Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Guys... I've been f**king busy... my mother-in-law is moving in, I'm doing four jobs at work (actually more like 8-9) and I'm just not getting the movies in like usual. Oh & any moment where I have a few minutes we're usually watching half an episode of "Murder, She Wrote" (up to season 11 right now) or "The Highlander" (just started season 5). Sigh... I need a vacation... and just in time for winter... but here are some movies that I have seen...
September 14 – RoboWoman (2019)
A woman is leaving a company (I assume retiring because she’s played by a 65-year old (Dawna Lee Heising, check out her story… it’s crazy)) and decides to finally go on a date with a persistent coworker… and as luck would have it… he & his buddies (including special needs brother) end up raping her to death. Well, she’s rebuilt as RoboWoman… and she exacts revenge… and oh man, this movie was hilariously rough to watch. The actors are… I don’t even think actors, probably the lead’s friends. This lady stars in about a dozen movies a year… but I assume it’s because she’s just financing them through drug trafficking or something… but yeah, it’s 1.3/10 on IMDb. Now, like I said… it’s hilarious to watch from a bad movie making standpoint… but yeah, it’s ridiculous… and there are SEQUELS!!!
Rating – 4/10 – Kudos to her for making an independent movie… but that’s about it
September 17 – The Last Man on Earth (1964)
This is the Vincent Price adaptation of “I Am Legend” about the supposed last man on Earth after a global pandemic turns all humans into… I don’t know, vampire-zombies?!? Night of the Living Dead wasn’t until a few years later but… they’re basically zombies just kinda stumbling around… and so Vincent Price is going door-to-door looking for other surviving humans… and of course eradicating any sleeping zombie-vampires & tossing them into a burning corpse pile outside of town… and hijinx ensue. I’ve really liked this movie for years… mostly because it’s Vincent Price… and it’s just kinda dumb… and then twists happen… and it’s even better… but honestly it made me want to watch “The Omega Man” again. Not “I Am Legend” though… they killed the dog.
Rating – 8/10 – Worth a watch… just for cultural context or something
September 20 – The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
From the director of “Troll Hunter” comes a full two-hour movie based on the captain’s log chapter from Bram Stoker’s Dracula (which was almost completely skipped in the Francis Ford Coppola movie aside from a little voiceover). Corey Hawkins plays a man who went to Romania to be a doctor… but then they realized that he was black… and now he has a chance to get back to England about a cargo vessel called the Demeter… but little does he know, it’s transporting a few dozen boxes for a Count Dracula… and hijinx ensue. This movie was pretty good with the typical “Alien” kind of format… with the dark atmosphere aboard an isolated location & slow reveal of the monster (which you know is going to be overused in the climax)… and the acting was decent… in fact, I really enjoyed how good & brutal this movie was… though towards the end of the movie, the whole plot kind of falls apart for me (You know where he sleeps & that sunlight kills him… I guess you’ll just have to expose it to the morning light) but I’m sure they didn’t have the means to bring out the box or something… aside from that, it could have been trimmed a little bit… and the sequel beg at the end is interesting… but unfortunately nobody saw it in theatres because it came out the same time as Barbenheimer, TMNT & a bunch of other stuff… check it out if you can though.
Rating – 9/10 – Decent horror flick… great performances
September 23 – Roboman Hakaider (1995)
This is apparently a movie that was made based on a famous Japanese character (basically RoboCop) but was featured on a Satanic Temple movie night… and it wasn’t half bad. Basically in a post-apocalyptic future (Japan corporations, not Australian wasteland) there a corporation/government and a rebellion… and Hakaider is a stormtrooper who basically is an earlier model who turns good & helps out the rebellion… and hijinx ensue… and man, if you want to see RoboCop meets Power Rangers then this is the movie for you!
Rating – 8/10 – It’s on Tubi, check it out!
September 26 – Joy Ride (2001)
So… I thought I had seen this movie… but apparently I had just seen the trailer and maybe the last 5 minutes back in the day… and where that may seem like enough (and it kinda is) there’s a bunch to this movie that I didn’t know. Basically a P-whipped Paul Walker is driving from Berkeley to Colorado to pick up a girl he’s been crushing on for years but they were separated by college & she’s recently single. Along the way, he picks up his brother out of jail in SLC (Steve Zahn) and he invites himself along… and hijinx ensue when they f**k around on a CB radio for some reason… and movie gotta movie until people are killed & road games are played when an evil (and omnipotent) trucker is on their tail. Is it a great movie? Of course not… in fact, there’s so much wrong with this movie that I don’t know where to begin (the fun facts about the making of the movie is a good way to start though if you want to try to understand why this movie feels so… disjointed). However, if you’re looking for a movie where young people are in danger of coming upon their up’ns then this movie is for you… to a certain extent.
Rating – 7/10 – I’ve seen better, I’ve seen worse in this genre… but hey, RIP Paul Walker
See you in October!!!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing