Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... and unfortunately my step-uncle Lyndon passed away last night in a freak farming accident... but yeah, you're all here for the movie recommendations, right?
August 17 – The Quick & the Dead (1995)
Director Sam Raimi brings you a western with an all star cast… Sharon Stone is a woman who comes to the town of Redemption to enter a quick draw competition with a $123,000 winner take all prize (so like $30 million today)… but she may have motives other than money… and hijinx ensue. I love this movie. It’s a western with a lot of quirky moments, angles, quick zoom shots, memorable characters, just a lot of great stuff that I enjoyed as a teenager and enjoy to this day. That being said… I can also see how it might be unnerving to someone too. It’s like any other Sam Raimi. It’s not for everybody.
Rating – 10/10 – I still give it a 10 though & one of my favorite westerns… Spotted Horse cannot be killed by a bullet!!!
August 18 – Robot Wars (1993)
In the year 2041, there are giant mecharobots that are used for… I don’t know, transporting people from place to place… and I assume other things but… yeah, this is a Full Moon production of Robot Jox or something. In this one, the evil corporation Centro is trying to take over… and a douche robot pilot (Don Michael Paul) and blonde archaeologist (Barbara Crampton) have to revive an older model robot and save the world(?). This was an MST3K watch (newest season I believe) and boy oh boy is this one rough. As I mentioned… the “hero” is an absolute cuck… and the women (Lisa Rinna is also in this one, sorta) are written as borderline spectrum. Sure, it’s funny to watch for stop-motion & models and making fun of how bad the movie is… but I can absolutely see how Don Michael Paul went into directing shortly after this (Tremors, Jarhead, Scorpion King & Death Race sequels). I know it has more to do with the way that his character is written… but yeah, tough to watch most of the time… and nonsensical.
Rating – 5/10 – Would recommend the MST3K version though…
August 19 – The Incubus (1981)
In small town USA, the new doctor (John Cassavetes) has seen the aftermath of the a LOT of gruesome rapes & murders… and decides that he has to figure out what’s going on… since apparently the bumpkin cops (John Ireland) can’t. Insert his teenage daughter & her new boyfriend… who also is having dreams where he seems to be witnessing these events when they happen… and a hot local newspaper chick (Kerrie Keane) and hijinx certainly ensues. Okay… this movie… is total 70’s horror vibe. The characters are… basically assholes… and do most of their acting by just staring at one another for 3-4 seconds… then saying their nonsensical line that has little to do with the situation in front of them… but possible some conversation going on in their head. The violence is… pretty graphic for the time… and the force used basically escalates throughout the film. Characters also do a lot of stupid sh*t but… hey, that’s how plot happens. That being said… I’d love to talk about this movie on the podcast because… it’s unique enough to strike up a conversation… and I liked it. That being said… the ending will probably have you scratching your f**king head for a while with how haphazard it landed but… hey, it’s the journey, not the destination, right? Isn’t that what people say about horror movies with bad endings?
Rating – 8/10 – Maybe it requires a rewatch to get a higher score but… yeah, I enjoyed it
August 20 – Fatal Combat / No Exit (1995)
We’re celebrating Sven Ole Thorsen (our first interview) on our podcast Everything I Learned From Movies by watching movies where he has an actual speaking part instead of being the biggest baddie in the movie who doesn’t speak (thick Danish accent). This was one that I had read that he not only gets second billing as the Big Baddie… but he speaks quite a bit (not quite as much as Abraxas). Basically this is a kind of Mortal Kombat rip-off but basically there’s this broadcaster who’s kidnapping fighters & athletes and pitting them against each other in a battle to the death… that broadcast to those willing to pay (think dark web but television). There’s a college professor (Jeff Wincott) who kills/cripples a bunch of guys when they attack his pregnant wife in a hospital parking lot, so they kidnap him (and his student?) and hijinx ensue. This is kind of a dumb action movie with a few hilarious parts (though unintentional) and yes, we get to hear Sven speak… but in a twist, it’s mostly him making prison passes at the teenage student… and then because it’s basically a prison movie… there’s a rape scene and a LOT of F-words (not just f**k) and N-words… and I can’t really recommend the movie unless this is your thing. Oddly enough though, Rifftrax just released an episode on this movie so… guess who’s probably going to watch it the moment that it’s free?!?
Rating – 8/10 – Love to see Sven in an actual character… even if it’s prison rapist big baddy a la Michael Bailey Smith in “In Hell” (very similar movies)
August 21 – Asteroid City (2023)
Back in 2001, I was one of the individuals who saw John Carpenter’s “Ghost of Mars” in theatres. I was 20 years old… and it was the first time that I felt like… the director has given up on Hollywood & is just making fun of themselves… goggles that help you breath on Mars… the ridiculous monsters that make a language out of “RA RA RA RA RA!”… Ice Cube in tight fire print pants… just the most mailed in nonsense I think I had seen to that point. Wes Anderson appears to be making fun of himself & his style with this latest movie. The plot… who cares? It’s a bunch of Hollywood’s elite actors at a motor lodge in the middle of the American Southwest. The characters are quirkier than an M Night wet dream… except as questionable as M Night movies can be… at least the characters are doing things besides reciting the nonsense dialogue with absolute lack of emotion. Verbs besides talking. You don’t really get that in a Wes Anderson movie. There’s a scene where a character randomly puts his hand onto an iron just to feel alive and… I suspect that was the audience that saw it in theatres… even with a Scar Jo nude scene like she missed out on “Oppenheimer” for this… couldn’t save this movie for me. Okay, now for the good stuff. It’s beautifully shot with great vivid colors. It’s free on Peacock now. I can only assume the script was magnificent to get everybody to sign on. The cooky feel has an appeal with stop-motion & practical visual effects. Okay, that’s about it from me.
Rating – 6/10 – Just not my bag, baby… weird that I thought of John Carpenter giving up on Hollywood meets M Night characters & dialogue…
August 22 – My Bloody Valentine (1981)
I had never seen the original, but I remember liking the remake with Dean Winchester (Jensen Ackles) but yeah… early 80’s slasher set in a mining town where teenagers are partying 20 years after a horrible massacre… but the long-thought-dead killer is going around and killing people again! There’s no real stars in the movie and it looks like it was made in the early 80’s… but shooting a LOT of the movie in an actual mine really helps to portray the sense of dread & being trapped with a massive killer with a pick axe. I really enjoyed it… as long as the teenagers weren’t talking. A lot of the backstory romance BS is in this one…
Rating – 8/10 – I really had a fun time watching this movie… and so that made me want to rewatch…
August 23 – My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Yes, the Lionsgate remake starring Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Tom Atkins & more… basically after the mine owner’s son may or may not have accidentally blown a mine… the lone survivor is in a coma… until he’s not a year later on Valentine’s Day & kills like an entire hospital and more. Well, he’s killed by the sheriff (Atkins) and then we cut to 10 years later, when the mine owner’s son returns to town… to sell his father’s mine after his death… and maybe convince his former girlfriend to leave her husband & kids for him… and then not sell the mine because WHO CARES?!? People are DYING!!! A LOT!!! BRUTALLY!!! The drama stuff is completely pointless BUT holy sh*t, the kills in this movie and the 3D tie-in stuff… I absolutely love this movie! There are plenty of nods to the original too (exactly why I wanted to rewatch it) and… yeah, the “twist” is pretty obvious from the start but I would highly recommend checking this movie out, especially if you’re in your 20s and desensitized like I am… or was…
Rating – 10/10 – Not sure why but… one of my favorite horror movies now
Have a great week & I'll see you soon!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing