September Movies - Week 2

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Join us this Saturday at Harvest Moon Festival, Ogden Farmers Market & the Pharoah's Scotter Club 30th Anniversary party!!! I'm also teaching Paracord classes on Sunday at The Local Artisan Collective!!! But until then...

September 7 – The Dungeonmaster / Ragewar (1984)
 
This is the story of a computer programmer who’s developing AI (at the neglect of his girlfriend) when all of a sudden… a demonic wizard challenges him to a duel of the wits or something INSIDE THE COMPUTER (though it’s a leftover sword & sorcery set?) so basically it’s kind of a Dungeons & Dragons computer game movie? Richard Moll is the wizard so… that’s pretty great! I think this was a Full Moon production… or at least I know Charles Band was one of the directors… basically each of the challenges has a different director doing a section… and it kind of shows… but it also kind of works in a weird way. For as absolutely ridiculous as this movie was… I really enjoyed it! Most of the directors were makeup & special effects guys getting a shot at doing a quick 5-10 minute scene and… though a lot of the story is kind out there & nonsensical… it’s an interesting little anthology.
 
Rating - 8/10 – Give it a shot… it’s on Tubi, you might like it
 
September 8 – Feeders (1996)
 
This was a Rifftrax watch… and the movie is basically two kids from Pennsylvania making their own movie in the mid-90’s. The story is there’s these two guys driving around taking pictures & doing a road trip… but then aliens land and start feeding on the humans… and the aliens are basically hand puppets… so it’s extra ridiculous. The acting is crap. The story is nonsensical. There are a lot of scenes of just walking to pad out the run time. Basically the appeal of this movie requires the likes of Rifftrax or some fun friends making fun of how dumb the movie is… and also just the thought of these two filmmakers during the process of the film going “Perfect! Cut! Next scene!”
 
Rating – 4/10 – It’s about an hour long is all… and that definitely helps enjoyment
 
September 9 – Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
 
YES!!! The 3rd greatest shark movie all time (behind Deep Blue Sea & Jaws 3D) FINALLY gets a sequel! In this one, Jason Statham as Jonas Hamstat-Taylor is back to save everybody after they’ve gone back into the underlayer of the ocean that the first Megalodon came from, to do research because… there’s a bunch of ridiculous animals down there… like fish-raptors?!? Anyway, hijinx ensue when they find out there’s a mining company down there too… explosion… things released into the Philippine Sea… and place literally called Fun Island. Now, this movie was ridiculous… but not like the first one… beyond ridiculous on a scientific level… and yes, I’m talking about the fish-raptors… and it BLATANTLY steals from ALL the animal horror hits, not just Jaws… but Jurassic Park… and even to the level of Day of the Animals. That being said, I knew this going in… was prepared for it… and still thought it was… okay.
 
Rating – 8/10 – I support dumb movies sometimes… especially when they blatantly pattern to China… I mean, the audience
 
September 10 – Mallrats (1995)
 
This movie came out when I was 14 and was my introduction to Kevin Smith movies… of which… eh, about half of them are watchable… and there may not have been a good one since Clerks 2. In this movie, two a-holes (Jeremy London & Jason Lee) are single now that their hot girlfriends have realized that they’re a-holes… so they go to the mall to drown their sorrows. Then they find out that a game show ran by one of the girl’s father is being held at the mall, that simply will not stand… so they make plans to destroy his (and her) livelihood. Hilarity ensues. So why do I like this movie? Well, again I was 14 when it came out… and it is basically a live action cartoon… and Sven Ole Thorsen plays LaFours in a criminally underrated Chaplin-esque performance. Does it have dull parts? Of course. Does it age like fine milk? Totally. Does it originate the Stan Lee cameo? Marvel, you HACKS!!! So how do I feel about it now?
 
Rating – 9/10 – I still enjoy it… but yeah, the two leads are absolutely unworthy of happiness
 
September 11 – Moon Zero Two (1969)
 
This was an MST3K watch about a space salvage worker getting involved with other space salvage workers who want to hijack an entire asteroid made out of sapphire by crashing it into the moon… and hijinx ensue. I think watching this movie, it was set in 2024 (because that was 55 years into the future when it was made) which is a lot of fun given how advanced we are now… but yeah, it’s kind of a dumb, fun almost like spy movie on the moon… with past future technology… and a lot of things that I swear I saw in resent movies like “Ad Astra” and “Gravity” but… on a budget.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Yeah, why not give it a watch? Especially with MST3K…
 
September 12 – One Got Fat (1963)
 
We watched a Satanic Temple Movie Night… and this was a 15-minute bicycle safety film… but it has about a dozen kids with monkey faces & tails… and almost all of them meet violent ends by not following the rules of the road! Check it out on YouTube…
 
Rating – 9/10 – Hilarous & informative!!!
 
September 13 – The Burning Moon (1992)
 
This was a German movie that we watched on Satanic Temple Movie Night… and it follows a teenage drug addict who’s telling his little sister a pair of bedtime stories… the first about a serial killer who escapes an insane asylum… and then immediately goes on a blind date… and hijinx ensue. The other is about a psychotic priest killing a bunch of people in a town (including a few people who look just like him?) but yeah… this was a splatter horror movie with lots of blood, violence, profanity, drug use, all that fun stuff… but also looks like it was shot with a handheld camera that was probably in East Germany…
 
Rating – 7/10 – Not the greatest… but hey, if it’s your jam, go for it…

Got a few humdingers lined up for next week... see you then!!!

​Steve