Good Afternoon,
So... what have we seen this week while getting decked out for the Holidays? Let's find out... December 1 – Blast (1997) I’m not sure if you know this… but “Last” IS in the title of this movie B(LAST)! This movie is basically a Die Hard ripoff almost a decade too late… but it stars Linden Ashby (“Mortal Kombat”) as a former medal-winning martial artist (don’t you DARE say Olympics, apparently it’s trademarked) who broke his leg… and got suicidal or something… so now he’s a janitor for a venue where his ex-wife is the swimming team coach… and then they’re taken hostage by international terrorists (led by Andrew Divoff “Wishmaster”) and only the janitor can save the hostages… with some help from the FBI (led by expert Rutger Hauer who’s in a wheelchair & dressed/bronzed to be Native American?). This movie is… pretty fantastic. It’s from the recently late writer/director Albert Pyun (“Cyborg”) and appears to be his interpretation of an American action film… and it’s pretty ridiculous and great. Rating – 9/10 – There are a few slow parts… but they really cap it off with the mad-cap ending December 2 – The Outing (1987) This movie was also known as “The Lamp” and it’s about a bunch of teenagers (played by people obviously in their mid 30’s) who spend the night in a museum after hours (for some reason) and then unleash a deadly force from within the latest exhibit… a lamp! Most of the teenagers in this movie only did this (and it shows) and the leads that have worked in other things aren’t the greatest… but it’s just a dumb 80’s horror movie. Worthy of a drunk watch with friends… Rating – 8/10 – I simply could not get over how middle aged the teenagers looked… December 3 – Circuitry Man (1990) This one is on Tubi… and in the not too distant future, humanity has polluted the planet beyond breathability, so they’ve moved underground… and this is the story of a female bodyguard teams up with a male pleasure android to steal a case of narcotic computer chips (yup) and take them from LA to New York through the underground & barren wastelands… all while being pursued by the dangerous kingpin Plughead (played by Vernon Wells obviously) and… this movie was a LOT better than I thought it was going to be. It’s over the top, post-apocalyptic 80’s craziness & I highly recommend. Rating – 9/10 – There were a few early scenes that were… hard to watch from editing, but overall a fantastic little watch! December 4 – Werewolf (1995) We watched the MST3K version (which is one of my favorite episodes of the show) but the movie itself is about some archeologists (aged Richard Burton, Jorge Rivero with changing wig colors & hot Czech chick with heavy accent) who find the skeleton of a werewolf… and hijinx ensue. The movie is rough… from the bad accents & ADR to the shotty makeup to the ridiculous dialogue but… I still found some pleasure from it, especially when the MST3K crew are cracking jokes. Without them, this is a bad werewolf movie… but definitely not the worst that I’ve seen. Rating – 5/10 – Definitely check out the MST3K episode though, it’s on Tubi (of course) December 5 – Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1983) The next MST3K episode we watched was TV movie starring RAUL JULIA as a programmer in the not too distant future who’s forced to take a virtual vacation… and then something goes wrong… and they try to bring him back… while he’s having a Casablanca fantasy & simultaneously trying to bring down the establishment from within the machine? It’s a lot… but yeah, Raul Julia is OBVIOUSLY fantastic! Most of the others are okay… but the tech gets a little… Lawnmower Man-y and it’s early 80’s so you know how that goes. The episode was hilarious though. Rating – 7/10 – Worth a watch to see how great actors take things to the next level… and if you’ve dreamed of Raul Julia looking confused in a duel role in Casablanca! December 6 – The Last Boy Scout (1991) A secret service agent turned private eye (Bruce Willis) teams up with a suspended quarterback (Damon Wayans) to bring down a football team owner & senator from bringing sports gambling to California and avenge his slain stripper girlfriend (Halle Berry). Directed by Tony Scott & written by Shane Black, this is basically the perfect buddy action movie & you will not convince me otherwise. Rating – 10+/10 – Perfection!!! December 7 – Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) I remembered really liking this movie as a kid, so I thought I’d check it out. Seal team leader turned cook Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal) is taking his niece (teenage Katherine Heigl) to her father’s funeral on a train from Denver to LA… and it happens to be the one where a team of terrorists take control of a satellite weapon (Goldeneye you hacks!?!) so Ryback has to save the day… again. This is prime Seagal… and he still kinda sucks. However, there’s some great ridiculous performances from guys like Eric Bogosian, Everett McGill, Morris Chestnut, Kurtwood Smith & others so… it’s just a dumb action movie with some decent stunts and at the very least, great editing around its star. Rating – 9/10 – It’s just dumb fun & that’s what I expect from the title. Happy Holidays everybody!!! Steve
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Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
December 2024
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