March Movies - Week 1
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Here are some more movies we've seen this week...
Mar 3 - The Eternals (2021)
Yes, we finally watched this MCU movie from… I think September is when it came out & it’s been in Disney+ for a month or so but… you know. This movie is completely relatable as it’s about these immortal supergods finding out that things aren’t what they thought… and the creatures that they haven’t battled for a few centuries are back… and now they’re also powerful supergods… and hijinx ensue. Now, the casting is diverse… and yet Izzy was suffering from white people face blindness because they have both the boyfriend & ex-boyfriend of the main heroin played by guys who played brothers in Game of Thrones. Is this absolutely essential to see if you’re an MCU fan? Probably not… but it’s mildly enjoyable.
Rating – 7/10 – There’s just… nothing to really like in this movie other than the fact that the cast is diverse
Mar 4 – The Great (2020 – Season 1)
So we finished the first season of this comedic Hulu series about Catherine the Great (though everybody has SUPER British accents for a Russian tale) and it’s from the creator/director of “The Favourite” so it’s a very irreverent mildly historical tale with some great performances by Elle Fanning, Nicholas Hoult & others. The first season is about Catherine coming to Russia as a Prussian (though they say German or Austrian interchangeably because Russian & Prussian might get confusing) and married to Peter, the ridiculously over-the-top king of Russia… and within a few weeks it seems she’s scheming to pull a coup & overthrow Peter because he’s an absolute pompous asshole. Hijinx ensue… Long story short, I highly recommend checking out the series, but it can get a little dark for how whimsically comedic it is at other points… but such is life.
Rating – 9/10 – Not for everybody, but I enjoyed it
Mar 5 – The Dark (1979)
While going through Tubi, we found a Rifftrax for a late 70’s creature feature called The Dark where a writer & newswoman are trying to track down a California serial killer… and it ends up being an alien werewolf that can shoot laser beams out of its eyes that make people explode!!! Oh, did I mention that the wind randomly whisper hisses “The Daaaaark” throughout the movie for no reason? That might not seem important… but that’s how they build suspense. That being said… the movie is cuckoo bananas & I kinda enjoyed making fun of it along with the Rifftrax guys.
Rating – 8/10 – I’ve seen a lot worse on Rifftrax
Mar 6 – Zombie Nightmare (1987)
Speaking of which, did you like Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare? Well this is… kind of a sequel… but while starring rocker Jon Mikl Thor as well, this one is about a young man who is killed in a hit & run by some local teen thugs… and then his mother asks a voodoo priestess to resurrect him for revenge (Pumpkinhead style) and hijinx ensue. There’s a pretty ridiculously bland performance from the late great Adam West as the local sheriff & pre-Wayne’s World Tia Carrere in a small fodder girlfriend role… but honestly aside from a few points of stupid chuckles, there wasn’t a whole lot to this movie. The kills were even surprisingly lame.
Rating – 6/10 – I hear Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare is worse… or maybe it’s Rock ‘n’ Roll High School… maybe both?
Mar 7 – Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (1958)
We’re finally starting off Ape-fil with some LONG awaited movies involving apes that I either haven’t seen or LOVED… and this was one… that I hadn’t seen. Basically this pops up on a LOT of Worst Movies Ever Made lists as it’s basically about a pair of Martin & Lewis knock-offs who somehow end up in the middle of the jungle on an island… and are found by the natives… and introduced to a mad scientist in a castle (Bela Lugosi) who’s doing experiments on apes & people… and the princess of the tribe is an educated white woman somehow… but yeah, hijinx & musical numbers ensue. Look, I’ve seen worse movies. Basically the worst part is the Jerry Lewis wannabe Sammy Petrillo actually doing a decent Lewis-Carrey hybrid… but I just find Lewis irritating & annoying anyway, so a poor man’s version escalates it. For being the 50’s, whatever…
Rating – 5/10 – Thankfully it’s only about 72 minutes… and there are monkeys
Mar 8 – Link (1986)
What if I told you there was a movie starring 80’s Elisabeth Shue where she becomes an assistant to a mad scientist in an English castle… and he has been studying apes so long… that he has a monkey butler named Link? Not only that… it’s Ms. Shue’s first nude scene. Also, they use real animals, not people in outfits. You’d think this was a fever dream of a perfect movie that I made up, right? Well, it happened… and oh boy how hijinx ensue!
Rating – 10/10 – Hear all about it on the podcast… because I love this crazy sh*t!
Mar 9 – Gotcha! (1986)
This teenage spy movie from director Jeff Kanew & star Anthony Edwards (both of “Revenge of the Nerds” the year before) has a college kid (Edwards) go on a Parisian vacation, where he meets a lovely Czech woman (Linda Fiorentino) and she basically pulls him into the world of espionage. Fun fact: This was the first major movie to have Paintballing and that’s apparently where they got the title for the movie… and I guess explains his “skills” when it comes to being a spy… but this movie was actually a bit of a trip. The tone is a little all over the place from comedic takes to… you know, spy sh*t & people getting shot… but aside from that, I’d say give it a shot.
Rating – 8/10 – It’s a somewhat more serious teenage spy flick…
Well, that oughta do it for this week... join us Saturday, March 12th at 5 PM Pacific for episodes 3 & 4 of Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future Watch Party! Hit us up at @EILFMovies on Twitter for details!
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Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing