March Movies - Week 2

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yup, we went to Cincinnatti for the Bockfest Beer Festival & had a grande ol' tyme... but here are some movies that I watched...

March 10 – The Wild World of Batwoman (1966)
 
We watched the MST3K episode for this and… wow, I wish I could really tell you what it was about. Apparently there’s a big breasted superheroine named Batwoman (didn’t see DC Comics mentioned in the credits so… lawsuit?) who’s fighting evil with a bunch of her Angels… sorry, Batmaidens. There’s a bunch of dumb criminals including one who looks like a Mexican wrestler but… look, this was in 1966 and Black & White… WHILE THE ADAM WEST BATMAN WAS GOING ON?!? This one was ROUGH!!! The MST3K guys helps but… yeah, without them, only watchable for the Batman logo located in the bare ample bosom of our main character.
 
Rating – 3/10 – For each of them & the logo…
 
March 11 – Primal Rage (1988)
 
This was a new one I stumbled upon because there’s an ape involved… and it may be coming in Ape-ril as a last minute substitute. Basically there’s this university in Florida where Dr. Bo Svenson is experimenting on apes… and unleashes a “rage virus” that essentially turns the campus into crazed zombies. The main lead is Patrick Lowe who… doesn’t appear to be one of those random Lowe brothers (like Rob & Chad, basically the Hemsworths of the 80s) but this movie was pretty insane & the zombie effects were actually pretty entertaining. There’s also a Halloween dance scene (of course there is) where every single costume is more elaborate & awesome than any costume that I will EVER make.
 
Rating – 9/10 – Absolutely a blast! Great 80’s horror stuff…
 
March 12 – Outland (1981)
 
Sean Connery is a marshal stationed at a mining colony on a moon of Jupiter… and something is killing miners at an alarming rate… some sort of space meth. So he makes it his life’s goal to shut it all down & establish lawful order… on a mining colony on a moon of Jupiter. This movie appears to have been shot on the “Alien” set after they were done but is still very well done with establishing the world. The characters are great, independent, flawed, everything you would expect from the type of people who would voluntarily go to a mining colony on a moon of Jupiter. Heck, even your hero at a certain point you can see the whole “Hey, they’re miners doing drugs to get by… nobody is forcing them to take it, right?” but it’s a fun trip throughout.
 
Rating – 9/10 – This was a lot better than I kind of expected with the whole Sean Connery in Space thing
 
March 13 – Inherent Vice (2014)
 
After watching Boogie Nights for the 10th time or so the other day, I realized that it’s the only Paul Thomas Anderson movie that I’ve seen more than once… and I hadn’t seen one since There Will Be Blood, which was good. Then I saw that he did this one about a pothead private eye in some sort of Rockford Files situation with Joaquin Phoenix in the lead… so I was in. The cast for this movie is amazing with Josh Brolin, Reese Witherspoon cameo, Katherine Waterston, Owen Wilson, Eric Roberts cameo, Maya Rudolph cameo, Michael K. Williams cameo, Hong Chau killing it, Benicio Del Toro cameo, and so on… The only problem is… the movie is boring as all hell. It’s basically a pothead version of a film noir… with some of the worst & most ridiculous voiceover in the history of cinema from some beatnik stoner chick. It’s about an ex-girlfriend coming to the PI (or is he still a detective… or a doctor too?) saying that she thinks her new boyfriend’s wife is going to have him committed… … … okay? Sucks to be them… roll credits. Nope, he gets roped in & hijinx ensue. Beautifully shot… could’ve used an editor to get it to about 100 minutes instead of 150… nothing makes sense when you looks at it a second time. Not my bag.
 
Rating – 5/10 – This is a low rating for me… but just not my bag.
 
March 14 – The Fabelmans (2022)
 
Steven Spielberg is a fantastic director… and has been for a half century now… but I’ll admit, I was worried going into this movie… because it’s about him growing up in Arizona in the 50s & 60s & about his love for his parents… and when it’s a man with all the power in basically making his own biopic and a minimum of conflicting viewpoints, that’s typically a recipe for a movie to be a gigantic circle jerk with your own variants. That being said… the movie starts off SUPER schmaltzy… then takes a turn into some genuine family drama… and before you know it, he’s thrown in a few ridiculously funny beats towards the end… roll credits, you had yourself a time. I’ll be the first to say that watching that movie at 1.5x speed is the way to go with this 2.5 hour flick… and you won’t miss a thing, guaranteed… but check it out!
 
Rating – 9/10 – “Unless I make a movie about this… which I would NEVER do…”
 
March 15 – Infinite (2021)
 
First time watch of this Marky Mark movie costarring Chiwetel Ejiafor… and it’s about a man who is having dreams… but they’re really memories of his past lives… and only a few hundred people have this ability… some want to save humanity, some want to destroy it… yeah, it’s basically all the action movies & young adult novels thrown into one but… if you’re into those action movies… you may find yourself enjoying it, even if it’s basically following the treads left along the way by far superior movies…
 
Rating – 8/10 – Like I did… yeah, it’s a dumb movie… but I love Chiwetel Ejiafor in just about anything & it’s dumb action
 
March 16 – 47 Meters Down (2017)
 
First time watch of this movie that I basically knew as “Mandy Moore gets her tourist ass dropped to the bottom of the ocean in a shark tank” and hijinx ensue. Yeah, that’s pretty much it… but her sister is there with her too (you know, for exposition) and Captain Matthew Modine is going to get help but literally phones it in for the 2nd & 3rd act. That being said though… it’s actually a pretty tight 80 minute movie with decent tension building & still exactly what you would expect from a shark movie.
 
Rating – 8/10 – I’ve seen MANY worse shark movies… and I may have to check out the sequel from the same director

See you just in time for St. Patrick's Day!!!

​Steve