Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yet another week, yet another seven movies... but some interesting ones...
July 12 – Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby (1999)
Okay, I had heard about this one… primarily because it has a Vinegar Syndrome release now and it has little to nothing to do with the original Freeway other than where the original was a modern retelling of Little Red Riding Hood (but with cars), this one is a retelling of Hansel & Gretel (with bolemia, murder, insanity, drug use, rape, sex trafficking & anything else to get a rise out of people). Natasha Lyonne stars the same year as her breakout “American Pie” and until the title came on… I was pretty sure that I was watching “Orange is the New Black” but from the director of “Tiptoes” (Matthew Bright). About the time David Alan Grier was getting a handy in the courthouse hearing that his client (Lyonne) & her cellmate escaped prison like Day 2 to head towards Mexico on a drug-fueled rampage that I’m not quite sure anybody else knew about… I started to realize that this movie wasn’t that good. Sure, I had no idea what was going to happen but… I was pretty sure that it was going to be confusing, nonsensical, over-the-top illicit to try to get a reaction out of the “normies” watching it but… there’s just not a whole lot going on that I was intrigued by. That being said… I may talk about it on the podcast one day in detail… because there are a few interesting things for brief moments… and as long as it’s free on Tubi… if you want to watch a “I can make Natural Born Killers on a budget” kind of movie, sure… why not?
Rating – 6/10 – Would probably only watch it again for a podcast episode… but not dreading the experience
July 13 – The Lure (2015)
How would you like to watch a Criterion movie?!? What if I told you that it was a Polish erotic thriller musical involving two underage mermaid sisters becoming a singing sensation at a strip club… and then one of them decides to start eating perverts while the other is trying to become a human when she falls in love with the less-than-stellar son of the club owner, who if he decides to marry somebody else then she’ll turn to sea foam? Oh… and hijinx ensue. Yes, there are subtitles, and though I’m sure there’s a dubbed version too… why? The original sound is great… and the subtitles are actually pretty good too, even the songs still rhyme for the most part in English translation. This was… an interesting movie that I really enjoyed once I looked it up and though the girls are underage in the story, they’re played by a 23 & 25 year old but… yeah, it can be rough for the novice movie watcher… but damn it, the movie was intriguing, beautifully shot, and very reminiscent of something like “Let The Right One In” with that European edge to it.
Rating – 10/10 – Would highly recommend checking it out but not for everybody
July 14 – Village of the Giants (1965)
This is a silly 60’s flick about some twenty-something teenagers (like Beau Bridges?) ingesting some goo that little boy genius Ron Howard made… and so they grow 50 feet tall & terrorize a city under a tyrannical rule… and hijinx ensue? It’s pretty ridiculous… and the visual effects are pretty laughable yet in a good way… but yeah, the whole time I was like “f**k them teenagers! Bullets will still take care of them… and they’ll starve in a week” so whatever. Of course this was an MST3K watch… and that’s great as usual… but the movie itself is pretty hilariously bad.
Rating – 6/10 – Definitely watch with MST3K crew!
July 15 – Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
Nicolas Cage is an assassin who’s doing one last job in Thailand… and he takes a local under his wing (for some reason) to teach how to be an assassin… and hijinx ensue. Okay, I’ve seen a LOT of assassin movies… but this is probably one of the worst. Yes, there’s the usual situation of an assassin who’s done things for so long, they become disillusioned, and they start going against their simple & effective rules… and that’s when they f**k up & get in real danger… but this movie in particular was REALLY stupid with why… because there’s really no reason expressed, even a bad reason. He’s just kind of like “Okay, here’s a gun” and training montage for a guy he met 48 hours earlier and has f**ked up twice since then… then he starts dating a deaf pharmacist that he can’t communicate with because… I guess, any port in a storm? Some of the assassination setups are the absolute WORST situations you can imagine… and all by his own doing… and yeah, hijinx ensue. Nic Cage is also easily replaceable with any other actor (or actress really).
Rating – 4/10 – Honestly, watch something like “The Mechanic” to “Grosse Point Blanke” for a better assassin experience
July 16 – The Whale (2022)
Brendan Fraser won an Academy Award for being in this Darren Aronofsky film based on a play about a 600-pound depressed man who is on death’s door because of congestive heart failure… and wants to reconnect with his teenage daughter… and hijinx ensue. First off, Brendan Fraser & Hong Chau give INCREDIBLE performances based on what they’re given. They get all the accolades. The teenage daughter… did not care for one bit. She’s absolutely horrible. Sure, it may be the character that she was going for… but at the same time… zero f**ks given about the performance too… nor Tyler Simpkins as the other teenage Mormon… sorry, New Life or whatever they called it missionary boy. The movie was… okay. Again, Brendan deserved an award for the movie & what he went through to make this movie… but it just didn’t grab me when most of the other characters were involved.
Rating – 6/10 – The ending was basically infuriating too, even though it was supposed to be inspiring, I think? Meh…
July 17 – 65 (2023)
Adam Driver blasting dinosaurs… How? Why? Where? How many? Wanna know?
Rating - ???/10 – See you this DINOvember on the podcast…
July 18 – Snake Eyes (1998)
Nicolas Cage & Brian DePalma, together at last! Nic is a crooked cop who finds himself in the middle of a political assassination during a prize fight in a new casino during a hurricane & hijinx ensue when nothing is what it seems. This movie is… interesting. There are a lot of great DePalma shots with looooooong one-takes, multiple perspectives, point of view camera work, and weaving a quilt of all the scenes in flashbacks that is actually pretty well done. However, the movie is not… awe-inspiring or really even completely sensical but apparently there were some cuts made to the film that… I’d like to think filled those in but… an interesting watch.
Rating – 8/10 – Recommend but there’s a lot of things in it that’ll leave you scratching your head
See you next week for Pioneer Day here in Utah!!!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing