Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Well, I had my birthday this past weekend... and we had an amazing time with our friends B&K who flew in from the Bay Area... and I got to show them all the sights of Ogden, Utah! We drank at a bunch of breweries in SLC & on 25th Street, Eccles Dinosaur Park, axe throwing, Crystal Hot Springs, Shooting Star Saloon in Huntsville, New World Distillery in Eden, Prairie Schooner Steak House, all kinds of fun stuff!!! That being said... the movies were a little sparse this week... April 27 – Timerider: The Adventures of Lyle Swann (1982) Motocross rider Lyle Swann (Fred Ward) is testing out his bike when he stumbles upon to a secret time travel experiment & sent back to 1877… and now he not only has to figure out where & WHEN he is… but how to get back… and of course, the local cowboy banditos (led by Peter Coyote) want his “iron horse machine” for their bank robbing. He also meets a lovely strong-willed woman (Belinda Bauer) and hijinx ensue. We had seen this back in the early days of the podcast (about 7-8 years ago) and it’s a tight 80 minutes of fun & craziness… and the ending has one of the best kills in cinema as well as one of the most WTF endings ever. Rating – 9/10 – I really enjoyed it again… and Belinda Bauer is a fetching woman April 29 – Idiocracy (2006) Director Mike Judge (Beavis & Butthead, Office Space, etc.) brings you the story of an average man (Luke Wilson) whose part of a government cryogenics experiment gone wrong… and sent 500 years into the future to where everybody has an IQ of 40 or below due to only stupid people breading… and I’ve seen this movie dozens of times now over the past 18 years… and every single time it gets both funnier & sadder to watch how we’ve regressed in barely a generation. Great comedic performances all around, special effects hold up, and about the only thing that doesn’t hold up is the excessive use of the R-word & the other F-word (dozens of times each) but yeah… it’s an absolute comedic classic… but just be sure to have a few tissues handy for the tears. Rating – 10+/10 – It’s a shame that Mike Judge movies don’t get seen or make money until they’re on home release… May 1 – Leviathan (1989) A deep-sea mining crew is only a few hours away from the end of their months-long gig… when some previously unknown contaminant is found… and hijinx ensue. This was the horror version of “The Abyss” (along with several others) of deep-sea 1989 movies (we did a whole month on the podcast about them) but this forgotten one has a pretty stellar cast with Peter Weller, Hector Elizondo, Ernie Hudson, Meg Foster, Daniel Stern & more… but yeah, it gets pretty Cronenberg when things really kick off… but yeah, I enjoy this more than “The Abyss” and just like the eerie feel of the movie… and yeah, check it out! I think we watched it on Max. Rating – 9/10 – There are a few moments of “Wait, wasn’t that over there?” with all the jump cuts but other than that, excellent flick! Have a great week everybody!!!
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
That's right... the birthday is coming up... and the MIL is still here... so here are a few movies we watched... April 19 – Serial Mom (1994) Directed by John Waters, this is the story of a mom set in the 1950’s serial family (Kathleen Turner) who… has a darker side where she starts killing people who annoy her… and man oh man is this pretty hilarious. I remember watching this when I was 13 when it came out… and yeah, I liked it back then too… still holds up… came out when OJ & all that was going down… and oddly enough, we watched it the day he passed away. Poetic? Rating – 8/10 – It’s definitely a dark comedy niche but I really enjoyed it April 21 – The Magnificent Seven (1960) This was my first time watching this movie… since I was a kid… and man, I love me a good western. Yes, I know it’s the American adaptation of “Seven Samurai” and I love that movie too, so don’t worry… but yeah, seven gunfighters are “hired” by some peasants in a small village along the Mexican border, because the village is being sucked dry by about forty banditos… and because the gunfighters are led by Yul Brynner & Steve McQueen, those banditos are f**ked!!! Eli Wallach is the bad guy, young Charles Bronson, Jim Coburn, Robert Vaughn, Horst Buchholz, it’s just a classic… check it out! Rating – 10/10 – How good was this movie? Well, we followed it up with… April 23 – Return of the Seven (1966) That’s right! Yul Brynner & Steve McQueen’s character (played by Robert Fuller) are back again… with four NEW gunfighters… helping out a different Mexican village… who this time have 60+ banditos… and have kidnapped 300+ Mexican men to rebuild a town, including Chico from the first movie! Yes, yes, it’s basically the exact same movie… but the characters a little older & a little wiser… with the odds raised against them (especially when 200 MORE gunmen are on the way inexplicably) but will they make it out alive… well… some will… but WHO?!? Okay, this movie wasn’t that bad either… because it was a retelling of a classic in an EXTEREMELY similar manner… and let’s face it, Yul Brynner is cool as sh*t. How did it score? Rating – 8/10 – A little shorter than the original… but yeah, curious to see how the OTHER sequels will go… April 25 – Aliens (1986) I know the original Alien (1979) is an absolutely banger & a classic… you will get not argument from me there… but the James Cameron-directed sequel is my favorite of the series. Where the original is an incredibly tense thriller where you have no idea what’s going to happen (and apparently the actors weren’t always in the know either), this one turns the action up to a ten with even more incredible special effects, story arcs, great one-liners, fully flushed relationships in just a few minutes of screen time & so much more! We rewatched this movie for an episode of Suns & Shadows Podcast coming soon… Rating – 10+/10 – The original gets a 10 probably so this one gets a 10+, watch them both! By the time you hear from me again, I'll be a year older... I mean... not really but... well, maybe... crazy stuff happens... Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yet another busy week... and show season is right around the corner... but managed to get a few movies in at night... April 9 – Timeline (2003) Based on a Michael Crichton book & directed by Richard Donner, it’s the story of a band of scientists who travel to 13th century France through mirror-based time travel… and hijinx ensue. Of course this movie is incredible with Paul Walker, Neal McDonough, Billy Connelly & Gerard Butler in the lead… and David Thewlis too… oh my goodness, we did an episode of the podcast for this movie back in the day… but it was on TV during our road trip and we were a little drunk… so of course we watched it! Honestly, it’s just kinda dumb… but can be fun, I guess. Rating – 6/10 – MIRRORS!!! TIME TRAVEL!!! KNIGHTS!!! April 11 – Pulp Fiction (1994) One night during the road trip, our stomachs were a little upset around 1 AM so we were flipping through the channels… and what was on HBO late night but one of the greatest movie ever made in its full unedited glory! Director Quentin Tarantino’s 2nd movie… and boy, if you haven’t seen it & you’re over the age of 18, just do it… FILMMAKING!!! Rating – 10+/10 – Watch it!!! April 13 – Planet of the Apes (1968) Charlton Heston & other astronauts crash land on a planet rules by apes… and hijinx ensue! We were hanging out at Pour Company in Fullerton, California (ask for Mario the world’s greatest bartender & podcast host) and because it was APE-RIL he threw this movie on… and of course we own it… the movie’s a classic… and spawned six sequels and a TV series… and several reboots… and still going strong with a sequel coming out May 10th! Everybody knows the twist at the end… it’s cliché for a reason… but what do I think of the original? Rating – 10+/10 – CLASSIC!!! Bring on the musical!!! April 15 – Con Air (1997) We were at a hotel flipping through the channels… and wouldn’t you know it… TBS was playing this Nicolas Cage classic about an airplane filled with the world’s most diabolical criminals being taken over by said criminals… and only one man can stop them… Cameron F**king Poe!!! Hijinx ensue… and yeah, it’s a dumb action movie with pretty bad one-liners and abject stereotypes but… has it aged like milk or wine? Rating – 10+/10 – Still waiting for the sequel where Poe goes after Garland Greene… on Money Plane!!! April 17 – Rampage (2018) APE-RIL… Ape Movies… Giant Albino Ape… based on a video game… Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is the world’s foremost primatologist and his gorilla buddy George gets exposed to an experimental McGuffin gas… and hijnx ensue as he gets bigger & more aggressive… and a giant wolf… and a gator in the 3rd act… and yeah, it’s a dumb action movie with some funny moments… but how did we really like it?!? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on my birthday when it pops up on Everything I Learned From Movies!!! So yeah... rate, review, subscribe, smash that like button... Everything I Learned From Movies!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
ELEVEN DAYS on vacation... more to come... or at least an episode of the podcast about it... but hey, a few movies were seen too... April 1 – Ape vs. Mecha Ape (2023) That’s right… we’re celebrating APE-RIL so now it’s time for an Asylum production about an ape that was sent into space & came back with Alien DNA to make it huge in a previous movie (“Ape vs. Monster” which we haven’t seen) and he’s the only thing that can stop the robotic government weapon created in his image, Mecha Ape… and hijinx ensue. The star of this movie… in fact the only one you or really anybody outside of Asylum productions would know… is Tom Arnold as the Secretary of Defense or something. How did we like it? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on Everything I Learned From Movies, available on all major podcatchers!!! April 3 – MXP: Most Extreme Primate (2003) Okay, from the producers of MVP: Most Valuable Primate & the Air Bud cinematic universes, this is apparently the 3rd in the series after MVP & MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate (skateboarding one we’ve never seen) about the chimpanzee Jack, who starred in junior hockey… then apparently did enough to end up on the cover of a skateboarding magazine (in this movie)… but NOW he’s accidentally flown to Colorado instead of Mexico (yup) and get into the world of snowboarding. The plot… is f**king dumb. I was screaming at the TV during the airport switcheroo thing for ALL the reasons… I’ve never heard of a snowboarding event requiring a team of two to win (somehow?)… there’s a bank robbery gone wrong subplot involving the Mafia or something… just to have two stoner idiots trying to steal a chimp… and a bunch more. HOWEVER, these movies tend to at least be somewhat fun & entertaining in the way they portray this crazy world that they inhabit… so how does this one do?!? Rating - ???/10 – This is our Patreon Exclusive episode available with dozens of others for just $2 a month at Patreon.com/eilfmovies April 5 – Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) We saw this baby opening Thursday night… and this movie finally gets it!!! A bunch of monsters teaming up & fighting like it’s the Royal Rumble… alliances are formed… podcasters involved… the male lead has some charisma… mystical people… an even more hollow Earth… Congo references throughout… literal blood baths… Predator traps… and MORE!!! Rating – 10/10 – The only thing missing was Kong using that robotic arm to speak with sign language April 7 – MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate (2001) After Jack the Chimp is kicked out of the ZHL hockey league for a crime he didn’t commit… he runs away to join up with a homeless boy and shred on a skateboard… and hijinx ensue. Yes, another “from the producers of Air Bud” or the ABCU as I call it… and yeah, it wasn’t that bad. How does it compare to MVP, MXP & Spymate? Rating - ???/10 – This one will be coming out NEXT APE-RIL & the episode is a little special because… we make some 2025 time capsule predictions So yeah, until next time... how about that eclipse huh? Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Well, we're off on our road trip to Las Vegas, Bakersfield & Los Angeles... but before we go... here are a few movies that we watched... March 24 – Dream Scenario (2024) The latest of Nicolas Cage’s released movies FINALLY premiered on Peacock… and it’s about a situation that we all have, Nic Cage popping up in our dreams. However, in this instance, he’s NOT Nic Cage… but a character who’s a tenured professor who keeps popping up in people’s dreams… and not really doing much, just kind of there. However, because everybody in this world is insane (including the professor) they make him into some sort of celebrity & when the dreams start taking a turn… hijinx ensue. Now… this is an A24 movie… or what you expect an independent movie to be… decent interesting premise… but then there are certain things that happen where major studios say “No thank you” and endings are tough. I get it. That being said… I enjoyed the movie… but I’m also a HUGE Nic Cage fan… and there were still a few parts of the movie where I was like “Oh… I get it… so everybody’s IQ is in the teens” but yeah, it’s to provoke… something. I’m just not sure what. Rating – 8/10 – Not the worst, not the best… Nic Cage is better than the rest! March 26 – Road House (2024) Look… I love the original Road House. You all know this. I believe I rated it a 10+ a few months ago when I watched my 4K Vinegar Syndrome collector’s edition of the film about a cooler/bouncer who saves a small town Old West style from the evil rich dude. Did the movie need to be remade? Of course not! Could it be remade in current day? I mean… I guess there’s a way to do it. Is it a good sign that the movie went straight to Amazon Prime as opposed to theatres? Allegedly that was always the plan but… it’s starring Jake Gyllenhaal & directed by Doug Liman (“Bourne” & “Mr & Mrs Smith” which Amazon also made straight to streaming as a series). How are they going to do it? Well… Dalton (Gyllenhaal) is a former MMA fighter who’s hired to protect the interests of a roadhouse in the Florida Keys because… apparently everyone that goes there is cartoonishly violent & the police only exists to protect the interests of the rich man who owns the rest of the island (checks out so far). Well, Dalton does well… so they call in Knox (Conor MacGregor) to basically scorched earth the entire situation… and hijinx ensue. Okay… look… it’s not great cinema by any means… but the way they keep the cartoony elements of the original (seriously, MacGregor is great as a walking hard-on for violence) and the nods to the original… I really enjoyed it. Then again, I like incredibly violent & silly movies from the 80’s… so I think if you do too… you’ll like this movie. Rating – 9/10 – We may have to include this for more dissection during “Who asked for this?” months along with the Point Break & The Thing remakes… March 28 – Stagecoach (1986) This was a TV movie and… I think the 3rd or 4th remake of the classic “Stagecoach” movie… and this one stars basically an entire superband with Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, June Carter & Bing Crosby’s daughter Mary. The story is about a motley crew of passengers who take a stagecoach (led by John Schneider of Dukes of Hazzard) through Apache territory… and of course, one is pregnant, a few are wanted criminals… and for goodness sakes, Willie Nelson plays Doc Holliday. Did he die in his early 30’s? Willie is already in his 50’s at this point… and not a babyface 50-something either. Anyway, hijinx ensue… and the dialogue wasn’t that bad. I assume they took a lot from the original but… yeah, western tale. My MIL picked it… Rating – 7/10 – I enjoyed it… acting wasn’t too bad for being mostly musicians March 30 – Spymate (2003) From the producers of MVP: Most Valuable Primate & the Air Bud cinematic universes, comes the tale of a secret agent chimp named Minkey, who has retired & now works at the circus. Well, his former partner’s genius daughter (young Emma Roberts) is kidnapped by an evil scientist (Richard Kind) and hijinx ensue when Minkey & her dad are pulled back into the spy game… along with his former secretary (Debra Jo Rupp) and a bunch of circus friends too! Now… I know what you’re thinking… and a spy action movie from the people that brought you “There’s nothing in the rule book that says…” and starring a chimp… an absolute recipe for disaster, right? Well… about the time that Pat Morita showed up as the master of an army of ninjas, I found myself thinking “Is this… the greatest movie ever made?!?” No… but damn it… the movie was actually a LOT of fun… but you can hear more about it during APE-RIL on the podcast!!! Rating – 9/10 – Friend of the podcast Michael Bailey Smith popped up as a bad guy too!!! March 31 – Open Range (2003) I had always heard that this was a good western… so when I saw it on Tubi & everybody wanted to watch it… we did. Basically Robert Duvall & Kevin Costner are free range cattlemen (along with Diego Luna & Abraham Benrubi) and they’re passing through… but when one guy goes in for supplies, the sheriff & a few people beat his ass… and then the sheriff & a corrupt mayor (Michael Gambon) send guys out to mess with their cattle, kill Abraham & nearly Diego Luna too while Kevin & Robert are taking care of another batch of guys. Oh… and they shot the f**king dog! This obviously leads to a John Wick vengeance spree on the corrupt deputies & whatever in town… but they also find a kind doctor (Dean McDermott from “Tracker” & “Due South”) as well as his sister (Annette Bening) who has feelings towards Costner… and other townspeople help out (including Peter MacNeill from “Captain Power”?) and hijinx ensue. Man, it was a pretty damn good western… and Duvall, Costner, just about everybody gives great performances in… honestly a kind of small scale story as most Westerns are. Yeah, I’d say check it out if you can. Rating – 10/10 – A little slow in parts and… my answer is always “Blast him in the face & figure it all out later” but… yeah, good stuff! Well, that'll hold you over until... APE-RIL!!! Yeah, check out the podcast, we've got some fun stuff coming up for the month as well as a mini episode for "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire" which we'll be seeing tonight before our trip! Until then... have a great night everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yup, another busy week... but gearing up for our big road trip just over a week away... so when you don't have an update for a few weeks you'll know why... but we watched a few movies... March 16 – Children of Dune (2003) This was a Syfy Channel mini-series (about 4.5 hours total) that follows the books “Dune Messiah” & “Children of Dune” after the original book… and this has a fairly decent cast with Alec Newman as Paul, Ian McNiece as the Baron, Susan Sarandon as the Emporer’s widow & a baby James McAvoy as Leto Atreides II taking place about 20 years after the events of “Dune”. Essentially Part 3 of Denis Villaneuve’s trilogy will take place in the “catch-up” portion at the beginning of the first episode… and then the rest would be Part 4 and/or 5 for context. Basically, after a jihad that kills 61 billion people so that Paul Muad’dib is the ruler of the universe… now everyone is conspiring against him… and hijinx ensue while he has twin babies Luke & Leia (checks notes), my mistake Leto & Ghanime. For being a fairly low budget mini-series though… it kinda slaps. I’d say check it out! Rating – 10/10 – There was a LOT of white people face-blindness going on… and it gets a little weird… but yeah, it’s Dune March 18 – Poor Things (2023) We actually watched this on the eve of the Academy Awards (because it was on Hulu now) and it’s the story of a young girl who killed herself (Emma Stone) but then is given the brain of her unborn child by an eccentric scientist (Willem Dafoe) and hijinx ensue as she relearns everything… and by hijinx ensue, I mean she finger blasts & goes on f**k adventures for the next 2+ hours. This is from the director of “The Favourite” & “The Great” so I expected a lot of offensive language & a bit of f**king… but f**k me, that’s all this movie was! Comparing this to an oddly similar story like “Barbie”, and Emma Stone’s award, basically the point of this movie appears to be that Hollywood prefers the constantly cumming performance of a child-brained Emma Stone than a confused doll like Margot Robbie. Weird… Rating – 8/10 – It’s beautiful and all but… someone will have to explain to me the point of the movie… because right now it’s everybody’s an a-hole living off the grace of others March 20 – A*P*E (1976) This movie was recommended 3-4 years ago by Bobby of the Grindbin Podcast when we were doing an Ape Movie Draft… and I had never heard of it… but it’s basically a Korean knock-off version of King Kong, which was also having the Dino DeLaurentiis remake being made around the same time oddly enough (Bridges & Lange). This one though… stars nobody you know… and was basically a partnership with the US military & South Korea or something… but it’s the same plot as King Kong. Guys are transporting this 36’ tall ape to Disneyland to be an attraction… but it escapes, fights a giant shark, then terrorizes Korean villages, snags a blonde actress, other American has to save her, heads for the big city (Seoul) and hijinx continue to ensue. This movie is probably most famous for being “the movie where the guy in an ape outfit flips you off in that gif” but… it’s not without its ridiculous charms… Rating - ???/10 – Coming soon to Everything I Learned From Movies during APE-RIL!!! March 22 – Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back (2010) This may shock you… but this movie is about chimps… in space! Well, during the original movie apparently they went to a new planet & saved it from the evil Zartog… and he became a lawn ornament somehow? Anyway, he thaws from being an ornament (during an accidental launch of a whiz kid going to the new planet again to meet his friend) and hijinx ensue as Zartog tries to take over the Earth… but nobody can understand him & the hero chimps from the first movie are… I don’t know… distracted or something. Oh & random clown that I’m sure played into the first movie as they were probably circus chimps to begin? I don’t know man… and frankly, it doesn’t matter. We watched this one for the podcast… and boy oh boy did we have fun talking with our friends Heather & Cesar about it, even after they said watching it made them feel physically ill. Rating – 6/10 – I’ve seen a lot worse… and I laughed a few times… and it’s 70 minutes Are you in the LA area & want to meet up? Hit us up @EILFMovies on Twitter, Facebook, Patreon & Bluesky! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yet another busy week... but we're looking forward to the Vegas-LA Road Trip later this month & seeing a lot of our podcasting friends along the way! In the meantime, we watched a few movies... March 8 – Wolf (1994) Jack Nicholson is in the thriving literature industry… but things are shifting as the aging owner of the publishing house (Christopher Plummer) is selling out & gives his editor job to a new guy (James Spader)… but then he gets bit by a wolf & becomes a werewolf… so he gets his job back & starts banging the boss’ daughter (Michelle Pfeiffer). Hijinx ensue though when Jack’s wife ends up dead… and guys, I hadn’t seen this movie since the early days of the podcast like 7 years ago (Episode 68) and I didn’t really notice all the SUPER homages to old movies. I mean, it’s from the director of The Graduate (Mike Nichols) and stuff but… there’s definite like 60’s horror angles, music, green screen driving, all kinds of stuff… and just genuinely creepy acting choices from Jack, James, Michelle & others. The Stan Winston effects are… meh… but I assume that’s because Jack didn’t want to be in a chair for four hours per day… still effective though. Rating – 9/10 – There are some parts that seem like padding to two hours but… give it a watch March 10 – Steel (1997) A GIANT military scientists (Shaq) and the lady he platonically fingers (Annabeth Gish) leave the military after an accident involving their coworker (Judd Nelson) cripples her & they realize that their weapons are being used as… wait for it… weapons?!? Anywho… Shaq goes back home to his grandma’s house & decides to clean up the streets when HIS WEAPONS end up on the streets because Judd Nelson handled military secrets like his last name was Trump… and he becomes the first black superhero of the DCEU. (checks notes) Never mind, they apparently don’t recognize this achievement. Look… the movie is ridiculously goofy… but there’s also an air of “they know this is ridiculously goofy” and Shaq has charisma. It can be enjoyed but… it’s kind of on the level of “Catwoman” (2004) or “Batman & Robin” or something like that. Long story short, DC has made crappy superhero movies for decades now… Rating – 7/10 – He fingers Annabeth Gish FIVE TIMES in this movie… and a 6th time, his fingering attempt is left without consent March 12 – Body Bags (1993) This was a horror anthology series pilot that apparently John Carpenter & Tobe Hooper made for Showtime to compete with HBO’s “Tales from the Crypt” but… apparently all of their buddies were already dealing with the Cryptkeeper so this was a one-and-done thing. Three stories, all-star horror cast with a LOT of directors in cameos, and JC himself as the Morguekeeper spouting bad jokes between the segments. That being said… this wasn’t that bad. It’s not particularly gory or anything… and the scenarios are pretty ridiculous (regular night at a gas station, Hair Club from Hell & Mark Hamill getting an evil eye transplant) but… yeah, it was a pretty tight 90 minutes. Rating – 8/10 – Not over the top good though… dragged at points… hear all about it on our Patreon Exclusive episode though March 14 – Senior Moment (2021) This was a Chicken Soup for the Soul Entertainment movie about an elderly race car driver (William Shatner) who nearly kills some people driving recklessly… so he loses his license. However, hijinx ensues when he’s riding the bus & meets a lady (Jean Smart) and… well… they don’t communicate well so there’s more movie… but they f**k… old people style. Christopher Lloyd & Esai Morales are in this thing too… … … that’s really it. Wanna hear more about it?!? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on the podcast Everything I Learned From Movies when we discuss it with car experts Gran Touring Motorsports Break/Fix Podcast!!! It's like the cliche goes... always leave them with a plug... have a great day everyone! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
March is off to a kickin' start... and hopefully it'll end in a road trip... but until then... here you go... February 29 – Dune: Part 2 (2024) 3 PM on the Thursday before it’s official released… we watched it… part two of Denis Villeneuve’s rendition of the Dune saga… Rating - ???/10 – Hear all about it on Everything I Learned from Movies March 1 – Jesse Stone: Stone Cold (2005) I had always seen these pop up on Netflix back in the day… and apparently it’s string of 9 or so TV movies starring Tom Selleck as Jesse Stone, a small town sheriff in Paradise, Massachusetts… who used to be minor league baseball player, LAPD detective, and after a bout with alcoholism & a bitter divorce (that he still talks to his ex-wife every night?) took a small town sheriff job… and apparently gets involved in more murder than you would expect & has to CONSTANTLY be f**king and/or forcing away beautiful women. Somehow I feel like this guy represents me well. Throw in some decent character actors like Viola Davis (back when she was one instead of award-winning actress), Stephen McHattie, Polly Shannon and then throw in a few recognizable actors in small parts (Mimi Rogers as a lawyer who wants to f**k him in this one) and you’ve got yourself a movie. These sound cliché, right? Well… they’re based on a series of books and… I actually really enjoyed this one! Basically the two stories of this one are about a crazy rich couple who are randomly killing people… up until they start focusing on people around Jesse Stone because “he seems interesting” and it gets them off… and basically Jesse knows it almost instantly but has to find evidence… and in the B plot, you have a 16-year old girl getting raped by three football players with rich daddies (again, TV movie). Is he going to figure it out? Of course… and that’s before you know there are 8 more movies… but how is he going to do it? Next on Murder She Wro… I mean, Jesse Stone! Rating – 8/10 – It was pretty entertaining… especially watching with old ladies still getting drippy for Tom Selleck March 2 – Jesse Stone: Night Passage (2006) This one is the PREQUEL episode… where we see Jesse (Tom Selleck) driving out to Massachusetts, meeting everybody that we already know from the first movie & why he gives them ridiculous nicknames, and then he solves the murder of the previous sheriff (Mike Starr) and how it’s tied to local bad guys (Stephen Baldwin & Saul Rubinek). Now this one was not that bad… at least they were able to get the same cast together so it wasn’t a different actor for the same character… and Stephen Baldwin is hilarious when he’s trying to play mafia tough guy… and a bad dad/husband… but yeah, curious how the rest of the series goes… still no idea why he talks to his ex-wife though. Rating – 7/10 – Still pretty entertaining… but mildly unnecessary since they were able to establish a few things in the previous movie March 4 – Aquaman & the Lost Kingdom (2023) Yes, the long awaited sequel of Jason Momoa as the guy who talks to fish & is King of Atlantis… and hijinx ensues when the baddies from the first movie return (no, not his wife played by Amber Heard… though she’s barely allowed to speak for having a fairly major role), one with a new powerful dark trident of power… and the other (his brother Patrick Wilson?) he breaks out of jail to help him. Of course, you have to take this movie with a grain of salt… hell, the lead character tears apart plot elements and contrivances like it’s a Deadpool movie… but it’s fairly fun & enjoyable in my opinion. Just pointless… Rating – 7/10 – Jason Momoa & Patrick Wilson are great… the rest are there March 6 – The PJs (2000-2002) Izzy & I watched three seasons of this Claymation series featuring Eddie Murphy & other voice actors… about a projects maintenance man named Thurgood Stubbs & his wife… and they live in the projects of The City with about a dozen other characters… and hilarious hijinx ensue with plenty of social commentary about screwing over the poor, HUD, and so on… and I’m not going to lie… I absolutely loved it! I had never really seen this before because I was going to college around the time this was on TV… but it’s on Tubi and a pretty easy watch, especially if you’re into things like The Boondocks. Rating – 9/10 – 3rd season kinda drops when they bring in the rich girl turned ghetto but… yeah, still lots of fun See you next week! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
A busy week with MIL's friend coming to visit to celebrate MIL's birthday... but we still managed to watch a few movies after busy days in the busy evenings... February 23 – Jodorowsky’s Dune (2013) In preparation for Dune: Part 2, we’ve been going back and watching the 1984 version, Part 1, still having a hard time finding a copy of Children of Dune… but will probably watch that next month… and this amazing documentary about eccentric filmmaker Alejandro Jodorowsky… and how he almost made a Dune movie in the mid-70’s. They go into detail about the Ocean’s 11 team of bold filmmaking behind the scenes… and then the absolutely batsh*t insane casting choices for the characters… and I’m assuming all fueled by passion & LSD. It’s incredible… and an also great way to see how not only Dune but the conception of THIS Dune project changed Hollywood for decades to come. Rating – 10/10 – Jodorowsky, Salvadore Dali, Orsen Welles & Mick Jagger would have NEVER completed an actual movie… but it’s fun to think February 24 – My Fellow Americans (1996) James Garner & Jack Lemmon play former Presidents who get caught up in a conspiracy with current President Dan Aykroyd, who tries to pin it on them… and hijinx ensue when Everett McGill is sent to kill them. It’s a comedy about basically Bill Clinton & George Bush being on the lam… and I’m not going to lie to you… even given the ridiculous state of current politics… I laughed a f**king lot and have for decades watching this movie. Throw in a cameo from friend of the podcast Dana Gould as a guy who gets frisked for bringing a sandwich & you’ve got an okay movie in my book. Rating – 9/10 – For what it is, I really enjoyed it… but it’s easy when it’s James Garner & Jack Lemmon February 26 – Double Impact (1991) What’s better than one JCVD? TWO!!! Separated twins Chad & Alex are reunited when they find out that they are the heirs to a Hong Kong tunnel fortune (?!?) when the fellow investor killed their parents 25 years earlier… and hijinx ensue… ass kicking hijinx. I’ve loved this silly ass action movie since I was a kid… and every time that I watch it, I find new things that I love & hate about it… highest of recommendations. Rating – 10+/10 – This isn’t your review… I was 10 when it came out & I’m going to be 43 in a few months… and I’ll still enjoy it February 28 – Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) So a while back we watched the sequel “Support Your Local Gunfighter!” (1971) and it was a pretty fun & dumb Western starring prime James Garner… so now we watched the original… with essentially the same plot… gold boom town, violent individuals running the town, but in this original James Garner is just passing through & needing money to make his way to Australia (Rockford Down Under?!?) so he becomes the sheriff… and hijinx ensue. It’s essentially the same cast & plot points… but this one was the original. I particularly enjoyed the jail scenes with Jim & Bruce Dern & his father… didn’t care much for whatever was going on with the love interest but… hey, it’s a forced love interest in a western comedy so… what do you really expect? Rating – 8/10 – Fun & dumb… and the MIL & her friend loved it (seeing all their crushes from teen days 55 years later) That's it for this week... but you might know at least ONE movie that we'll be watching in the next week... until then, have a great day everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... slowly but surely trying to turn my MIL into an adult... but her birthday is coming up so maybe that'll help... and here are a few movies we watched in the meantime... February 16 – Slipstream (1989) You may recall a while back we did a dive in Mark Hamill live action movies in the early 90’s… and this was actually his first movie after Return of the Jedi (1983) where he plays a bounty hunter chasing after a man (Bill Paxton) who somehow stole a murderer (Bob Peck aka Muldoon from Jurassic Park) from his custody… and hijinx ensue in a post-apocalyptic world. This movie was… odd… and I kinda liked it. There were Academy Award winner cameos from Ben Kingsley & F Murray Abraham… and just a weirdness. How much did I enjoy it? Rating - ???/10 – Find out during Marky March on Everything I Learned From Movies February 18 – Live & Let Die (1973) For Mardi Gras, we were looking up New Orleans movies… and this nugget came up. Yes, one of the Roger Moore era James Bond movies with one of the bottom five Bond theme songs (suck it, Wings… you know you did, you know you did, you know you did…) about MI-6 agents being killed at a rapid rate… and Bond has to find out in New York, New Orleans & San Monique how they’re all connected. Spoilers: It has a lot to do with Yophet Kotto… and Baron Samedi… and f**king voodoo magic?!? Throw in a fortune teller played by jailbait-looking Jane Seymour & you’ve got yourself a Bond movie! I enjoy this one… the action isn’t particularly great but the scenery ain’t bad… and “Truck Turner” era Kotto is a decent villain with his band of African-American stereotypes at his disposal. Rating – 8/10 – One thing I really love: Seriously the best (or at least most hilarious) death in Bond history… February 20 – The Beekeeper (2024) That’s right! Our first movie of the new year for Valentine’s Day! I know what women want… and it’s Jason Statham in a heartwarming tale of a man who’s down on his luck, until Phylicia Rashad takes him into her home in exchange for keeping her bees happy & healthy. They build a plutonic relationship built on respect & decency. Then one day, she falls for a phishing scheme that takes EVERYTHING from her… and she takes her own life. Statham then meets her daughter who’s a cop… they find out about the scheme… and then it becomes a lengthy legal battle, where they form their own plutonic (and maybe more) relationship as they delve into the sticky world of fraud & legislation set to prote… oh wait, NOPE! STATHAM GOES ON A F**KING KILLING SPREE LITERALLY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP BECAUSE HE’S PART OF A SECRET SOCIETY OF JOHN WICKS!!! This movie is f**king nuts & it may come up again during Best of 2024 in my opinion. Is the script incredible? Of course not! Who’s give a f**k about that? Statham is a John Wick… there are others like him but they last seconds before dying brutal deaths (from director David Ayer)… and instead of taking out Nazis or racists, he’s taking out prick phishing telemarketers & anybody else who stands in his way. Rating – 10+/10 – It’s exactly what I wanted in a movie… and Izzy agrees February 22 – Live Wire (1992) There was a time when everybody wanted Pierce Brosnan to be James Bond… but TV had the power to keep that from happening. Before he was able to break those Bonds though (see what I did there?), we got this action movie where he plays an FBI bomb disposal expert… whose wife (Jenny from Beverly Hills Cops) is having an affair with a senator (Ron Silver)… and now terrorists have devised and are using a clear liquid explosive that activates when people ingest it… and hilariously explosive hijinx ensue! This is from the director of Scanners 2 & 3 as well as Screamers… so yeah, I’ve talked about how stupid fun these action movies are… but this is with Pierce Brosnan trying to do an American accent… and British actor Ben Cross as a Harvard educated Middle Eastern terrorist… and people exploding in crowded areas when they sip water… whether in a restaurant, courtroom, birthday party, whatever! Rating – 10/10 – A tight 80 minutes of stupid fun… coming soon to the podcast, I’m sure See you next week!!! Steve |
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
March 2024
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