Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Izzy has been under the weather for over a week now & the American Healthcare system is basically the worst... but hey, here are some movies I watched while wishing my wife could breathe & sleep at the same time...
December 4 – Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
This was another MST3K movie… about an alien civilization plotting to turn Earth into a feeding ground for their giant lobsters (yup!) and the only person who can save us… is a teenager from their planet who falls in love with a girl on our planet… and hijinx ensue. I’m not going to lie… I kind of enjoyed this one. Sure, the acting sucked… but what brought me back… was the alien death ray that the Terminator style “bad alien” was using that instantly turned people into classroom skeletons that they would jiggle on a string or something when they fell. I was cracking up & yeah… it worked for me.
Rating – 6/10 – Check it out if you want… you know based on the description whether you’d like it or not
December 6 – Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
This was the first movie in the latest Planet of the Apes reboot where a young scientist (James Franco) is trying to find the cure of Alzheimer’s for his aging father (John Lithgow) and hijinx ensue when he finds out that his miracle cure virus may make apes super smart… and also kill humans within a few hours. The movie is set in San Francisco & I remember watching it when I first moved there back in late 2011… and I really enjoyed it. This time around though… I absolutely loved it! Sure, Franco makes ALL the wrong decisions & for pretty meh reasons… but Caesar’s mo-cap performance is a goddamn treasure (as it is in the sequels too) and the movie knows what it’s doing at all times.
Rating – 10/10 – SO psyched for the 4th installment of the series coming later this year apparently…
December 8 – The Stranger / Stranded in Space (1973)
So… this was an MST3K watch… and apparently it was the pilot for a TV series… but the story is that an astronaut goes into space… and lands on a planet that is almost EXACTLY like Earth. What’s the difference? How can the humans on this planet tell that he’s an alien humanoid from another planet? Well… if he just doesn’t go around screaming it at people, I guess they wouldn’t know but… you know, now they have to study & probe him… and hijinx ensue. It’s the weirdest. It’s like Planet of the Apes… except it’s Planet of the Humans. Thank goodness there was MST3K to make it a little hilarious though because… yeah, it was like an episode of The Fugitive or something otherwise.
Rating – 5/10 – Interesting concept but… yeah, kind of have to escalate it
December 10 – Mission to Mars (2000)
The year is 2020 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew mysteriously disappears except for one location signal. Now the second crew has to get there (a year later) to save them… and wouldn’t you know it? More hijinx ensue… because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. This was a first time watch for Doppelganger December (with the next one) and I had no idea what to expect going into either of them… and this one… look, it’s been 20+ years, you’d seen it if you planned on it… it ends like The Abyss & Contact. Oh you haven’t seen those movies either? Well then I guess it’s not a spoiler… still enjoyed talking about it on the podcast though…
Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcasters
December 12 – Red Planet (2000)
The year is 2056 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew goes to check on why their terraforming equipment doesn’t appear to be working… and even more hijinx ensue when they get there because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. Where Mission to Mars had astronauts though… apparently this crew is a lady pilot, a few aging astronauts & a gaggle of civilians including a rich dude, a janitor & a mentalist (Simon Baker). However, when all seems lost for the crew, they luckily brought along their multitasking robot AMEE to do difficult tasks and help them through… except then it switches into Military Mode and starts attacking the crew too. How can they possible leave… the Red Planet?
Rating - ???/10 – You KNOW that I’m going to make a lot of Congo references when the malfunctioning killer robot is named AMEE!!!
December 14 – Against All Odds (1984)
Yet another first time watch… and I didn’t even know this movie existed honestly… but it’s prime Jeff Bridges as an aging football player (37 years old) who’s hired by a bookie (James Woods) to find his ex-girlfriend… who’s also the daughter of the owner of the football team (Rachel Ward) and as you might expect… hijinx ensues! This movie was brought to our attention by the Gran Touring Break/Fix Podcast for a collaboration episode… so you can get all the details you want about this nutso movie from there… but it’s more than just the Phil Collins song!
Rating – 8/10 – The part I’ll probably never forget? Raw dogging on ancient ruins… yikes…
Please send your prayers to @UntidyVenus to let her know that you're wishing her a speedy recovery... much love from our end!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing