Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another week, another seven movies... enjoy!!!
August 10 – Storks (2016)
I went to visit my brother & little nephew (turning 4 in October) and they threw in this CGI tale about storks who used to deliver babies… but now are cogs in an Amazon parody delivering everything else… but hijinx ensue when one (voiced by Andy Samberg) is promoted and paired with the boss’ adopted ginger daughter (okay?) but then they accidentally make a baby (in the machine that makes babies, you weirdo!) and now have to deliver it to the family that wrote them a letter (that’s how it’s done) without anybody finding out… but then everybody finds out… and hijinx ensue. Okay, the plot is pretty… childish. However… I REALLY enjoyed this one! The humor is pretty spot on, even with the stupid kid stuff but… yeah, I laughed a bunch! If you have to watch a kid’s show to get the little bugger to quiet down… then I recommend this one.
Rating – 9/10 – Like I said, a lot of fun for what it is… and the cast is pretty stacked
August 11 – The Touch of Satan (1971)
This is a 50+ year old movie about a guy who’s out driving his muscle car… you know, just driving… and then he sees a girl hanging out by a lake in the backwoods along the way… gets to chatting her up… they hit it off… bing bang boom, she’s a witch & her family is insane… and hijinx ensue. This was on MST3K and I’d say check it out that way… we watched this one a while back without it & it had a LOT of stupid nonsensical dialogue & long pauses… you know, like most 70’s movies.
Rating – 6/10 – Watch MST3K version
August 12 – The Wasp Woman (1959)
It’s a Roger Corman-directed movie about a woman (Susan Cabot) who becomes a wasp… … … that’s it! Okay fine, she’s the figurehead of a cosmetics company & a scientist makes this youth-restoration formula from the royal jelly of wasps… she tries it and… have you seen Halle Berry’s “Catwoman”? Because I’m pretty sure they saw this movie when they made up Sharon Stone’s character… but yeah, hijinx ensue. Honestly the most memorable thing about this movie… was during the Cinematic Titanic version of this (which we watched) they casually mentioned the death of Susan Cabot… and it’s… mystifying. Feel free to google it…
Rating – 7/10 – The movie isn’t great but Cinematic Titanic version on Tubi is worth it… and a tight 80 minutes or so
August 13 – Highlander (1986)
His name is Connor McLeod… he was born over 400 years ago in the Highlands of Scotland… he is immortal… he is not alone. Now is the time of the Quickening… when the swing of a blade can unleash the Quickening… yada yada yada, you should already know this movie. The original is a LOT of fun, Christopher Lambert is the weird kind of actor who can encompass someone who has been around for centuries and kind of a mish mosh of it all, Sean Connery not so much but he’s still great as Sean Connery, Clancy Brown is great as The Kurgan (which is a real thing apparently)… and so it made a bunch of money… and they made a second movie… and have been trying to rewrite everything since.
Rating – 10/10 – Can’t wait for them to reboot it all… and we may be doing a month on the podcast for the series
August 14 – Bloodlust! (1961)
This is one of those Deadliest Game / Hard Target / The Pest movies were a crazy rich hunter guy kidnaps people and hunts them on his palatial estate… and maybe because it’s the genre… but even with it being the MST3K version, I kinda liked it! Is it great? Of course not! It’s over 60 years old & on a miniscule budget… but god bless it, it’s a tight 65 minutes or something ridiculously concise & the performances are just the right amount of reserved and over the top to make it a little interesting.
Rating – 7/10 – Maybe watch the MST3K version in case that’s the magic needed… but yeah, why not check it out?
August 15 – Sympathy for the Devil (2023)
That’s right! NEW Nic Cage! A man (Joel Kinnaman) is going to the hospital because his wife is having a baby… but then a mysterious stranger (Nic Cage with red hair & dressed like a Vegas devil) hops in the back of his car with a gun & says “Drive” and hijinx ensue. Now, the trailer makes this seem like Nic Cage might in fact be the Devil… and teases at some of the Cage-isms that he pulls throughout the movie… but truth be told, until they get to the diner (about 60 into this 90 minute movie), this movie is pretty f**king slow and a bunch of stupidly ambiguous dialogue that makes this feel like a Twilight Zone episode pulls out to 90 minutes. However, the last part (I’m not calling it a twist though) and Cage’s performance is pretty great. Beautifully shot too… though apparently on a Vegas soundstage…
Rating – 8/10 – Highly recommend checking it out if it sounds intriguing & you love Cage… which I do
August 16 – Legacy of Blood / Will to Die (1971)
The Cinematic Titanic episode is called “Legacy of Blood” but the movie comes up in IMDb as “Will to Die” but basically, the patriarch of a family dies & they all gather along with servants so the will can be read… and a stipulation is that they have to spend a night in his mansion… but then hijinx ensue when somebody starts killing off the family. Fairly predictable as you might expect but… I also kinda enjoyed it… apparently I’m easy to enjoy maybe… but yeah, it’s a dumb horror flick and they really make it so you want to see the family fodder get off’d one by one.
Rating – 7/10 – Worth a watch, especially laughing along with Cinematic Titanic
Up to season three of the "Highlander" TV series... man, oh man, is this show crazy... until next time!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
We're right in the middle of one of the busiest times for the art festival season... but that's been the case since mid-May, only cranked up to 11!!! Some great stories that we're going to tell on the pod soon so add & subscribe... until then...
August 3 – Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001)
This apparently was a first time watch for me! I thought I had seen it… but apparently I had just seen the trailer & immediately thought I had seen the movie. Based on a book (strike 1), an Italian officer (Nic Cage) during the occupation of a Greek island is placed into the home of a doctor (Greek thespian John Hurt?) and his daughter (Greek actress Penelope Cruz?) and hijinx ensue. Oh… Christian Bale is Greek too! This movie was… a little all over the place. The romance was… questionable. The war scenes were decent. Character motivations are… questionable. The background is beautiful. For more, check out our 400th Episode on Everything I Learned From Movies!!!
Rating - ???/10 – Might want to hear us talk about it before making any purchases…
August 4 – Barbie (2023)
Barbie crosses over into the real world (and Ken too) and hijinx ensue. Simple enough, right? Director Greta Gerwig along with masterful performances from Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, and a surprising array of actors really pull off a quite meaningful movie that I can see pissing off a bunch of butt-hurt proud boys by pointing out their flaws with cutting & cunning satire (try that in a small town) but for those with an IQ over 60 and a sense of empathy, this movie was absolutely brilliant… and based on Barbie?!? So much better than I was even expecting when I know who was involved, which let’s face it… basically the perfect way to make a movie this. Check it out! Break all the records! Pay your f**king writers!!!
Rating – 10+/10 – Must see… even when a few scenes maybe take it over the top
August 5 – Oppenheimer (2023)
Christopher Nolan’s biopic of acclaimed physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer & his team’s quest to make an atomic bomb… but then also getting a lot of other characters in there from a-hole senator (Robert Downey jr) to army expositionist (Matt Damon) to topless sex object (Florence Pugh) to Einstein and more… and this movie… was an excellent biopic about an interesting divisive character in Oppenheimer… and told in an expertly way to make the three hours’ runtime nearly perfect. Unique and memorable… and I highly recommend it. Okay, now that THAT’S all out of the way… let’s talk about Florence Pugh’s character. Basically topless in every scene that she’s in… including the one where she & Oppenheimer are both completely naked and having a conversation on chairs in a hotel room (because nobody bare-asses their own furniture) and… I really providing nothing else other than Oppie had affairs with socialist women or something… and he was conflicted about things… but basically trying to learn everything that he could… and… I’m just thinking her whole character typically would be just some random model body double (as no real character traits or acting ability was needed) but then Chris Nolan got a call saying “Florence Pugh wants to be in the movie!” “That’s great… but the wife role has already been cast as Emily Blunt and that seems more age-approp…” “NO NO NO NO!!! She wants to be Topless Strange #1!!!” “WHAT?!? But… we didn’t even give that character a name… was there one on the script?” “Nope.” “So she…” “Apparently she just wants to be in the movie any way that she can!” “God I love Hollywood… okay, give the character a name and ugh… see if we’ve got a good makeup person that can bronze her up… and let’s make sure we get this on 70 MM film!!!” “Yes master…”
Rating – 10/10 – Still recommend everyone see it but… be prepared… it’s probably can catch you out of left field too…
August 6 – Secret Invasion (2023)
I watched the latest six-episode mini-series on Disney+ where Avenger assembler Nick Fury (Sam Jackson) & his shapeshifting alien colleague Talos (Ben Mendelsohn) have apparently been trying to find a refugee camp area for Talos’ species called the Skrulls… but after 30 years & nothing happening, the younger generation of Skrulls are apparently forming a militia to infiltrate & overthrow world governments… and only Nick Fury can stop them… or can he… because he’s in his seventies? Now… a lot of people hated this series… because it’s pretty slow and frankly uneventful other than about 10-15 minutes total form about four hours of runtime. I thought it was an interesting spy flick & Olivia Colman’s character is hilarious… but overall, I can see why this was just released to fill content on Disney+ and I understand why a lotta people didn’t like it.
Rating – 8/10 – Was thinking a 7 but… Sam Jackson is kinda my jam
August 7 – Devil Fish (1984)
“Steve, are you watching another Italian Jaws ripoff?” NO!!! I’m watching an Italian Jaws 3D ripoff!!! Yeah, scientists from Sea World go into the ocean to find out what’s been killing a few people in their yachts… and instead of orcas (as it should be) it turns out to be… WATCH IT TO FIND OUT!!! Okay, the title is a hint… and it’s really a weird coelacanth – octopus hybrid or something… but yeah, it’s hot Italian people with bad dubbing going against fake tentacles and it’s a laugh riot!
Rating – 8/10 – Watch the MST3K version for maximum enjoyment
August 8 – Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow (1993)
We watched this movie for Sven-tember, because legendary thespian bodybuilder Sven Ole Thorsen has three lines in two scenes I think… but it’s set in 2074 where there are two cyborg corporations (basically US & Japan) and the Americans decide their going to use their latest sex droid model (allegedly 18 year old Angelina Jolie) laced with high explosives in her blood to go infiltrate the Japanese HQ & destroy their hierarchy in one blast… but hijinx ensue when a voice that pops up on TVs (Jack Palance) and her karate instructor (Elias Koteas) help her to escape… or can she because she’s a robot? Hijinx ensue. This movie is not really a sequel to the original Cyborg… but hey, it’s that early 90s future tech nonsense that I enjoy… and any movie that starts off with a sexbot exploding in climax while a board meeting watches is A-OK in my book!
Rating – 9/10 – It’s a jumbled mess… but it’s my kind of jumbled mess… details in September on the podcast
August 9 – Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks (1974)
What happens when an Italian movie about a little person assistant (basically Igor) and a Neanderthal man joined forces to try to bring down Count Frankenstein while he was trying to get laid… and Daughter Frankenstein was also trying (and succeeding) at getting laid… so hijinx ensue? I think this was a Cinematic Titanic (basically MST3K) watch of a movie I had never heard of… and it was pretty crazy… but not in a great way… just kind of a weird way… and with so many weird unique takes on the Frankenstein tale, I don’t see this one getting revisited, even though it’s one of my favorite genres.
Rating – 7/10 – It was hard to pay attention towards the end…
Now to get ready for the biggest art & craft festival in Utah this weekend!!! Come say hi at the Utah State Fairgrounds in Salt Lake City (or Farmers Market in Ogden)!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Alright, here are the movies for the week...
July 26 – Arsenic & Old Lace (1944)
A man (Cary Grant) and his new wife are married & off on their honeymoon… but first they have to stop by the house where his two aunts live… and hijinx ensue when he finds out that they’re loveable serial killers… and his uncle thinks he’s Teddy Roosevelt… and then his long lost brother who looks like Boris Karloff comes back with a dead body of his own… and Dr. Peter Lorre to assist… and the cops keep getting called to the house as he tries to save his family from the slammer. Yeah, this movie was great. The comedic timing was incredible even if it’s a different movie from today’s norm given that it was made nearly 80 years ago… and I hadn’t seen many Cary Grant movies but he really pulled off the comedy too. It’s a shame that his wife was barely in the movie… but hey, she serves her purpose I guess.
Rating – 10/10 – Check it out! Great flick!
July 27 – The Sentinel (1977)
Have you seen Rosemary’s Baby? Then you’ve basically seen this movie… about a model who needs her own space in NYC, so she gets an apartment that’s basically too good to be true… but it may be a PORTAL TO HELL!!! The cast on this movie is stacked… Ava Gardner, Burgess Meredith, Chris Sarandon, John Carradine, Jeff Goldblum in a small dubbed part, Beverly d’Angelo masturbating, Jerry Orbach in a wig, Jose Ferrer, Eli Wallach, Christopher Walken… this reminded me a LOT of “The Visitor” too with just the weird tone & stuff going on… and I REALLY enjoyed it as well!
Rating – 10/10 – 70’s horror movies are fun with trying to go psychological… but ending up being ridiculous at times too
July 28 – Hercules & the Captive Women (1961)
This was obviously an MST3K watch as most 60’s Hercules movies should be… but in this one, Herc stumbles upon the Queen of Atlantis who is trying to take over the world… and Italian hijinx ensue… there’s really not much else to this movie… if you’ve seen one of these Hercules movies, you’ve seen them all… this one has a little person.
Rating – 5/10 – Definitely watch MST3K version…
July 29 – Indecent Proposal (1993)
Yes, the movie that brings up the question that every couple has had… would you let Robert Redford f**k your wife for a million dollars? Obviously the answer is yes… but then the real game becomes finding out your partners limitations in a weird sort of 20 Qs game where you event find out they’ll leave you for Steve Buscemi for $12,000 or something like that… but yes, a young couple (Woody Harrelson & Demi Moore) are on tough times financially… so they go to Vegas, lose all their money, but billionaire John Gage (Redford) proposes a million dollars for one night with Demi… and hijinx ensue. Look, the premise is well known. The movie is pretty ridiculous where basically Woody’s husband character just turns into an a-hole pushing her away… and Bobby’s there to pick up the pieces and they live happily ever after… or do they?!? Watch to find out… be prepared, it’s a full two hours.
Rating – 7/10 – Once the premise is left, the movie gets pretty dumb… but I’ve used the line “A brick wants to be something more” a few times in my day…
July 30 – Star Force: Fugitive Alien II (1987)
This was an MST3K watch… and apparently is a movie compiled from episodes of a Japanese TV show… but apparently it’s about a space crew led by Captain Joe going out to destroy a super weapon made by the Star Wolves (space pirates?) and an ex-girlfriend is on the ship but… yeah, it’s a mess with hilarious dubbing. I can’t really recommend it other than it’s a confusing mess based on what I was watching… but the joke were funny.
Rating – 5/10 – MST3K version is fine though…
July 31 – Kull the Conqueror (1997)
In what was to be the 3rd Conan movie… but then fell into a hilarious combination of rights issues & Hollywood wanting it to be PG-13, TV’s Hercules Kevin Sorbo steps into the role of Kull, a barbarian (definitely not Conan) who essentially stumbles into becoming a king by accidentally killing the king (played by friend of the podcast Sven Ole Thorsen) during the aftermath of a soldier audition… and this leads to the Red Witch being risen (Tia Carrere) and hijinx ensue. The movie is… not the greatest plot or anything… but it’s a lot of stupid fun. Think Scorpion King (because they’re definitely the same movie in almost every way) but with Kevin Sorbo instead of The Rock.
Rating – 8/10 – I find it hilarious & I love sword & sandal movies… also Harvey Fierstein makes an appearance
August 1 – Mad Heidi (2022)
Making a parody of grindhouse movies can be a difficult thing… and this is a Swiss movie with Swiss actors basically turning Heidi into a Mad Max vengeance flick… with the only star anybody will really know being Casper Van Dien (“Starship Troopers”) as the Very Swiss President of Switzerland… and because it leans into the ridiculousness, it pulls it off. Okay, young Heidi sees her boyfriend killed by a fascist state of Switzerland ran by the evil cheese corporation Miele & the President… and so she leads a rebellion against them… and hijinx ensue. The violence is ultra… the poking fun at Switzerland is wildly abundant… and it’s just a lot of fun… check it out…
Rating – 9/10 – I enjoy independent cinema like this…
August 2 – Rattlers (1976)
A herpetologist (studies snakes, not herpes) is called in when there’s a rash of killings involving rattlesnakes… and they’re being super aggressive because of toxic waste or something from the nearby army base… and hijinx ensue. Throw in plenty of token snake fodder from nearby communities and you’ve got yourself a movie. Yes, of course we watched this with the MST3K touch… but the movie was… pretty bare bones without it. Lots of walking in the desert & pointless, humorless dialogue… but yeah, fun watch with friends.
Rating – 7/10 – It’s exactly what you think it would be… and nothing more. MST3K it!!!
See y'all next week!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
You guessed it... I watched movies this week...
July 19 – Swamp Women / Swamp Diamonds (1956)
This was an MST3K version, but it’s about an undercover policewoman teaming up with three convicts to escape from prison & then lead her to a fortune in stolen diamonds that they stashed in the middle of the bayou. Along the way, they pick up some guy… and hijinx ensue… directed by Roger Corman. Yes, the woman are primped & busty… and the guy can seemingly do no wrong… including all the women wanting him… and there’s just some crazy stuff that happens towards the end… so yeah, a fun watch I guess but… at the same time… it’s a terrible misogynistic movie.
Rating – 7/10 – Definitely go with the MST3K version but not unwatchable
July 20 – Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966)
This one was a little hard to follow for me… but it’s about a spaceship crashing on the 3rd planet of a distant solar system “65”-style and kills everybody except for a little boy. So the rescue ship arrives 20 years later & the little boy is now a man… and I think he basically kidnaps (or saves?) one of the crew and falls in love with her… but then there’s all kinds of creatures & the nearby volcano is about to blow and the ship needs to be repaired or something? Maybe I should give it another watch but… it was also the MST3K version & the wife was having me do “honey-dos” when it was playing on the MST3K channel on Tubi so no pausing…
Rating – 7/10 – May be a rewatch at another time but… it was your typical 60’s sci-fi flick
July 21 – Amsterdam (2022)
Okay, so this one is David O. Russell’s latest with an all-star cast like Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, John David Washington, Chris Rock… and it’s set in the 30s about three people who met during the first World War… but then hijinx ensue allegedly… I honestly only got about 20 minutes in when Izzy & I looked at each other and said “This is f**king lame already, right?” So we switched it off… and oddly enough… cut the Max streaming service. No, this movie didn’t make us discontinue it… but the fact that we really hadn’t watched much on it the past 8 months or so after buying the year & that was about to re-up… we just decided against it… and I have no intention of finishing this movie.
Rating – NA/10 – Though based on what I saw… probably going to be a 3 or 4 if we completed
July 22 – Robot Monster (1953)
YES, the famous 50’s sci-fi classis where the super-powerful, super-intelligent alien being that has essentially wiped out humanity (with the exception of a family of five that was in a cave protected by some magical scientific McGuffin) was a guy in an ape costume wearing a diving helmet… and hijinx ensue when he ends up being the worst mastermind in cinematic history? Okay, it’s not that bad… and it’s a lot of fun to make fun of it MST3K style… but yeah, YOU could make a better movie than this. Holy crap, the bubble death ray or whatever… hilarious…
Rating – 7/10 – I feel like everybody should watch this at least once… just so I can yell at people “RO-MAN!!!”
July 23 – The Giant Gila Monster (1959)
I know I’ve seen this one before but I think it was before I was doing this… but yeah, 50’s sci-fi about a giant gila monster destroying a small Texas town… or at least a 1:128 scale version of it… and hijinx ensue when a teenager is the only one that can stop it… but after the big barn dance or whatever… because it’s the 50’s. OF COURSE this was another MST3K watch… and yeah, it delivers what it promises… that’s about all you need to know really.
Rating – 6/10 – Recommend the MST3K version but the movie is… yeah, you’ve probably seen it or something just like it
July 24 – Lord of War (2005)
Nicolas Cage is a Ukrainian-American gun runner, based on an all too true story (or at least an amalgamation of several gun runners), and if you’ve seen the kind of movies where it’s the guy who gets into the seedy side of the law for “the right reasons” (money) but falls in too deep (think Goodfellas, Blow, Scarface, etc.) you’ve basically seen this movie… but it was surprisingly memorable from when I first saw it 15 years ago. Cage is great even when subdued… Jared Leto as his brother is a tolerable coke addict who makes bad decisions when in small doses… and I love me some Eamonn Walker in anything (“Oz” & “Blood & Bone”) but have him as warlord Chuck Taylor with his name changed to protect the tyrannical (same with Col. Southern & everybody else in this movie) and yeah, I’d say check it out.
Rating – 9/10 – You’ll want to go buy a gun or two & sell a million others… at least I think that was the intention of the movie, check it out on the podcast
July 25 – World Trade Center (2006)
Yup, we finally watched the 9/11 movie starring Nicolas Cage, Michael Pena & friend of the podcast John C. McGinley (for a cup of coffee) and directed by Oliver Stone. I had no idea what to expect with Stone’s world views, Cage’s prowess as an actor, the controversial subject matter… or the fact that it’s “based on the accounts of the survivors” which is basically what history is, right? In the end though, check out the August podcast episode for specifics but… it was a lot of emotional manipulation, of course… but overall, a solid little movie. Is this one I’m going to watch a bunch of times like Face/Off or Congo? Of course not… does it go into 9/11 a lot, NO it just sticks to the story of the two survivors & their families leaving all the rest to news spots on television really… but would I recommend it?
Rating – 7/10 – Not essential… but well done for what it is
Not to end on a 9/11 joke but... never forget to listen to our new episodes...
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yet another week, yet another seven movies... but some interesting ones...
July 12 – Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby (1999)
Okay, I had heard about this one… primarily because it has a Vinegar Syndrome release now and it has little to nothing to do with the original Freeway other than where the original was a modern retelling of Little Red Riding Hood (but with cars), this one is a retelling of Hansel & Gretel (with bolemia, murder, insanity, drug use, rape, sex trafficking & anything else to get a rise out of people). Natasha Lyonne stars the same year as her breakout “American Pie” and until the title came on… I was pretty sure that I was watching “Orange is the New Black” but from the director of “Tiptoes” (Matthew Bright). About the time David Alan Grier was getting a handy in the courthouse hearing that his client (Lyonne) & her cellmate escaped prison like Day 2 to head towards Mexico on a drug-fueled rampage that I’m not quite sure anybody else knew about… I started to realize that this movie wasn’t that good. Sure, I had no idea what was going to happen but… I was pretty sure that it was going to be confusing, nonsensical, over-the-top illicit to try to get a reaction out of the “normies” watching it but… there’s just not a whole lot going on that I was intrigued by. That being said… I may talk about it on the podcast one day in detail… because there are a few interesting things for brief moments… and as long as it’s free on Tubi… if you want to watch a “I can make Natural Born Killers on a budget” kind of movie, sure… why not?
Rating – 6/10 – Would probably only watch it again for a podcast episode… but not dreading the experience
July 13 – The Lure (2015)
How would you like to watch a Criterion movie?!? What if I told you that it was a Polish erotic thriller musical involving two underage mermaid sisters becoming a singing sensation at a strip club… and then one of them decides to start eating perverts while the other is trying to become a human when she falls in love with the less-than-stellar son of the club owner, who if he decides to marry somebody else then she’ll turn to sea foam? Oh… and hijinx ensue. Yes, there are subtitles, and though I’m sure there’s a dubbed version too… why? The original sound is great… and the subtitles are actually pretty good too, even the songs still rhyme for the most part in English translation. This was… an interesting movie that I really enjoyed once I looked it up and though the girls are underage in the story, they’re played by a 23 & 25 year old but… yeah, it can be rough for the novice movie watcher… but damn it, the movie was intriguing, beautifully shot, and very reminiscent of something like “Let The Right One In” with that European edge to it.
Rating – 10/10 – Would highly recommend checking it out but not for everybody
July 14 – Village of the Giants (1965)
This is a silly 60’s flick about some twenty-something teenagers (like Beau Bridges?) ingesting some goo that little boy genius Ron Howard made… and so they grow 50 feet tall & terrorize a city under a tyrannical rule… and hijinx ensue? It’s pretty ridiculous… and the visual effects are pretty laughable yet in a good way… but yeah, the whole time I was like “f**k them teenagers! Bullets will still take care of them… and they’ll starve in a week” so whatever. Of course this was an MST3K watch… and that’s great as usual… but the movie itself is pretty hilariously bad.
Rating – 6/10 – Definitely watch with MST3K crew!
July 15 – Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
Nicolas Cage is an assassin who’s doing one last job in Thailand… and he takes a local under his wing (for some reason) to teach how to be an assassin… and hijinx ensue. Okay, I’ve seen a LOT of assassin movies… but this is probably one of the worst. Yes, there’s the usual situation of an assassin who’s done things for so long, they become disillusioned, and they start going against their simple & effective rules… and that’s when they f**k up & get in real danger… but this movie in particular was REALLY stupid with why… because there’s really no reason expressed, even a bad reason. He’s just kind of like “Okay, here’s a gun” and training montage for a guy he met 48 hours earlier and has f**ked up twice since then… then he starts dating a deaf pharmacist that he can’t communicate with because… I guess, any port in a storm? Some of the assassination setups are the absolute WORST situations you can imagine… and all by his own doing… and yeah, hijinx ensue. Nic Cage is also easily replaceable with any other actor (or actress really).
Rating – 4/10 – Honestly, watch something like “The Mechanic” to “Grosse Point Blanke” for a better assassin experience
July 16 – The Whale (2022)
Brendan Fraser won an Academy Award for being in this Darren Aronofsky film based on a play about a 600-pound depressed man who is on death’s door because of congestive heart failure… and wants to reconnect with his teenage daughter… and hijinx ensue. First off, Brendan Fraser & Hong Chau give INCREDIBLE performances based on what they’re given. They get all the accolades. The teenage daughter… did not care for one bit. She’s absolutely horrible. Sure, it may be the character that she was going for… but at the same time… zero f**ks given about the performance too… nor Tyler Simpkins as the other teenage Mormon… sorry, New Life or whatever they called it missionary boy. The movie was… okay. Again, Brendan deserved an award for the movie & what he went through to make this movie… but it just didn’t grab me when most of the other characters were involved.
Rating – 6/10 – The ending was basically infuriating too, even though it was supposed to be inspiring, I think? Meh…
July 17 – 65 (2023)
Adam Driver blasting dinosaurs… How? Why? Where? How many? Wanna know?
Rating - ???/10 – See you this DINOvember on the podcast…
July 18 – Snake Eyes (1998)
Nicolas Cage & Brian DePalma, together at last! Nic is a crooked cop who finds himself in the middle of a political assassination during a prize fight in a new casino during a hurricane & hijinx ensue when nothing is what it seems. This movie is… interesting. There are a lot of great DePalma shots with looooooong one-takes, multiple perspectives, point of view camera work, and weaving a quilt of all the scenes in flashbacks that is actually pretty well done. However, the movie is not… awe-inspiring or really even completely sensical but apparently there were some cuts made to the film that… I’d like to think filled those in but… an interesting watch.
Rating – 8/10 – Recommend but there’s a lot of things in it that’ll leave you scratching your head
See you next week for Pioneer Day here in Utah!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yup, we've seen a few movies... some of them are good...
July 5 – 10 to Midnight (1983)
Charles Bronson + Cannon Films = Cinematic experience in my book! This was a first time watch though… and it’s a doozy. Okay, so there’s this twenty-something creeper guy running around killing people (buck naked so as not to get blood on his clothes?) but because of how meticulous he is, the cops can’t get him for anything… even though he’s an absolute creeper & yeah, there’s evidence… but whatever. Detective Charlie Bronson is on the case though… and then eventually he’s fired for planting evidence on the killer & admitting to it... and hijinx ensue from there when you start to question who you’re rooting for, if anyone! That being said… as much as this is an absolutely ridiculous movie with a lot of questionable things involving rape, racism, kink shaming, etc. I still had a fun time watching this absolute clusterf**k that you really don’t know what’s going to happen from one scene to another.
Rating – 8/10 – If you’re into vigilante justice movies, this is one for you!
July 6 – Big & Hairy (1998)
This is one of those “there’s nothing in the rule book” movies where a new kid moves to Smalltown from Big City and is unpopular because he’s on the basketball team (what?) but nobody will pass him the ball (because they don’t know how to play the sport), but then he meets the local sasquatch, allegedly he’s also 12 years old, so then he joins the team and Teen Wolf’s his way to the top… but then, squatch gets homesick… and hijinx ensue. Look… this wasn’t a horrible watch. I’ve seen a number of Air Bud & Most Valuable Primate type movies now… and this is one of those.
Rating – 7/10 – My biggest gripe was the coach not teaching anybody how to play f**king basketball!!!
July 7 – Sometimes They Come Back (1991)
Based on a Stephen King story (of course), a man (Tim Matheson) brings his family back to his hometown for the first time in 27 years (trope) which appears to be in Maine (trope) which he left because his brother was brutally murdered by evil greasers (who hurt you, Stephen?) and now the greasers have come back (trope) from their sudden mode of transportation-related death (trope) to kill him… for some reason. It’s not a horrible movie by any means… it’s just hard to get behind when it’s so out there, and the main character won’t tell anybody, or just f**king leave. “But Steve, they might come after him” really? How?!? Something even stupider then they’ve been waiting 27 years until he comes back to the specific town? Maybe… but it’s a pretty easy first move. I also wanted to know more about the incident of the main guy being a teacher who hucked a kid out the window or something so that the only teaching job he could get was back in his old hometown… but that’s not really dived into… maybe it’s in the book that I’ll never read.
Rating – 7/10 – Stephen King formula to the word, good but not great
July 8 – Mr. Go (2013)
There’s nothing in the rule book that says you can’t have a circus gorilla play in the Korean professional baseball leagues! Yeah, so a little Chinese girl (maybe 13?) is running a circus after the man that raised her dies & she… I guess inherits it along with his debt… but then some Korean baseball agent sees their trick of the gorilla Ling Ling hitting baseballs & has an idea to bring him to the Korean leagues… show off the skills for hitting home runs… and then get a HUGE contract with the Japanese or American leagues… and hijinx ensue. This movie… was better than I thought it was going to be. It’s hilarious at points… a little heart-wrenching at others… the CGI isn’t horrible… and for being over two hours long (yeah, I know… HOW?!?) it was a pretty fun watch.
Rating – 9/10 – I’d watch it again for another Ape-ril!!! It’s on Tubi, check it out!
July 9 – Cry Wilderness (1987)
This one came recommended after watching “Big & Hairy” so yes, it’s a sasquatch movie… with a 2.1/10 rating on IMDb so… prepared for some bad stuff. It’s about this kid named Paul who’s visited in the night by a bigfoot who TELLS HIM that his father is in danger, in the wilderness where he’s been hunting alleged sasquatch for the local sheriff or something. He also gives him this pendant used to… I guess summon him… and they occasionally run into other ghosts of the forest when Paul goes to try to help his dad… and there’s other hunters who may have alternative motives… and the sasquatch is played by the dad so… yeah, it’s not the greatest. That being said… may be coming soon on the podcast.
Rating – 7/10 – Better squatch movies out there… but worth it for a drunk watch with friends
July 10 – Space Truckers (1996)
From the director of “Re-Animator” comes this tale of the not-too-distant future where there are truckers in space. One of them (Dennis Hopper) runs afoul of the big trucking company when the boss (George Wendt) is sucked out of an open port into the vacuum of space after trying to screw DH over… so now he’s on the run with the waitress-fiance trying to get to Earth (Debbie Mazur) and a trucker-in-training (Stephen Dorff) and hijinx ensue. Now… I really enjoyed this one! It’s a lot of practical effects (I really liked the 2001-esque circular diner) and just fun weirdness, especially when we get to the space pirates (led by cyborg Charles Dance) who also has an army of ultimate android weapons… but it can be a little crass at times too. Honestly though, I’d say check it out!
Rating – 9/10 – Would love to dissect this one on a second watch… but yeah, better than expected based on the title
July 11 – Hardware Wars (1978)
Okay, this was a short that I had heard about through Izzy’s family making occasional references that I just thought they were making fun of Star Wars… but apparently this guy made a 12 minute parody of Star Wars using household appliances and such… and it’s actually pretty dang good. Think Mystery Science Theatre 3000 telling you Star Wars… but nearly two decades earlier. I’m sure that you can find this on YouTube or something (should out to Satanic Temple movie night on Wednesday for providing this one) but definitely worth a watch.
Rating – 9/10 – Nice, tight, concise, and honestly for probably only knowing the story from watching it in theatres a few dozen times, extremely accurate to source material
Catch you next week for a few more movies...
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yes, America celebrates its 247th birthday (doesn't look a day over 218) in the traditional manner... but thankfully we've had a few new things come into fashion like using drone displays instead of fireworks so people can still get their oohs & aahs and not have to watch a quarter of the country burn every year... but I'm sure there were plenty of drone incidents that also took hands... but that's not why we're here! We're here... to find out what movies I've seen this week...
June 29 – Battle Royale (2000)
We talked about the Rollerball movies last week… so now I was recommended to watch the original Japanese movies about kids killing each other in sports-like combat because… Japan has 15% unemployment? Yeah, again they don’t go a whole lot into WHY they’re “randomly” killing kids (and I don’t believe they’re even being exploited on cable or the dark web) but whatever… kids with weapons killing each other in gruesome ways. #ChildMurder the movie!!! I really enjoyed it!!! Yes, it’s a violent movie… but it’s also pretty hilarious at parts. May have to show this one to Izzy since she’s such a huge Hunger Games fan but… this is done better than those movies maybe… but there’s definitely more world building in the FOUR HG movies…
Rating – 10/10 – My kind of crazy fun movie!!!
June 30 – Village of the Damned (1995)
I’ve always confused this movie with “Children of the Corn” & I didn’t even know that it was a John Carpenter movie?!? Basically an entire small town just kind of passes out for a few hours… and when they come to, all the women are pregnant… and give birth to alien children posing as human hybrids or something. The two main doctors are Kirstie Alley & Christopher Reeve… Mark Hamill shows up as a priest… hijinx ensue. Oh & the chick from Crocodile Dundee is in it too. This movie was… I don’t know… it just felt a little lazy. I’m not sure Carpenter gave it a damn at all. Yes, I get that I may not give a f**k about the kids (especially evil ones) but at the same time… not really threatening.
Rating – 7/10 – May come up on the podcast though… kinda fun at spots
July 1 – Giant From The Unknown (1958)
This was a Rifftrax viewing about scientists freeing a giant conquistador out of suspended animation in a rock (don’t worry about it) and then it runs around killing people in the forest. It’s your typical 50’s sci-fi horror flick… but it’s a fun episode of Rifftrax… and I’m glad they ended it with the same question that I had…
Rating – 6/10 – So who DID kill those people at the beginning of the movie since the giant wasn’t released until the 2nd Act?!?
July 2 – QT8: The First Eight (2019)
This documentary is about Quentin Tarantino and his first eight movies (Reservoir Dogs to Hateful Eight) as told by the actors, producers, etc. that he worked with rather than QT himself. Even as a QT fan, I found out a few things about him & the movies that I didn’t know… and I love the movies so, fun watch. There were only two things that were odd. First was they kept brining up Harvey Weinstein… and you kind of have to since his first six movies were done with Miramax & accusations involved several actresses that worked on the movies… but then they kind of just let it be as opposed to going more into it (I’m sure for legal reasons). Secondly… if there was one actor missing that I was most looking forward to hearing from… it’s Uma Thurman, and she was not part of the documentary. Her perspective on Pulp Fiction & collaborating with Quentin on Kill Bill and their relationship in general would have been intriguing to know more about but… the documentary also mentioned something that I didn’t know about her doing her own driving stunt during Kill Bill & giving her permanent head & back pain… so I can see why maybe she passed. Still though… intriguing…
Rating – 9/10 – Just a few things left out but overall a very interesting watch for a film nerd
July 3 – Inconceivable (2017)
Nic Cage & Gina Gershon back together again twenty years after being weirdly close brother & sister in “Face/Off” and now… they’re a married couple trying to have a baby. Well, they stumble upon to the perfect nanny… and decide they’d like her to be a surrogate… but then they find out that she’s not who she claims to be… and hijinx ensue. We picked this movie for our 400th Episode of the podcast (Everything I Learned From Movies, in case you didn’t know) so please check it out there… but yeah, this movie is nuts…
Rating - ???/10 – History of Bad Ideas joins us to talk about it!!!
July 4 – John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
Dog widower John Wick (Keanu) is back and on a killing spree as ALL THE ASSASSINS are after him now… and he has to do the thing to get the guy who does the things… look, I enjoy the John Wick movies… but they’re not great. Starting with the end of the 2nd one I realized it was a bunch of “honor among assassins” BS but there’s really no honor involved so it’s just JW vs. the World… and maybe he has friends that join him for a few minutes then try to kill him the next… but great action. This installment in damn near three full hours… and that’s not necessary… but thankfully a large portion of it is CRAZY F&F level action mixed with R-rated head blasting.
Rating – 9/10 – The Arc d’Triomphe action scene was nuts… but they all are… the story just lacks a bit
See y'all next week!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Back is feeling much better now... ready to get back into the show season... but Izzy was a damn champ making that money without me!!! This also gave me time to watch some movies...
June 22 – Commando (1985)
John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) is a former mercenary or something… but he’s retired now & living in the woods with his daughter (Alyssa Milano) but then some South American general (Dan Hedaya?) sends a hit squad to kill him, kidnaps his daughter & blackmails him into killing the president so the general can take power? Now John has to figure out how to get his daughter back… and it’s by teaming with a stewardess (Rae Dawn Chong) and destroying hundreds of bad guys. Guys, this movie is amazing & 1,000% action and one-liners… and Vernon Wells as the final baddy is chef’s kiss…
Rating – 10+/10 – Love this movie even though the story is ridiculous…
June 23 – Champions (2023)
Woody Harrelson is a semi-pro assistant coach who gets fired after a DUI (and pushing his boss coach Ernie Hudson) & as part of his community service is “forced” to coach a local Special Olympics basketball team… knowing that it’s also directed by one of the Farrelly brothers & the trailer you can see how the movie could go a VERY questionable way. Ladies & gentlemen, I’ll tell you what… this movie was legitimately great! Now, basketball movies I’m usually pretty skeptical of because of playing it for a LONG time in my younger days… but the way everything is handled, this movie was deep, thoughtful, hilarious, and even Kaitlyn “Sweet Dee” Olsen was able to show off her acting chops a little bit. I highly recommend checking it out!
Rating – 10/10 – Seeing Woody shooting a jump shot just reminded me that there’s a “White Men Can’t Jump” remake out there that I’ll probably watch one day…
June 24 – Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)
Of course I’ve seen some Shrek movies (at least the first two) & I’m familiar with Antonio Banderas as the titular character Puss in Boots… but in this one, Puss is faced with his own mortality as he’s down to his last of nine lives, and is on a mission to find the last wishing star to get his lives back… meanwhile he’s paired with an ex love (voiced by Salma Hayek) & a Chihuahua (Harvey Guillen) but being pursued by DEATH (a big bad wolf), kingpin Jack Horner, Goldi & the three bears!!! Hijinx ensue… and I really liked it. It’s fun for kids & adults… and that’s a delicate balance…
Rating – 10/10 – Again, highly recommend & would gladly enjoy watching it with a child in need of distraction
June 25 – Rollerball (2002)
I remember watching this when it first came out and… not enjoying it… like everybody else based on its RT rating. However, I thought it might be worth another shot since I had time on my hands & it was featured on Tubi. Basically in the year 2005 (remember?) there’s a new sport in Russia where it’s a mix of extreme sports & death… but the ratings are great & violence is high… and there’s a kid (Chris Klein from American Pie) who’s the new wunderkind… but things aren’t what they seem as there’s corruption (gasp!). Okay, the movie… is not great obviously. The thing is that there are decent ideas there. LL Cool J is great as charismatic friend. Corruption in sports & power struggles are fraught with ideas for effective storytelling. Some of the actions scenes are okay. Unfortunately, this had the perfect storm of a few things happening like director John McTiernan becoming completely disenchanted with Hollywood, Hollywood chopping up his vision into PG-13 BS, and… Chris Klein may not be the greatest actor by any means… but I feel like he had the worst possible choices of movies to try to kickstart his career with this, “Say It Ain’t So”, “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li” and so on. However, this movie can best be summed up in the infamous 12-minute night vision action scene that’s bad even by straight-to-VHS standards.
Rating – 6/10 – Made me want to watch the original… but there’s possibilities in it
June 26 – Planet Terror (2007)
Yes, the other half of the Grindhouse duo, directed by Robert Rodriguez (apparently he has a new movie out called Hynpotic that I need to watch soon) and a campy over-the-top zombie kind of flick where a chemical has been released on the populous turning them into a violent horde of melty monsters… and hijinx ensue. I love this movie as an ode to the Grindhouse movies that I’ve learned to absolutely love over the past decade or so… from the ridiculous moments of dialogue repeating, the coarse special effects to “age the film” or whatever, the long shots at the “superstar that’s fallen on hard times to have a small part in this movie” (Bruce Willis) and the violence is just cranked up to 11 with exploding blood & limbs & well, explosions!!! Absolutely top notch…
Rating – 10+/10 – Why am I not seeing more Robert Rodriguez?!?
June 27 – Easy Rider 2: The Ride Home (2012)
This is… sort of a sequel of the legendary 1969 “Easy Rider” but… it’s really about the rest of Peter Fonda’s character Wyatt’s family and just a family drama… but it’s also about 40% motorcycle riding on the open highway to pad out the 90 minutes. Wyatt’s brother Morgan is asked to come back to the States to see his father before he dies… and then along the way we get a bunch of flashbacks as to why he’s in Mexico, what happened to other siblings, the father’s past, the sister’s, his buddy Wes Coast (played by Jeff Fahey) and… yeah, it just kinda happens. I didn’t hate this movie as much as I did when I first saw it… but find out specifically why on an upcoming Patreon Exclusive episode in July for BIKER MONTH!!!
Rating – 6/10 – This one is rough at spots… and I’m not a fan of drama… but there’s some positives too
June 28 – Rollerball (1975)
After watching the remake the other day, I had to watch the original starring James Caan. Basically in the year 2018 (40+ years in the future as opposed to 2-3 like the remake), there’s no war… only the corporates… and Rollerball!!! Want some more background on how this came to be or what the global ramifications are of this society? TOO BAD!!! Theatre of the mind!!! Fill in your own blanks, you get bare bones in this one… but apparently there’s a book that I’m not going to read. James Caan is the aged star of Rollerball… and they want him to retire… but he doesn’t want to… so then “They” start taking away the rules to kill him because… well, that’s another thing they don’t really explain well. Look, I really enjoyed the movie… and if you combine this with some world building elements of the remake… you could totally make a decent version of this. Other franchises have tried like Hunger Games and… coming next week… but yeah, 70’s fun.
Rating – 8/10 – Not great but good…
Happy Independence Day to those who celebrate... until next time!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
I tweaked my back a few days ago... but Izzy has been amazing & running her art shows solo. One positive of having back pain though... plenty of time to watch movies...
June 15 – Son of the White Mare (1981)
Watched this one during the Satanic Temple Movie Night… and it’s a beautifully animated Hungarian folktale about a horse goddess giving birth to three brothers who go into the underworld to save their princesses from dragons & reclaim their ancestors’ lost kingdom! Oh… and hijinx ensue. This was subtitled but you know, it’s a beautiful mythic tale and the animated is absolutely incredible. I can’t even tell you what style it is… just very impressionistic yet vibrant… and yeah, I’d recommend just checking it out & seeing it for yourself.
Rating – 9/10 – Stunningly beautiful… but I was dozing off at some spots… but I’ll blame the environment, after a long day at work
June 16 – Mom and Dad (2017)
I’m not sure if I already did this one when we talked about it last Nic-August Cage… but yeah, something is causing all parents (including Nic Cage & Selma Blair) to KILL THEIR CHILDREN… and hijinx ensue… especially when the grandparents get involved (Lance Henriksen) and it’s from Brian Taylor, one of the directors of the Crank movies & Gamer… obviously I love it.
Rating – 10/10 – May actually be a 10+ but I may get put on a list…
June 17 – Showgirls (1995)
Yes, I’m one of the record number of people who pre-ordered the Vinegar Syndrome 4k UHD release of the Paul Verhoeven classic “Showgirls” about an absolutely horrible woman named Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkeley) who moves to Las Vegas to become a famous dancer like… … well, I guess she’ll be the first? Along the way a magical best friend shows up the first hour she’s there to help her through (and ends up being violently raped) and hijinx ensue. Yes, the movie is… over-the-top crazy & every single line of dialogue within it is absolutely horrible like the main protagonist. However, it’s campy as f**k to watch… and makes perfect sense when it’s the Danish director who brought you things like RoboCop & Starship Troopers doing an escalated version of Joe Eszterhas’ script when they were both basically given a blank check to do what they want after the success of “Basic Instinct” & “Total Recall” or something.
Rating – 9/10 – I can’t give this a 10 based on the abhorrent dialogue… but this movie has a soft (and hard) spot in my heart
June 18 – Creed III (2023)
Yes, I’ve seen all the Rocky movies… lots of times… and I cried watching Creed II… I have a thing for daddy stories, sue me! So was I excited for Michael B Jordan to direct & star in this movie that I originally assumed was him going up against Clubber Lang’s grandson from Rocky III? Of course! Was I excited once I found out it was his buddy from the hood that’s been in jail for 15 years? Sure, I dig the Bernard Hopkins “coming into the game late” angle. Well, drama & hijinx ensues… and it’s a pretty decent boxing movie but… the drama was hard for me to grasp because… yeah, some stretches in logic were taken. Aside from that though, not bad at all.
Rating – 9/10 – Like most Rocky movies, the boxing scenes are great… the drama is lukewarm… but not bad in this case
June 19 – Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
I tweaked my back the other day… so instead of helping with one of Izzy’s art shows, I had orders to rest up… so I finally had the 3.5 hours free to watch the 2nd Avatar (not the Last Airbender) movie. This picks up 15 years after the original story of a guy who had his consciousness transported into an alien clone to infiltrate the local alien tribes for human domination to mine Unobtainium (the more I try to explain the movie, the more ridiculous it sounds) but now he’s had children with Zoe Saldana alien & they’re teenagers… oh & Sigourney Weaver had an immaculate birth that is probably going to bring balance to the Force or the Matrix or whatever in one of the planned sequels… but in this one, there’s an alien clone consciousness transfer of the bad guy (Stephen Lang in original) and he wants revenge & wouldn’t you know it… now Earth wants the whole planet because Earth is dying… add a new sea tribe of aliens that live on Samoa… er, let’s face it… they’re Maori Na’vi with the exact same tattoos & war dance… and hijinx ensue. I wasn’t huge on the original & often refer to it as Dances with Smurfs… but it’s a simple story (with a bunch of convolutions) and it’s beautifully shot. This one has war whales.
Rating – 7/10 – No need for it to be 3.5 hours, not particularly excited for more sequels… but it was alright…
June 20 – The Old Way (2023)
Nic Cage’s latest is a Western where he’s a retired gunslinger who was the Devil incarnate… but he found a woman who changed him… and they have a daughter (Ryan Kiera Armstrong from “Firestarter”) and a gang comes through & rapes his wife to death… so now he & the daughter go after them… and come to terms with their lack of human emotions. Sounds like an intriguing premise… and I can’t say it’s a bad western… but the tone is a little all over the place. At times it’s a super serious western with suspense & drama… and you know, a woman being violently raped to death… and then you have Clint Howard being kicked in the nuts… or a two-minute monologue about apples from someone’s tree tasting like sh*t… and then done AGAIN. The tone is weird. The performances are stilted, though on purpose because the two main characters are explaining how they don’t have emotions or empathy… but it’s tough to pull something like this off.
Rating – 7/10 – It’s not the worst… Nic Cage is the best… maybe give it a watch if you’re into westerns…
June 21 – Wooooooo!!! Becoming Ric Flair (2022)
This documentary is the life story of one of the most charismatic wrestlers in history & his 50+ year career… including stops in a plane crash, being struck by lightning, highest highs, lowest lows, four wives, children overdosing, wise & unwise business decisions, all sorts of stuff…
Rating – 9/10 – I found the documentary interesting & learned about a bunch of stuff I had no idea about… and 70-something Ric Flair still has it…
Until next time! Have a great week everybody!!!
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Been a busy few weeks with various festivals & whatnot... and I may elaborate on that next time as we haven't been able to see a lot of movies but... until then...
June 8 – Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
I don’t know much about D&D and I’m okay with that… but I’d heard good things about this movie… and boy oh boy did I enjoy it! Chris Pine has +20 charisma throughout & it’s entertaining while still being kind of “in on the joke” from a meta standpoint… but not in an over-the-top kind of way, which is a delicate balance. You know the story… group of medieval travelers join forces & go on adventures to bring down the bad guy & an evil red wizard… hijinx ensue… but yeah, I definitely recommend watching this movie & going in without knowing too much…
Rating – 10/10 – That’s right! I gave a D&D movie a score of 10!!!
June 9 – Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)
Along the same tone as D&D:HAT comes the superhero equivalent that’s basically along the lines of a superhero movie made by a teenage fan of the genre with all the meta jokes you can stand, and throwing in some family subplots & ominous baddies, plot twists, stuff like that. This is the 2nd Shazam movie… so you know, at the beginning it’s like people forgot that they saved the world a few years ago like it’s Ghostbusters 2… but then LADYGODS show up & want to destroy the dimension… hijinx ensue. This was a LOT of fun. Again, go in with as little knowledge as you can (except maybe seeing the first movie, they really don’t explain a lot in this one & the concepts are a little out there by comic standards).
Rating – 10/10 – ANOTHER 10??? Steve, have you gone insane?!? Like I said, a LOT of fun… I watched it for Izzy & am gonna make her watch it with me!!!
June 10 – Silent Trigger (1996)
Yup, another Dolph Lundgren movie… and in this one he’s an assassin who apparently was marked in the middle of a job at the beginning of a movie with a sexy lady spotter (chick from “Leverage”) and went missing afterwards… but then they’re unknowingly paired up at an abandoned skyscraper site (that still has security guys) for another job… and hijinx ensue. Shockingly there’s some betrayal involved (no kidding) but this movie was shot more like… a Silk Stockings episode or something, like it’s supposed to be super sexy with the obvious costars & their… I don’t know, motivations… but it’s really awkward… and then you get action. It’s a weird little movie… but I liked it.
Rating – 8/10 – We have to do a Dolph Lundgren month so to dive into these things…
June 11 – The Muppets Mayhem (2023)
Ten half-hour episodes about a young assistant to a music producer tries to get Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem to record their first album after being on tour for the past 48 years or whatever… I love the Muppets so this was going to be highly rated to begin with… but this one had some of my favorite characters in the band. That being said, the fairly predictable lead characters & the nonsense that happens (I assume to make it a full ten episodes) and their “motivations” are just… dumb & boring. Luckily the Muppets are there to keep it lively & fun because otherwise it’s sisters being inconsiderate & a bunch of other “who gives a sh*t” so… what did I think overall?
Rating – 9/10 – I had a great time but it’s long at times…
June 12 – Confess, Fletch (2023)
Now, I’m a fan of the 80’s Fletch movies with Chevy Chase… both of them. This one finds investigative journalist Irwin Fletcher (Jon Hamm) basically retired… because he’s banging an Italian countess or something… and then he finds a dead body at his AirBNB, so he calls it in… and then he’s the lead suspect? Hijinx ensue… but of course the witty banter from the original movies & director from Greg Mottola (Superbad, Adventureland, Dave, Keeping Up with the Joneses) makes this a pretty good movie. There are some parts that are just kind of where I would say “f**k all y’all & leave the situation” but… you know, I watch a lot of Murder She Wrote now so it goes well with that mentality.
Rating – 9/10 – Can’t wait for more but… since nobody knows this movie exists probably isn’t a good sign for sequels
June 13 – The Guyver (1991)
Next March I think we’re going to do a new spin on Marky March where instead of talking about Mark Wahlberg movies, we’re going to go with the forgotten Mark Hamill movies of the early 90’s. This one is based on a Japanese anime about a young man who discovers a device that turns him into a cyborg superhero… and Mark Hamill is a detective that gets involved… and JJ Walker pops up… and it’s directed by special effects guru Screaming Mad George (Society & MANY more) but… you may just have to wait until the episode… it gets nuts…
Rating – 8/10 – The story is pretty bad… but oh man, the effects & weirdness make it worth watching.
June 14 – Stone Cold (1991)
Pretty sure, I’ve done this one before but too lazy to check… Brian Bosworth as an undercover agent in a biker gang led by Lance Henriksen & William Forsythe… mullet hijinx ensue… love everything about this movie…
Rating – 10+/10 – Seriously, go see this movie now!!! I have the Blu Ray…
Until next time, true believers! EXCELSIOR!!!
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing