July Movies - Week 3

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

You guessed it... I watched movies this week...

July 19 – Swamp Women / Swamp Diamonds (1956)
 
This was an MST3K version, but it’s about an undercover policewoman teaming up with three convicts to escape from prison & then lead her to a fortune in stolen diamonds that they stashed in the middle of the bayou. Along the way, they pick up some guy… and hijinx ensue… directed by Roger Corman. Yes, the woman are primped & busty… and the guy can seemingly do no wrong… including all the women wanting him… and there’s just some crazy stuff that happens towards the end… so yeah, a fun watch I guess but… at the same time… it’s a terrible misogynistic movie.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Definitely go with the MST3K version but not unwatchable
 
July 20 – Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966)
 
This one was a little hard to follow for me… but it’s about a spaceship crashing on the 3rd planet of a distant solar system “65”-style and kills everybody except for a little boy. So the rescue ship arrives 20 years later & the little boy is now a man… and I think he basically kidnaps (or saves?) one of the crew and falls in love with her… but then there’s all kinds of creatures & the nearby volcano is about to blow and the ship needs to be repaired or something? Maybe I should give it another watch but… it was also the MST3K version & the wife was having me do “honey-dos” when it was playing on the MST3K channel on Tubi so no pausing…
 
Rating – 7/10 – May be a rewatch at another time but… it was your typical 60’s sci-fi flick
 
July 21 – Amsterdam (2022)
 
Okay, so this one is David O. Russell’s latest with an all-star cast like Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, John David Washington, Chris Rock… and it’s set in the 30s about three people who met during the first World War… but then hijinx ensue allegedly… I honestly only got about 20 minutes in when Izzy & I looked at each other and said “This is f**king lame already, right?” So we switched it off… and oddly enough… cut the Max streaming service. No, this movie didn’t make us discontinue it… but the fact that we really hadn’t watched much on it the past 8 months or so after buying the year & that was about to re-up… we just decided against it… and I have no intention of finishing this movie.
 
Rating – NA/10 – Though based on what I saw… probably going to be a 3 or 4 if we completed
 
July 22 – Robot Monster (1953)
 
YES, the famous 50’s sci-fi classis where the super-powerful, super-intelligent alien being that has essentially wiped out humanity (with the exception of a family of five that was in a cave protected by some magical scientific McGuffin) was a guy in an ape costume wearing a diving helmet… and hijinx ensue when he ends up being the worst mastermind in cinematic history? Okay, it’s not that bad… and it’s a lot of fun to make fun of it MST3K style… but yeah, YOU could make a better movie than this. Holy crap, the bubble death ray or whatever… hilarious…
 
Rating – 7/10 – I feel like everybody should watch this at least once… just so I can yell at people “RO-MAN!!!”
 
July 23 – The Giant Gila Monster (1959)
 
I know I’ve seen this one before but I think it was before I was doing this… but yeah, 50’s sci-fi about a giant gila monster destroying a small Texas town… or at least a 1:128 scale version of it… and hijinx ensue when a teenager is the only one that can stop it… but after the big barn dance or whatever… because it’s the 50’s. OF COURSE this was another MST3K watch… and yeah, it delivers what it promises… that’s about all you need to know really.
 
Rating – 6/10 – Recommend the MST3K version but the movie is… yeah, you’ve probably seen it or something just like it
 
July 24 – Lord of War (2005)
 
Nicolas Cage is a Ukrainian-American gun runner, based on an all too true story (or at least an amalgamation of several gun runners), and if you’ve seen the kind of movies where it’s the guy who gets into the seedy side of the law for “the right reasons” (money) but falls in too deep (think Goodfellas, Blow, Scarface, etc.) you’ve basically seen this movie… but it was surprisingly memorable from when I first saw it 15 years ago. Cage is great even when subdued… Jared Leto as his brother is a tolerable coke addict who makes bad decisions when in small doses… and I love me some Eamonn Walker in anything (“Oz” & “Blood & Bone”) but have him as warlord Chuck Taylor with his name changed to protect the tyrannical (same with Col. Southern & everybody else in this movie) and yeah, I’d say check it out.
 
Rating – 9/10 – You’ll want to go buy a gun or two & sell a million others… at least I think that was the intention of the movie, check it out on the podcast
 
July 25 – World Trade Center (2006)
 
Yup, we finally watched the 9/11 movie starring Nicolas Cage, Michael Pena & friend of the podcast John C. McGinley (for a cup of coffee) and directed by Oliver Stone. I had no idea what to expect with Stone’s world views, Cage’s prowess as an actor, the controversial subject matter… or the fact that it’s “based on the accounts of the survivors” which is basically what history is, right? In the end though, check out the August podcast episode for specifics but… it was a lot of emotional manipulation, of course… but overall, a solid little movie. Is this one I’m going to watch a bunch of times like Face/Off or Congo? Of course not… does it go into 9/11 a lot, NO it just sticks to the story of the two survivors & their families leaving all the rest to news spots on television really… but would I recommend it?
 
Rating – 7/10 – Not essential… but well done for what it is

Not to end on a 9/11 joke but... never forget to listen to our new episodes...

​Steve