Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Okay, here's the next week of movies...
Dec 10 – Terror of the Tongs (1961)
From the Hammer collection again, and this is the infamous movie where Christopher Lee is made up to look like Fu Manchu as the leader of the Red Dragon Tongs who are a secret crime syndicate terrorizing Hong Kong in the 1920’s and basically there’s one sea captain who wants to do anything about it. Aside from the “yellowface” and random French-Asian sex worker who is gorgeous but not the most convincing actress, I thought this movie was pretty great! Christopher Lee is giving it his best & it’s like Frank Langella in “Masters of the Universe” where he almost singlehandedly saves this movie.
Rating – 8/10 – Not too bad… definitely worth a watch with friends maybe
Dec 11 – Old (2021)
Okay… so we hadn’t seen this movie before doing our Stevie Awards on our podcast (Everything I Learned From Movies on all your favorite podcatchers) BUT this movie definitely would’ve made the three Worst Movies of 2021! The thing is… I get the premise… and as usual, the trailer is made in a way to make it intriguing… but then you remember it’s an M Night Shyamalan movie so your reaction is… Oh, it’s going to be horrible in the end. In particular, the dialogue in this movie is INCREDIBLY awful… literally kids walking around asking everybody what their names & occupations are… and people talk as if they have are staring down the barrel at the audience introducing themselves like it’s f**king “CATS”!!! Character choices? Always dumb. Plot twists? Ridiculous. The whole aging premise seems to apply only when necessary to a particular character’s issue but doesn’t affect the others & vice versa. It was rough… usually I’m having fun with these stupid movies but even the cameraman seems bored and would just kind of wander off from the scene every couple of minutes. Again, the dialogue… f**king woof!!!
Rating – 3/10 – I want M Night to make decent movies again. Not even great, just decent. HE STOLE FROM NEIL BREEN IN THIS ONE!!!
Dec 12 - Pirates of Blood River (1962)
Hammer flick about a gang of pirates who sweep in on a 17th century Huguenot settlement on the Isle of Devon looking for a treasure… but also stumble upon an exiled son of the mayor… and hijinx ensue. Again, Christopher Lee rocks as Captain LaRoche (yes, with the French accent) and the other actors like Kerwin Mathews & Glenn Corbett fair pretty well. There are a few questionable character choices, but I really liked the dynamics of the captain keeping his men happy to avoid mutiny and motivations for continuing the plot… it’s a good pirate movie.
Rating – 8/10 – If you like Pirates (and not just of the Caribbean) then you’ll probably like this one too.
Dec 13 - Sword of Sherwood Forest (1960)
We had the (Robin) Hood Movie Month last February… and that was an experience with Robin Hoods portrayed by Kevin Costner, Frank Sinatra, Patrick Bergin & others… but I hadn’t heard of this one from the Hammer collection. This edition of the story had Richard Greene as Robin Hood & Peter Cushing as the Sheriff… and the likes of Nigel Green, Jack Gwillim, Niall MacGinnis and others… and this was pretty interesting. The whole premise was about the Sheriff and other nobles trying to confiscate the lands of fallen Crusaders while King Richard was away… and of course, Robin is the only one that can save their families estates… but there’s a bit of bow & arrow peacocking to be done first, of course!
Rating – 8/10 – I really enjoyed it as far as a Robin Hood tale… not bad, not great, just good & great actors.
Dec 14 - Daughters of Satan (1972)
So then we switched to Amazon and… it thought we might like to hear a tale about an antique dealer (Tom Selleck) living in Manila who stumbles upon a painting in a shop with a figure that looks like his wife (bit of a stretch) and before you can say “Bad Blood” from a few weeks ago, he & the wife are swept up into a Satanic cult and hijinx ensue. This movie… will probably be coming up on a future month on the podcast… but I’ll tell you this, you honestly have no idea how it’s going to turn out because… you’ll have no idea what’s really going on.
Rating – 8/10 – Coming soon! J
Dec 15 - Night of the Bloody Apes (1969)
From the Mexican movie master Rene Cardona who brought you the likes “Night of a 1000 Cats” and plenty of MST3K episodes for decades, comes the tale of a doctor who tries to save his son’s life by performing a heart transplant with a gorilla (though it shows an orangutan… then a guy in a suit) and it has the unfortunate side effect of turning his son unto a vicious killing machine! Oh, did I mention that there are lady luchadores throughout as well because… you know, Mexico?
Rating – 8/10 – Coming this Ape-ril to Everything I Learned From Movies!
Dec 16 – Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa (2002)
Okay, this one was for a guest spot on Home Video Hustle (check them out TONIGHT!!!) and it’s a HORRIBLE CGI monstrosity with a surprisingly good voice cast of random people from the Black Power Ranger to Debra Wilson from MadTV to Mark Hamill for a few minutes… and it’s about a kid who “rhymes” and has a crush on a b**ch and they all learn the meaning of Christmas… though not really… it’s a mess… but it’s only 40 minutes on YouTube and the grandma is by FAR the best part.
Rating – 3/10 – Seriously, just pull up the YouTube clip of the Grandma to see if you even want to try… but we had fun chatting about it for two hours on HVH.
Christmas is just around the corner... but I'm sure I'll have enough movies ready for you next week... so until then, Happy Holidays!!!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing