see these kinds of movies in Utah, you have to do a government background check to prove that you’re old enough to have your own VPN… er, I mean watch porn. Anyway, it’s a porn noir about a detective who… apparently just f**ks a lot and isn’t a great detective until about five minutes are left in the movie. Want to know more? Check out the episode on the Grindbin!
 
Rating – 6/10 – Lots of flaccid penis and a few boobs… oh, but the cinematography is actually pretty damn impressive! No joke!
 
November 27 – Highlander (1992-1998)
 
That’s right! We watched all six season of the TV series for The Highlander… and man, did it have some peaks and a lot of valleys. We’ll probably talk about it a lot more in January since we’re making that Highlander month on the podcast but… until then… yeah, it’s about a 400-year old immortal Duncan McLeod (Adrian Paul) who is a good guy… but not the smartest… or really the best in a bunch of episodes… and he has a boy ward named Richie for a while… and a few immortal friends… and a LOT of immortal enemies who he has to behead once a week… and hijinx ensue.
 
Rating – 8/10 – The highs are high & the lows are low… but yeah, it was fun to see just how crazy it would get at times… but also get pretty stupid at times too
 
November 30 – Track of the Moon Beast (1976)
 
This was an MST3K watch about a man who was struck in the head with a meteor shard… and hijinx ensue as he slowly turns into a Werelizard or something. The movie was kind of a rough watch… but not entirely unenjoyable, especially with the jokes from the MST3K crew. Makeup effects were actually even better than I figured with the 2.3/10 rating on IMDb but… yeah, probably not good to watch in its original form.
 
Rating – 5/10 – A few days later, I’ve forgotten almost everything as well
 
December 3 – Red Heat (1988)
 
Arnold is a Russian cop with an Austrian accent trying to avenge his fallen partner. Jim Belushi is an A-hole cop from Chicago. Together they watch Arnold do everything to solve the case while Jim Belushi makes horrible jokes… in a Walter Hill movie! This movie starts with 5 minutes of nudity at a spa featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger & friend of the podcast Sven Ole Thorsen… and then the movie kind of coasts after that until a bus chase towards the end. It’s not great but… not bad either. Just kind of one of those forgotten Schwarzenegger movies from the late 80’s between Predator & T2.
 
Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it but… I can see where it wears

Have a great December everybody!!!

Steve