May Movies - Week 2

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry I'm a little late this week... it's probably the start of things to come because my work & my wife fill my life with business & busyness... but here we go...

May 8 – Croczilla (2012)
 
The internet went out during a snowstorm… and physical media to the rescue for a bit of Tubi roulette… and we found a multi-pack that I bought a few years ago for a dollar that had 7 movies… and the premiere one on the cover was… this! Long story short, it’s a Chinese movie about a giant crocodile grown in captivity who gets loose in Hangzhou and the only people that can stop him are the man that raised him (as much as you can raise a croc), the local detective (who’s not that good at his job… like at all) & some random chick who got kicked out of a BMW at the beginning of the movie. To be fair… this movie was a LOT better than I was expecting. The frenetic pacing & style is interesting… even when the plot is pretty basic for the genre… and the CG can be ridiculous but… actually better than about 90% of this ilk.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Subtitles may not be your thing but… I’d say give it a shot if you can take it
 
May 9 – Piranha (1972)
 
No, not the Joe Dante from the late 70’s that’s a campy treat. This one is from a few years earlier and is about a brother & sister who meet up with a friend in Venezuela to photograph the jungle, motorcycle through it and/or drink themselves into a stupor. Along the way, they meet a local hunter (William Smith) named Caribe at the hotel… and he offers to be their guide when they start asking about where you can find a diamond mine. Along the way, they realize that he may not be a cuddly character (even though they started as skeptical) and… well, the movie turns really dark when there’s about 15 minutes left. It’s a slow build before that but… yeah, it’s a decent loooooooow budget thriller… but then again, I wouldn’t be in the middle of the damn jungle with some jerk I just met anyway without a gun to his head or something because I don’t trust anybody so… the premise is weak to me.
 
Rating – 8/10 – For a 50+ year old movie, I really enjoyed it but it drags at times.
 
May 10 – The Mandalorian – Season 3 (2023)
 
I’ve been saying it for years… and season 3 of The Mandalorian confirmed it… Captain Power & the Soldiers of the Future is a viable series in today’s entertainment industry. Why do I say that? This season has a bunch of Mandalorians in their mighty power suits taking on the forces of Darth Gideon a.k.a. Lord Dread. There’s a big one that I called Tank the whole time… throw in the super cute Grogu Baby Yoda & boom… the money rolls in.
 
Rating – 10/10 – The story was a little whatever… but this is honestly as close as I’m going to get to a Captain Power series so… 10!!!
 
May 11 – Children of the Corn (2023)
 
Okay… so a little behind the scenes on this movie. Apparently it was filmed in the heart of COVID shutdown in 2020… and they’ve been sitting on it for three years… then just kind of released it with zero fanfare or promotion. Not a great sign. It’s the triumphant return of writer/director Kurt Wimmer who brought us “Equillibrium”… but also brought us “Ultraviolet” which was the last movie he made in 2006. Also, not a great sign. It stars friend of the podcast Bruce Spence as Pastor Penny. Great! The rest of the cast are kids. This… could go either way. You all know the story, right? Something wicked in the corn is causing the kids to do horrible things… or is it just a shared psychosis of these isolated farmer’s kids? Adaptation of the Stephen King story… relaunch of the series that apparently spawned a DOZEN movies. Here’s what I’ll say. The main kids weren’t horrible. The evil girl was by far the best performance… but as is tradition with Stephen King stories, the parents are idiots, drunkards & fodder… the other kids are okay… and the movie does the cardinal sin by showing the monster… and it’s f**king GROOT!!! The movie is violent but pointless… and honestly one of the worst constructed movies I’ve seen in a long time… but I love Bruce Spence getting work!
 
Rating – 3/10 – “Old” is the last movie I can think of that baffled me at every turn with the choices it made. Battlefield Earth levels of filmmaking.
 
May 12 – Deadly Eyes (1982)
 
From the director of “Enter the Dragon” & “Gymkata” comes the story of a city run amok with killer rats the size of dachsunds in rat outfits… Scatman Crothers makes a cameo… hijinx ensue! Definitely not enough martial arts for the director’s repertoire… but it’s instead replaced with an odd romance between a professor, an environmental shipping agent, and some silly college student who wants a piece of the professor despite his constant refusal. It’s a weird tale of terror… and I enjoyed it but it’s not super special. The dogs in rat outfits is kind of funny though.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Cannot complain and mildly fun just with how awkward some scenes get
 
May 13 – Rampage (2018)
 
Watched this movie in a special preview before it was released in theatres… it’s Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and a bunch of CGI creatures destroying Chicago & other random locations in the U.S. Loosely based on the 80’s video game… have not pulled the trigger on it for Ape-ril on the podcast YET but yeah… it’s exactly what you expect. Malin Akerman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Naomie Harris & others pop up for a bit… harmless fun…
 
Rating – 9/10 – The Rock is too charismatic for his own good…
 
May 14 – The Wild Beasts (1984)
 
The animals at a zoo in “Northern European City” (Frankfurt, Germany) have gone wild & broken out the zoo causing havoc… but why? Spoilers: Though it’s in the trailer, all the advertising & any descriptions of the movie though it’s treated in the movie like a big reveal… it’s PCP PUMPED INEXPLICABLY INTO THE DRINKING WATER though only a few kids & no other humans are affected!!! Hijinx ensue. This is an Italian made movie… and so there’s a LOT of fun craziness that happens… Elephants on the runway at an airport… rats eating people & cats… a polar bear chasing kids… a cheetah chasing a car… lots of lions & tigers & hyenas tearing at dolls filled with meat… it’s exactly what you expect… and throw in some crazy misogyny while you’re at it… and a Stephen King level ending…
 
Rating – 9/10 – I really enjoyed this movie… but I love Italian craziness & animal exploitation movies

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

​Steve