March Movies - Week 3

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yup, another busy week... but gearing up for our big road trip just over a week away... so when you don't have an update for a few weeks you'll know why... but we watched a few movies...

March 16 – Children of Dune (2003)
 
This was a Syfy Channel mini-series (about 4.5 hours total) that follows the books “Dune Messiah” & “Children of Dune” after the original book… and this has a fairly decent cast with Alec Newman as Paul, Ian McNiece as the Baron, Susan Sarandon as the Emporer’s widow & a baby James McAvoy as Leto Atreides II taking place about 20 years after the events of “Dune”. Essentially Part 3 of Denis Villaneuve’s trilogy will take place in the “catch-up” portion at the beginning of the first episode… and then the rest would be Part 4 and/or 5 for context. Basically, after a jihad that kills 61 billion people so that Paul Muad’dib is the ruler of the universe… now everyone is conspiring against him… and hijinx ensue while he has twin babies Luke & Leia (checks notes), my mistake Leto & Ghanime. For being a fairly low budget mini-series though… it kinda slaps. I’d say check it out!
 
Rating – 10/10 – There was a LOT of white people face-blindness going on… and it gets a little weird… but yeah, it’s Dune
 
March 18 – Poor Things (2023)
 
We actually watched this on the eve of the Academy Awards (because it was on Hulu now) and it’s the story of a young girl who killed herself (Emma Stone) but then is given the brain of her unborn child by an eccentric scientist (Willem Dafoe) and hijinx ensue as she relearns everything… and by hijinx ensue, I mean she finger blasts & goes on f**k adventures for the next 2+ hours. This is from the director of “The Favourite” & “The Great” so I expected a lot of offensive language & a bit of f**king… but f**k me, that’s all this movie was! Comparing this to an oddly similar story like “Barbie”, and Emma Stone’s award, basically the point of this movie appears to be that Hollywood prefers the constantly cumming performance of a child-brained Emma Stone than a confused doll like Margot Robbie. Weird…
 
Rating – 8/10 – It’s beautiful and all but… someone will have to explain to me the point of the movie… because right now it’s everybody’s an a-hole living off the grace of others
 
March 20 – A*P*E (1976)
 
This movie was recommended 3-4 years ago by Bobby of the Grindbin Podcast when we were doing an Ape Movie Draft… and I had never heard of it… but it’s basically a Korean knock-off version of King Kong, which was also having the Dino DeLaurentiis remake being made around the same time oddly enough (Bridges & Lange). This one though… stars nobody you know… and was basically a partnership with the US military & South Korea or something… but it’s the same plot as King Kong. Guys are transporting this 36’ tall ape to Disneyland to be an attraction… but it escapes, fights a giant shark, then terrorizes Korean villages, snags a blonde actress, other American has to save her, heads for the big city (Seoul) and hijinx continue to ensue. This movie is probably most famous for being “the movie where the guy in an ape outfit flips you off in that gif” but… it’s not without its ridiculous charms…
 
Rating - ???/10 – Coming soon to Everything I Learned From Movies during APE-RIL!!!
 
March 22 – Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back (2010)
 
This may shock you… but this movie is about chimps… in space! Well, during the original movie apparently they went to a new planet & saved it from the evil Zartog… and he became a lawn ornament somehow? Anyway, he thaws from being an ornament (during an accidental launch of a whiz kid going to the new planet again to meet his friend) and hijinx ensue as Zartog tries to take over the Earth… but nobody can understand him & the hero chimps from the first movie are… I don’t know… distracted or something. Oh & random clown that I’m sure played into the first movie as they were probably circus chimps to begin? I don’t know man… and frankly, it doesn’t matter. We watched this one for the podcast… and boy oh boy did we have fun talking with our friends Heather & Cesar about it, even after they said watching it made them feel physically ill.
 
Rating – 6/10 – I’ve seen a lot worse… and I laughed a few times… and it’s 70 minutes

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​Steve