July Movies - Week 4

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Alright, here are the movies for the week...

July 26 – Arsenic & Old Lace (1944)
 
A man (Cary Grant) and his new wife are married & off on their honeymoon… but first they have to stop by the house where his two aunts live… and hijinx ensue when he finds out that they’re loveable serial killers… and his uncle thinks he’s Teddy Roosevelt… and then his long lost brother who looks like Boris Karloff comes back with a dead body of his own… and Dr. Peter Lorre to assist… and the cops keep getting called to the house as he tries to save his family from the slammer. Yeah, this movie was great. The comedic timing was incredible even if it’s a different movie from today’s norm given that it was made nearly 80 years ago… and I hadn’t seen many Cary Grant movies but he really pulled off the comedy too. It’s a shame that his wife was barely in the movie… but hey, she serves her purpose I guess.
 
Rating – 10/10 – Check it out! Great flick!
 
July 27 – The Sentinel (1977)
 
Have you seen Rosemary’s Baby? Then you’ve basically seen this movie… about a model who needs her own space in NYC, so she gets an apartment that’s basically too good to be true… but it may be a PORTAL TO HELL!!! The cast on this movie is stacked… Ava Gardner, Burgess Meredith, Chris Sarandon, John Carradine, Jeff Goldblum in a small dubbed part, Beverly d’Angelo masturbating, Jerry Orbach in a wig, Jose Ferrer, Eli Wallach, Christopher Walken… this reminded me a LOT of “The Visitor” too with just the weird tone & stuff going on… and I REALLY enjoyed it as well!
 
Rating – 10/10 – 70’s horror movies are fun with trying to go psychological… but ending up being ridiculous at times too
 
July 28 – Hercules & the Captive Women (1961)
 
This was obviously an MST3K watch as most 60’s Hercules movies should be… but in this one, Herc stumbles upon the Queen of Atlantis who is trying to take over the world… and Italian hijinx ensue… there’s really not much else to this movie… if you’ve seen one of these Hercules movies, you’ve seen them all… this one has a little person.
 
Rating – 5/10 – Definitely watch MST3K version…
 
July 29 – Indecent Proposal (1993)
 
Yes, the movie that brings up the question that every couple has had… would you let Robert Redford f**k your wife for a million dollars? Obviously the answer is yes… but then the real game becomes finding out your partners limitations in a weird sort of 20 Qs game where you event find out they’ll leave you for Steve Buscemi for $12,000 or something like that… but yes, a young couple (Woody Harrelson & Demi Moore) are on tough times financially… so they go to Vegas, lose all their money, but billionaire John Gage (Redford) proposes a million dollars for one night with Demi… and hijinx ensue. Look, the premise is well known. The movie is pretty ridiculous where basically Woody’s husband character just turns into an a-hole pushing her away… and Bobby’s there to pick up the pieces and they live happily ever after… or do they?!? Watch to find out… be prepared, it’s a full two hours.
 
Rating – 7/10 – Once the premise is left, the movie gets pretty dumb… but I’ve used the line “A brick wants to be something more” a few times in my day…
 
July 30 – Star Force: Fugitive Alien II (1987)
 
This was an MST3K watch… and apparently is a movie compiled from episodes of a Japanese TV show… but apparently it’s about a space crew led by Captain Joe going out to destroy a super weapon made by the Star Wolves (space pirates?) and an ex-girlfriend is on the ship but… yeah, it’s a mess with hilarious dubbing. I can’t really recommend it other than it’s a confusing mess based on what I was watching… but the joke were funny.
 
Rating – 5/10 – MST3K version is fine though…
 
July 31 – Kull the Conqueror (1997)
 
In what was to be the 3rd Conan movie… but then fell into a hilarious combination of rights issues & Hollywood wanting it to be PG-13, TV’s Hercules Kevin Sorbo steps into the role of Kull, a barbarian (definitely not Conan) who essentially stumbles into becoming a king by accidentally killing the king (played by friend of the podcast Sven Ole Thorsen) during the aftermath of a soldier audition… and this leads to the Red Witch being risen (Tia Carrere) and hijinx ensue. The movie is… not the greatest plot or anything… but it’s a lot of stupid fun. Think Scorpion King (because they’re definitely the same movie in almost every way) but with Kevin Sorbo instead of The Rock.
 
Rating – 8/10 – I find it hilarious & I love sword & sandal movies… also Harvey Fierstein makes an appearance
 
August 1 – Mad Heidi (2022)
 
Making a parody of grindhouse movies can be a difficult thing… and this is a Swiss movie with Swiss actors basically turning Heidi into a Mad Max vengeance flick… with the only star anybody will really know being Casper Van Dien (“Starship Troopers”) as the Very Swiss President of Switzerland… and because it leans into the ridiculousness, it pulls it off. Okay, young Heidi sees her boyfriend killed by a fascist state of Switzerland ran by the evil cheese corporation Miele & the President… and so she leads a rebellion against them… and hijinx ensue. The violence is ultra… the poking fun at Switzerland is wildly abundant… and it’s just a lot of fun… check it out…
 
Rating – 9/10 – I enjoy independent cinema like this…
 
August 2 – Rattlers (1976)
 
A herpetologist (studies snakes, not herpes) is called in when there’s a rash of killings involving rattlesnakes… and they’re being super aggressive because of toxic waste or something from the nearby army base… and hijinx ensue. Throw in plenty of token snake fodder from nearby communities and you’ve got yourself a movie. Yes, of course we watched this with the MST3K touch… but the movie was… pretty bare bones without it. Lots of walking in the desert & pointless, humorless dialogue… but yeah, fun watch with friends.
 
Rating – 7/10 – It’s exactly what you think it would be… and nothing more. MST3K it!!!

See y'all next week!

​Steve