Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another week... Izzy's still doing fine... work is abundant... what else can I say?
Feb 18 – Cloak & Dagger (1984)
This was a new one to me… but it has the kid from E.T. (Henry Thomas) obsessed with a video game called “Cloak & Dagger” starring an American James Bond like character named Jack Flack (Dabney Coleman) who doubles as his imaginary friend while his dad (also Coleman) is away working with the military. Well, hijinx ensues when he & Jack stumble upon a game cartridge that contains top-secret intel and they are chased through the attractions of San Antonio. Is this a perfect movie? Of course not… but it’s sweet enough… and the pacing is a little slow (I almost dozed off midday on a weekend watching it) but if you’re looking for PG-rated action-comedy then you may want to consider this.
Rating – 7/10 – It’s okay… but I’ve seen a lot better
Feb 19 – Scream (2022)
YES!!! Our first new movie of 2022!!! The 5th installment of the Scream franchise… and because it’s an ubermeta reboot of the same name starring the original characters from over a generation ago that keeps the same title, Neve Campbell returns to Hollywood & I’m okay with that. I haven’t seen her since 2016’s Skyscraper!!! Basically there’s a Ghostface Killer (not Wu Tang) running amuck in Woodsboro & they’re killing people connected to the original movies… so they have to come back… and the new generations is introduced (and killed off) and hijinx ensue. There were a few points in this movie where they’re calling themselves out on a half-assed rehash of the same old retelling of horror… but at least this is done better than say… Halloween and/or Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Rating – 9/10 – I really liked it… though there’s the obvious horror tropes throughout… but that’s the genre.
Feb 20 – Peacemaker (2021)
John Cena is charismatic as hell… that’s why he’s an amazing wrestler (paired with that bod & athleticism) and taking Hollywood by… well, at least a steady trickle if not a storm. His comic book character from “THE Suicide Squad” last year got his own spin-off series directed by James Gunn & on HBO Max and… I really enjoyed it. Basically, Peacemaker is (somehow) alive & out of jail after the events of the movie (check it out) and now he’s trying to get his life back together when he’s pulled in for another job… namely stopping an alien invasion!!! This was a little over six hours long in eight episodes… but there’s really only about 3-4 hours of movie here. This movie suffered from a dozen or so full music videos being thrown in for little to no reason… and a lot of super long riff takes that lost about 4-5 back-and-forths too long & lazy to be truly funny (think Ghostbusters 2016) BUT when it’s moving, it’s a lot of fun.
Rating – 8/10 – You can probably skip it if you’re not into Superhero movies or crass humor… but if you are, then watch it!
Feb 21 – Shooter (2007)
As I mentioned in the last one, we’ve been watching a few Mark Wahlberg movies… and this one directed by Antoine Fuqua is about an American Sniper who consults some mysterious government group to protect the President… but ends up being their patsy & having to clear his name. This movie was one where about 15 minutes in I thought to myself “Have I seen this one already?” I couldn’t confirm it one way or the other, so I probably have just seen a bunch like it… but it wasn’t that bad. A little cliché but decently shot action, not a completely unfathomable plot… you know the deal.
Rating – 8/10 – Decent sniper trying to clear his name flick
Feb 22 – The Selling (2011)
This one was recommended by my good friend Sparkles who you can see with her Muleicorn Claudia if you’re in the Jackson Square area of New Orleans. They’re giving tours of the French Quarter. Tell them Steve sent ya! Anyway, this movie is a comedy by the team of Gabriel Diani & Etta Devine about a real estate agent (Diani) who is trying to sell a haunted house… and hijinx ensue. Friend of the podcast Janet Varney stars as well… and honestly is one of the funniest parts of the movie. Overall, a lot of the jokes land… but definitely not all of them. I recommend checking it out on Tubi if you’re into this sort of funny spooky thing.
Rating – 8/10 – It’s on Tubi… I enjoyed it
Feb 23 – McBain (1991)
If you have not heard of or seen this movie… there’s a Rifftrax version on Tubi if you’d prefer to check it out, but I highly recommend a drunk watch with friends if you can find it somewhere else, even dropping a few bucks. Remember when Christopher Walken was an action hero? No? Well this is the movie! He’s a grizzled Vietnam vet who gets called into an oath by the sister of an old friend who was murdered leading a Colombian revolution… so the old team gets back together… to raise $10 million to wage their own personal way against the Colombian President… you know, for revenge. This description does not go into the incredible detail of how CRAZY this movie is. Forget that Walken is the titular Bobby McBain… and I guess he’s the leader of the crew… but I still don’t know why? They met as they were LEAVING Vietnam in the opening scenes? How did the sister (Maria Conchita Alonso) get to America exactly? Michael Ironsides as an arms dealer? The dialogue in this movie is NUTS!!! There’s a scene where McBain quantifies the Drug & Arms Trade that… is just ART!!!
Rating – 10/10 – Cannot recommend this movie enough to watch with your friends!!!
Well, I've just received the other half of a hundred-dollar bill... so I guess I'm going to overthrow a government... which one you might ask? Tune into Everything I Learned From Movies on your favorite podcatcher to find out!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Sorry it has been a pretty busy time in the household... Izzy had emergency appendectomy but she's doing much better know... and I also have almost too much in the way of work running my department solo for TWO businesses now... but here we go...
Feb 8 – The Big Hit (1997)
This is a late 90’s action-comedy about a hitman (Mark Wahlberg) who can’t stand the thought of people not liking him… and he gets talked into kidnapping a rich man’s daughter by his buddy (Lou Diamond Phillips) and hijinx ensue. This movie is star studded, great action, pretty good comedic bits too… and was honestly one of those movies I saw as a teenager that made me realize that I can’t worry about other people liking me or not if they’re just taking advantage of me. No lie.
Rating – 10/10 – I love this stupid movie & you should watch it too!
Feb 9 – Pain & Gain (2015)
Yes, another Mark Wahlberg movie… but this one is (sorta) based on a true story about a fitness trainer & his two buddies kidnapping rich people and getting them to sign over everything they own. Now… the movie is absolutely preposterous & based in fact about as much as “Passion of the Christ” but god damn it I love the charisma of Dwayne Johnson & Marky Mark at points in this movie… and if it were in the hands of a competent director, it could be an intriguing film instead of a confusing crapfest. Sorry Michael Bay but… that’s what you make…
Rating – 7/10 – YOU DON’T NEED NARRATION FROM EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN YOUR MOVIE TO TELL THE STORY!!!
Feb 10 – Monster Man (2003)
Okay, I was a little psyched for this one… because it’s from the writer/director of “Shoot ‘Em Up” which is one of my favorite movies ever… and it starred friend of the podcast Michael Bailey Smith as the titular protagonist, who’s a misshapen monster of a man who goes along the highway in his monster truck & forces passerbys to their death! Spoiler alert: You’re really not going to see MBS, even in makeup, until the last 15 minutes or so… and the rest of the time you’re with early 2000’s stereotypes of the horndog & the virgin nerd on a road trip to crash a crush’s wedding… and then they pick up the random skank hitchhiker… and hijinx ensue. The dialogue was ROUGH… and I just didn’t care about anybody. The story is ridiculous… but it’s a straight-to-DVD horror movie so… what do you expect?
Rating – 5/10 – The ending craziness kinda pulled me back in… but even that was overdone as hell… and even at 90 minutes was kinda rough. Watch Shoot ‘Em Up instead…
Feb 11 – Kate (2021)
You may have noticed that we’ve been watching Female Assassin Movies… and this one was a Netflix release last year where Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a hitwoman who is poisoned in Tokyo… and now is on a mission to kill those who’ve poisoned her… and along the way she picks up a teenager niece of her target… and hijinx ensue. The action in this was very “John Wick” and I really enjoyed it. The neon & atmosphere of Tokyo was great too… if there’s a drawback… some of the dialogue is very repetitive and I’m like “We get it! Move on!”
Rating – 9/10 – Highly recommend if you’re into the genre.
Feb 12 – Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)
Yes, another female assassin movie released on Netflix last year that I hadn’t seen… and this one has hitwoman Karen Gillan teaming up with her mom hitwoman Lena Headey and a little girl in a hit gone wrong and… look, the story gets a little wrapped up in its own b-hole but essentially it’s the girls (along with librarian hitmadams Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh & Carla Gugino) against the soulless Russian boys who are trying to kill them. The fight scenes are decent… but honestly, the drama & dialogue is pretty f**king pointless… and there… is… so… much… slo… … … motion… that is… completely… … … fully… … … unneeded that makes this a full two-hour slog instead of a tight & concise 80-90 minute movie that it should be.
Rating – 6/10 – I love the premise, actors, even the fun set designs & universe where everything looks like a green screen, but this was a rough watch!
Feb 13 – Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Probably my favorite childhood movie was the original Ghostbusters… and I loved the second one as well. The 2016 remake I didn’t care for because… well, it just wasn’t any good. So when I heard they were doing another reboot, I was skeptical. When I heard that Jason Reitman, the son of original director Ivan Reitman, was directing… I was intrigued. The initial trailers released had a lot of “Stranger Things” vibes that were eluding to the grandchildren of Egon Spangler (the late great Harold Ramis) as the people, I was concerned… this movie though was basically a “Force Awakens” reboot of the Ghostbusters franchise… and I’ll admit, I teared up a few times towards the end… and I absolutely loved it, even with the often annoying sh*t kids (not the main girl McKenna Grace… but Podcast got a little on my nerves).
Rating – 10/10 – I’m not sure how they could’ve made this kind of movie better. Watch it if you haven’t already.
Feb 14 – Max Payne (2008)
We’re doing Marky March on the podcast Everything I Learned From Movies, so I had research to do… and this one was a blind spot for me. I missed it during its initial run, mostly because I had never played the video game that it was based on & I had heard that this movie sucked. Without going too much into spoilers, it does. I can see why it’s the lowest rated movie of Mark Wahlberg’s career (yes, even less than the Transformer movies he did) and I wouldn’t recommend watching it… but you can always hear us with special guest Eddie the Axe from Bloody Bits Horror Show talk about it in March!
Rating – 4/10 – The “special effects”, “story” & overall pacing and overuse of cliché made this one a rough watch
Feb 15 – The Last Duel (2021)
Speaking of rough watch, we also watched Ridley Scott’s latest based on a Matt Damon & Ben Affleck script… and then they had help from a woman to get the 3rd act of the movie, I’m guessing? We did King Arthur month back in August & because of COVID delays, this kept getting pushed back… but it’s about two knights dueling because one raped the other’s wife… and the other said there was no rape… but being 14th century France the only way to settle it is literally to have them fight & let God figure it out. The structure of the movie is unique where you see the husband’s view of the past few years leading up to it… then the other knight / former friend / rival / rapist’s view… and then the third act is the TRUTH from the woman’s view… and I see the point of the movie is to show that it’s all about perspective… and that even though she was obviously raped (TWICE IN REAL TIME FOR THIS 2.5 HOUR MOVIE) that it didn’t matter because men run everything & women are just property and even though it’s 6-7 centuries later, very little has changed with… wait… are we still dueling over he said / she said scenarios? “It’s a metaphor, Steve” okay, I get it… but thank God those millennials didn’t see this movie because they were so up in their phones. God knows everybody has been clamoring for tales of knights raping whomever they want in the grittiest of 14th century France with Adam Driver as far & away the most handsome man to ever grace our eyeballs. That’s why there are 5-6 King Arthur sequels to Legend of the Sword!
Rating – 7/10 – Not my bag… but I recognize that Ridley Scott CAN SHOOT a movie… just still prefer Tony’s work. RIP
So until next time... check out our podcast at Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL your favorite podcatchers... and tell a friend... why not?
Have a great President's Day everybody!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Sorry, had a busy week with an impromptu trip to California to pickup furniture so... here are a few more movies for you to enjoy!!!
Jan 20 – Hit-Monkey (2021)
Have you ever thought that a show or movie was made specifically for you? Well, that’s how I felt about this Marvel comic about a capuchin monkey who becomes an assassin with the help of a ghost to avenge his family/tribe by going up against the Yakuza… from the team that brought you Archer. There are some great chuckle-a-minute episodes, some slower character development episodes, all done beautifully & plenty of monkey based fun! Now streaming on Hulu!
Rating – 10/10 – Not even joking, I’ll probably watch all ten episodes (3.5 hours) again soon.
Jan 21 – Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
Tim Curry as Long John Silver & Muppets… what more do you need?!? Sure, it’s a musical… but damn it I love Muppets.
Rating – 9/10 – The musical portions are the only part where I check my phone… and even then, not all of them.
Jan 22 – The Living Daylights (1987)
This is one of the James Bond movies that I’d only seen once during a binge of all of the movies a few years ago… and I honestly couldn’t tell you anything about it other than Joe Don Baker as a crazy general & Timothy Dalton was Bond. I’d completely forgot about the hot cellist, plot straight out of Red Sparrow & the loveable Mujaddid as our allies like it’s Rambo III. Pretty good James Bond movie though!
Rating – 8/10 – Is it the best? No, that’s A View to a Kill… but worth a watch. There’s some genuine craziness.
Jan 23 – Fantastic Four (1994)
We had a movie night with our friend Hanae who lives in California… and we wanted to show her something… special. See kids, back in the early 90s, Marvel was on hard times because movie companies are stupid… so the brilliant Roger Corman bought the rights to some of their most popular characters, The Fantastic Four, for a film adaptation. That movie was made on a budget of about a million dollars to keep the rights so that he could sell them to another company for a healthy profit… and that movie was never released. However, we’ve interviewed the director Oley Sassone & star Michael Bailey Smith (played Ben Grimm/The Thing) and there’s some great insight… but you can check out the interviews for all that.
Rating – 9/10 – I really like this movie… 10x better than the ones that came out nearly a decade later & 1,000x better than the 2015 version. Find your copy now!
Jan 24 – Stitches (2001)
Okay, this was a Rifftrax that we watched by writer/director Neal Marshall Stevens, who really has only directed this & 2005’s Possessed but is a very accomplished writer of “Thirteen Ghosts”, Hellraiser sequels & dozens of Full Moon Pictures… but it’s about a demon who disguises itself as an elderly woman… and harvests souls at a boarding house. Now, the premise of the movie… and even the story itself is actually pretty good… and in the hands of a master, could be pretty interesting. That being said, this was probably shot for about $20,000 with a local theatre crew of actors & was confusing at times. The big joke of the Rifftrax is “When does this take place?” and honestly there’s no way to tell whether it’s Revolutionary War or the 1950’s or current day in an old boarding house… but whatever.
Rating – 7/10 – Yeah, wasn’t actually that bad… just some scenes REALLY dragged to fill that 80 minute runtime when it’s basically an episode of “Tales from the Crypt” kind of story.
Jan 25 – Contraband (2012)
We’re starting off Marky March where we’re talking about Mark Wahlberg movies… and we got this one on Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack in a mystery bag from Entertainmart a few months ago… and I had no idea what it was about because I don’t think I’d seen a commercial for it. Was it a straight-to-DVD Marky Mark movie? Nope… but it’s about him as a smuggler who’s retired to raise his family… but then his dumbass brother-in-law got him in debt with Giovanni Ribisi so he has to jump aboard Cpt. JK Simmon’s ship to Panama to… you know what, check it out if you want!
Rating – 8/10 – It’s better than you think… but I love when a plan comes together.
Jan 26 – Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984)
Okay, this movie was mentioned on How Did This Get Made Podcast & I saw that it was on Tubi… so we watched it… and this may be the perfection of cinema with regards to musicals. Pia Zadora & Craig Sheffer are human teenagers when a ship of aliens in search of rock show up to… I’m not sure exactly but there are plenty of rockabilly & 80’s New Wave musical numbers… and cougars… and a tentacle monster… and a chainsaw wielding Michael Berryman… and Jermaine Jackson for a few minutes in the beginning for some reason… perfection!!!
Rating – 10/10 – I can’t wait to watch this movie again! Now on Tubi!!!
Jan 27 – Wild Zero (1999)
Oddly enough the same day, we watched this movie with our friends Hanae & Jayson after seeing a trailer about a month ago… and this is a Japanese movie starring a rock band Guitar Wolf… and it follows an alien-zombie invasion… and there’s all kinds of crazy stuff here… and Rock & Roll… and holy crap, I can’t wait to see this movie again too! Two movies with R&R Aliens the same day, completely unplanned… now it’s a genre I need to investigate more! Perhaps a future month theme…
Rating – 10/10 – This movie is bonkers nuts… and Tobio!!! Tobio… is not what she seems… nor is anybody else
I'll probably catch up to the actual date soon enough... we watch a lot of movies...
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing