March Movies - Week 3
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another week, another batch of movies...
March 17 – Andor (2022)
Alright guys, take a knee… I’m about to talk about the latest Star Wars prequel series that I watched about a character that I barely remembered from “Rogue One” which was itself a great footnote movie that I’ve only seen once. This tells the tale of a Lost Boy (or one of those kids from Thunderdome) who’s taken in by rebellious scavengers (played by Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter & a guy who gets 2-3 scenes across 12 episodes) and raised to be a thief who sells parts on the black market… and then is recruited as a mercenary by a rebel leader (Stellan Skarsgard) to pull off a robbery… then when almost everybody dies… he bails for a few episodes with his cut… gets arrested on vacation for nothing… then has to break out of an internment camp with Andy Serkis… and stumbles upon the events of a rebellion because they took place at his surrogate mother’s funeral. End Season one. Is he a good character? Not really. Does he have an arc? Not really. Stuff just kind of happens around him as he’s trying to Gandalf from the situation & he’s one of the few who survives. I’ll admit, there’s some great allegories and themes about the Empire & fighting against oppression that hit to modern day events… but they basically have nothing to do with Cassian Andor, the Forrest Gump of Star Wars. The worst part about the whole story though… is that it’s NINE F**KING HOURS LONG!!! This is a three-hour movie tops… but it’s 12 episodes at 45 minutes each. Literally nothing happens until episode 3(?) and then again in episode 7. It sort of picks up from there… but you’re already six hours in.
Rating – 6/10 – It’s okay… but no need for it to be nine hours long
March 18 – Bridge of Dragons (1999)
Tubi is probably my favorite movie streaming service. They have almost ALL of the Dolph Lundgren library and when I was this one where he plays a mercenary named Warchild who works for an evil general (Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa) and has to go save a princess… but then realizes he may be working for an evil man… and from the director of the Antonio Sabato jr vehicle “High Voltage” from a few months ago… I was in. It’s a hilarious mess of a movie with a strong Asian cast… but set in an unnamed country… shot in Bulgaria… but people have cockney accents too… and it’s supposed to be modern day 1999 but everyone is dress like they’re at a Ren Faire or Rambo III… and when the general dresses like M. Bison from Street Fighter though he played Shang Tsung in the movie… I can’t unsee it. Great explosions & predictable story… give it a shot if you like the genre.
Rating – 8/10 – I’ve seen MUCH worse… and it’s at least fun.
March 19 – Storm Catcher (1999)
We followed it up with another movie from the same year where Dolph is the only man who can fly a stealth bomber… but then a general decides he’s going to steal the stealth to drop a nuclear bomb on the White House (but back when Clinton was there so some didn’t want that to happen). Your standard kind of “Broken Arrow” plot… and Dolph is good… the little girl from “Long Kiss Goodnight” plays his daughter & she’s okay (but they didn’t need to f**k up her hair)… but a lot of the other actors & actresses were… not as great. Still fairly fun & a dumb action movie though… check it out.
Rating – 7/10 – Not an essential see in the Dolph Lundgren library… but yeah, why not?
March 20 – Mile 22 (2018)
Izzy & I had seen this in theatres when it first came out (back when we had MoviePass) and I remembered really liking it. Did we feel the same way on a second watch of this secret special ops team (led by Mark Wahlberg & John Malkovich) transporting a double agent (Iko Uwais) to an airport 22 miles away in order to save some major cities?
Rating - ???/10 – Find out on an upcoming episode of Everything I Learned From Movies…
March 21 – In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro (1985)
You can find a VHS rip of this movie on YouTube… but that’s about the only way that you’re going to find it from what I can tell, maybe some bootleg DVDs of a questionable nature. Anyway, white savior in an Africa village… and during a drought, 90,000 baboons are going around & eating people… hijinx ensue. John Rhys-Davies comes into the story too… and we’ll go in depth about this movie (and whether it’s based on a true story) in an upcoming episode as well but…
Rating – 7/10 – Look… you had me at killer apes… and 80’s ridiculousness. If either of those intrigue you, check it out!
March 22 – The Barbarians (1987)
Amazon Prime suggested this based on our previous movies (lots of Sword & Sorcery movies as you know) and I had never seen this movie starring the Barbarian Brothers (David & Peter Paul) about twin barbarians who are reunited & seek revenge against a warlord (Richard Lynch with Bo Derek’s rope wig) and hijinx ensue. Is this a great movie? Absolutely not. There were genuinely some parts that I laughed at though… and let’s face it… this is a couple of bodybuilders & hot chicks dressing up for a Ren Faire & I’m all here for it.
Rating – 7/10 – Glad to have seen it… may do it again for the podcast some time…
March 23 – Circle of Iron (1978)
So… apparently in 1969, Bruce Lee & James Coburn wrote this magnum opus of Bruce Lee’s philosophy about a martial artists (Jeff Cooper?) who goes on an adventure to defeat this evil ruler (Christopher Lee!!!) who possesses a book that contains the ultimate truth. Along the way, he meets a blind man (David Carradine), a monkey man (David Carradine), a vaguely Asian or Middle Eastern master (David Carradine in blackface?) & Death itself (David Carradine) along the way… learning lessons & completing trials. Now… the only other time I had heard of this movie was when we interviewed the great martial artist / weapons master Anthony DeLongis (check out our interview) as this was one of his first gigs in his 40+ year career and… is it a great movie told in a straightforward matter that makes sense? No, not exactly. It’s the philosophy of Bruce Lee told through David Carradine’s riddles & more of an inner perspective look at growing as a person… and a few other random things tossed in. Your lady probably isn’t going to like it. Not because they don’t enjoy those kinds of movies, but because it’s fights… gibberish… lots of walking… more fighting… repeat, so they’ll be bored with it. That being said…
Rating – 9/10 – I enjoyed it. The fights were… okay, especially for the 70s. The story was… okay. Definitely worth a watch though if you’re a fan of kung fu movies.
Alright, see you next week (insert outro music)!!!
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Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing