Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, we're off on our road trip to Las Vegas, Bakersfield & Los Angeles... but before we go... here are a few movies that we watched...

March 24 – Dream Scenario (2024)
 
The latest of Nicolas Cage’s released movies FINALLY premiered on Peacock… and it’s about a situation that we all have, Nic Cage popping up in our dreams. However, in this instance, he’s NOT Nic Cage… but a character who’s a tenured professor who keeps popping up in people’s dreams… and not really doing much, just kind of there. However, because everybody in this world is insane (including the professor) they make him into some sort of celebrity & when the dreams start taking a turn… hijinx ensue. Now… this is an A24 movie… or what you expect an independent movie to be… decent interesting premise… but then there are certain things that happen where major studios say “No thank you” and endings are tough. I get it. That being said… I enjoyed the movie… but I’m also a HUGE Nic Cage fan… and there were still a few parts of the movie where I was like “Oh… I get it… so everybody’s IQ is in the teens” but yeah, it’s to provoke… something. I’m just not sure what.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Not the worst, not the best… Nic Cage is better than the rest!
 
March 26 – Road House (2024)
 
Look… I love the original Road House. You all know this. I believe I rated it a 10+ a few months ago when I watched my 4K Vinegar Syndrome collector’s edition of the film about a cooler/bouncer who saves a small town Old West style from the evil rich dude. Did the movie need to be remade? Of course not! Could it be remade in current day? I mean… I guess there’s a way to do it. Is it a good sign that the movie went straight to Amazon Prime as opposed to theatres? Allegedly that was always the plan but… it’s starring Jake Gyllenhaal & directed by Doug Liman (“Bourne” & “Mr & Mrs Smith” which Amazon also made straight to streaming as a series). How are they going to do it? Well… Dalton (Gyllenhaal) is a former MMA fighter who’s hired to protect the interests of a roadhouse in the Florida Keys because… apparently everyone that goes there is cartoonishly violent & the police only exists to protect the interests of the rich man who owns the rest of the island (checks out so far). Well, Dalton does well… so they call in Knox (Conor MacGregor) to basically scorched earth the entire situation… and hijinx ensue. Okay… look… it’s not great cinema by any means… but the way they keep the cartoony elements of the original (seriously, MacGregor is great as a walking hard-on for violence) and the nods to the original… I really enjoyed it. Then again, I like incredibly violent & silly movies from the 80’s… so I think if you do too… you’ll like this movie.
 
Rating – 9/10 – We may have to include this for more dissection during “Who asked for this?” months along with the Point Break & The Thing remakes…
 
March 28 – Stagecoach (1986)
 
This was a TV movie and… I think the 3rd or 4th remake of the classic “Stagecoach” movie… and this one stars basically an entire superband with Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, June Carter & Bing Crosby’s daughter Mary. The story is about a motley crew of passengers who take a stagecoach (led by John Schneider of Dukes of Hazzard) through Apache territory… and of course, one is pregnant, a few are wanted criminals… and for goodness sakes, Willie Nelson plays Doc Holliday. Did he die in his early 30’s? Willie is already in his 50’s at this point… and not a babyface 50-something either. Anyway, hijinx ensue… and the dialogue wasn’t that bad. I assume they took a lot from the original but… yeah, western tale. My MIL picked it…
 
Rating – 7/10 – I enjoyed it… acting wasn’t too bad for being mostly musicians
 
March 30 – Spymate (2003)
 
From the producers of MVP: Most Valuable Primate & the Air Bud cinematic universes, comes the tale of a secret agent chimp named Minkey, who has retired & now works at the circus. Well, his former partner’s genius daughter (young Emma Roberts) is kidnapped by an evil scientist (Richard Kind) and hijinx ensue when Minkey & her dad are pulled back into the spy game… along with his former secretary (Debra Jo Rupp) and a bunch of circus friends too! Now… I know what you’re thinking… and a spy action movie from the people that brought you “There’s nothing in the rule book that says…” and starring a chimp… an absolute recipe for disaster, right? Well… about the time that Pat Morita showed up as the master of an army of ninjas, I found myself thinking “Is this… the greatest movie ever made?!?” No… but damn it… the movie was actually a LOT of fun… but you can hear more about it during APE-RIL on the podcast!!!
 
Rating – 9/10 – Friend of the podcast Michael Bailey Smith popped up as a bad guy too!!!
 
March 31 – Open Range (2003)
 
I had always heard that this was a good western… so when I saw it on Tubi & everybody wanted to watch it… we did. Basically Robert Duvall & Kevin Costner are free range cattlemen (along with Diego Luna & Abraham Benrubi) and they’re passing through… but when one guy goes in for supplies, the sheriff & a few people beat his ass… and then the sheriff & a corrupt mayor (Michael Gambon) send guys out to mess with their cattle, kill Abraham & nearly Diego Luna too while Kevin & Robert are taking care of another batch of guys. Oh… and they shot the f**king dog! This obviously leads to a John Wick vengeance spree on the corrupt deputies & whatever in town… but they also find a kind doctor (Dean McDermott from “Tracker” & “Due South”) as well as his sister (Annette Bening) who has feelings towards Costner… and other townspeople help out (including Peter MacNeill from “Captain Power”?) and hijinx ensue. Man, it was a pretty damn good western… and Duvall, Costner, just about everybody gives great performances in… honestly a kind of small scale story as most Westerns are. Yeah, I’d say check it out if you can.
 
Rating – 10/10 – A little slow in parts and… my answer is always “Blast him in the face & figure it all out later” but… yeah, good stuff!

Well, that'll hold you over until... APE-RIL!!! Yeah, check out the podcast, we've got some fun stuff coming up for the month as well as a mini episode for "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire" which we'll be seeing tonight before our trip! Until then... have a great night everybody!!!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yup, another busy week... but gearing up for our big road trip just over a week away... so when you don't have an update for a few weeks you'll know why... but we watched a few movies...

March 16 – Children of Dune (2003)
 
This was a Syfy Channel mini-series (about 4.5 hours total) that follows the books “Dune Messiah” & “Children of Dune” after the original book… and this has a fairly decent cast with Alec Newman as Paul, Ian McNiece as the Baron, Susan Sarandon as the Emporer’s widow & a baby James McAvoy as Leto Atreides II taking place about 20 years after the events of “Dune”. Essentially Part 3 of Denis Villaneuve’s trilogy will take place in the “catch-up” portion at the beginning of the first episode… and then the rest would be Part 4 and/or 5 for context. Basically, after a jihad that kills 61 billion people so that Paul Muad’dib is the ruler of the universe… now everyone is conspiring against him… and hijinx ensue while he has twin babies Luke & Leia (checks notes), my mistake Leto & Ghanime. For being a fairly low budget mini-series though… it kinda slaps. I’d say check it out!
 
Rating – 10/10 – There was a LOT of white people face-blindness going on… and it gets a little weird… but yeah, it’s Dune
 
March 18 – Poor Things (2023)
 
We actually watched this on the eve of the Academy Awards (because it was on Hulu now) and it’s the story of a young girl who killed herself (Emma Stone) but then is given the brain of her unborn child by an eccentric scientist (Willem Dafoe) and hijinx ensue as she relearns everything… and by hijinx ensue, I mean she finger blasts & goes on f**k adventures for the next 2+ hours. This is from the director of “The Favourite” & “The Great” so I expected a lot of offensive language & a bit of f**king… but f**k me, that’s all this movie was! Comparing this to an oddly similar story like “Barbie”, and Emma Stone’s award, basically the point of this movie appears to be that Hollywood prefers the constantly cumming performance of a child-brained Emma Stone than a confused doll like Margot Robbie. Weird…
 
Rating – 8/10 – It’s beautiful and all but… someone will have to explain to me the point of the movie… because right now it’s everybody’s an a-hole living off the grace of others
 
March 20 – A*P*E (1976)
 
This movie was recommended 3-4 years ago by Bobby of the Grindbin Podcast when we were doing an Ape Movie Draft… and I had never heard of it… but it’s basically a Korean knock-off version of King Kong, which was also having the Dino DeLaurentiis remake being made around the same time oddly enough (Bridges & Lange). This one though… stars nobody you know… and was basically a partnership with the US military & South Korea or something… but it’s the same plot as King Kong. Guys are transporting this 36’ tall ape to Disneyland to be an attraction… but it escapes, fights a giant shark, then terrorizes Korean villages, snags a blonde actress, other American has to save her, heads for the big city (Seoul) and hijinx continue to ensue. This movie is probably most famous for being “the movie where the guy in an ape outfit flips you off in that gif” but… it’s not without its ridiculous charms…
 
Rating - ???/10 – Coming soon to Everything I Learned From Movies during APE-RIL!!!
 
March 22 – Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back (2010)
 
This may shock you… but this movie is about chimps… in space! Well, during the original movie apparently they went to a new planet & saved it from the evil Zartog… and he became a lawn ornament somehow? Anyway, he thaws from being an ornament (during an accidental launch of a whiz kid going to the new planet again to meet his friend) and hijinx ensue as Zartog tries to take over the Earth… but nobody can understand him & the hero chimps from the first movie are… I don’t know… distracted or something. Oh & random clown that I’m sure played into the first movie as they were probably circus chimps to begin? I don’t know man… and frankly, it doesn’t matter. We watched this one for the podcast… and boy oh boy did we have fun talking with our friends Heather & Cesar about it, even after they said watching it made them feel physically ill.
 
Rating – 6/10 – I’ve seen a lot worse… and I laughed a few times… and it’s 70 minutes

Are you in the LA area & want to meet up? Hit us up @EILFMovies on Twitter, Facebook, Patreon & Bluesky!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yet another busy week... but we're looking forward to the Vegas-LA Road Trip later this month & seeing a lot of our podcasting friends along the way! In the meantime, we watched a few movies...

March 8 – Wolf (1994)
 
Jack Nicholson is in the thriving literature industry… but things are shifting as the aging owner of the publishing house (Christopher Plummer) is selling out & gives his editor job to a new guy (James Spader)… but then he gets bit by a wolf & becomes a werewolf… so he gets his job back & starts banging the boss’ daughter (Michelle Pfeiffer). Hijinx ensue though when Jack’s wife ends up dead… and guys, I hadn’t seen this movie since the early days of the podcast like 7 years ago (Episode 68) and I didn’t really notice all the SUPER homages to old movies. I mean, it’s from the director of The Graduate (Mike Nichols) and stuff but… there’s definite like 60’s horror angles, music, green screen driving, all kinds of stuff… and just genuinely creepy acting choices from Jack, James, Michelle & others. The Stan Winston effects are… meh… but I assume that’s because Jack didn’t want to be in a chair for four hours per day… still effective though.
 
Rating – 9/10 – There are some parts that seem like padding to two hours but… give it a watch
 
March 10 – Steel (1997)
 
A GIANT military scientists (Shaq) and the lady he platonically fingers (Annabeth Gish) leave the military after an accident involving their coworker (Judd Nelson) cripples her & they realize that their weapons are being used as… wait for it… weapons?!? Anywho… Shaq goes back home to his grandma’s house & decides to clean up the streets when HIS WEAPONS end up on the streets because Judd Nelson handled military secrets like his last name was Trump… and he becomes the first black superhero of the DCEU. (checks notes) Never mind, they apparently don’t recognize this achievement. Look… the movie is ridiculously goofy… but there’s also an air of “they know this is ridiculously goofy” and Shaq has charisma. It can be enjoyed but… it’s kind of on the level of “Catwoman” (2004) or “Batman & Robin” or something like that. Long story short, DC has made crappy superhero movies for decades now…
 
Rating – 7/10 – He fingers Annabeth Gish FIVE TIMES in this movie… and a 6th time, his fingering attempt is left without consent
 
March 12 – Body Bags (1993)
 
This was a horror anthology series pilot that apparently John Carpenter & Tobe Hooper made for Showtime to compete with HBO’s “Tales from the Crypt” but… apparently all of their buddies were already dealing with the Cryptkeeper so this was a one-and-done thing. Three stories, all-star horror cast with a LOT of directors in cameos, and JC himself as the Morguekeeper spouting bad jokes between the segments. That being said… this wasn’t that bad. It’s not particularly gory or anything… and the scenarios are pretty ridiculous (regular night at a gas station, Hair Club from Hell & Mark Hamill getting an evil eye transplant) but… yeah, it was a pretty tight 90 minutes.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Not over the top good though… dragged at points… hear all about it on our Patreon Exclusive episode though
 
March 14 – Senior Moment (2021)
 
This was a Chicken Soup for the Soul Entertainment movie about an elderly race car driver (William Shatner) who nearly kills some people driving recklessly… so he loses his license. However, hijinx ensues when he’s riding the bus & meets a lady (Jean Smart) and… well… they don’t communicate well so there’s more movie… but they f**k… old people style. Christopher Lloyd & Esai Morales are in this thing too… … … that’s really it. Wanna hear more about it?!?
 
Rating - ???/10 – Find out on the podcast Everything I Learned From Movies when we discuss it with car experts Gran Touring Motorsports Break/Fix Podcast!!!

It's like the cliche goes... always leave them with a plug... have a great day everyone!

​Steve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

March is off to a kickin' start... and hopefully it'll end in a road trip... but until then... here you go...

February 29 – Dune: Part 2 (2024)
 
3 PM on the Thursday before it’s official released… we watched it… part two of Denis Villeneuve’s rendition of the Dune saga…
 
Rating - ???/10 – Hear all about it on Everything I Learned from Movies
 
March 1 – Jesse Stone: Stone Cold (2005)
 
I had always seen these pop up on Netflix back in the day… and apparently it’s string of 9 or so TV movies starring Tom Selleck as Jesse Stone, a small town sheriff in Paradise, Massachusetts… who used to be minor league baseball player, LAPD detective, and after a bout with alcoholism & a bitter divorce (that he still talks to his ex-wife every night?) took a small town sheriff job… and apparently gets involved in more murder than you would expect & has to CONSTANTLY be f**king and/or forcing away beautiful women. Somehow I feel like this guy represents me well. Throw in some decent character actors like Viola Davis (back when she was one instead of award-winning actress), Stephen McHattie, Polly Shannon and then throw in a few recognizable actors in small parts (Mimi Rogers as a lawyer who wants to f**k him in this one) and you’ve got yourself a movie. These sound cliché, right? Well… they’re based on a series of books and… I actually really enjoyed this one! Basically the two stories of this one are about a crazy rich couple who are randomly killing people… up until they start focusing on people around Jesse Stone because “he seems interesting” and it gets them off… and basically Jesse knows it almost instantly but has to find evidence… and in the B plot, you have a 16-year old girl getting raped by three football players with rich daddies (again, TV movie). Is he going to figure it out? Of course… and that’s before you know there are 8 more movies… but how is he going to do it? Next on Murder She Wro… I mean, Jesse Stone!
 
Rating – 8/10 – It was pretty entertaining… especially watching with old ladies still getting drippy for Tom Selleck
 
March 2 – Jesse Stone: Night Passage (2006)
 
This one is the PREQUEL episode… where we see Jesse (Tom Selleck) driving out to Massachusetts, meeting everybody that we already know from the first movie & why he gives them ridiculous nicknames, and then he solves the murder of the previous sheriff (Mike Starr) and how it’s tied to local bad guys (Stephen Baldwin & Saul Rubinek). Now this one was not that bad… at least they were able to get the same cast together so it wasn’t a different actor for the same character… and Stephen Baldwin is hilarious when he’s trying to play mafia tough guy… and a bad dad/husband… but yeah, curious how the rest of the series goes… still no idea why he talks to his ex-wife though.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Still pretty entertaining… but mildly unnecessary since they were able to establish a few things in the previous movie
 
March 4 – Aquaman & the Lost Kingdom (2023)
 
Yes, the long awaited sequel of Jason Momoa as the guy who talks to fish & is King of Atlantis… and hijinx ensues when the baddies from the first movie return (no, not his wife played by Amber Heard… though she’s barely allowed to speak for having a fairly major role), one with a new powerful dark trident of power… and the other (his brother Patrick Wilson?) he breaks out of jail to help him. Of course, you have to take this movie with a grain of salt… hell, the lead character tears apart plot elements and contrivances like it’s a Deadpool movie… but it’s fairly fun & enjoyable in my opinion. Just pointless…
 
Rating – 7/10 – Jason Momoa & Patrick Wilson are great… the rest are there
 
March 6 – The PJs (2000-2002)
 
Izzy & I watched three seasons of this Claymation series featuring Eddie Murphy & other voice actors… about a projects maintenance man named Thurgood Stubbs & his wife… and they live in the projects of The City with about a dozen other characters… and hilarious hijinx ensue with plenty of social commentary about screwing over the poor, HUD, and so on… and I’m not going to lie… I absolutely loved it! I had never really seen this before because I was going to college around the time this was on TV… but it’s on Tubi and a pretty easy watch, especially if you’re into things like The Boondocks.
 
Rating – 9/10 – 3rd season kinda drops when they bring in the rich girl turned ghetto but… yeah, still lots of fun

See you next week!

​Steve