July Movies - Week 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yup, we've seen a few movies... some of them are good...

July 5 – 10 to Midnight (1983)
 
Charles Bronson + Cannon Films = Cinematic experience in my book! This was a first time watch though… and it’s a doozy. Okay, so there’s this twenty-something creeper guy running around killing people (buck naked so as not to get blood on his clothes?) but because of how meticulous he is, the cops can’t get him for anything… even though he’s an absolute creeper & yeah, there’s evidence… but whatever. Detective Charlie Bronson is on the case though… and then eventually he’s fired for planting evidence on the killer & admitting to it... and hijinx ensue from there when you start to question who you’re rooting for, if anyone! That being said… as much as this is an absolutely ridiculous movie with a lot of questionable things involving rape, racism, kink shaming, etc. I still had a fun time watching this absolute clusterf**k that you really don’t know what’s going to happen from one scene to another.
 
Rating – 8/10 – If you’re into vigilante justice movies, this is one for you!
 
July 6 – Big & Hairy (1998)
 
This is one of those “there’s nothing in the rule book” movies where a new kid moves to Smalltown from Big City and is unpopular because he’s on the basketball team (what?) but nobody will pass him the ball (because they don’t know how to play the sport), but then he meets the local sasquatch, allegedly he’s also 12 years old, so then he joins the team and Teen Wolf’s his way to the top… but then, squatch gets homesick… and hijinx ensue. Look… this wasn’t a horrible watch. I’ve seen a number of Air Bud & Most Valuable Primate type movies now… and this is one of those.
 
Rating – 7/10 – My biggest gripe was the coach not teaching anybody how to play f**king basketball!!!
 
July 7 – Sometimes They Come Back (1991)
 
Based on a Stephen King story (of course), a man (Tim Matheson) brings his family back to his hometown for the first time in 27 years (trope) which appears to be in Maine (trope) which he left because his brother was brutally murdered by evil greasers (who hurt you, Stephen?) and now the greasers have come back (trope) from their sudden mode of transportation-related death (trope) to kill him… for some reason. It’s not a horrible movie by any means… it’s just hard to get behind when it’s so out there, and the main character won’t tell anybody, or just f**king leave. “But Steve, they might come after him” really? How?!? Something even stupider then they’ve been waiting 27 years until he comes back to the specific town? Maybe… but it’s a pretty easy first move. I also wanted to know more about the incident of the main guy being a teacher who hucked a kid out the window or something so that the only teaching job he could get was back in his old hometown… but that’s not really dived into… maybe it’s in the book that I’ll never read.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Stephen King formula to the word, good but not great
 
July 8 – Mr. Go (2013)
 
There’s nothing in the rule book that says you can’t have a circus gorilla play in the Korean professional baseball leagues! Yeah, so a little Chinese girl (maybe 13?) is running a circus after the man that raised her dies & she… I guess inherits it along with his debt… but then some Korean baseball agent sees their trick of the gorilla Ling Ling hitting baseballs & has an idea to bring him to the Korean leagues… show off the skills for hitting home runs… and then get a HUGE contract with the Japanese or American leagues… and hijinx ensue. This movie… was better than I thought it was going to be. It’s hilarious at points… a little heart-wrenching at others… the CGI isn’t horrible… and for being over two hours long (yeah, I know… HOW?!?) it was a pretty fun watch.
 
Rating – 9/10 – I’d watch it again for another Ape-ril!!! It’s on Tubi, check it out!
 
July 9 – Cry Wilderness (1987)
 
This one came recommended after watching “Big & Hairy” so yes, it’s a sasquatch movie… with a 2.1/10 rating on IMDb so… prepared for some bad stuff. It’s about this kid named Paul who’s visited in the night by a bigfoot who TELLS HIM that his father is in danger, in the wilderness where he’s been hunting alleged sasquatch for the local sheriff or something. He also gives him this pendant used to… I guess summon him… and they occasionally run into other ghosts of the forest when Paul goes to try to help his dad… and there’s other hunters who may have alternative motives… and the sasquatch is played by the dad so… yeah, it’s not the greatest. That being said… may be coming soon on the podcast.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Better squatch movies out there… but worth it for a drunk watch with friends
 
July 10 – Space Truckers (1996)
 
From the director of “Re-Animator” comes this tale of the not-too-distant future where there are truckers in space. One of them (Dennis Hopper) runs afoul of the big trucking company when the boss (George Wendt) is sucked out of an open port into the vacuum of space after trying to screw DH over… so now he’s on the run with the waitress-fiance trying to get to Earth (Debbie Mazur) and a trucker-in-training (Stephen Dorff) and hijinx ensue. Now… I really enjoyed this one! It’s a lot of practical effects (I really liked the 2001-esque circular diner) and just fun weirdness, especially when we get to the space pirates (led by cyborg Charles Dance) who also has an army of ultimate android weapons… but it can be a little crass at times too. Honestly though, I’d say check it out!
 
Rating – 9/10 – Would love to dissect this one on a second watch… but yeah, better than expected based on the title
 
July 11 – Hardware Wars (1978)
 
Okay, this was a short that I had heard about through Izzy’s family making occasional references that I just thought they were making fun of Star Wars… but apparently this guy made a 12 minute parody of Star Wars using household appliances and such… and it’s actually pretty dang good. Think Mystery Science Theatre 3000 telling you Star Wars… but nearly two decades earlier. I’m sure that you can find this on YouTube or something (should out to Satanic Temple movie night on Wednesday for providing this one) but definitely worth a watch.
 
Rating – 9/10 – Nice, tight, concise, and honestly for probably only knowing the story from watching it in theatres a few dozen times, extremely accurate to source material

Catch you next week for a few more movies...

​Steve