September Movies - Week 3

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yup, another busy week... but I got a few watches in...

September 16 – The Black Phone (2022)
 
This one I had to watch without Izzy but luckily I had a day with just me & the new puppy… so I watched some crazy movies. This one is set in the early 80s (if I remember right) and there’s a bunch of kids being snatched up in Denver, and we follow this one kid… and he gets snatched up (by Ethan Hawke) in a van & locked into his basement. Well, hijinx ensue as the kid plots escaping… and his little sister may have psychic powers… and that’s about all I’ll go into to avoid anything spoilery. Long story short, I enjoyed its creepy atmosphere & the way that the story was told to set it in the 80’s (no real way to find ALL of these missing kids before phones, etc) and I’d recommend watching it if you’re into the genre… but there are definitely a few points you might just go “What?!?”
 
Rating – 9/10 – Good but not perfect, check it out!
 
September 17 – Class of 1984 (1980)
 
From director Mark L. Lester (Commando & other great action flicks of the 80’s) comes the tale of the not-too-distant future where kids have taken over the school & the police are powerless to fight them (or something). This is the story of one new teacher (Perry King) going up against these punk kids… and hijinx ensue. Roddy McDowall & babyface Michael J. Fox star too… and I really liked this movie. Yes, it’s over the top craziness (which I love) but so many great dummy kills & weird twists that… just watch it! It’s on Tubi I think.

Rating – 10/10 – Great stuff going on in this movie… though yes, it’s over the top crazy
 
September 18 – Class of 1999 (1990)
 
So I HAD to check out the sequel made ten years later by the same director where this time the teachers have taken over the prison state of the school in the not-too-distant future… because evil albino Stacy Keach has made three CYBORG TEACHERS to enforce their will!!! By the way, the teachers are played by Pam Grier, John P. Ryan & Patrick Kilpatrick. Malcolm McDowell shows up for a day of shooting, and the main student couple of Bradley Gregg & Traci Lind have to bring the gangs together to fight back. Is the sequel worth of the original?
 
Rating – 10/10 – Just as crazy, though I would definitely give the nod to the original… but don’t miss out on this one either.
 
September 19 – The Visitor (1979)
 
Okay, to cap off this crazy day that has already produced a score of 29/30, I watched this movie about an 8-year old girl who has telekinetic powers… and is at the center of a battle between good & evil (John Huston as a God figure and the opposing force of Zatan, yes with a Z… and you even get a Franco Nero cameo as uncredited Jesus). This movie is GREAT and absolutely CRAZY!!! Young Lance Henriksen shows up in a major role, Mel Ferrer is the mother, Glenn Ford, Sam Peckinpah pop up, SHELLY WINTERS IS THE NANNY WHO SINGS “MAMA’S LITTLE BABY LOVES SHORTNIN’ BREAD” and just when you think you know where this movie is going… nope… it’s gonna do some crazy stuff. I can’t wait to show this one to Izzy too…
 
Rating – 10/10 – I love crazy Italian movies… especially with killer kids
 
September 20 – Society (1989)
 
Speaking of crazy movies, we’re keeping it going with this Goo-tober selection (a month on the podcast dedicated to gooey 80s movies) and this is about a teenager (Billy Warlord) who suspects that there’s something off about his family… and really his neighborhood in Beverly Hills in general… but is it all in his mind? Spoiler alert: It’s not. I guess also not a spoiler alert but… it involves goo. That’s about all I’ll say on it here… but join us on the podcast in October when we have the sweet Diana of Happily Ever Aftermath watch this for the first time!!!
 
Rating – 9/10 – It lags in some points… but man, those last 20 minutes make up for it!
 
September 21 – Thor: Love & Thunder (2022)
 
Back to watching another one without Izzy, but it’s the 4th Thor movie, directed by Taika Waititi, and in this one Thor comes up against Gor the God Killer (Christian Bale) who’s on a mission of vengeance to kill all Gods with his Necrosword that easily dispatches of them. Thor being the God of Thunder, he’s not a fan of this idea… and for some reason the other Gods are kinda nonchalant about it… and Gor kidnaps the children of New Asgard because… you know, kids get involved & grown ups want to act sometimes… in comic book movies. Seriously, where are all those missing kids from the Trump Administration? Anyway, the movie was basically what you expect… but the tone was definitely a little… all over the place & I can see the criticisms as to why it wasn’t really engaging. I was alone & focused on it (phone put away) but… yeah, it just didn’t grip me like other superhero movies have.
 
Rating – 8/10 – Still pretty fun… even when I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be
 
September 22 – A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990)
 
Okay, so you obviously know why I watched this one… because there’s dinosaurs mentioned in the title. Well, this is an offering from Troma Entertainment and it’s about… well, a nymphoid barbarian… and ugh… she’s in a post-apocalyptic future where I guess dinosaurs are back… and from the point about ten minutes in where the first attempted rape scene happens… hijinx ensue. Now, there’s really not a lot to this movie. Seriously, there’s almost no dialogue. The Claymation creature effects are okay for the minimal budget that I assume… and the acting is a little on the wonky side. The biggest problem was… it wasn’t fun. Even at like 75 minutes it seemed long and… just not a fun time. “But Steve, the title? What were you expecting?” Oh no, it was trying to be fun obviously… and it failed.
 
Rating – 4/10 – I still give it a 4 for having dinosaurs…

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​Steve