September Movies - Week 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Busy week... but here are a few movies that I've seen...

August 31 – Hillbillys in a Haunted House (1967)
 
This one is about a couple country singers & their manager getting stranded at a haunted house (though a neighbor country band also randomly shows up for a number) and there’s some old dudes in the basement (John Carradine & Lon Chaney jr with help from Basil Rathbone) doing weird experiments with an ape… hijinx ensue… but mostly horribly bad country numbers as this movie is mostly just a vehicle that. The lead actresses tits were quite amazing (and apparently it was chilly on set) but yeah, this was an MST3K watch and… I feel bad for people who had to go to theaters when this was popular.
 
Rating – 3/10 – I can think of two things that were great to see on the screen…
 
September 1 – Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)
 
A depressed musician (Tom Hiddleston) gets a call from his former lover (Tilda Swinton) who flies from Morocco to hang out with him in Detroit… and then they just kind of be depressed and moody & pointless for about an hour… until an unexpected former acquaintance (Mia Wasikowska) shows up and f**ks things up… and I’d like to say hijinx ensue… but it really doesn’t. Oh, did I mention that they were all vampires? Good… because it doesn’t matter… I fill like this is just director Jim Jarmusch writing a boring mopey emo tale and then thinking nobody will watch this tripe… oh! Unless I make them vampires or something?!? Yes, it’s beautifully (pretentiously) shot but… yeah, no point to watching it in my opinion.
 
Rating – 4/10 – Maybe I’m being hard on it but… was watching it at 1.5x after a while and it was still too damn slow
 
September 2 – Fugitive Alien (1986)
 
This was an MST3K watch (we’d seen the sequel already and it’s also nuts) but it’s a Japanese sci-fi movie where an alien race is attacking the Earth… but then one of their own goes Finn from Star Wars and decides that he doesn’t want to kill humans anymore… so now they’re trying to take him out… and hijinx ensue. This movie was… an absolutely mess. I really wish that I could tell you character motivations, arcs, or really even any of them apart except for the one girl & Jo Shishido (the giant cheeks guy) but… yeah, I was laughing at the jokes more than anything else. The story is just all over the place & nonsensical.
 
Rating – 4/10 – Still a fun watch with the jokes…
 
September 3 – The Blackening (2023)
 
Seven friends go to an AirBNB cabin for the weekend as a ten year reunion or something… but then they find out that there’s a killer (and a Sambo board game?) that’s going to kill them all… unless they can play the game involving horror movie knowledge… and even then, probably end up killing them. It’s a horror-comedy where all the characters are African-American (except for deputy Diedrich Bader who has a cameo) and the joke tagline is “They all can’t die first” which is perfection… and the movie was pretty hilarious. A lot of N-words… to the point that I was getting a lot of “A Haunted House” vibes about halfway through but… yeah, I’d definitely recommend checking it out if you like pseudo-meta horror movies.
 
Rating – 8/10 – LOTS of N-words that I’m not allowed to enjoy…
 
September 4 – Viva Knievel! (1977)
 
This is a movie made starring legendary stuntman Evel Knievel in… let’s face it, an absolutely BS story glorifying his image. There’s action scenes where he jumps over lion, tigers & fire… but there’s no mention of his wife & kids… instead his love interest is Lauren Hutton… and his mechanic is Gene Kelly… who also has his son join the team… and hijinx ensue. Cameron Mitchell & Leslie Nielsen show up to… and there’s a plot about a rich guy trying to kill Evel in the most convoluted way possible… and yeah, it’s nonsense & much like the Evel Knievel traveling circus you’re basically watching to see him crash & potentially die.
 
Rating – 7/10 – It’s an interesting timepiece in filmmaking about a pretty deplorable human being who became iconic… but I’d recommend the Rifftrax version
 
September 5 – The Pumaman (1980)
 
MST3K watch of the superhero classic… about a white guy professor who finds out that he’s descendant of Aztec gods (and aliens?) so now he has superpowers… and the guidance of a giant Aztec priest (who’s the real hero of the movie) to help bring down the evil Kobras (Donald Pleasance) who’s using a Puma mask to hypnotize & control people… including world leaders. This movie is… ridiculously bad… and the green screen stuff is bad… but yeah, making fun of it was fun.
 
Rating – 6/10 – Rough watch without the jokes…
 
September 6 – The Rebel Set (1959)
 
This was another MST3K watch about three beatnik criminals looking to rob an armored car… but then hijinx ensue when they are betrayed!!! It’s pretty boring & there’s a lot of random beatnik club scene dancing or something… but run time is required. Not really a whole lot else memorable about this movie.
 
Rating – 5/10 – Pass without the MST3K jokes…

Have a great week everybody!!!

​Steve