July Movies - Week 3

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Busy week... but here we go...

July 15 – Morbius (2022)
 
It’s Morbin’ Time!!! Yes, we finally watched this “In Association With” Marvel film that nobody asked for TWICE about Jared Leto as a scientist who accidentally turns himself into a Batma… I mean vampire. This movie is… EXACTLY what you think it is… only possibly dumber. You know every single step that it’s going to take, every character arc, every stupid decision, blah blah blah… well, there was one headscratcher towards the end that… I guess is a sequel beg… but then again, I’m too busy trying to figure out how & why this would all tie together with the Marvel Spiderman movies & Venom… but oh man, they’ve already announced the next Sony Spiderman movie that’s gonna be about a game hunter played by Kick-Ass. Can’t wait on that one…
 
Rating – 4/10 – If you like Morbius, you might like it. I’ve seen enough Dracula movies over the years to know better films worth my time though… like Dracula Untold.
 
July 16 – Velocipastor (2019)
 
Yes, this is that movie that was #1 on Amazon for a few weeks back when it came out almost on title alone… but the thing is that I absolutely love this movie as a parody of the grindhouse era of ridiculous superheroes, which is exactly what writer / director / friend of the podcast Brendan Steere intended… and I highly recommend that you all watch this movie about a pastor who accidentally turns himself into a were-raptor. “But Steve, how can you think this movie is so great & Morbius is stupid AF?” Because this movie did more with a budget of $35,000 than Morbius did with $120 million so… check it out & decide for yourself.
 
Rating – 10/10 – Frankie F**king Mermaid…
 
July 17 – Moon Zero Two (1969)
 
This was a MST3K watch… and thank goodness because this was apparently the only Hammer Film to be set in the future… and you can kinda see why. It’s about an expert in… something & a Bond girl (Catherine Schell) getting caught up in some space hijinx involving an asteroid made of sapphire (?) and they have to do it on the dark side of the moon? Yeah, it didn’t grip me… but man was it funny to watch.
 
Rating – 4/10 – It’s Moonorbitin’ Time!!!
 
July 18 – The Bob’s Burgers Movie (2022)
 
Ever wanted to see a feature length Bob’s Burgers episode? Well now’s your chance! It’s streaming on Hulu & Peacock I think… but yeah, there’s a sinkhole that pops up in front of Bob’s Burgers so business is down… and Mr. Fishoeder is the main suspect for the murder of a carnie on the wharf so… hijinx ensue! I love the half-hour cartoon & have watched it for (checks calendar) OVER A DECADE?!? The movie is a lot of the same… and so I recommend it!
 
Rating – 9/10 – Even though it’s the length of five episodes for one simple plot, you barely notice.
 
July 19 – Rubber (2010)
 
This movie came highly recommended to me once I voice my love of Velocipastor… and it had been recommended a few times back when it first came out… so we finally watched it. It’s the story of a car tire who realizes that it can make people’s heads explode… and goes on a rampage in the southwest… all while Wings Hauser & a bunch of other people observe from a safe distance in some sort of avant garde experience? It’s from writer/director Quentin Dupieux & the only other person I recognized is the weasly scientist from “Virtuosity” who plays the sheriff… but yeah, it just didn’t grip me… and was boring AF at some points. I do like the practical effects with the tire rolling through town ominously & the vibe is good at points but… yeah, I must just not get it.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Worth a watch but… neither scary nor laugh out loud funny which I assume you’re going for in a horror parody.
 
July 20 – Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985)
 
This was one of my dad’s favorite action movies… and it’s pretty much forgotten nowadays… probably for a few good reasons. Basically it’s about a New York cop (Fred Ward) who’s “killed” in the line of duty… but made into the ultimate tool of vigilante justice by a mysterious black guy with a moustache & a Korean martial arts master played by Joel Grey of “Cabaret”. Hijinx ensue… throw in Captain Janeway as the lady of interest for about 10 minutes… boom, 80s action movie that’s RIPE for a remake!!!
 
Rating – 9/10 – I really like this movie for a LOT of great action & stunts… but I can see why people might not like it.
 
July 21 – Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD (1990)
 
Of course Tubi then recommended that we want this Troma movie… about another New York cop who witnesses the death of a Kabuki martial arts master… and so his powers of Kabuki are transferred to the cop… and hijinx ensue! Now… I was expecting an absolute sh*t show… and this actually wasn’t too bad. Sure, you can tell that a LOT of the actors are… Troma friends? However, the lead actor was actually pretty good with selling the gesturing & all the physical aspects needed for the kind of performance for a Kabuki action hero… and yeah, better than I thought.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Usually Troma is hit or miss for me… and this one hit.

Alright, off to do some work stuff...

​Steve