July Movies - Week 2

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Okay... busy busy with art stuff & work trips and all that but alas...

July 8 – Escape from Miami (1987)
 
Yes, this is the original version of the legendary movie “Miami Connection” which you know I love & is a 10+ all day!!! With the new Vinegar Syndrome 4k UHD package, you get the 4k UHD, a Blu Ray version with TONS of interviews & extras… and another Blu Ray with this original cut (and a few extras). So what’s different? To be honest, not a whole lot… except there are a few extra pointless scenes that don’t really further the plot but are people ACTING… and the ending which… okay guys, spoilers but… instead of the incredible ending that ends with gaggles of ninjas being killed & the message “Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace” as Jim is leaving the hospital… instead… Jim dies in the back of the car… roll credits. The changes made the movie MUCH better (even though part of it was that five-minute demo reel where the drummer gets to talk about a world tour). Guys, I will legitimately talk about every single scene in this movie for an hour if you give me a chance.
 
Rating – 9/10 – The changes made it better… but aside from the awkward ending, not a whole lot is changed & it’s still a banging soundtrack.
 
July 9 – Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)
 
One of the most ridiculous inside jokes that Izzy & I have is one day when we were first dating, we caught this movie on the Syfy Channel just in time to see Joey Fatone taking the stage for his cameo… and then INSTANTLY being eaten by a horrible CGI shark. The following line “Joey Fatone just got eaten by a shark!” has been a great awkward silence breaker ever since. Yes, this is one of those horror parody kind of movies that Syfy makes… basically putting Jersey Shore caricatures into a situation where sharks are just eating everybody. That being said… this is honestly one of the more enjoyable bad shark movies out there.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Is it bad? Of course… but we’ve seen MUCH worse
 
July 10 – Jiu Jitsu (2020)
 
I was HYPE for this movie when it was coming out… from the director & star of “Kickboxer: Vengeance” & “Kickboxer: Retaliation” with Tony Jaa, Juju Chan, Rick Yune, Frank Grillo and NICOLAS CAGE in an alien martial arts movie!!! This was made for me!!! So I bought it back in November 2020 Day 1 streaming on Amazon Prime for $15. Needless to say… I was mildly disappointed (mostly in the dialogue that was ABSOLUTELY IRRITATINGLY HORRIBLE) but the action scenes were pretty legit. I revisited it again now 18 months or so later for Nic-August Cage on the podcast & with the Cage/Rage Podcast. Did I enjoy it more? Or the opposite?
 
Rating - ???/10 – You’ll have to listen to the Cage/Rage Podcast… or ours to find out!
 
July 11 – Kull the Conqueror (1997)
 
This movie was written as the 3rd Conan movie… but Arnie said “No thanks” and they replaced it with TV’s Hercules Kevin Sorbo… and friend of the podcast Sven-Ole Thorsen stars as the King who’s killed by the barbarian Kull so that he becomes king in the first few minutes… and hijinx with magic & sh*t ensue. This movie is kind of a weird PG-13 Robert E. Howard adaptation whose tone is a little weird… but oddly decent if you go in with the knowledge this is a 90’s action movie. However… all the good will built in the first two acts, kinda fall apart in the 3rd act. Spoilers?
 
Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it… but I can see why it’s not highly regarded… especially with the feeling from the ending.
 
July 12 – Amos & Andrew (1993)
 
So… I thought I had seen this movie… but I may have been confusing it with “Trapped in Paradise” or “Raising Arizona” or other early 90’s Nic Cage movies… because Jesus, this movie was rough to watch! Okay, Pulitzer Prize winning author & self-proclaimed “Voice of the Black Man” Andrew Sterling (Samuel L Jackson) has moved into a nice house in Nantucket Island (the name is never given but… yeah) and IMMEDIATELY his white neighbors call the police because they see a black man in his own house… so Chief Dabney Coleman & Deputy Brad Dourif (in blackface) bumblef*ck their way into nearly killing him on sight… and when they realize that they’ve nearly killed an innocent man in his own home THEN they call in small-time crook Nicolas Cage who’s in their drunk tank to take the fall for them (also in blackface) and then just more ridiculous nonsensical bumf**kery ensues… and man was this movie tough to watch… especially when this was considered comedy back in the early 90s.
 
Rating – ???/10 – Listen to our episode coming soon for details… but this is now my least favorite Nicolas Cage movie… but it’s not his fault…
 
July 13 – Despiser (2003)
 
This one was courtesy of The Satanic Temple Movie Nights on Wednesdays… and it’s the story of a man who lost his job, is losing his house, possibly his wife & to top it all off, he then gets in a car crash. What could possibly make things worse? Well… apparently he becomes the centerpiece in a millennia-old war in Purgatory once he died in the car crash… and hilarious live action CGI hybrid hijinx ensue!!! Now… this movie… was odd. That being said… I admire it as how they tried to merge the live action with a ridiculous amount of low budget CGI to get this insane story out… and it actually kind of worked for the most part because of the dream-like ethereal storyline where everything is… well, fake or dreamy?
 
Rating – 7/10 – Give it a gander… but it really dragged towards the end, even when things got nutso with the effects.
 
July 14 – The Man from Hong Kong (1975)
 
Okay… I love this movie! How much do I love it? I have it on the podcast during Ninja-ly… and upon viewing it again I realized that there’s technically zero ninjas. That being said, it’s my podcast & if I want an Australian martial arts movie starring George Lazenby as the villain & Jimmy Wang Yu as the “If only Bruce Lee were still alive” hero and incredible stunt work, kick ass soundtrack & more from the feature debut of friend of the podcast director Brian Trenchard-Smith (“Turkey Shoot”, “BMX Bandits”, “Leprechaun 3”, “Leprechaun in Space”, etc) then dang it, I’m going to have it on my podcast.
 
Rating – 10/10 – But find out why on the podcast… and buy Brian’s book “My Adventures in the B Movie Trade”, it’s incredible!!!

Until next time, True Believers!!!

​Steve