July Movies - Week 1
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another week, another bundle of movies... here we go!
July 1 – Sudden Death (1995)
While in Pittsburgh, we watched a few movies located there with locals Stork & Peacock… and this of course is the greatest being a Jean-Claude Van Damme firefighter hero at a hockey game while a terrorist group led by Powers Boothe kidnaps the Vice President to get a few billion dollars. Hijinx ensue… you know this movie is amazing… don’t pretend it isn’t. Easy to see that it was originally written as a parody of action movies…
Rating – 10/10 – What keeps it from 10+? The kids are irritating as all hell…
July 2 – Striking Distance (1993)
Next up was this crazy serial killer movies starring Bruce Willis & Sarah Jessica Parker as river police who keep stumbling upon blonde lady corpses & the police seem to do nothing about it. Now granted, this is in movie world where the police actually do something that doesn’t just raise funds for their new tank & pension… but obviously the police are in on it, right? Oh… the ending may surprise you with just how nutso it gets…
Rating – 8/10 – It was fun to watch… though it’s obviously not a great movie
July 3 – Innocent Blood (1992)
I knew NOTHING about this movie… but apparently John Landis (Blues Brothers, Animal House, etc.) directed a horror comedy romance movie about a French vampire who falls for an undercover cop with the Mafia and… hijinx ensue? The tone of this movie is all over the f**king place… but again, it was fun to watch because it was so goddamn crazy. Robert Loggia, Don Rickles, David Proval & loads of other character actors pop up in this movie… but the stars are Anthony LaPaglia & the original chick from La Femme Nikita so… that’s probably why you never heard of it.
Rating – 8/10 – Again, kinda fun to watch but… you’ll need the subtitles & to lose your logic sensors
July 4 – Trespass (1992)
No, not the Nic Cage movie… but this is the Bill Paxton, William Sadler, Ice Cube AND Ice T classic from director Walter Hill (The Warriors) about two firefighters who stumble upon a treasure map to a bunch of stolen church gold… that is located DEEP in the hood of East St. Louis, where Ice T’s gang reigns supreme. Hijinx ensue… and I absolutely love this movie. I hadn’t seen it since it first came out but… yeah, just check it out!
Rating – 10+/10 – Ice Cube AND Ice T!!! All you needed was Vanilla Ice as a cop cameo for a trifecta…
July 5 – Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Yup, I finally watched the latest Star Wars series on Disney+ about the life of the reclusive Jedi master ten years after the events of Episode III (and therefore after the Clone Wars) but he’s apparently stalking young Luke Skywalker… when across the universe young Princess Leia is kidnapped… and hijinx ensue. Okay, the series was a lot of fun & I like how the Darth Vader / Obi-Wan stuff plays out (though it kinda destroys the previous canon unless you make excuses for it) but… holy sh*t, I had no idea that Obi-Wan was Gandalf in disguise! Anytime something is about to go down, he has to leave… just because… and THEN he decides to do something about it later… when he could’ve just… you know… done something… but hey, that’s how you make a series instead of a movie.
Rating – 8/10 – Flawless? Absolutely not… but I still enjoyed it
July 6 – Deadly Instincts (1997)
This one was a Rifftrax watch about a meteor landing at a college… and the alien within it mates with coeds… offscreen… but also by using goo & a surrogate space woman (who’s story after this movie was made is pretty f**king dark) and this director seems to only make Rifftrax movies like The Last Leprechaun, Grim, Merlin: The Return, The Little Unicorn, Berserkes (Hell’s Warrior) & the Fairy King of Ar… but yeah, it’s not great.
Rating – 5/10 – Good for a laugh with the Rifftrax ladies but… otherwise the creature costume is impressive.
July 7 – Knock Off (1998)
While we were in Columbus, Brent of the Home Video Hustle Podcast made the mistake of letting Izzy pick from “The Bag” for the movie to watch. Not even randomly reaching in… but rather picking from ALL the movies available… she decided on this Jean-Claude Van Damme – Rob Schneider buddy team up where they pose as fashion designer con men who get wrapped up in CIA hijinx. Now I don’t want to go too deep into it as we’re certainly doing it with our next June Claude Van Damme or Jean-Claude Van January… but…
Rating – 6/10 – There are some VERY questionable things about this movie… mostly a lot of weird camera stuff that makes me cringe.
That'll do for this week... check out the podcast... you know, if you're looking to laugh or have your mind blown or something.
Have a great night!
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Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing