November Movies - First Half

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yes, it's Thanksgiving Eve and I haven't updated in a few weeks... Man, I'm busy... I don't know what else to say. Sure, it'd be great if somebody would help me & Izzy out... including the person we're helping out... but yeah, that's not the case unfortunately. HOWEVER, there are a few movies that we've seen...

November 3 – Five Night at Freddy’s (2023)
 
A security guard has to save his sister from sadistic murdering animatronics… you all know the story (or the basic premise at least) because you’ve been in the social zeitgeist for the last decade… and you probably watched “Willy’s Wonderland” (2021) which is the R-rated (dare I say) GOOD version of this movie. Yeah, it’s exactly the same thing… except much, much duller. I was legitimately falling asleep throughout this movie. Nobody gives a f**k about the security guard’s family drama… or the lady sheriff who shows up like “Oh, she’s not a good guy obviously… she wouldn’t give a f**k about this guy either.” Hmm… how do we improve this movie? Make it so the security guy doesn’t speak… because nobody cares… the sheriff is basically the reason he’s doing the job because the sheriff obviously knows about the murdering robots… and cut out about 30 minutes of monotonous bullsh*t drama. In other words, make it Willy’s Wonderland.
 
Rating – 6/10 – This was f**king rough. Sure, compared to a 10+ with the exact same premise probably doesn’t work in its favor but… pointless. Watch WW twice instead!
 
November 6 – Prehysteria 2 (1994)
 
That’s right! The little dinosaurs from the original are on a whimsical adventures are they are whisked away on a raisin crate & end up in a mansion with a latchkey kid & his hobo friend who happens to be a girl… and hijinx ensue. What happens exactly?!? Check out the podcast…
 
Rating - ???/10 – The podcast is Everything I Learned From Movies… and all three of these movies are on Peacock!!! Wait, three?!?
 
November 9 – Prehysteria 3 (1995)
 
That’s right! THREE!!! And in this edition… they once again get swept up in a crate of raisins… and end up in a miniature golf course with a girl rocking the worst Scottish accent ever… and her uncle owns the REAL golf course next door… and her dad is Fred Willard as the worst businessman and/or athlete sad story ever… but then little dinosaurs get involved and… listen to the podcast!
 
Rating - ???/10 – Available on all the major podcatchers… oh wait, this one’s the Patreon Exclusive episode!!! Patreon.com/eilfmovies
 
November 12 - Over the Top (1987)
 
Sylvester Stallone is Lincoln Hawk, a truck driver by day, arm wrestler by night, deadbeat dad always who picks up his estranged son from his military school graduation to go see his dying mother in the hospital… but also try to rekindle their relationship… spoilers, she dies & the kid acts like a kid whose mother just died… and the grandpa is rich Robert Loggia… and somehow the Arm Wrestling Championship is involved… basically I’m saying it’s the perfect movie.
 
Rating – 10/10 – The only flaw is that it’s a double elimination tournament
 
November 15 – The Horror at Party Beach (1964)
 
What happens when beach kids, greasers on motorcycles & radioactive sludge monsters have a big bash on the beach? Well, watch the MST3K version… it’s kinda hilarious.
 
Rating – 6/10 – The movie is pretty rough though in its original form
 
November 18 – Pterodactyl (2005)
 
We’re continuing DINOvember on the podcast and this is a Sci-Fi Channel original starring Coolio as a squadron leader in the dark forests of Northern Turkey… and there’s a volcano going off that lets loose dormant pterodactyl eggs… and hijinx ensue when a school paleontologist trip mixes with human traffickers. It’s almost exactly what you expect… but there are some parts of this movie that are unusual… mostly around the teacher-student relationship… but from the director of “Stunts”, “Commando” & “Showdown in Little Tokyo”
 
Rating – 6/10 – Rough… but don’t think for a second that there isn’t a spin-off sequel
 
November 21 – Haunted Mansion (2023)
 
Based on the Disneyland ride, there’s a Mansion (southern plantation) that’s haunted AF with 999 ghosts… you got single mom Rosario Dawson & her son moving in… they need help from some Zach Baganses (or whatever constitutes an expert in the field) and hilarity ensues. This was… more entertaining than the Eddie Murphy one… but that’s probably because of the All-Star cast… and 20+ years improvement in technology & figuring out these kinds of movies for the masses. There were definitely some parts that were… more boring than others… but yeah, I’d recommend checking it out.

Rating – 8/10 – Definitely some funny parts… and I’m pretty sure Owen Wilson was his character from “The Haunting”

Hopefully I'll see you before December... wish me luck!!!

​Steve