December Movies - Week 4

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Christmas has come & gone... we got some sweet gifts, spent time with family (well, some of us anyway) and now we're getting reports ready to go into 2023 prepared. Oh & we're also watching movies...

December 22 – Devil Doll (1964)
 
Do you like killer doll movies? Like “Child’s Play” & that “M3GAN” movie coming out soon? How about killer ventriloquist doll movies like “Magic” & “Dead Silence”? Well, this was the 60’s version of that. A creepy ventriloquist who doesn’t blink has a doll that he locks up in a cage at night because… he’s ALIVE!!! He’s an evil Pinocchio or something… and yes, there’s parts where it’s obvious he’s played by a little person wearing a mask… but in spite of its molasses pace (because it’s really like a 30 minute episode of Night Gallery stretched out to 80 minutes) it’s mildly intriguing because… again, based on the parts of the movie that are slightly inept, you honestly have no idea what’s going to happen.
 
Rating – 8/10 – It’s no “Magic” or “Dead Silence” but… give it a gander. Rifftrax may help as it is very slow in some parts.
 
December 23 – Gunslinger (1956)
 
This was another MST3K episode where a woman’s sheriff husband is gunned down in the Old West… so she becomes sheriff & tries to bring her husband’s killers to justice. Well, hijinx ensue when she starts an odd relationship with the mercenary called in to kill her! Yeah, it’s not the greatest western ever made… but it’s directed by Roger Corman so… that gets it a few points.
 
Rating – 6/10 – So many better westerns out there… check some of them out instead… but MST3K helps
 
December 24 – SHAQ (2022)
 
This is a new HBO documentary series about the life & times of basketball legend Shaquille O’Neal from growing up as an Army brat, working hard to become an absolute FORCE in basketball for a decade-plus, the highs & lows along the way, and then the downward spiral of age. Shaq has charisma, absolutely. I really enjoyed the stroll through memory lane as I was a teenager coming up during these times too & NEVER got close to the glory of Shaq… as few have. That being said, I feel like the release of this a few years post-Kobe left a VERY important resource out of some sections (particularly episode 3) but great interviews and commentary from people like Phil Jackson, Jeanie Buss, Rick Fox, Derek Fisher, Shaq’s family, former coaches & more.
 
Rating – 9/10 – Definitely worth a watch if you’re a basketball fan
 
December 25 – Supernatural (2005-2020)
 
That’s right… we watched ALL 15 SEASONS… over 300 episodes… of a show about two brothers driving around in an Impala hunting monsters… at least for the first season or two… then it gets REALLY into the whole Heaven & Hell thing… and then they die a few times… and come back as angels… or demons… or I think God once… and then about twice a season they’ll throw in some actual monsters… and it keeps going… and going… and going. Look, here’s what I would recommend. If you like the first season or the premise, go to the end of Season 5. Season 6 is ROUGH. Season 7 is better but… it doesn’t really get much better for the LAST 8 SEASONS except for like… five episodes TOTAL!!! That being said, the show is one part fun with three parts drama and enough guest stars to keep it mildly interesting.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Look, I would have pulled a HARD out if it were really that bad… it’s just a little repetitive after over 300 episodes…
 
December 26 – Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016)
 
That’s right, the remake of the JCVD classic starring friend of the podcast Alain Moussi (this, sequel & Jiu Jitsu) in the Kurt Sloane role, Dave Bautista as Tong Po & JCVD as the master that helps Kurt along the way. You know this story if you’ve ever seen a JCVD movie. Brother is killed in an underground Muay Thai tournament, revenge is vowed, Muay Thai training montages, final fight! That being said… there are MANY far worse versions of this movie.
 
Rating – 9/10 – This is where I started to realize that Bautista could be a decent actor… and he’s grown since then
 
December 27 – The Werewolf of Washington (1973)
 
Okay, so a DC reporter is sent to Hungary of some sort of diplomatic mission (he was banging the First Daughter) and while he’s there… he is bitten by a werewolf. When he returns to DC, hijinx ensue. A “young” Dean Stockwell is the reporter… and the tone of the movie is kind of dark comedy-horror… but like 50% horror, 50% political satire of the time (think Nixon about a year before he resigned) and Stockwell is great in his portrayal of a man unhinged… though the special effects are on the same level as the 30’s Wolfman movies, just in color.
 
Rating – 8/10 – You can probably guess how the movie ends but… definitely worth a watch
 
December 28 – Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
 
Seven years after the original Universal Soldier catapulted the careers of JCVD, Dolph Lundgren & director Roland Emmerich… comes the OFFICIAL sequel that has since been torn from canon in the following sequels. Basically JCVD comes back as the same character from the original… but he’s no longer a Unisol (cyborg) that he was in the first movie, I guess they 7 of 9’d him and removed all his Borg implants or something… and he’s going against a new supercomputer SETH who’s been transplanted into the perfect body (Michael Jai White) who also controls all the Unisols (including WWE’s Goldberg) and hijinx ensue. We’ve got an episode coming on the podcast for this one but… it’s basically just explosions, fights, titties, etc. and it’s the only thing that the director has directed (though he’s a very accomplished 2nd unit director) and he was brought on at the last minute.
 
Rating – 8/10 – I mean… if you’re looking for ridiculous cyborg fights & explosions, this is your jam!

See you next year!!!

Steve