Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Sorry it has been a pretty busy time in the household... Izzy had emergency appendectomy but she's doing much better know... and I also have almost too much in the way of work running my department solo for TWO businesses now... but here we go...
Feb 8 – The Big Hit (1997)
This is a late 90’s action-comedy about a hitman (Mark Wahlberg) who can’t stand the thought of people not liking him… and he gets talked into kidnapping a rich man’s daughter by his buddy (Lou Diamond Phillips) and hijinx ensue. This movie is star studded, great action, pretty good comedic bits too… and was honestly one of those movies I saw as a teenager that made me realize that I can’t worry about other people liking me or not if they’re just taking advantage of me. No lie.
Rating – 10/10 – I love this stupid movie & you should watch it too!
Feb 9 – Pain & Gain (2015)
Yes, another Mark Wahlberg movie… but this one is (sorta) based on a true story about a fitness trainer & his two buddies kidnapping rich people and getting them to sign over everything they own. Now… the movie is absolutely preposterous & based in fact about as much as “Passion of the Christ” but god damn it I love the charisma of Dwayne Johnson & Marky Mark at points in this movie… and if it were in the hands of a competent director, it could be an intriguing film instead of a confusing crapfest. Sorry Michael Bay but… that’s what you make…
Rating – 7/10 – YOU DON’T NEED NARRATION FROM EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN YOUR MOVIE TO TELL THE STORY!!!
Feb 10 – Monster Man (2003)
Okay, I was a little psyched for this one… because it’s from the writer/director of “Shoot ‘Em Up” which is one of my favorite movies ever… and it starred friend of the podcast Michael Bailey Smith as the titular protagonist, who’s a misshapen monster of a man who goes along the highway in his monster truck & forces passerbys to their death! Spoiler alert: You’re really not going to see MBS, even in makeup, until the last 15 minutes or so… and the rest of the time you’re with early 2000’s stereotypes of the horndog & the virgin nerd on a road trip to crash a crush’s wedding… and then they pick up the random skank hitchhiker… and hijinx ensue. The dialogue was ROUGH… and I just didn’t care about anybody. The story is ridiculous… but it’s a straight-to-DVD horror movie so… what do you expect?
Rating – 5/10 – The ending craziness kinda pulled me back in… but even that was overdone as hell… and even at 90 minutes was kinda rough. Watch Shoot ‘Em Up instead…
Feb 11 – Kate (2021)
You may have noticed that we’ve been watching Female Assassin Movies… and this one was a Netflix release last year where Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a hitwoman who is poisoned in Tokyo… and now is on a mission to kill those who’ve poisoned her… and along the way she picks up a teenager niece of her target… and hijinx ensue. The action in this was very “John Wick” and I really enjoyed it. The neon & atmosphere of Tokyo was great too… if there’s a drawback… some of the dialogue is very repetitive and I’m like “We get it! Move on!”
Rating – 9/10 – Highly recommend if you’re into the genre.
Feb 12 – Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)
Yes, another female assassin movie released on Netflix last year that I hadn’t seen… and this one has hitwoman Karen Gillan teaming up with her mom hitwoman Lena Headey and a little girl in a hit gone wrong and… look, the story gets a little wrapped up in its own b-hole but essentially it’s the girls (along with librarian hitmadams Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh & Carla Gugino) against the soulless Russian boys who are trying to kill them. The fight scenes are decent… but honestly, the drama & dialogue is pretty f**king pointless… and there… is… so… much… slo… … … motion… that is… completely… … … fully… … … unneeded that makes this a full two-hour slog instead of a tight & concise 80-90 minute movie that it should be.
Rating – 6/10 – I love the premise, actors, even the fun set designs & universe where everything looks like a green screen, but this was a rough watch!
Feb 13 – Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Probably my favorite childhood movie was the original Ghostbusters… and I loved the second one as well. The 2016 remake I didn’t care for because… well, it just wasn’t any good. So when I heard they were doing another reboot, I was skeptical. When I heard that Jason Reitman, the son of original director Ivan Reitman, was directing… I was intrigued. The initial trailers released had a lot of “Stranger Things” vibes that were eluding to the grandchildren of Egon Spangler (the late great Harold Ramis) as the people, I was concerned… this movie though was basically a “Force Awakens” reboot of the Ghostbusters franchise… and I’ll admit, I teared up a few times towards the end… and I absolutely loved it, even with the often annoying sh*t kids (not the main girl McKenna Grace… but Podcast got a little on my nerves).
Rating – 10/10 – I’m not sure how they could’ve made this kind of movie better. Watch it if you haven’t already.
Feb 14 – Max Payne (2008)
We’re doing Marky March on the podcast Everything I Learned From Movies, so I had research to do… and this one was a blind spot for me. I missed it during its initial run, mostly because I had never played the video game that it was based on & I had heard that this movie sucked. Without going too much into spoilers, it does. I can see why it’s the lowest rated movie of Mark Wahlberg’s career (yes, even less than the Transformer movies he did) and I wouldn’t recommend watching it… but you can always hear us with special guest Eddie the Axe from Bloody Bits Horror Show talk about it in March!
Rating – 4/10 – The “special effects”, “story” & overall pacing and overuse of cliché made this one a rough watch
Feb 15 – The Last Duel (2021)
Speaking of rough watch, we also watched Ridley Scott’s latest based on a Matt Damon & Ben Affleck script… and then they had help from a woman to get the 3rd act of the movie, I’m guessing? We did King Arthur month back in August & because of COVID delays, this kept getting pushed back… but it’s about two knights dueling because one raped the other’s wife… and the other said there was no rape… but being 14th century France the only way to settle it is literally to have them fight & let God figure it out. The structure of the movie is unique where you see the husband’s view of the past few years leading up to it… then the other knight / former friend / rival / rapist’s view… and then the third act is the TRUTH from the woman’s view… and I see the point of the movie is to show that it’s all about perspective… and that even though she was obviously raped (TWICE IN REAL TIME FOR THIS 2.5 HOUR MOVIE) that it didn’t matter because men run everything & women are just property and even though it’s 6-7 centuries later, very little has changed with… wait… are we still dueling over he said / she said scenarios? “It’s a metaphor, Steve” okay, I get it… but thank God those millennials didn’t see this movie because they were so up in their phones. God knows everybody has been clamoring for tales of knights raping whomever they want in the grittiest of 14th century France with Adam Driver as far & away the most handsome man to ever grace our eyeballs. That’s why there are 5-6 King Arthur sequels to Legend of the Sword!
Rating – 7/10 – Not my bag… but I recognize that Ridley Scott CAN SHOOT a movie… just still prefer Tony’s work. RIP
So until next time... check out our podcast at Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL your favorite podcatchers... and tell a friend... why not?
Have a great President's Day everybody!!!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing