Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Izzy's feeling better after yet another illness... but she'll be ready just in time for the weekend of Chinese New Year / Super Bowl / Mardi Gras / Valentine's Day! Excellent! Here are a few movies that we've seen though... February 1 – Only Murders in the Building (2021-23) That’s right, we watched three seasons of this Hulu series… about an aging actor (Steve Martin), a struggling stage director (Martin Short) and some lady’s freeloading niece (Selena Gomez) who start a podcast about a murder that goes on in their NYC apartment building… and hijinx ensue… and then again… and then again. Yes, I know the description doesn’t sound good at all but… after watching 12 seasons of Murder She Wrote… I absolutely loved this series. There are definitely a few parts where you’re like “Oh okay, they had to pull it out to ten episodes… but thank god it’s not 26 episodes per season” and if you’re into murder mysteries with a LOT of humor, then I recommend it. Rating – 9/10 – Basically all three seasons were pretty good… though they get REALLY self-referential in season 3 but not to a point that it hurt February 2 – Hypnotic (2023) So I went to the home office for the first time in 18 months… but it was just a quick flight… so I finally pulled the trigger on watching director Robert Rodriguez’s latest about a detective (Ben Affleck) trying to solve the mystery of his kidnapped daughter… and it takes him into a new world of people with powers & a secret government program. Throw in character actors like William Fichtner, Jeff Fahey, Jackie Earle Haley & the a toned-down but still quirky director… and I actually really enjoyed this movie. It’s also a tight 90 minutes and it’s not afraid to take a pretty big turn at the end of the 2nd act. Rating – 8/10 – I may have Izzy watch this one too… February 3 – TMNT: Mutant Mayhem (2023) This is the latest reimagining of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where teenagers voice the turtles, Jackie Chan is Master Splinter, and half of Hollywood has small voice parts… and it acts as the origin story for the turtles (if you don’t know their story with ooze then you’re a teenager) and them meeting… I’ll just say it… a WILDLY different version of high school reporter April O’Neil and trying to befriend her… but then stumble upon a group of mutants who have been committing crimes across NYC… but to what end?!? The animation style was pretty good and unique where it seems like a weird hybrid of almost stop-motion & smudged paint… and the story is whatever, teenagers make stupid choices cuz hormones, but luckily the movie was a LOT of fun… even if not what I’m used to with the franchise. Rating – 9/10 – My brother HATES this movie… but then again, that usually means most people will love it February 4 – The Time Machine (2002) Jason from the History of Bad Ideas Podcast wanted to talk about this nugget on the podcast… based on the HG Wells story about a scientist from 1899 who creates a time machine to go back and save his wife from her untimely death… only to find it doesn’t work… so perhaps the answers are in the FUTURE!!! Smash cut to the moon falling and messing with the Earth and he’s 800,000 years into the future… and hijinx ensue. The cast is solid with Guy Pearce, Orlando Jones, Samantha Mumba & Jeremy Irons for probably a day of shooting… but at least it’s a tight 90 minutes or so because the movie is ALL over the place and… frankly the ending is pretty head-scratchingly rushed & bad… but I’m a fan of the janky Morlock costumes & stuntwork by Stan Winston’s company. Rating – ???/10 – I remembered this movie differently from when I first watched it… but check the podcast for details February 5 – New Adventures of Pippi Longstockings (1988) I remember watching this movie a few times as a kid… and boy oh boy did they make them differently back then. This is the American adaptation of a classic Swedish (?) character & they made a few movies back in the 60’s & 70’s too… about a little redheaded pig-tailed girl who’s the daughter of a pirate… and she stays in their home in a conservative town (think Pete’s Dragon time era?) and the town is flipped upside down by her crazy antics & free thinking… but it’s more like… superhero level antics like spinning so fast with a broom that she becomes the propeller on a gyro copter, but yeah… it’s crazy… and the film stock made me think that this was made in the mid to late 70’s… but nope, 1988. The girl that plays Pippi was pretty great… but most of the other kids you can tell the ones that didn’t star in anything else & those that would go on to have pretty successful careers. It’s rough at times… and almost two hours long (WHAT?!?) but… meh, I’ve seen worse Rating – 7/10 – It startled me how much I remembered from watching it 35 years ago… so maybe give it a watch? February 6 – Truck Turner (1974) Legendary soul singer & badass Isaac Hayes plays Truck Turner, a bounty hunter who’s after a pimp when he skips bail… but when the confrontation ends in a shootout & the pimp’s death, a hit is put out on him… and then all the other pimps in town try to take him out! This movie… is amazing! Is it the greatest from a storytelling or character arc angle? Of course not! This is Blaxploitation at its finest. There are about as many on-screen deaths & dummy kills as N-words casually tossed around… and it’s all involving either pimps (played by the likes of Yaphet Kotto & Nichelle Nichols) or bounty hunters who, from what I can tell, smell like cat urine throughout the entirety of the movie. Cinematic gold! Rating – 10/10 – Seeing O’Hura go full pimp is a sight to behold! February 7 – Blue Beetle (2023) The forgotten DC movie because of the reboot universe & “The Flash” getting all the publicity… hell, I think the “Batwoman” movie got more promotion than this movie did… but it’s about a Hispanic family whose college graduate son (kid from Cobra Kai) can’t get a real job… until one day he basically stumbles upon this ancient alien amulet or something that turns him into the Blue Beetle. Yeah, the comic book part of this is pretty ridiculous… but I enjoyed the family aspect of it. Similarly to the Shazam movies, but with a lot more heart for the familia… and it was actually pretty funny too, especially with George Lopez & the nana. Rating – 8/10 – Not bad… it’s a shame that it’ll just be completely forgotten in a matter of months… Have a great weekend everybody!!! Steve
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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
It's that odd time of year here in Utah where it can dump a foot or two of snow overnight... and then be in the mid-50's the rest of the week... and the only constant is that half the people you know are sick & the other half are waiting to be or will never admit it... but still... I watch movies... January 26 – Elvis (2022) So we finally set aside 2.5 hours to watch Tom Hanks play a villain with a funny accent & Austin Butler in the role that got him Feyd Rautha in Dune 2… and from the opening minutes… you know this is a Baz Luhrman production!!! This biopic of Elvis Aron Presley is… over-the-top, fairly preposterous, loosely based on events that happened in reality, SO MUCH MAKEUP ON EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME, quite racist in a lot of incidental walls (but that was the 50’s & 60’s), but also… the story that it tells (though again, loosely based in reality) wasn’t horrible. It’s more a movie about the huckster Colonel Parker (Hanks) taking advantage of a talented young artist & exploiting him and the music industry to get his ends… and then trying to convince the audience that it was all their fault that he died… because he did it all for the fans… and if there were no fans, then Elvis would still be alive. Bold! Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it for the dark fairy tale that it was… knowing that it’s all BS… but Izzy did not enjoy it… knowing that it’s all BS… January 27 – Ghosts of Mars (2001) Director John Carpenter’s official “FU” to Hollywood where cops on Mars (Martian cops?) played by Jason Statham, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier, Clea Duvall & others go to an outpost to transport the dangerous criminal James “Desolation” Williams (Ice Cube) but… when they get into town… everybody’s gone… and then they’re found… either headless & hanging upside-down, or turned into some bloodthirsty zombie Mad Max group possessed by the ancient Martian ghosts that had long since been buried in the bowels of the planet… but were mined out & are doing everything they can to kill the invaders of their planets (earthlings). Sound preposterous? It was intended to!!! I haven’t even mentioned the breathing goggles. This movie is kind of a mix of Assault on Precinct 13, The Fog, Escape from NY, all the Carpenter classics… but they went to space and it’s tongue in cheek, right? I hope so… because otherwise it’s absolutely preposterous that this movie got made. Rating – 8/10 – Lots of things that I like about the movie… but there are definitely things that’re out there. BREATHING! GOGGLES!!! January 28 – Solo (1996) I remember seeing this movie in theatres when it came out… but it’s basically Mario Van Peebles as a military robot soldier (universal soldier?) who escapes when he’s able to be disassembled after getting a conscience… and general William Sadler is sent to take him out. He befriends a village in Central America to help them with their own dictator situation… and hijinx ensue. Now… this is not a great movie… but it’s okay & dumb fun. MVP does a decent job of being an emotionless robot. Sadler is great as a prick. Academy Award winner Adrian Brody shows up as a scientist! Rating – 8/10 – I’d watch it again… and you might hear about it on the podcast one day January 29 – Conan the Barbarian (2011) Jason Momoa stars in this remake of the tale of Conan made famous by Schwarzenegger… and Stephen Lang is the big baddie, Rose McGowan is the witch daughter, Rachel Nichols is the virginal hottie, personal favorite Nathan Jones shows up for a cup of coffee… it’s not a bad movie, just really PG-13. It doesn’t go necessarily hard or soft either… it’s just kind of middling… but I still enjoy it because Sword & Sandals is my genre. Rating – 8/10 – I’d recommend it if somebody likes the original Conan… but it’s more Conan the Destroyer January 30 – Highlander: Endgame (2000) The 4th installment of the Highlander saga… that came out after SIX seasons of the TV series and combined both Highlanders (Adrian Paul & Christopher Lambert) along with a bunch of random actors (Donnie Yen, Bruce Payne, Damon Dash, etc) when the ultimate Immortal Kell cames after them for his convoluted revenge! Okay, this MAY be the best Highlander SEQUEL movie… but when you don’t really have competition as far as a decently made movie, then that’s what it’s saying. The movie itself is kind of head-scratchingly dumb… but there are elements that are decent. The Paul-Yen fight scene is legit… there’s stronger storytelling elements in this movie as opposed to the TV series… although there’s also things that completely contradict not just Immortals lore, but the TV series completely… so how do I rate it? Rating - ???/10 – Find out on Everything I Learned From Movies, available on all major podcatchers January 31 – Highlander: The Source (2007) The 5th installment… in the not-too-distant apocalyptic future, planets are aligning and stuff… and there’s the Guardian of the mysterious mythological SOURCE… and now some Immortals want to find it… before it’s too late… and apparently Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) doesn’t want to… but YET ANOTHER EX-WIFE is apparently having visions about The Source… so he comes along… and hijinx ensue. This movie is f**king rough. I believe I read it was a Sci-Fi Channel movie and the budget kinda shows… but oh boy… Rating - ???/10 – Hear all about it on the Podcast!!! You know it’s Highlander Month!!! What's coming up in February?!? Random movies with great guests on the podcast, Chinese New Year + Super Bowl + Mardi Gras + Valentines Day in a four day period, visitors, a Leap Year, all kinds of fun stuff I don't even know about yet... see you there!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Had my first trip to the home office in 18 months & it was great to see all the new team members for the first time (in real life) and the teammates I've met before too! Also, had a chance to watch some football with B&K... and watched a few movies when I wasn't working... January 19 – In the Mouth of Madness (1994) An insurance adjustor (Sam Neill) goes to check out the world’s most famous horror writer Sutter Cane (definitely not Stephen King, played by Jurgen Prochnow) and find out why the fans are so fanatic about him… and hijinx ensue when he stumbles into the 7th ring of hell? Yeah, this is a John Carpenter masterpiece… it’s completely nuts, especially the last half hour or so… I don’t want to spoil it more than that. Rating – 9/10 – Seriously, if weird horror is your thing, then you’ve probably already seen this… but if not, check it out! January 20 – Fortress (1994) While watching the Highlander movies, this one was recommended. In the not-too-distant future, a man (Christopher Lambert) & his wife are imprisoned for having an illegal pregnancy… and sent to The Fortress, a private underground prison controlled by CCTV, AI, dream reading technology, pain modules & all sorts of crazy stuff… and led by the evil warden (Kurtwood Smith). Your fairly typical prison escape movie then follows… but with crazy futuristic twists that… don’t need to make sense! I really enjoyed it… the show is nuts… which you would kind of expect from the director of “Re-Animator” but… yeah, I liked it. Rating – 9/10 – Lambert is still an emotionless log… but there’s some great stuff going on around him January 21 – Fortress 2: Re-Entry (2000) Of course we followed it up with the sequel!!! Seven years after the original (spoilers, he escaped), Brennick (Lambert) is living in isolation with a few rebels… and seven years later they get caught… and are sent to the New Fortress… IN SPACE!!! SPACE JAIL!!! NOW how’s we going to get back?!? Hijinx ensue… and yeah, it’s probably even crazier than you would expect… Rating – 8/10 – Pam Grier even shows up for plot convenience!!! January 22 – The Flash (2023) The death note of the DC cinematic universe before they do a hard reboot… but it’s The Flash getting his own feature film (with a little bit of origin story thrown in) where he’s crying about his mom being dead for over a decade & then finds out that he can run so fast that he can travel through time… and hijinx ensue as he goes through the multiverse. Michael Keaton (and others) pop up as Batman… plenty of cameos from the rest of the Justice League… it’s a bit of a fuddled mess, but there are a few funny moments… overall though, the movie kind of makes fun of itself with how “just go with it” the tone is… and plenty of self-aware jabs as to why everybody hates The Flash… but then continues to do it… not horrible but kinda long & nobody likes Ezra Miller. Rating – 6/10 – HOW DARE YOU WASTE NIC CAGE CAMEO?!? January 23 – Knives Out (2019) I don’t recall if I mentioned watching this the first time back in the 2020 days… but it’s about detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) being called in mysteriously to the apparent suicide of a famous writer (Christopher Plummer) but there may be MURDER afoot. All-Star cast, lots of fun, twists & turns throughout… enjoyed it… well done, director Rian Johnson (“Last Jedi”) Rating – 10/10 – If you like Murder Mysteries, this is a new twist of one for you January 24 – Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) Izzy’s Mom wanted to watch a western… and this came up on Tubi… and apparently it’s a sequel to “Support Your Local Sheriff” (1969) starring a lot of the same people… but it’s not a sequel, just kind of the same movie but instead of James Garner being mistaken for a sheriff, he’s mistaken for a gunfighter this time… brilliant! It’s a western comedy… though maybe a lot of the humor was HUGE in the 70’s because it’s about a con man James Garner with an oddly specific gambling addiction, a “free willed” chick who just shoots at everybody, some shiesty mining barons feuding over nonsense, but yeah… it was 90 minutes, Jimmy Garner is pure charisma, and you know what you’re getting into when you start up the movie. Rating – 8/10 – Chuck Connors also pops up at the end! Hijinx ensue… January 25 – Expend4bles (2023) Yes, the 4th installment of the “gimme all the 80’s & 90’s action heroes” action franchise… and in this one, the new members (50 Cent, Jason Scipio, etc.) and the old crew that wanted to be in this one (Stallone, Statham, Couture, Lundgren, etc.) are trying to get Nuclear McGuffins from Ghadafi’s Old Chemical Factory (literally what it says in movie) before bad guy Iko Uwais gets them… hijinx ensue… STALLONE DIES… they sad… now Andy Garcia & Megan Fox are leading them on the next mission to get the McGuffins back from a boat. That’s the 1st act. This movie was… exactly as dumb as it sounds. Yes, I love action and I can forgive ridiculousness… but the last two acts of this movie are on a bluescreen boat soundstage and it’s REALLY obvious… but yeah, if you’re signing up for the 4th Expendables movie… you know what you’re getting into Rating – 8/10 – It’s a shame we had a blizzard so I couldn’t see “The Beekeeper” opening weekend… but this did okay Have a great weekend everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Another busy week... but next week I'm going to the office for the first time in 18 months!!! I got a haircut to celebrate... oh & watched a few movies... January 12 – Fire in the Sky (1993) Based on the true story of an Arizona lumberjack (DB Sweeney) who was abducted by aliens for five days, and the whole town turns on the other five guys who were out there with him (for mildly realistic reasons) but then when he comes back… what now? I’ll say this about the movie… it was pretty well done in showing how the “facts” of the story have been told over the 20+ years prior… and how the interrogations just aren’t answering any questions & there’s no evidence of… anything really. We even started watching a documentary that it recommended on Tubi but… it was exactly the same BS but cut like a TV show so… no thank you. So how does the movie end? Does it? Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it but it also made me want to watch the craziness of “Communion” instead too… January 13 – Monkey Shines (1988) An athlete gets struck by a truck and become paraplegic. His lady runs off with his doctor (Stanley Tucci). His mom is overbearing. His caregiver is horrible. However, his best friend is a bit of a mad scientist… and is testing some intelligence formula on monkeys… and so when he needs a monkey assistant (and best friend needs to hide his experiments) then it works out… until the monkey starts getting feelings towards the paraplegic… and hijinx ensue. This is a George Romero horror flick… and honestly one of my favorites. It has that 80’s horror appeal of honestly not going what’s going to happen next (mental links?) or any real explanation for a lot of stuff… but yeah, if you’re into horror, it’s a good flick that’ll probably make you chuckle a few times. Rating – 10/10 – Always a fun watch… especially towards the end January 14 – Death Machines (1976) This was a recommendation from the Grindbin Podcast (check out their episode), about an evil Oriental Dragon Lady who injects three martial arts masters with some serum that turns them into zombie assassins… and hijinx ensue when she sends them out against her enemies. This movie was a bit of a treat because… it’s just so weird. Yeah, there’s martial arts fighting but nothing special… and the acting is the typical kind of stilted that you would expect from a movie like this… but you really don’t know what’s going to happen from scene to scene because… honestly I’m pretty sure the people making the movie improvised half of it. Rating – 8/10 – Would watch again… but would have to have first time watchers with me January 15 – Bedazzled (2000) We did this movie on the podcast a few years back from Djinn June (face it, the Devil is basically a genie in this movie) but it’s about a nerdy people pleaser (Brendan Fraser) who at his lowest point gets an offer of seven wishes from The Devil (Liz Hurley) and hilarious hijinx ensue. I’ve seen this movie a few dozen times in my life (one of my dad’s favorites) but I love how the moral of the story is he has to go through these ordeals & hijinx to basically realize… he’s f**king Brendan Fraser & with the slightest bit of confidence he can make his dreams come true. Rating – 10+/10 – Yup, this movie may have somehow made me the way I am because of the moral at the end… January 16 – Island of Dr. Moreau (1977) Saw this one suggested on Tubi… and realized that I wasn’t sure if I had seen it. Based on the HG Wells classic, Michael York is shipwrecked on an island where Dr. Moreau (Burt Lancaster) is experimenting and making humanimals and hijinx ensue… and in this version, it’s a commentary on have & have-nots and double standards… and that of course leads to rebellion by the oppressed… and Michael York tries to leave with the daughter (Barbara Carrera) who allegedly is part-cat but… Rating – 7/10 – This wasn’t a bad version just… the ending just kind happens really quick & I was like… is she a cat or is her makeup just smudged? The End January 17 – Island of Dr. Moreau (1997) This legendary flop version was also on Tubi… so rewatched it… and based on the HG Wells classic, David Thewlis is shipwrecked on an island where Dr. Moreau (Marlon Brando) is experimenting and making humanimals and hijinx ensue… and in this version, it’s a commentary more on trying to oppress these humanimals with pain-causing chips in their spines (brute force & threat of violence) and FULL-ON into the ideologies of Gods & religion… and self-identifying with “What am I? Father?” and all that mess… and Val Kilmer is absolutely insane in this movie… and David Thewlis would probably throat chop you if you asked him about the movie… Rating – 7/10 – This is a bad version… but goddamn it, the movie is an absolutely sh*t show and I can’t look away. Would you like to know more? January 18 – Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau (2014) This is the mystifying tale of eccentric filmmaker Richard Stanley and what he set out to do with the 1997 version of Island of Dr. Moreau… but hijinx ensue & he ended up getting canned for John Frankenheimer… but oh boy, that is NOT all that happens during this film with the craziness of Brando, Kilmer, Aussie extras, and… let’s face it… if Fairuza Balk is the voice of reason in your production… it’s gonna be epic! Rating – 9/10 – Yes, the documentary is from the point of view of the sane… but what about the insane? I wonder if Kilmer talks about this in his documentary… Have a great day everybody!!! Also... what the f**k happened to the Eagles?!? Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
The year 2024 continues... and new exciting things are popping up everyday... and here are some movies that we watched... January 5 – Highlander 3: The Final Dimension (1994) A few entries ago, I talked about how the original Highlander is a classic 80’s flick… and then the sequel happened and… kinda screwed over the franchise… so a few years later, they basically decided to do the first movie again, but with Mario Van Peebles as the bad guy instead of Clancy Brown. Don’t believe me? There are DOZENS of times you can line up the scenes exactly the same… and guess where you can hear all about it?!? Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcatchers!!! Home Video Hustle joins us for this one!!! January 6 – Muscles & Mayhem: An Unauthorized Story of American Gladiators (2023) When Izzy was recovering from pneumonia (whole story about that with the healthcare industry), she was watching a BUNCH of documentaries… and the only one she suggested to me was this! It was the story of the American Gladiators TV show (HUGE fan when I was a kid & saw the live show) primarily from the point of view of a few directors, producers, and the main stars like Gemini, Ice, Nitro, Laser, etc. Basically they were exploited bodybuilders who were rode hard & put away basically penniless but… yeah, that’s a tale as old as time in Hollywood, right? So then I started wondering… why was this the unauthorized story besides being from the view of the exploited? Rating – 10/10 – If you’re a fan of American Gladiators, check it out! Ice has a podcast too so I’m probably going to start listening to that… January 7 – 30 for 30: The American Gladiators Documentary (2023) This is why! ESPN did a 30 for 30 primarily from the point of the view the exploitive Elvis impersonator creator of American Gladiators… with a few of the gladiators included (Gemini & Malibu I think were the only crossover for both though). In the second half of the documentary, they start looking for the mysterious OTHER creator Dann Carr… and that’s probably the most intriguing part of the documentary. Although it seems like it was edited a very particular way that had me unsettled… Rating – 9/10 – Aside from that though, I’d recommend checking it out too January 8 – Holly Star (2017) Izzy had this movie recommended to her during the Hallmark movie season… and it’s about a broke puppeteer who goes back to her hometown… sassy friend who likes paintball & they couldn’t afford Melissa McCarthy… and she ends up selling Christmas trees with her old “boyfriend” (guy she kissed when she was 7?) and his dad… and hijinx ensue? Look, it was pretty rough… but there were moments… and you know what you’re getting into when you sign up for it. The puppetry pieces were kinda fun too… at least different. Rating – 8/10 – It was kooky enough for a Christmas watch… completely inoffensive January 9 – A Christmas Karen (2022) This one I was worried about… but it’s basically a modern day “A Christmas Carol” but instead of Ebenezer Scrooge, you get a Karen… and I’ll be damned… I actually really enjoyed this movie. There’s definitely the parts where you absolutely wish horrible things to Karen… and yeah, a bunch of things that she does are absolutely unforgiveable (even when we get the white savior moments at the end where money solves everything) but some of the jokes were pretty funny… and yeah, it was a LOT better than I expected going in. Rating – 9/10 – I’d say give it a watch January 10 – The Knight Before Christmas (2019) We had seen this one a few years before… but my wife wanted to watch it again because she recommended it to somebody else and wanted to yell “Old Crone!” at the top of her lungs for the next few weeks. Basically a 15th century knight is sent to modern day Ohio by a witch to find his true purpose or quest or whatever… and he runs into Vanessa Hudgens… and hijinx ensue as he’s a decent human being in a world full of dipshits… and they hook up in ridiculous ways. Rating – 9/10 – Not bad for a Hallmark Christmas movie… and apparently Ms. Hudgens is in DOZENS of them, like a whole cinematic universe January 11 – The Creator (2023) In the not-too-distant future, AI has become self-aware Skynet style and the robots designed to help mankind & build their society have risen up and bombed Los Angeles… so they were banned from America… yet live peacefully in New Asia (Eurasian continent). Hmm… gee, I wonder if they’re really bad guys. However, America is trying to find Nimrata, the AI God who the AI worships… but hijinx ensue when an undercover agent (Denzel’s kid) gets caught up & falls in love with a woman in New Asia… but then the seal team 6 comes in & BOOM! Now it’s a few years later & they bring him back in because… his wife isn’t dead! Yeah, you obviously know how the movie goes from here… and it’s basically what Avatar should be… but apparently on a budget of $25 million (ridiculously good for that amount). It has a very… Fallout meets Chappie kind of feel to it… but yeah, check it out. Rating – 9/10 – Could have been tightened up a bit but… definitely worth a watch on Hulu Depending on the weather, I may actually get to see a movie in theatres since "Barbenheimer" months ago... but come Hell or high water... allegedly Dune: Part 2 comes out on March 1st so... got that to look forward to as well. Have a great day everybody!!! Stay warm out there!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Starting off 2024 with a healthier wife & a few movies off the queue... January 1 – Violent Night (2022) Ever wanted to see Die Hard… but with Santa? Well, now’s your chance. Santa (David Harbour) is out doing his Santa thing… when he gets caught in an isolated mansion while a terrorist group led by John Leguizamo has taken a bunch of rich a-holes hostage & only Santa can save them… well… actually just one good girl… and hijinx ensue. It’s cute, fun, violent obviously… and I had a lot of fun watching it. The kills are pretty funny & over-the-top. The Christmas clichés are prevalent. Give it a watch if you’re a teenager or older. Rating – 10/10 – May be a new holiday classic… you know, like Die Hard January 2 – K-9 (1989) An a-hole police officer (Jim Belushi) may have a criminal kingpin trying to take him out (after a chopper shoots up his car at makeout point in the opening scene) so he calls upon the help of a canine officer that may/may not have PTSD to help him bring him down. Hijinx ensue as I’m not entirely sure how this office gets to have a K-9 except that movie has to movie… and we get to talk about it on the podcast. Rating - ???/10 – That’s Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL the major podcatchers!!! January 3 – Turner & Hooch (1989) Think K-9 sounded interesting… what if a few months later we released the same movie but with Tom Hanks instead of Jim Belushi as the cop? And the dog is more John Belushi in nature? Sounds like a winner, huh? Rating - ???/10 - That’s Everything I Learned From Movies on ALL the major podcatchers to find out if it’s as good as you remember!!! January 4 – The Retirement Plan (2023) A woman & her daughter are being hunted by criminals… so the only thing they can do is go to Grand Cayman to find her estranged father (Nic Cage) who’s a retired beach bum to save them… but oh yeah, he’s a former operative so he’s about to kill some fools! Ron Perlamn, Jackie Earle Haley, Ernie Hudson & others show up… and hijinx ensue. It’s an action comedy and anything with Nic Cage is great to me… but yeah, it’s not the greatest of the genre. I had a lot of fun with it though… and Nic Cage is always great. Did I mention Nic Cage AND Ernie Hudson are in it?!? Rating – 9/10 – I support more Cage in action comedies!!! What? An entry that's half a shameless plug for the podcast?!? Look, if you're checking out this site, then you're going to love the podcast... so give it a listen. Why not?!? Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Izzy is getting healthier by the day... and in doing so, we've been watching movies again... so here's what we did when we weren't working... December 26 – Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny (2023) We finally watched the 5th installment of the Indiana Jones series now that it’s on Disney+ and this one catches up with everyone’s favorite archeologist now in list mid-70’s during the 1960’s… and he has to retrieve this artifact that the Nazis were looking for a generation earlier… only there’s now still a Nazi scientist working with the American government to get it too. Oh, did I mention this artifact is a Time Machine you can fit into your pocket? Hijinx ensue. Look… I kind of enjoyed the movie. Was it perfect? Of course not. Harrison Ford is 80+ years old & they’re trying to convince you that he’s an action hero still. The action scenes look like cut scenes from a video game. There are SO many “member” moments that you might dare say it’s fan service… and yeah, that’s what it was… and I enjoyed it. Mads Mikellsen is a good villain of course. Check it out. Why not? Rating – 8/10 – Could have been better, could have been worse. Better than Crystal Skulls AND Temple of Doom December 27 – Highlander II: The Quickening (1991) I remember my dad & I renting this movie on VHS back when it came out… and about 15 minutes into it, we double checked that we had rented the right movie & got the correct cassette. This is legendarily one of the most confusing & confounding sequels ever made… to a movie that probably shouldn’t have had a sequel to begin with… yet there’s still a sick, sinister joy to watching it. Now, good luck trying to find the original version of the movie that I watched as a kid where all the swashbuckling immortals are from the Planet Zeist & exiled on Earth as punishment for whatever. In the Directors or Renegade cuts on DVDs now, they attempt to make it they’re from the Past instead but… that somehow makes even less sense really. Wait, did you not see the original Highlander so you don’t know about the lore? Rating - ???/10 – Then you’d better tune into Everything I Learned from Movies Podcast this January when we dive into Highlander Month!!! December 28 – Batman Forever (1995) So what if I can probably recite this movie line for line? That could easily be said of each of the first three Batman movies (1989-95) and then Batman & Robin came around and reminded me that movies could be god-awful again. Yes, this is the Val Kilmer as Batman/Bruce Wayne (spoilers?) and the bad guys are Jim Carrey as the Riddler & Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face with a side of Nicole Kidman as Dr. Tits McGee and Chris O’Donnell as Unwanted Drama. Jim & Tommy are hamming it up so much you’d think they owned stock in a cured meats company… I noticed cameos this watch that I’d never noticed before in the dozens of previous watches (Rene Auberjonois as Dr. Burton for example) but yeah… I enjoy this one. Rating – 9/10 – It’s super cartoony, of course… but it’s not quite the full blown clusterf**k of B&R yet… plus I was 14 when it came out! Congo’s still better though! December 29 – Mad Max (1979) In the not-too-distant future of Australia, there’s basically an isolated area where people live… but there’s also a biker gang led by a man known as Toecutter. The police, who are basically a biker gang of their own, are powerless to stop them, bound by the law… but then Toecutter does something that sends policeman Max Rockatowsky on a vengeance spree. Yes, the original (and surprisingly tame) story of the Mad Max universe but with plenty of incredible stunts & world building… that gets cranked up to 11 in the sequels… and director George Miller is great… and can’t wait for Furiousa later this year. What do I think of the original though? Rating – 10/10 – An incredible movie made on a shoestring budget back in the late 70’s, check it out December 30 – Thunderbolt & Lightfoot (1974) Did you know that Clint Eastwood & Jeff Bridges did a movie together nearly 50 years ago? Eastwood is Thunderbolt… a former bank robber whose past has caught up with him. Bridges is Lightfoot… apparently some rando who picks Thunderbolt up hitchhiking while a man is trying to kill him… but has a leadfoot as a reckless driver. Together, they’re going to get the old gang back together for one last score… and hijinx ensues. I’m not going to lie… I thought Jeff Bridges was going to end up being some sort of narc because of just how convenient everything was going together for this to happen… but about the time that he dresses up as a woman in a 1974 movie I thought… maybe not? Rating – 8/10 – Definitely worth a watch in my opinion… the pace is slower at times but not bad for a 70’s flick December 31 – Strange Days (1995) This was a first time watch from director Kathryn Bigelow (former Mrs. James Cameron, Hurt Locker, Point Break, etc.) where a former cop / now “virtual experience peddler” (Ralph Fiennes) is harping over his ex-girlfriend (Juliette Lewis) who’s now with a big time music producer (Michael Wincott) when he stumbles upon a recorded experience that uncovers a huge conspiracy… and this is all in the not-too-distant future of LA on the eve of the millennium in 1999/2000. The cast is loaded… the camera work for the time (pre-GoPro and all) is REALLY impressive… sure, if you’ve seen a movie like this you know what the “twist” is going to be from jump street… but even then, it’s an entertaining twisted little tale. Rating – 10/10 – Angela Bassett is a goddamn goddess & you need to give her that Academy Award before it’s too late, you cowards!!! See you in 2024!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Happy Holidays everyone!!! Izzy is doing much better now that she's been properly diagnosed & I've been to various hospitals 7 times in the last 10 days... but everybody's doing okay now. During that time, here are a few movies that I gleamed between visits... December 16 – The Devil’s Advocate (1998) A hotshot Florida lawyer (Keanu Reeves) and his stunning wife (Charlize Theron) hit the big time as they join a NYC law firm… but hijinx ensue when the partner that recruited him (Al Pacino) may not be what he appears… come on guys, he’s the f**king Devil. It’s in the title! Keanu is literally the advocate of the Devil! This movie is… absolutely fantastic!!! Now, there’s only slight tongue in cheek when I say that… because it’s well shot, you have NO idea how crazy it’s going to get… and the first time that I watched this movie, because I was recovering from a disfiguring injury, I turned it off at a certain point… only to find out later that I had missed possibly the greatest 15 minutes in cinema history at the end!!! Rating – 10/10 – Some unnecessarily stupid decisions made keep this from being a 10+ but I love this crazy movie December 18 – An American Werewolf in London (1981) Two Americans go backpacking across the English countryside… and then are attacked by a creature, killing one and leaving the other… changed? Guys, it’s called an American Werewolf in London so… you know it was a werewolf. Classic horror comedy with the transformation scene that changed cinema & the awards system forever… if you haven’t seen this movie, check it out! There are crazy things that I forget every time that I see it & never disappoints. Rating – 10+/10 – See You Next Wednesday! December 20 – Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (2002) Famously this is the movie with the most reviews on Rotten Tomatoes to have a 0% rating with the critics. It’s an action movie directed by Kaos (full name is Wych Kaosayananda) and starring Antonio Banderas & Lucy Liu as dueling assassins (technically FBI & DIA agents but… really?), who then have to work together when they find out there’s a bad guy… it’s trying to be the Matrix set in Vancouver with over the top techno music & explosions… and Ray Park shows up too. Rating – 7/10 – I’ve definitely seen MUCH worse movies, so for this to be 0% on RT is pretty ridiculous… but I can also understand December 22 – Disney’s Pinocchio (2022) In order to keep up the copyrights on all their animated classics from (sigh) 80+ years ago, Disney is doing all the live-action remakes of their movies… and this one came out last year. Yes, it’s the tale of Pinocchio… from the director of Back to the Future & Forrest Gump, starring Tom Hanks, and the rest is mostly CGI so… yeah. Now, I had mentioned this a while back with “The Little Mermaid” earlier this year, there’s no reason for these to be a full two hours. The original was 80 minutes with credits and more than enough… but yeah, it’s nearly beat for beat with a few modern additions to… I don’t know… it doesn’t really build character as much as add color. It was… meh… Rating – 6/10 – Just watch the original… December 24 – Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022) So director GDT has been working on doing this for decades… and he was about ready to release this stop-motion movie upon the world about the time Disney was ready to do theirs. I’m pretty sure a conversation was had… and this movie was released (on Netflix) three months after Disney’s release (which flopped). Basically… this is a darker telling of the story, with creepier stop-motion animation, and being a del Toro movie… it begins & ends with death and talks about it constantly throughout. That being said… it’s pretty goddamn incredible & you should all check it out! Rating – 10/10 – If you’re going to watch a Pinocchio movie, check this one out! More to come, hopefully before 2024 catches up with us! Have a great weekend everybody!!! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Izzy has been under the weather for over a week now & the American Healthcare system is basically the worst... but hey, here are some movies I watched while wishing my wife could breathe & sleep at the same time... December 4 – Teenagers from Outer Space (1959) This was another MST3K movie… about an alien civilization plotting to turn Earth into a feeding ground for their giant lobsters (yup!) and the only person who can save us… is a teenager from their planet who falls in love with a girl on our planet… and hijinx ensue. I’m not going to lie… I kind of enjoyed this one. Sure, the acting sucked… but what brought me back… was the alien death ray that the Terminator style “bad alien” was using that instantly turned people into classroom skeletons that they would jiggle on a string or something when they fell. I was cracking up & yeah… it worked for me. Rating – 6/10 – Check it out if you want… you know based on the description whether you’d like it or not December 6 – Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) This was the first movie in the latest Planet of the Apes reboot where a young scientist (James Franco) is trying to find the cure of Alzheimer’s for his aging father (John Lithgow) and hijinx ensue when he finds out that his miracle cure virus may make apes super smart… and also kill humans within a few hours. The movie is set in San Francisco & I remember watching it when I first moved there back in late 2011… and I really enjoyed it. This time around though… I absolutely loved it! Sure, Franco makes ALL the wrong decisions & for pretty meh reasons… but Caesar’s mo-cap performance is a goddamn treasure (as it is in the sequels too) and the movie knows what it’s doing at all times. Rating – 10/10 – SO psyched for the 4th installment of the series coming later this year apparently… December 8 – The Stranger / Stranded in Space (1973) So… this was an MST3K watch… and apparently it was the pilot for a TV series… but the story is that an astronaut goes into space… and lands on a planet that is almost EXACTLY like Earth. What’s the difference? How can the humans on this planet tell that he’s an alien humanoid from another planet? Well… if he just doesn’t go around screaming it at people, I guess they wouldn’t know but… you know, now they have to study & probe him… and hijinx ensue. It’s the weirdest. It’s like Planet of the Apes… except it’s Planet of the Humans. Thank goodness there was MST3K to make it a little hilarious though because… yeah, it was like an episode of The Fugitive or something otherwise. Rating – 5/10 – Interesting concept but… yeah, kind of have to escalate it December 10 – Mission to Mars (2000) The year is 2020 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew mysteriously disappears except for one location signal. Now the second crew has to get there (a year later) to save them… and wouldn’t you know it? More hijinx ensue… because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. This was a first time watch for Doppelganger December (with the next one) and I had no idea what to expect going into either of them… and this one… look, it’s been 20+ years, you’d seen it if you planned on it… it ends like The Abyss & Contact. Oh you haven’t seen those movies either? Well then I guess it’s not a spoiler… still enjoyed talking about it on the podcast though… Rating - ???/10 – Everything I Learned From Movies on all the major podcasters December 12 – Red Planet (2000) The year is 2056 & during the first manned mission to Mars… hijinx ensues when the crew goes to check on why their terraforming equipment doesn’t appear to be working… and even more hijinx ensue when they get there because Space is infinitely deadly in every way. Where Mission to Mars had astronauts though… apparently this crew is a lady pilot, a few aging astronauts & a gaggle of civilians including a rich dude, a janitor & a mentalist (Simon Baker). However, when all seems lost for the crew, they luckily brought along their multitasking robot AMEE to do difficult tasks and help them through… except then it switches into Military Mode and starts attacking the crew too. How can they possible leave… the Red Planet? Rating - ???/10 – You KNOW that I’m going to make a lot of Congo references when the malfunctioning killer robot is named AMEE!!! December 14 – Against All Odds (1984) Yet another first time watch… and I didn’t even know this movie existed honestly… but it’s prime Jeff Bridges as an aging football player (37 years old) who’s hired by a bookie (James Woods) to find his ex-girlfriend… who’s also the daughter of the owner of the football team (Rachel Ward) and as you might expect… hijinx ensues! This movie was brought to our attention by the Gran Touring Break/Fix Podcast for a collaboration episode… so you can get all the details you want about this nutso movie from there… but it’s more than just the Phil Collins song! Rating – 8/10 – The part I’ll probably never forget? Raw dogging on ancient ruins… yikes… Please send your prayers to @UntidyVenus to let her know that you're wishing her a speedy recovery... much love from our end! Steve Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Things continue to be busy... but hey, here's a few movies that we've seen... November 24 – Dixie Ray, Hollywood Star or It’s Called Murder, Baby! (1982) Okay, so this one was for the Grindbin Podcast for Camvember (celebrating Cameron Mitchell who, as is tradition, is in this movie for about four minutes of screen time) but this one had a twist… because it was a hardcore porno. That’s right! Remember last February when we did a month of pornographic films on the podcast? Well, Mike & Bobby with the Grindbin did… but they must have forgotten the whole “Porn banning Utah” thing because apparently to see these kinds of movies in Utah, you have to do a government background check to prove that you’re old enough to have your own VPN… er, I mean watch porn. Anyway, it’s a porn noir about a detective who… apparently just f**ks a lot and isn’t a great detective until about five minutes are left in the movie. Want to know more? Check out the episode on the Grindbin! Rating – 6/10 – Lots of flaccid penis and a few boobs… oh, but the cinematography is actually pretty damn impressive! No joke! November 27 – Highlander (1992-1998) That’s right! We watched all six season of the TV series for The Highlander… and man, did it have some peaks and a lot of valleys. We’ll probably talk about it a lot more in January since we’re making that Highlander month on the podcast but… until then… yeah, it’s about a 400-year old immortal Duncan McLeod (Adrian Paul) who is a good guy… but not the smartest… or really the best in a bunch of episodes… and he has a boy ward named Richie for a while… and a few immortal friends… and a LOT of immortal enemies who he has to behead once a week… and hijinx ensue. Rating – 8/10 – The highs are high & the lows are low… but yeah, it was fun to see just how crazy it would get at times… but also get pretty stupid at times too November 30 – Track of the Moon Beast (1976) This was an MST3K watch about a man who was struck in the head with a meteor shard… and hijinx ensue as he slowly turns into a Werelizard or something. The movie was kind of a rough watch… but not entirely unenjoyable, especially with the jokes from the MST3K crew. Makeup effects were actually even better than I figured with the 2.3/10 rating on IMDb but… yeah, probably not good to watch in its original form. Rating – 5/10 – A few days later, I’ve forgotten almost everything as well December 3 – Red Heat (1988) Arnold is a Russian cop with an Austrian accent trying to avenge his fallen partner. Jim Belushi is an A-hole cop from Chicago. Together they watch Arnold do everything to solve the case while Jim Belushi makes horrible jokes… in a Walter Hill movie! This movie starts with 5 minutes of nudity at a spa featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger & friend of the podcast Sven Ole Thorsen… and then the movie kind of coasts after that until a bus chase towards the end. It’s not great but… not bad either. Just kind of one of those forgotten Schwarzenegger movies from the late 80’s between Predator & T2. Rating – 8/10 – I enjoyed it but… I can see where it wears Have a great December everybody!!! Steve |
Steve and Izzy
Steve and Izzy are the hosts behind the EILFM podcast, are BJCP beer judges and have terrible to questionable taste in movies. Along with the PodCats Pickles, Cameron and Poe they will justify why these movies are amazing Archives
March 2024
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